So I am a loner and a loser right?

[warrior1]

Hey everyone on Sosuave. I read this forum quite a bit and would like opinions on what i am or do with myself.

I'm a 21 year old Asian American male. I do not party or club at all. This is already my last year of college but I am behind so I still have an extra year left making me a 5 year student at the very least. I also go to commuter college which i regret since I never got to dorm or any of that where most college students do. Basically I go to class every day and just come back home after all my classes are done or go to library or gym when I have breaks and have another class following.

I think I threw away my life by being on the computer all the time. No, I dont play video games or any of that stuff but I do browse online and never go out that much. I have a lot of acquantainces but not a lot of close friends. I would say i have 2-3 real close buddies and we are real tight. Everyone else I never talk to but just say hi or whatever, you probably get the point.

I consider myself average looking but I do dress myself real well. Whenever me and a friend of mine usually go out taking the train and when we're walking around campus or just walkgin around, my friend always notices some hot babe looking at me. I also do notice it as well. Again, I really consider myself average looking but maybe its the way I dress which is why. I am also about 5'8 so I am just a little shorter than average.

I read those articles about social proof and all those topics and of course I figured I have absolutely NO social proof which most women despise. People all agree that a guy that doesn't look good but has social proof is better than a guy who is better looking and no social proof. They also consider that guy as a loner. I really feel I fit that description. Sad

To tell you the truth, if I was another person and saw myself walking around with a friend of mine, I would think that "I" look pretty cool and is poplular. I really think thats how a lot of people feel about me especially other people at my college. They think I look cool or whatnot but I really fit the description of a loner.... which is also a synonym for loser.

I dont even feel like asking a woman out at all after reading those articles about social proof. The idea of some woman being attracted to me only to find out that I don't have much friends really makes it look bad on me. The weird thing is that most woman who I see checking me out are all pretty hot, their almost always Asian and around my age, not sure if that has any significance.

I usually out once or twice a week to my friends place and we usually just go out and chill and eat. Nothing spectacular. Usually its just me, 3 of my buddies and one of their G/Fs. Does that still consider me as a loner? Is a loner someone that has no close friends and never go out?

Is finding a social circle the number 1 thing I should do before asking women out? I feel very frustrated that at age 21 I am still like this though i hear a lot of people way older than me has this problem. Also, if so many hot women check me out, does that mean I am above average looking?

I still feel like a loser because I feel like the guy people consider as a loner and introvert. Even my close buddy said I am an introvert even though he said we are all introverts.


Thanks everyone for any comments.

 

[Last Man Standing]

You are defining yourself by an artificial outside social contrivance - a very bad idea!!! It is our intrinsic strengths and the personal qualities that we exhibit, that others value, and not our perceived value cultivated from contrived social norms!!!!!!

 

[The Sperminator]

You said you had 2-3 close buddies so how does that make you a loner. A loner is someone who doesn't have any friends and obviously you do have friends. Having friends is not that important in getting girls trust me. I know a lot of ppl say social proof is important but it's not that important. I mean if you have it yeah it will help you out a hell of a lot but if you don't doesn't mean you can't get girls. I know ppl with no friends or one friend and they have hot gfs. Not only that but you have 2-3 close friends, that is more than most ppl. Hell I only have like my best friend and he doesn't really have any other friends and I don't really have too many other friends either. I know a lot of people but no other close friends. Me and him both have no problem with girls. Hell he gets girls all the damn time and I'm like literally his only friend. So quit making that as an excuse. Quit being scared and start asking girls out. Girls aren't going to ask you out. You have to do it. Make the effort. I used to be like you. Until I grew some balls and said **** it. I'm going to change my ways. You will get rejected. There is no doubt but who doesn't. Most guys don't approach bc they are scared of being rejected. Being rejected is part of the game. Once you lose the fear of rejection you will be unstoppable. What do you have to lose. Don't waste anymore time and start changing. Also you said your friend has a gf so if he can get one why can't you?

 

[warrior1]

thx sperm. I just did not want to meet someone and then have them think I was the loner type and go u know what. The reason why i considered myself that was because I dont know that many popular people. I always hear people say that women are not attracted to guys who fit the description of a loner.

I'm surprised I am not categorized as one by you. Yes, i do have 2-3 close friends. We alwyas hang out on weekends and such but we never do anything big if you know what I mean.

thanks

 

[warrior1]

Hey Sperm, was it the DJ Bible that made you say I grew some balls and said **** it? I only looked through some of it but i heard reading it is the number 1 step for newbies.

Thanks.

 

[The Sperminator]

I just said that I've never read the dj bible but something like that could be in it. Basically this year I changed into a new person. I used to be a major afc and was scared to even talk to girls. Then this year I was tired of being a loser and was like **** it. Who cares if I get rejected. And you know what I did. I got rejected a lot. But I also got a lot of girls. I got to the point where I was like I don't care if they reject me. Oh well on to the next girl. For example last week I went up to about 6 or 7 girls at a table and started hitting on them I got rejected yeah but at least I had the guts to go up to them while the other ppl I was with were just sitting at the table talking about all the girls there but were to much of pussies to talk to them. Not only that but I approached another girl right after and got her number. I like to use football as analogies a lot. How many teams have won the superbowl without ever losing a game? One. Maybe two this year who knows. But even the best lose every now and then. If you keep on approaching you will get girls. Unless your the Dolphins this year. Then your ****ed. Ask girls out man trust me it's not as hard as you think.

 

[ready123]

I'm Asian American too and I don't know if you mentioned it because you felt it was a drawback. If you did, all I gotta say being Asian isn't really a drawback like it used to be. Also, 5'8 is a decent height, especially for girls 5'4 and under.

Anyway, you're putting way too much emphasis on social proof. Social proof is one of many tricks that helps generate attraction and value with strangers but it's not a make it or break it thing. Some of the guys on this board preach it like that's all you need, which is BS. There are plenty of guys who are popular and got lots of friends but still can't do sh!t with women and stand in the clubs watching the dancefloor holding their drink for 3 hours.

No matter what seduction site you go to, you're gonna find some idea that's overhyped too much because people don't understand it - C&F, social proof, being alpha, sexual state. Don't think about these unless you've actually gone out and gotten experience under your belt. You're just gonna confuse yourself like you are now.

Your problem isn't social proof - it's learning how to be social, period. Go out and talk to people. Learn how to have fun interacting with strangers. Ask a girl out, crash and burn, get rejected, feel like sh!t, learn from it. Experience is the only thing that helps

 

[Stud No1]

man, its all about attitude, and frankly, yours sucks

have a bit of self-worth. you've got alot going for you; you're good with computers, well dressed and arent disadvantaged on the looks department. thats as good a platform as anyone could ask for.

i suggest, join a club, be that a boxing club or some sort of society, anything to get you more involved socially.

also, dont be so hard on yourself. its confidence that's your issue man

 

[Maxfarsigth]

Dude. I'd say: "Do exactly what YOU want!"
What do you want?
Wanna have fun?, girls, a lot of friends?

Just go ahead and aproach some girls. Get out of the routine. Try a party or club with a friend of your and try pick up some girls.

Myself. I wouldnt try figuring out if people think im a loner. I would ask myself:
1. Am I actually a loner?
2. What do I want to do/be/feel?
3. Then. Take action!

The DJ Bible or the book of pook might give you an inspiration and help on start changing routine and meting people and aproching women.
Remember, just be confident. Love yourself. Relax.
Its not easy. I wish Id be a 100% confident and love myself all the way. I wish I wouldnt care a **** about others.
But hey, its a long road of experience.

Good luck!

 

[drak_ool]

I'm a 21 year old Asian American male. I do not party or club at all.

you re 21 and you don't party? YES, you are a looser!
that was a joke, but seriously, it s really the easiest way to find girls and friends. Sure, you ll meet some shallow people but they ll be your "party" friends, who you only see on the weekends

I think I threw away my life by being on the computer all the time. No, I dont play video games or any of that stuff but I do browse online and never go out that much.

so you know better forums than the scanlover one? hook a brother up!

Look, you need to stop WORRYING. Social proof? ya, it s helps a lot if you have it, but it can't hurt you if you don't have it. By that i mean if you hit up a bar with a couple friends, you ll be fine. hell, have you heard of solo sarging? when you do it you have 0 social proof.

you worry that once you get a girl she ll find out you have no friends and she ll think you re a loser? Well, find that girl first! that s what you should be focusing on. A lot of hot girls that i met over the years would actually fit the profile of "loner/looser" you describe, mainly because they were so *****y/dumb. They had no close friends, let alone 2 or 3. consider yourself lucky, man up and go get' em tiger!

btw do you have any girl acquaintances?

 

[warrior1]

By acquanitance do you mean girls that i just know and say hi and how are you doing? I been in a lot of group projects before in college so I know quite a few. Does that count as acquantance? People you see around and just say hi etc. None of them are hot though maybe 2 or 3.

My definition of acquantance with guys were guys that I know and they know me but we never have a conversation for more than you know a couple of minutes.

Thanks.

 

[warrior1]

Hey Ready123, no I didnt mentioned being Asian American as me seeing it as a disadvantage. I was just giving a background of myself such as that and my height. I am also pretty slim like 145 lbs or so. I didnt mentioned my race for other purposes.

 

[DonGorgon]

social Proof Is Very Very Important ....... To The Women That Are Only Good For A Quick Lay... UNFORTUNATELY THOSE ARE THE ONES THAT MOST MEN WANT THE MOST.

 

[Rhoto]

You are what you believe yourself to be.

If you consistently affirm to yourself that you're a loser, alone and unconfident, that will become your reality.

If you need to be on the internet, get a Nokia E90 or a Blackberry (iPhone is ****) and goto Starbucks, nice gadgets always attract female attention.

And affirm to yourself the following: I am becoming a confident, sexual Alpha Male that women love. Over and over. And BELIEVE it.

Remember that your current situation is just that, temporary. If you decide to change NOW, you will.

 

[JDA70]

I have had plenty of girls in my day and none
of them ever cared about how many friends I had.

Your post sounds like one big excuse not to go and approach women.

And what's this junk about loners are losers?

A real man goes out into the world and get what he wants
and doesn't need someone to hold his hand.

 

[DrD77]

don't call yourself a loser man. a loser is someone who beats women. a loser is someone who molests little children. you are not a loser. i don't have that many good friends either but I'm definitely not a loser. i don't go to clubs either, you don't have to to get women. i'm in the same boat you are though man, i 've never really had a girlfriend either. but i try and stay positive about life, and im working on my confidence. good luck to you.

 

[Shyguy2003]

Your only a loser if you let this ****ty attitude defeat you. I know deep down inside the true "warrior" isn't this way. You have to believe in your good qualities and let those shine. Most people aren't your friends anyway, they just want to use, so I wouldn't worry about that too much. If you have 1 or 2 good (and I emphasize the word good) friends, you're doing well for yourself. You want to meet women in places you have interests in. For example if you like zoo's, you would ideally want to meet a woman also likes to go to the show, you get what I am saying. You don't have to be a club rat to get hot women, although most "hot" girls your age do club, a lot are melodramatic, drunk, std infested wenches anyway. I like to look at them but I sometimes wonder if my eyes will fall out because their so dirty and filthy, ****

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

I consider myself average looking but I do dress myself real well. Whenever me and a friend of mine usually go out taking the train and when we're walking around campus or just walkgin around, my friend always notices some hot babe looking at me. I also do notice it as well. Again, I really consider myself average looking but maybe its the way I dress which is why. I am also about 5'8 so I am just a little shorter than average.

1. Get yourself a sarge buddy and approach as many girls are you find attractive as you can. I used to be in your spot except that Im good looking. I would always dress differently and would stand out. Instead of wearing jeans everyday sometimes I would wear slacks with dress shoes. This got me noticed a lot. Basically just start sarging and approach as many as you can to the point you are not afraid of opening the girls that look/smile at you as you walk. I stopped a bunch with "you know smiles ain't free you know" but before I approached my first 20 or so girls I would have never dared to stop a girl on the street that smiled at me. Do you know how much I regret that?? Your number 1 problem is not being a loner like you think you are but it is actually you not sarging. Start sarging.

2. Not going to parties isn't that bad it depends on your values. Are you after nice, intelligent girls with values or do you want drunk skanks that will likely give you an std? if so stay out of parties which is one of the places where you get stds. If you are looking for relationships and not hook ups with skansks than it doesn't make you a loner at all to avoid parties and the like.