So how do you approach a random stranger without being creepy?

[dudewut]

I was introduced to this one girl by a friend of mine and for some reason we went into the topic of approaching girls. She thinks that its creepy if a random guy starts talking to her, I came back with "well, what if he is a great dude? Plus, how are you gonna meet people?" she just told me that "through mutual friends"

It makes me wonder, how do you talk to a girl without seeming creepy? I mean this girl is pretty attractive and I think she has been approached a lot and I am sure at least one dude out of x amount of dudes that approached her is not a chump and knows what he is doing.

Better yet, what makes a guy "creepy" anyway?

 

[Iceberg]

Your friend is a moron. And probably a hypocrite.

There's nothing creepy about talking to random girls. And I'm sure whenever a cool guy talks to this chick friend of yours, she's into it.

It's creepy when a guy goes straight into the heavy flirting without establishing any kind of rapport. Typically what I'd do is just strike up a conversation about whatever is happening around us. If I'm at a bar and some dude is getting kicked out, I'd say "Wow. Last time I was that drunk was...blah blah." If I'm in a grocery store and a girl is picking up artichokes, I'd say, "What do you do with those things?"

Those work better because it's more about interesting conversation and less about "Hey baby. You look cute in that dress."

 

[dudewut]

Iceberg, so basically creepy people are those that just goes into it? Now I am even more afraid to approach girls for the fear of looking "creepy"

 

[Iceberg]

Iceberg, so basically creepy people are those that just goes into it? Now I am even more afraid to approach girls for the fear of looking "creepy"

No. And you totally misunderstood my point. I have no idea how to clarify.

All I can say is, there's nothing creepy about approaching girls. And it's stupid to think that way.

 

[bigneil]

Cold calling appears as creepy if they don't like what they see. It can startle them and they put up their ***** shield. As Iceberg alluded to, you are much better off looking for "buying signals" - that generally means they hold eye contact and smile. If they do that, the "three second rule" applies - you have 3 seconds to go talk to them or your odds go down dramatically. That's the window of "it just happened naturally". When you do approach remember: it doesn't matter what you say, 85% is body language, confidence and looks. So just relax and assume they like you. Ask their name, don't tell them yours - see if they ask for it. I don't extend my hand first - I wait to see if they do. When they do, hold their hand "a little too long" and look deep into their eyes as you talk to them.

 

[Galactus]

Good stuff from Iceberg and Bigneil. I've always gone by the 3-second rule, but occasionally there are exceptions where you can take a bit longer. But not much longer.

Here's what you need to learn: It doesn't matter what they think. Say it to yourself: "Who cares what they think?"

I was at a party last week, and this chick handed me a beer called "Spotted Cow." I said, "What the hell is this?" She said, "What, you never heard of Spotted Cow?" I said, "I dated one once. I told her to get it checked out." She looked at me with disgust and said "Wow, that's really nice." I walked away. Ten minutes later she was flirting with me. I didn't take her home, but I probably could have if I'd stuck around long enough. She probably thought I was a creep, but I didn't care, and even if she thinks that now I don't care.

I'm not saying you need to be a jerk, but you need to stop worrying about saying and doing the right things. It's not like they care what you think. Why do you have to measure up to their standards? Make them measure up to yours. That's what gets them wet anyway.

Beautiful women are everywhere. You worry about how you're perceived because you haven't embraced that concept. Ask yourself how you would act if you didn't care if they thought you were creepy. Then go out and act that way.

 

[Angelo]

Don't think of it as being creepy. If you do, then the tone of your voice, body language, energy, etc. will emit creepiness and women and can see it.

Also, "judge by her actions, not her words." So just because your friend says it's creepy it doesn't mean it is. I bet if a Don Juan does a cold approach on her she will be swept off her feet and her panties wet.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Approaching isn't creepy. Everyone's answers prove it. Don't be a creep.

Since no one touched on direct approaches, I will...

Don't do that, "Hey lil momma, you cute. What's yo' numba guwrl?" That's ignorant. And creepy. Be genuine. Say, "This is really random, but I thought you were cute and had to coke over and find out more about you. Your hair is elegant (yes, I used elegant.), did you style it yourself?"

Ill break it down. First, I told her my intentions right off the bat. I said I thought she was cute, and that I came over to find out more about her. By saying you came to find out more about her, your showing that your more interested in WHO she is, and not focused on her looks alone. Then I instantly compliment her on something that I found attractive that isn't her body. I try to focus on something that she has control over. It shows that I'm not focused on sex.

I take a gentlemens stance when approaching. I'm not rude or awkward, and I'm honest.

My example was just that. An example. Don't use my demo. Be honest, genuine, and real. It'll show if your not.

Going direct is risky, but you filter through a lot of BS, and you save yourself some time.

 

[sstype]

I was introduced to this one girl by a friend of mine and for some reason we went into the topic of approaching girls. She thinks that its creepy if a random guy starts talking to her, I came back with "well, what if he is a great dude? Plus, how are you gonna meet people?" she just told me that "through mutual friends"

It makes me wonder, how do you talk to a girl without seeming creepy? I mean this girl is pretty attractive and I think she has been approached a lot and I am sure at least one dude out of x amount of dudes that approached her is not a chump and knows what he is doing.

Better yet, what makes a guy "creepy" anyway?

Hate to break it to you...but you're friend has a point.

Why take the risk of dating a random stranger she knows nothing about when she can choose from a pool of guys that have already been screened and filtered by her friends/social group?

You could be a way cooler dude than her male friends but at the end of the day, she would prefer to stick with someone she has familiarity and comfort with.

When you bypass that and try to mack her without establishing any sort of preexisting value (good looks, social proof, wealth indicators)....then you're considered creepy.

I've done plenty of cold approaches, and most of the reactions from women were positive/receptive....but the fact that i was a stranger prevented anything further beyond polite conversation.

Not to discourage you from talking to someone if you really want her, but just temper your expectations when it comes to cold approaching. It's not as big of a godsend as guys here make it out to be. Maybe figure out a way to expand your social circle instead where you can meet women without having the stigma of being a stranger attached.

 

[Veridin]

I've done plenty of cold approaches, and most of the reactions from women were positive/receptive....but the fact that i was a stranger prevented anything further beyond polite conversation.

I have had a different experience. Almost all dates I have ever gotten were with women I didn't know before I approached them. I never come on to the ones at work or in my social circle.

I saw a guy ask in another forum about approaching women out of the blue, and every girl who answered said it was okay as long as he was a nice person who looked decent.

I think a lot of women think like me, that if the dating would go badly it won't come back to bite you, since you are not in the same social circle. And as an added bonus, a woman finds it easier to sleep with you on the first or second date if she knows there is no risk her friends will hear about it.

 

[snowdog]

Be cool.

That's all.