Well since small talk is the key to being social and small talk is usually the stepping stone to making new freinds, how does one go about improving this skill?
When your talking with a HB for the first time, dont you need to have some rapport before you can start being funny or C&F, if you come right off the bat and start making jokes, it doesnt come off right if you know her name first and where she works etc.. WELL at least for me, its difficult, Most of the time I usually cant think of what to say and even if I do manage I usually think its stupid.
I find it very difficult to just jump into C&F or basically into a humor mode where I stop tryng to be so serious, where I make fun about just about everything. Ive talked to a few girls in my class and I usually talk to them for a while, where they tell me where they work or what their major is and after I get a little comfortable with them, then it becomes easier to be a little more jovial.
Now back to the main topic, the small talk, the talk where information is exchanged, or those who are really good at small talk, have the ability to be C&F or humerous without even knowing the person. Basically there quick and sharp witted and confident. I also notcied how your witt and humor along with your communication abilities go up when your confident.
But for me... some days I'm confident but most days Im not. Say I was sitting at a hair salon, I wouldnt know what to talk about to the hair dresser other than hair. I would have a hard time trying to think up of questions I could ask him/her to get to know the person in this situation.
Thoughts like this run through my head
"Sh*t what should I say"
"Should I ask this?"
"Damn I cant think of anything"
Ive notcied on rare occasions that things just pop into my head and I think those are days that Im not woried about making impressions, I seem more social, I feel more social and happy where I actually want to talk to people. I have that warm fuzzy feeling inside me. But those days are very few.
Usually Im sitting there thinking what the hell to say next. OR even when I do find something to break the ice, the convo wont last for too long
(hair salon for example)
me: so you been working here long?
hairdresser: yeah three years
me: wow thats cool or nice (THIS is WHERE I MESS UP...i cant think up of anything better to say..maybe nervous or anxiety but who knows)
Then its silence..its happened to me so many times, with so many people, the convo just halts right there. I dont know why I cant think of anything better to say to keep the convo going and the person intrested.
THis only applies to situations where the pressure to intrude is low, such as sitting next to someone in a class or the hair salon expert, or any other situation where your close to people. When I have the oppurtunity to appraoch girls forget about it, Im too nervous to open my mouth or speak even a few words or go walk up to her and start convo.
I think the best thing would be learning to be comforatble around people first which would be evident in me being successful with small talk and actually getting the other person and yourself to enjoy the convo. Then realizing that girls are just people also and maybe it wont be so bad.
But i need help with small talk.
When your talking with a HB for the first time, dont you need to have some rapport before you can start being funny or C&F, if you come right off the bat and start making jokes, it doesnt come off right if you know her name first and where she works etc.. WELL at least for me, its difficult, Most of the time I usually cant think of what to say and even if I do manage I usually think its stupid.
I find it very difficult to just jump into C&F or basically into a humor mode where I stop tryng to be so serious, where I make fun about just about everything. Ive talked to a few girls in my class and I usually talk to them for a while, where they tell me where they work or what their major is and after I get a little comfortable with them, then it becomes easier to be a little more jovial.
Now back to the main topic, the small talk, the talk where information is exchanged, or those who are really good at small talk, have the ability to be C&F or humerous without even knowing the person. Basically there quick and sharp witted and confident. I also notcied how your witt and humor along with your communication abilities go up when your confident.
But for me... some days I'm confident but most days Im not. Say I was sitting at a hair salon, I wouldnt know what to talk about to the hair dresser other than hair. I would have a hard time trying to think up of questions I could ask him/her to get to know the person in this situation.
Thoughts like this run through my head
"Sh*t what should I say"
"Should I ask this?"
"Damn I cant think of anything"
Ive notcied on rare occasions that things just pop into my head and I think those are days that Im not woried about making impressions, I seem more social, I feel more social and happy where I actually want to talk to people. I have that warm fuzzy feeling inside me. But those days are very few.
Usually Im sitting there thinking what the hell to say next. OR even when I do find something to break the ice, the convo wont last for too long
(hair salon for example)
me: so you been working here long?
hairdresser: yeah three years
me: wow thats cool or nice (THIS is WHERE I MESS UP...i cant think up of anything better to say..maybe nervous or anxiety but who knows)
Then its silence..its happened to me so many times, with so many people, the convo just halts right there. I dont know why I cant think of anything better to say to keep the convo going and the person intrested.
THis only applies to situations where the pressure to intrude is low, such as sitting next to someone in a class or the hair salon expert, or any other situation where your close to people. When I have the oppurtunity to appraoch girls forget about it, Im too nervous to open my mouth or speak even a few words or go walk up to her and start convo.
I think the best thing would be learning to be comforatble around people first which would be evident in me being successful with small talk and actually getting the other person and yourself to enjoy the convo. Then realizing that girls are just people also and maybe it wont be so bad.
But i need help with small talk.
