Slow progress

[twistedi]

I'm single, 36, trying to make my own start up IT project a reality, own my own pad and I live in a city where I don't have many close friends. Two years ago I was single and I had an awesome place, was earning £100k per year and lived in a city I loved and where many of my oldest and closest friends live.

Now, I can't get ANYONE to even kiss me. Previously it was never easy but I did get a bit of action from time to time, never felt I needed to work at it that much. Over the last three and a half months I've had 14 dates from online dates but nothing ever happens, they make their excuses after a couple of hours and half the time don't even bother texting back after I text them. Four of them I never liked, six of them were really good looking.

I'm a bit lost as to what the answer is but I'm planning on doing the following.

1. Giving up dating anyone - giving it a rest for a bit and not trying at all!
2. Trying some evening classes, things that really inspire me (I feel I've lost my mojo)
3. Finish reading the Book of Pook
4. Keeping an eye on here
5. Beefing up at the gym
6. Doing anything that makes me happy and inspires me (I feel a bit low right now and I think girls can sense this)
7. Trying a little bit of the day game.

What do you think? Why haven't I been able to even get a kiss of anyone? Should I lower my standards?

 

[Demonpenz]

Process is slow an painful. Admit where I suck at the game and get better. You have time to get better if you focus and work. I don't see any shortcuts though. Just grinding slow growth. I hope you share your growth to inspire others.

 

[Dali_tx_o]

Do finish reading the book of Pook; Follow the advice - focus should always be on YOU, and not on women or anything;

It's a weird thing, but I think everyone goes through that stage, when things don't work out the way you want to with women, and it leads to a sort of circle of desperation where you can't kiss a girl/sleep with one, so you try harder, thus becoming more desperate and hindering your own chances.

It seems only natural to try harder, because we've been taught by environment that most goals in life are achieved like that, be it learning a new language, starting a business or whatever tickles your pickle. However, there are some areas where forcing oneself, and trying harder rarely works - think of writers, artists or anyone doing a creative job; Creativity cannot be forced. An artist can paint few paintings in a day, and then go a month without creating another one, and those artists who realize that, spend the month doing other things not related to art; They choose not to worry, and because of that they spend their month "off" doing other things they like, which may or may not attract inspiration (although I'd bet inspiration comes to them sooner, since they get to see a lot more than someone who spends sleepless nights in front of an empty canvas).


It is similar with women: You will find the greatest success when you stop caring about the outcome; Be able to date yourself! When is the last time you've been to a theatre? Where is the closest ice-skating rink, and when does it close? Which artist who's music you like is coming to town next week? Which art gallery has a new exhibition opening tomorrow? Have you ever volunteered to help local orphanage?

Put experiences and thrills in your life. Go out, and do something fun or important to YOU every day (I went through starting my own business and working a day job at the same time, and I found time for other things. Make time. Don't waste it). You've been on 14 dates in last three or so months; say they took 3 or so hours each (chatting the woman up, getting ready and going to the place and actually spending time with girl). That's at least 42 hours you have for the next three months to spend on Fun.

And the funny bit is, once you get there, once you naturally find joy and thrill every day, women will come!

Think about it:

You go to a date, you talk with the girl, you start to like her but 2 hours in it starts to fizzle out and 20 minutes later the girl leaves, you go home.

OR

You go to a date, you talk with a girl, you start to like her. But in two hours a local airshow is taking place, and one of your friends promised you a ride in the plane. In order to make it, you have to leave soon. You want to make it. Girl either tags along, or she doesn't, but you're getting to fly a damn plane! Who cares about the girl!

Sometimes girl won't come, sometimes she will; Sometimes, you will just say "It's been fun, but I've made plans to go to this airshow in a few hours to support my friend, so I need to run, I'll call you sometime" and leave.

And five days later, when you're going to an opera (and the girl mentioned she loves opera), you call her and invite her to come with you.

That plan you wrote seems right, I doubt there is much someone can add up to it. Follow it, but make sure your are not doing it just to get women, make sure you are doing it for yourself. Just as you wrote that you are feeling a bit down now, do things you like, improve yourself, be happier. Focus on yourself, and women will come.