Slipping...

[Demodulate]

I think the girl I am seeing IL is dropping off.. and I find myself slipping back into AFC tendencies because of it..

we dont communicate as much as we did 2 weeks ago, and I am starting to slip...

had a wonderful mini vacation over memorial day weekend, but since then everything has been waining..

had a bday last weekend and she gave me some nice gifts that seem to indicate one thing, framed picture of us from the mini vaca, cooking lessons/wine tasting one night, and a bottle of wine with a wine stopper.. but she left early to go home after the dinner.. was starting a new job the next day so I understood.. but she just seems distant now.

I am trying not to contact her but I end up caving.. she always responds, but it seems like I have to initiate all the time..

this is the first girl I have liked a lot in years.. and I am slipping up because of it..

what do I do guys?

I feel a case of oneitis coming on and I fear I am going to turn into a fool AFC because of it..

start playing games?

dont call her untill she calls me twice stuff?


this feels so stupid, but I need to get the "frame" back.. even if its just in my head..


I feel like I am back in high school..

 

[Die Hard]

The way to prevent oneitis, or to cure it, is by spinning plates. That doesn't neccesarily mean you have to pursue a relationship, sex or even an date with other women but you should at least just 'play the game', flirt around and get attention from other women. Oneitis = only being focussed on one girl, which holds the danger that you'll lose control over your emotions in regards to her. The solution is doing the opposite: not focuss on just one girl. It's as simple as that...

this feels so stupid, but I need to get the "frame" back.. even if its just in my head..

You should exactly do that! Owning the frame starts in your head, everything else originates from there! You could apply all the "tricks" in the world on her in order to get the frame back, but if your state of mind doesn't back it up, it all won't work anyway. Yes, you should try to grab the frame by doing things like not calling her before she has called you twice and stuff. But if you don't get your head straight, it won't work anyway... So start flirting with other women right now and get away from the oneitis-trap!

 

[Demodulate]

good info... definitely helps get my head straight..


I haven't gone total AFC yet.. but I feel those tendencies crawling at the back of my psyche..

just needed a cross check from everyone here..

 

[Demodulate]

definitely on the outs..

just got a date cancelled.. she was "tired"

kind of upset.. I liked this one..


couple months in.. what should I do? let it slide or axe her?

 

[cavedweller]

Demodulate,

She has lost interest in you..You may want to move on..

cavedweller

 

[game.r]

I have the sneaking suspicion that you have displayed more AFC behavior than you'd like to admit, but than its only a suspicion.

My question is how did you react when she canceled the date?

and

what did you do that night?

 

[Demodulate]

I have the sneaking suspicion that you have displayed more AFC behavior than you'd like to admit, but than its only a suspicion.

My question is how did you react when she canceled the date?

and

what did you do that night?

I was obviously pissed via my tone, but I said OK.. was pretty short with her..

I had a few other people come over, grilled out, drank, etc..

I should fill in the rest of the week..


Thursday we ended up going to the beach to watch sunset, Friday we just chilled in bed and watched a movie, she ended up spending the night.. was to tired to drive home.. she lives about an hour away.. had planned to grille out Saturday, she cancelled because she was to tired to drive down, and had to be up early the next morning to go to church..

Sunday I didn't hear anything from her.. and I didn't bother calling her.. nor do I plan to..

so how would you people handle it?

wait for her to call?

 

[Razor Sharp]

In my experience, when women (or anyone) reacts like this, its because their other half is just sweating them too hard. Signs of this include

> Being too available
> Saying yes to everything
> Never having your own plans
> Letting your whole world revolve around her
> Being predictable and boring

These things will kill attraction off quicker than soiled knickers. If this has been a problem then you need to regroup a bit and work on your inner game

> Hit the gym
> Work on some hobbies
> Handle stuff you been procrastinating on
> Hang with the fellas
> Study, meditate, pray - work on your mind / spirit

Basically keep yourself occupied so you dont fall into the rut of focusing on her 24/7. The more presence she has in your thoughts right now, the more chump you become.

In your shoes, I'd cut all contact, vanish off her radar and do my own thing for a while. If she has any salvageable interest left she WILL call you! If she doesn't then there really was no hope for the relationship to begin with and you are better off moving on to greener pastures. It will hurt less now than it will later on as you build unhealthy attachments.

While she is in No-Contact Land, you should really start having some fun with other girls. Nothing more, nothing less. Dont fall into the trap of thinking you have to bone 20 other chicks, or get into a serious relationship to get this girl off your mind. Really that's just an emotional reaction which will not make you any stronger, and could make you do something you regret later on.

Just get out there and start meeting some ladies. Mingle, flirt and have a good time. This girl has to know that she is not the center of your universe. It's the only way that she will strive to become so.

It's a little counter-intuitive I know. Women try to tame us and then complain when we are no longer wild and unpredictable. That's just how it works. Eventually when you find someone worth settling with you compromise a little, but you NEVER give up your core self, or devote 100% of your energy/time to them. Always have your own "thing" going on, let them miss you and work for your attention sometimes. That's how you keep things interesting / spicy.

Oh, and do keep some hot female orbiters around you. The biggest aphrodisiac for a woman is knowing that she has competition!

Good luck man. And dont beat yourself up too much because we all slip from time to time. The key right now is to regain your foothold and keep on climbing towards your personal goals. At the end of the day chicks should just be pleasant distractions from our big plans.

 

[OamImrsNemo]

Damn...this is such a good thread! Would have been helpful months ago

haha!




*bookmarked*