Slept With Her, But Now What?

[mellow_yellow]

Hey guys, I tried to keep my story with this Latina girl as short as possible. But, I felt that I had to include my previous hangouts with her to give you clarity on the emotional dynamics. Please help me assess her. I'm confused and I wonder what I need to do next to keep nailing her. Maybe I lost her? I don't know.

Background
I lived near the beach city 2 years ago and met this HB 8 Latina bartender who worked at one of the restaurants there. We'll call her Jen to make it easier. To my surprise, Jen was one of the sweetest and friendliest people I've ever met compared to your average female bartender. I never tried to get her number during my visits because I knew gaming bartenders is quite difficult since they get hit on constantly by customers.

I mainly visited to enjoy the restaurant's excellent craft beer and liquor selection. Getting to admire Jen and the other eye candy bartender and server staff was a extra bonus I got from hanging out here. Eventually, I hung out with her in a group setting and snagged her number from that. Unfortunately, I didn't meet up with her because I moved out of the beach area to Orange County for a job. I was too busy and the drive was too far.

The 1st Hangout
A few months later, I send her a text and meet up with her after she's done with her bartending shift. We bar hopped around the area and got some great food and drinks. I initiated light touching, but she was neutral -- neither a good or bad response from her. To me, It felt like we were hanging out just as friends, and in my head, I decided that's okay since I was still having a good time. At our last restaurant (bar area), we got our last round of drinks and once we finished those, I told her I had to drive back to Orange County and that I'd drop her off.

After we got into my car, she asked what was wrong and began crying. I was confused as f*ck, believe me. She told me that I abruptly ended the hang-out and she was wondering if she did anything wrong. Apparently, she was having a great time. I guess we were? I thought we were just having good conversation and drinks from bar to bar. I replied that I had to go and it had nothing to do with her. She stopped crying and apologized for "being a brat". I dropped her off at the restaurant her sister worked at then departed into the night.

The 2nd Hangout
This was several weeks later. I decided to drop by Jen's restaurant on Saturday night since it was while since I've been to unwind. Several of the restaurant's servers and bartenders had a night off so I ended up joining Jen and her group to drink in the area. I do my usual kino with Jen and strike up conversation with a few of her friends. Jen was noticeably more drunk than the group. The table was full so I had to pull up a chair. Jen does the same and in her drunk state, she begins to make out with me next to the group. I was not expecting that at all, but I was like alright whatever and went with it. Even though she was drunk, I didn't expect her to do that in front of co-workers.

The group eventually leaves and Jen was wasted at this point. I tell her that I'm going to take her home directly and she needs to give me her address. She loses her balance and as I catch her, she begins making out with me again. Once again, I decided to french kiss her back to make her feel good. 2 guys passed by us walking to their car, stopped next to me, and fist pounded me lol. Here's me a guy in a v-neck, shorts, and sandals making out with some fine Latina chick. I manage to find her home and drop her off.

The 3rd Hangout
I take her to an indie electronic music show near Downtown LA. I rented an AirBnB nearby because I didn't want to drive after "rolling". I told her that she can stay with me or Uber back. I grabbed her hand to lead her through the giant crowd. Every so often, she would shake off my hand like she didn't want it. No make-out or anything. Maybe I should've made a move, but it felt like we were just friends again. After the concert, we head back to my AirBnB and chat with the TV turned on for background noise. She said she'll be calling an Uber so I said sure. I wasn't going to beg and plead with her to stay with me and f*ck at my AirBnB. Once she leaves, she texts me 20 minutes later saying "Thanks for some awesome friend time" and that hangout helped her relax. The next morning I thought to myself, alright I'm totally friend-zoned. I probably won't contact her for a while.

The 4th Hangout
I got a new job and I just had to celebrate big time. I was so excited to get out of Orange County and move to West LA. It's been 2 months since I saw Jen so I drove to her restaurant to say hi. I was going to stay for an hour or two then meet up with my buddy for dinner. I had a reservation at a nice steakhouse where I got a $50 credit for participating in this dealership test drive program. My buddy doesn't respond so I tell Jen hey if you're done with your shift, join me for dinner. She agrees and we eat at the steakhouse then go over to her sister's restaurant, where Jen buys me drinks. We talk some more and as her sister's restaurant is closing, we're moved to the bar area. I'm just chilling at the bar and looking at my phone and Jen eventually says "I don't want to be friends anymore". I'm sure you, the reader, can see how I reacted. I don't flinch as I'm looking at my phone, partially because I'm buzzed. I asked her why and looked up at her. I could tell she wanted us to date. I tell her I need to leave and call an Uber. Before I get in my ride, I kiss her goodbye.

***SEE NEXT POST FOR THE LAY AND AFTERMATH***

 

[mellow_yellow]

The 5th Hangout (The Lay)
It's about 1.5 months since I started my new job in West LA. We haven't texted each other since our 4th hangout. I text her to hang out on Saturday after her shift and she says yeah. When I get to her restaurant, she's hanging out with her friend and I say hello. I don't have a plan for tonight so I tell Jen that we'll head into Culver City or Santa Monica to eat and drink. She suggests we go to her friend's restaurant in Santa Monica so I said sure. At that restaurant, I meet Jen's friend who is a bartender there and his friends who are sitting at the bar next to us. We all walk over to a ****tail lounge after dinner and it's packed. I'm getting drunk and get frisky with Jen. I squeeze her ass many times and stroke her all around. She doesn't resist at all. In my drunken state, as I rub my hand across her ass, my hand mindlessly wanders under her skirt because I want to grab her ass through her panties. I didn't realize she was wearing none and almost automatically I began to rub her p*ssy with my fingers, thinking I somehow went around her panties lol.

Almost immediately, Jen turns to me and tells me, "I see what you're doing. You're grabbing my ass and touching my *****. You clearly want me. What do you want?" I was so caught off guard that I couldn't respond appropriately. Instantly, I felt a little bad because I could see a f*ck buddy or short-term relationship with her, but I don't think it would go long-term. Also, I'm the type of person who doesn't want to hurt the girl by lying just to get some p*ssy either. Based on my intuition, I didn't think she wanted a short term fling...she wanted something serious. Yeah, I don't know why, but my moral conscience kicked on and I told her something along the lines of "Hey I really love hanging out with you and I'd like to see where this goes, but I don't want to hurt you". I'm an idiot for saying that, but I was drunk. She and I cool off for a few minutes then our group wants to take a shot. Once we all take shots, we're ready to leave and we walk out.

Once outside, Jen tells me she's going to follow the remaining members of the group and I said that's cool. I call my Uber and get in. After I'm a few blocks in, she calls me asking where I am since she has her stuff at my place. I let her hop in, get to my place, let her pick up her stuff from my room, and I head outside of the house with her. She calls an Uber and I don't know how...but I convince her to cancel the ride after the guy shows up and I take her back to my room.

In my room, she became emotional and started telling me how she was abused by her dad, her bartender friend we met in Santa Monica was an ex, and asked me again what I wanted. I told her again that I don't want to hurt her and that I don't know...I'd prefer taking things day by day. She then said she loved hanging out with me and that she loved me. What?! We didn't even have sex yet all these times and she loved me?! At most, we kissed and felt each other up. She continued saying she didn't want to ruin our friendship either and that I have let her know what I wanted. I really didn't want to say a short-term relationship or f*ck buddy arrangement because I had a feeling that would turn her off.

Honestly, I just was about ready to send her home because I didn't want to hurt her. Jen then jumped on my bed and laid down repeating to me, "What do you want Mellow? What do you want?....What do you want?" After she was done with what she said, she pulled her shirt and bra off and slid her skirt down so she was completely naked. I looked at her body and couldn't resist. I began eating her up then f*cked her and she was enjoying it. She would not stop moaning loudly and kept on asking me to f*ck her.

The next morning, I asked her if she remembered most of the night and she said parts of it. I mentioned that she cried in front of me a few times and she just calmly replied, "Don't make me cry Mellow. Don't make me cry." I wanted to f*ck again and she put a new top on that she got from her overnight bag. I said I was going to pull her top off, but she didn't want to f*ck again saying she's into it in the morning. I didn't push it. She was gonna Uber at first, but I just said nah I'll drop you off after we eat something. So I got the both of us a light breakfast and I dropped her off home.

The Aftermath
Now we're back to the same old routine as friends. A lot happened that weekend so I gave her a call several days later asking if she was okay. Over the phone, she said she had a great time and she was being a brat when she cried. I briefly told her I was always confused on what she wanted because she never gave me any signs. When I asked her what she wants, she said we can be friends and I said cool.

I dropped by her restaurant the week after and she was with a guy friend (probably an orbiter) at the bar just chatting and eventually I just took off. She texted me saying how great it was seeing me.

Guys, what the f*ck is going on? I don't get it. If I should move on, that's cool, but my girl seems confused and has been hurt in the past. Maybe that's why she's so cautious in moving forward with me if she does want to date me. I just want to keep f*cking her without getting a relationship then hurting her after I'm done. My female housemates who heard everything that night (kinda embarrassing)...from our conversation to the moans, said Jen probably sees me as an important person in her life so she doesn't know if she wants to keep me as a friend or lover. They said she's probably been hurt in the past which is why Jen hasn't given me many signs to move forward.

I'd appreciate the analysis from wise men of this forum. And sorry again for the very long post.

 

[Tictac]

Women sometimes live in the moment. And what happens in those moments is what happened in that moment.

Best not to over-analyze what happened. She probably hasn't.

 

[17 shots]

Sounds like the typical wishy washy alcoholic chick... she gets all lovey dovey and emotional when she drinks, and then wakes up the next day trying to downplay the whole situation. Just keep doing what your doing, she clearly likes the way your not committing to her. If you had told her you wanted to be with her she prolly would of lost interest anyways. Keep hanging out with her and smashing until either u get tired of her or she decides to leave YOU alone. But I don't think you need to change a thing

 

[CMNILS87]

This girl is an emotional train wreck. She loves to party and schmooze. Next time you come across a gal like this. Just take her out for drinks and escalate from there. Shes got tons of guys that she hangs out with, but you're only hanging once every 1 1/2-2 months. shes hot and cold with you all the time, she pulls the "thanks for friend time". But next hangout shes making out with you, then shes cold again and doesn't want to hold hands. Sounds like shes gaming you. All of your hangouts were initiated by you or it seems like you were always swinging by her place to hang with her and her friends. If you were insistent on dating her, why not tell her to meet you at XYZ. And the biggest bull**** is the going on a "date" to a place and seeing "a friend" and it turns out to be the Ex-BF later on down the road. Shes probably still banging him and brought you by so he could size you up lol. Shes the prize to you and she knows that. Eject, or have her come to your place to hang out and escalate. Those are your only 2 options for a chick like this.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Holy ONETIS! Crying on the first "hangout"?
How old is this chick......mentally she sounds like 16. She brings you by her ex?

Bro you've been friend zoned, she's not "your girl". It was just a drunking bang that's it. Girls that are into you want round 2 & 3 in the morning. If a girl confuses you then drop her, things will never change and will always be like that. You've been played but hey you got a bang out of it. You are now just another orbiter of hers.

She's a hot bartender with many options, move on she'll be fine.

CMNILS summed it pretty well...Emotional train wreck.

 

[Jaylan]

Bro, unless its an LTR or a wife, no other woman deserves such a long write up. And you shouldn't be dealing with all this drama either.

 

[Jordski]

Lol dude this mami aint yours and never was, shes just a typical bartender sloot, and you treat her like a prinxess so you can keep the pvssy for yourself. You probably freak her out with all your emotions haha. Bet all those colleges dudes could lay her ez without even have to end up writing a thesis here.

 

[skinnyguy]

This is why most men are losing the dating game. They get so excited over ONE LAY and the girl doesn't give a ****.

This girl is an alcoholic drama queen and you're getting worked up over her?

 

[spikeanut]

You are nothing special my friend. Run from this trainwreck now. You are way too emotionally vested at this point, she is not. Although you think you act aloof and non-committal, your story says differently. Stop trying to justify your actions by continually saying you don't want to hurt her or use her as a bang...who the **** cares?! She will not **** you unless she wants to...she is using you as an emotional orbiter, and in her mind, the only way to keep you around is the occasional bang. The "love;" the sex...those are the only tools she has at her disposal. You can get a **** buddy out of it..but that is it. This chick is no LTR, she is a waste of your time.

 

[Trump]

Holy cow Bro. What girl in the UNIVERSE is worth this much writing and attention? Instead of chasing some girl who has slept with 10 guys, put some effort into improving the world and helping people. You do that you will get 20 girls hotter than her begging you to have sex with them.

 

[mellow_yellow]

Thanks for the great feedback, everyone. Yeah I know my write-up was long and no girl deserves this, but I wrote this up more so because I was curious what was going on in her head. I'm aware of the common knowledge here that if a woman wants to be with you, she won't give BS excuses about meeting up and finding a way to f*ck you.

I never dealt with a chick with an unusual behavior pattern like this before. Now I know what to expect from alcoholic bartender and server types. Based on what everyone says, sounds like I shouldn't bother trying to understand why she's all over the place. Nah, I do not think she's my girl haha. I never wanted a relationship with her. If we could be f*ck buddies that would be ideal, but since she controls the sex, I would be the emotional orbiter waiting around. If I had a bunch of plates, Jen would be downgraded to like #10 of 10 on my list but I'm still trying to spin plates. At least, she gives me free drinks and discounts when I see her, but not going go out of my way to see her anymore. My priorities going forward will be increasing my SMV, posting and learning, and spinning new plates.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Does she have autism?