Single Vs. Open Relationships

[JamesonGuy]

I recently was in a monogamous relationship with a girl I really liked, for about 3 years. I invested everything I had into it, money and resources, tons of my time, emotions, never cheated on her or even talked to much other girls, gave her lots of love and intimacy. I was really trying to build something with this person. Long story short, in the end the girl was constantly complaining how I wasn't committed to our relationship, how I didn't really love her, etc. I finally decided to leave and keep my distance from her, as I could clearly see my efforts were not being appreciated after all this time.

I feel as though monogamy is a ****ed up deal for men, they invest everything into a single woman and in the end get nothing out of it, maybe kids at best. Maybe when I'm much older I will attempt monogamy again but not invest so much into the girl and keep very strict boundaries, but for now I don't feel it's the best thing to do.

So I guess the only options left are be single, be in an open relationship, or be a celibate monk in the mountains or something. What's your guys experiences with these alternatives to monogamy? Of course investing in yourself, I now realize is the best option, but we still have human needs. So have any of you had successful open relationships or would you recommend just staying single and have short term affairs?

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Staying single gets old after some time, even as a young guy. Its good to have a woman around you can at least semi- trust/rely on, as long as you can keep your freedom for the most part.

Open relationships are not my thing. I´d allways feel like i am being cucked, even if i would fvck around too.


I had 3 relationships (3 years, 1 year, 6 months) with low maintainance women. They were okay with seeing me 1-2 days a week and the rest of the week i was still chasing other women or just do my stuff.

If you seek an LTR at your age get a low maintainance woman, live seperate, meet up 1 or 2 days a week and if possible do not get emotionally attached and under all circumstances HOLD YOUR FRAME.

How ever, low maintainance woman (mine were a 5, 6 and 7) usually do not tend to be the top shelve women in looks, but they allways took good care of me and were good, low drama girls in general that had their lifes in order.

If/when i go single again... i will definately look for a low maintainance women for my next LTR.

 

[TheProspect]

So I guess the only options left are be single, be in an open relationship, or be a celibate monk in the mountains or something. What's your guys experiences with these alternatives to monogamy? Of course investing in yourself, I now realize is the best option, but we still have human needs. So have any of you had successful open relationships or would you recommend just staying single and have short term affairs?

You're not going to become a celibate monk in the mountains, so I would recommend you stay single for the foreseeable future and stick around here for awhile, absorbing as much content here as you can.

Learn about women. Learn about game. Learn about psychology. Most importantly, learn how to apply what you've learned here in the real word.

Regarding open relationships, they are usually the result of cuckolderly and excessive compromise. Most men are unable to emotionally handle and maintain a "successful" open relationship. From what I've seen, those who do are usually playboys with options and who want their cake & eat it too... and who have enough perceived value that usually it's practically only a one-sided open relationship, and if it wasn't, the guy would seemingly not give a fvck who the girl was fvcking.

Spin plates. Date multiple women at a time. Don't worry about relationships for now.

 

[Gstring]

@JamesonGuy
You know what? You haven't done pullback. You want her to be happy with you in relationship, but for this to happen she must pursue you, and for her to pursue you you must do pull back - among other things, like having higher SMV than her. Read this thread.

Now for the blaming you and other things that made you leave. She was just looking for an excuse to leave you. Lots of ****t tests happen when you pursue the girl, and not the other way around. When you pursue her, she gets this idea that you are lower SMV than her. Women logic kicks in, how come I am with him if I am higher SMV than he is.. Do not let her ruin your romanticism with women. She's just a ****tch that couldn't do it. Although it is your fault, you didn't do things right.

Yes, absolutely, make them prove themselves to you, because otherwise you bound to waste a lot of time. Sure, spin plates. Don't get into relationships just yet. Let them ask you to become exclusive, and not in their female way you can not understand yourself. They must ask you in the language you can understand, if she don't, it's their problem.

Until she asks you to be exclusive, she has not proven her loyalty to you and is not worth a relationship. Read this thread.

 

[SW15]

You got something out of that 3 year relationship. You got to have regular sex for 3 years.

You also didn't have kids with her so you never have to deal with her again. When you have kids with a woman, you have to deal with her in some fashion for multiple decades. That's unpleasant.

You can have extended relationships but limit your downsides. If you have kids with a woman, realize that statistics for the last 40 years indicate that you're not likely to be in a romantic relationship with her by the time any of your kids with her turn 18. That's not a great deal.

Open relationships have downsides. While there technicallly is little cheating in open relationships because by definition the ground rules allow for extra partnering, realize that the woman in your primary relationship is having sex with other men. While it's not exactly being a cuck, it resembles being a cuck. In most open relationships, the woman gets more opportunities for non-primary partner sex than the man. There is occasionally a man who does open relationships well and has more outside partners than his primary partner girlfriend/wife, realize that this is the minority of cases.

Being a player forever who keeps his interactions distant and brief (rarely above a few months) is a solution but usually difficult to implement beyond age 35-40.

 

[JamesonGuy]

@JamesonGuy
You know what? You haven't done pullback. You want her to be happy with you in relationship, but for this to happen she must pursue you, and for her to pursue you you must do pull back - among other things, like having higher SMV than her. Read this thread.

Now for the blaming you and other things that made you leave. She was just looking for an excuse to leave you. Lots of ****t tests happen when you pursue the girl, and not the other way around. When you pursue her, she gets this idea that you are lower SMV than her. Women logic kicks in, how come I am with him if I am higher SMV than he is.. Do not let her ruin your romanticism with women. She's just a ****tch that couldn't do it. Although it is your fault, you didn't do things right.

Yes, absolutely, make them prove themselves to you, because otherwise you bound to waste a lot of time. Sure, spin plates. Don't get into relationships just yet. Let them ask you to become exclusive, and not in their female way you can not understand yourself. They must ask you in the language you can understand, if she don't, it's their problem.

Until she asks you to be exclusive, she has not proven her loyalty to you and is not worth a relationship. Read this thread.

yeah in the beginning she pursued me completely, she wanted to be exclusive. It's just that we ended up living together and actually building a project together. It's pretty hard to pull-back when your always around this person, living with them, working with them. But yeah I should not have given her so much of my free attention and focused more on building myself up

 

[JamesonGuy]

Staying single gets old after some time, even as a young guy. Its good to have a woman around you can at least semi- trust/rely on, as long as you can keep your freedom for the most part.

Open relationships are not my thing. I´d allways feel like i am being cucked, even if i would fvck around too.


I had 3 relationships (3 years, 1 year, 6 months) with low maintainance women. They were okay with seeing me 1-2 days a week and the rest of the week i was still chasing other women or just do my stuff.

If you seek an LTR at your age get a low maintainance woman, live seperate, meet up 1 or 2 days a week and if possible do not get emotionally attached and under all circumstances HOLD YOUR FRAME.

How ever, low maintainance woman (mine were a 5, 6 and 7) usually do not tend to be the top shelve women in looks, but they allways took good care of me and were good, low drama girls in general that had their lifes in order.

If/when i go single again... i will definately look for a low maintainance women for my next LTR.

Good advice, never isolate yourself with a woman in a relationship, I guess it get increasingly difficult living together though, how would you manage this

 

[JamesonGuy]

You're not going to become a celibate monk in the mountains, so I would recommend you stay single for the foreseeable future and stick around here for awhile, absorbing as much content here as you can.

Learn about women. Learn about game. Learn about psychology. Most importantly, learn how to apply what you've learned here in the real word.

Regarding open relationships, they are usually the result of cuckolderly and excessive compromise. Most men are unable to emotionally handle and maintain a "successful" open relationship. From what I've seen, those who do are usually playboys with options and who want their cake & eat it too... and who have enough perceived value that usually it's practically only a one-sided open relationship, and if it wasn't, the guy would seemingly not give a fvck who the girl was fvcking.

Spin plates. Date multiple women at a time. Don't worry about relationships for now.

yeah for sure, probably my best option, until I'm older and more established as a man

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Good advice, never isolate yourself with a woman in a relationship, I guess it get increasingly difficult living together though, how would you manage this

Do not live together, thats the most important thing! She has her place, you have yours. Meet up at each others place for a day or two a week and thats it.
A low maintainance women will not force this topic on you for quite some time. When she does after a year or two and you do not feel like taking her in -> next.

 

[dude99]

I recently was in a monogamous relationship with a girl I really liked, for about 3 years. I invested everything I had into it, money and resources, tons of my time, emotions, never cheated on her or even talked to much other girls, gave her lots of love and intimacy. I was really trying to build something with this person. Long story short, in the end the girl was constantly complaining how I wasn't committed to our relationship, how I didn't really love her, etc. I finally decided to leave and keep my distance from her, as I could clearly see my efforts were not being appreciated after all this time.

I feel as though monogamy is a ****ed up deal for men, they invest everything into a single woman and in the end get nothing out of it, maybe kids at best. Maybe when I'm much older I will attempt monogamy again but not invest so much into the girl and keep very strict boundaries, but for now I don't feel it's the best thing to do.

So I guess the only options left are be single, be in an open relationship, or be a celibate monk in the mountains or something. What's your guys experiences with these alternatives to monogamy? Of course investing in yourself, I now realize is the best option, but we still have human needs. So have any of you had successful open relationships or would you recommend just staying single and have short term affairs?

Your situation is classic selfish chick wanting to sabotage her own relationship for her own selfish reasons.

Ever hear women are the author of their own misery? You ex is living proof. Like you said you honestly wanted to build a life with her and she was telling you you didn't care you aren't committed and you arent putting in any effort

That is woman speak for this :

"I am bored. I want a new relationship, I refuse to take responsibility for this so i am blaming everything on you."

My advise to all guys, when a chick starts dictating "how you feel," when it isn't how you feel just dump her. She is already looking for the exit.

Cut the branch and walk away.

 

[SW15]

Do not live together, thats the most important thing!

I have become a bigger advocate of not living together with an extended girlfriend. In a bad past, I thought I would eventually want to live with a serious girlfriend. I do not want to do that now. I want to continue to live separately from extended girlfriends.

I have never lived with any of my girlfriends.

 

[Focal core]

I recently was in a monogamous relationship with a girl I really liked, for about 3 years. I invested everything I had into it, money and resources, tons of my time, emotions, never cheated on her or even talked to much other girls, gave her lots of love and intimacy. I was really trying to build something with this person. Long story short, in the end the girl was constantly complaining how I wasn't committed to our relationship, how I didn't really love her, etc. I finally decided to leave and keep my distance from her, as I could clearly see my efforts were not being appreciated after all this time.

I feel as though monogamy is a ****ed up deal for men, they invest everything into a single woman and in the end get nothing out of it, maybe kids at best. Maybe when I'm much older I will attempt monogamy again but not invest so much into the girl and keep very strict boundaries, but for now I don't feel it's the best thing to do.

So I guess the only options left are be single, be in an open relationship, or be a celibate monk in the mountains or something. What's your guys experiences with these alternatives to monogamy? Of course investing in yourself, I now realize is the best option, but we still have human needs. So have any of you had successful open relationships or would you recommend just staying single and have short term affairs?

Stay single for few years then you will starting to see that if needed a partner it would take a VERY specific women to get along with you.. You will notice your standard over choosing a partner has skyrocketing.

In the meantime while being single just do casual things, business as usual with women you feel attractive, but no no to emotional connection commmited relationships at this point until you were ready to love again.. To really love.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I have become a bigger advocate of not living together with an extended girlfriend. In a bad past, I thought I would eventually want to live with a serious girlfriend. I do not want to do that now. I want to continue to live separately from extended girlfriends.

I have never lived with any of my girlfriends.

Neither did i, until i got married 4 years ago. Had a 5, a 3 and a 4 year LTR before that marriage and life was easy. Had them come over for a couple of days a week and then send them home.

Cant recommend enough to keep them out of your house.

Unless there are kids involved, there is nothing to gain for a healthy man.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Funny as i read your post I thibk back to how highschool was. 88-92
Everyone was fcking everyone. Literally girls traded boyfriends by semester.

Now as adults we are forced to accept different rules. Sometimes i cat h myself thinking that monogamy as adults is forced like Peterson talked about.

In High School it is "supposed" to be a more "immature" way of being... To think people haven't matured beyond high school... Which is reality.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Neither did i, until i got married 4 years ago. Had a 5, a 3 and a 4 year LTR before that marriage and life was easy. Had them come over for a couple of days a week and then send them home.

Cant recommend enough to keep them out of your house.

Unless there are kids involved, there is nothing to gain for a healthy man.

Prenup with clause about selling of the house and properly dispensing the equity?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yea i get it but on an evolutionary stand point there is something more pure in it verses 60% divorce rate and a mass of psyc drugs.

60% divorce rate is due to a more "immature" high school thinking instead of accountable and responsible adulting.

 

[Kotaix]

I recently was in a monogamous relationship with a girl I really liked, for about 3 years. I invested everything I had into it, money and resources, tons of my time, emotions, never cheated on her or even talked to much other girls, gave her lots of love and intimacy. I was really trying to build something with this person. Long story short, in the end the girl was constantly complaining how I wasn't committed to our relationship, how I didn't really love her, etc. I finally decided to leave and keep my distance from her, as I could clearly see my efforts were not being appreciated after all this time.

I feel as though monogamy is a ****ed up deal for men, they invest everything into a single woman and in the end get nothing out of it, maybe kids at best. Maybe when I'm much older I will attempt monogamy again but not invest so much into the girl and keep very strict boundaries, but for now I don't feel it's the best thing to do.

So I guess the only options left are be single, be in an open relationship, or be a celibate monk in the mountains or something. What's your guys experiences with these alternatives to monogamy? Of course investing in yourself, I now realize is the best option, but we still have human needs. So have any of you had successful open relationships or would you recommend just staying single and have short term affairs?

Open relationships are dumb. You might as well be single and date. Sooner or later one party in an open relationship is either going to get jealous and leave; or find someone they like more, and then leave.

Most women are either broken or materialistic. It's up to men to select high quality women and not let their own egos interfere in the process. Just like there are women who want flashy jewelery and the big house and the range rover to show off to everyone else, men want to have a hot women that they can show other men and say "look at the piece of ass I can pick up". And this tends to blind ego-driven men to the red flags like: does she have a good relationship with her father, is she materialistic or bad with money, etc.

Also, if a person is materialistic, be it man or woman, no amount of things or investment in them will ever make them happy. The glass is never half-full, it's just a black hole.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Prenup with clause about selling of the house and properly dispensing the equity?

Its not just about property (though in Austria, what belonged to you BEFORE marriage, belongs to you AFTER marriage, which is good and i owe my wife nothing) but for me its rather about the freedom you give up with a wife in your home 24/7.

Married or not, if the girl has the keys to your home, things are different. You will have to accomodate her, change your habits to a certain degree, integrate her habits into your lifestyle, cant bring your plates home or stay away for a night, get your clothes checked for perfume, makeup, long dark or blonde hair ...... etc.etc.

Just sayin that things have to go really well for a few years that i would let a woman move in and then there is no guarantee that things wouldnt change to the worse once she is in. Its a risk to take that step and the reward isnt that high for the most time.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No man thats assuming women understand your values lol. They dont care.
Let me guess? More chore play? More mature men?

A society used to hold THEM to a standard. What we've regressed to is a high-school immature type mindset.

But you are right. Society currently gives them zero consequences for not being responsible and accountable. It literally encourages them to do any man who would take them seriously dirty.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No man thats assuming women understand your values lol. They dont care.
Let me guess? More chore play? More mature men?

More mature men won't stop their debauchery but a more mature men with a higher standard could.