*sigh*...My girlfriend just moved in with me....damn

[2nd Thought]

Hello gang,

I wanted to get some advice. My girlfriend on and off for about three years now just moved in with me because of problems with getting along with her mother and honestly things been going down hill since then. I mean before the move we was very happy with each other, but now lately all we been doing is arguing about petty stuff.
The major of our arguments consists of my girlfriend is kinda of a whiner and crybaby and I really hate whiners. She just recently lost her car and I have been her only source of transportation between school and work for me. She mostly whine and complain about not having a car even though I told her just to save her money and she will have a car soon enough.
It was my birthday yesterday and we didn't even do anything fun, let alone sex or anything. I suggested lets take some time and go out of town for some fun but she insists on staying to save all her money, which is maybe for the best.

Can anybody give me some advice so we can get our relationship back the way it was before she moved in?

Thanks fam

 

[muscleman]

You probably won't listen, but I strongly suggest you get rid of this girl. It's not bringing you happiness now and that won't change, trust me - I've lived with 2 girlfriends before. Moving in together after being "on and off" for 3 years sounds like a bad idea to begin with - now she's just gonna mooch off you and eventually you're gonna break up and be pissed that you wasted X days/weeks/months/years? of your life living in a prison cell.

 

[Rho]

lol what is it with people and cars, they are a money sink, has she heard of a bus or train? I combine public transport with a push-bike and Im about as fast as a car to most places without having to pay rego, insurance or petrol.

muscleman is right axe the killjoy.

 

[Reyaj]

I seriously love how everyone on this board says to next or dump the girl they are with when things aren't going well, NOT!

Doesn't anyone here have a real world grasp on things???? All relationships become mundane or trite after a while this is just the facts of life. Why doesn't anyone here advise on working to build a strong foundation or improving the relationship? No relationship is going to ever be perfect and there are going to be tiresome times throughout... A real man attempts to work through it before nexting imho

 

[slaog]

Tell her to grow up and stop whinging. Tell her losers whing and whinging turns people off. The most successful people in life are the positive people. Tell her its time she took control of her life and became responsible for her own actions.


So thats my advice. Its not a 'next' but be aware that negative people are not good for you and you should avoid them. If she's just moved in with you and making you feel this way now imagine what it will be like in a few years. Its up to her to change and if she doesn't listen to your advice (which in 99% of cases they don't) dump her.

lol what is it with people and cars, they are a money sink, has she heard of a bus or train? I combine public transport with a push-bike and Im about as fast as a car to most places without having to pay rego, insurance or petrol.

muscleman is right axe the killjoy.

Indeed. As soon as you drive out of the garage the value of the car is gone down.

 

[muscleman]

I seriously love how everyone on this board says to next or dump the girl they are with when things aren't going well, NOT!

Doesn't anyone here have a real world grasp on things???? All relationships become mundane or trite after a while this is just the facts of life. Why doesn't anyone here advise on working to build a strong foundation or improving the relationship? No relationship is going to ever be perfect and there are going to be tiresome times throughout... A real man attempts to work through it before nexting imho

If you find yourself unhappy and eyeballing other girls everywhere you go, there's not much you can "work through". It's a pretty simple question really - are you getting what you want out of this relationship? It doesn't seem like it otherwise you wouldn't be posting here. And since you aren't, you should bring it up to her, straight up. Give her once chance. Wait a week. If she doesn't change at all (and doesn't keep up with it), next. Also look at yourself critically and see what you are/aren't doing.

It sounds like a dead end though.

 

[Julian]

kick her to the curb son wtf is wrong with you

 

[J Roc]

wome are like roaches..once they move in they are hard to get rid of.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I've always felt that if you want to really get to know someone, move in with them.

You're seeing who she really is and it ain't working for you. Time to move on.

 

[starplayer]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4

NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

You are utterly powerless in this situation. NEVER buy a home with a girlfriend, NEVER sign a rental lease with a girlfriend. NEVER agree to move into her home and absolutely NEVER move a woman into your own established living arrangement. I'm adamantly opposed to the "shacking up" dynamic, it is a trap that far too many men allow themselves to fall into. My fervor agianst this isn't based on some moral issue, it it simple pragmatism. I know a fellow right now who is in the pit of misery with a girl he signed an apartment lease with for a year and has had to basically live with his ex for the past 5 months and wont get out of the lease until May. If you live with a woman you may as well be married because upon doing so every liability and accountability of marriage is then in effect. You not only lose any freedom of annonymity you commit to, legally, being responsible for the continuation of your living arrangements regardless of how your relationship decays.

I should also emphasize the point that when you commit (and it is a financial committment) to cohabiting with a GF you will notice a marked decrease in her sexual availability and desire, trust me on this. All of that competitive anxiety and it's resulting sexual tension that made your single sex life so great is removed from her shoulders and she can comfortably relax in the knowledge that she is your ONLY source of sexual intimacy. Putting your name on that lease with her (even if it's just your name) is akin to signing an insurance polcy for her - "I the undersigned promise not to fukk any woman but this girl for a one year term." She thinks, "if he wasn't serious about me, he wouldn't have signed the lease." Now all of that impetus and energy that made having marathon sex with you an outright necessity is relaxed. She controls the frame and she's got it in writing that it is for at least a year.

Just don't do it. Relationships last best when you spin more plates or at the very least keep each other at arm's distance. Look how this applies to your situation here.

There you have it

 

[Desdinova]

I seriously love how everyone on this board says to next or dump the girl they are with when things aren't going well, NOT!

Jayer, the relationship was crap before she moved in with him.

My girlfriend on and off for about three years now just moved in with me

The relationship was doomed before she moved in with him, so why would moving in together make it any better? Instead of breaking up and getting back together repeatedly, they will just be arguing and making each other miserable. She may even move in and out with him.

Sounds like a model relationship to me

I'm with everyone else, ditch her.

 

[littlebear]

to know a woman, go on a trip with her; it will tell you more than
you will wish you had ever known.
littlebear

 

[Reyaj]

Jayer, the relationship was crap before she moved in with him.



The relationship was doomed before she moved in with him, so why would moving in together make it any better? Instead of breaking up and getting back together repeatedly, they will just be arguing and making each other miserable. She may even move in and out with him.

Sounds like a model relationship to me

I'm with everyone else, ditch her.

The original post said they were happy together before the move in. But anyway I'm not necessarily saying he shouldn't next but I just sigh everytime I see somene ask about a relationship deficiency and they receive the same responses. If his woman is incorrigibile then yes of course he will only be happy getting out of the relationship. However I think if you genuinely care about someone and the time and effort you invested in a relationship it is worth trying for.

For the record I'm not a proponent of moving in together.

 

[2nd Thought]

I appreciate everyone comments and advice. Yes I do believe that us not staying together would be best for the relationship at this time but at same time I told her that I would help her until she get on her feet with her whole car situation.
If I broke up with her now or kick her out wouldn't that kinda look bad on my part?

 

[women haze]

She's a grown ass woman.....she needs to learn responsibility. Kick her ass out.

 

[Hidden-Hand]

Hello gang, I wanted to get some advice.

Then it is advice you shall be bestowed.

My girlfriend on and off for about three years now just moved in with me because of problems with getting along with her mother and honestly things been going down hill since then.

Problems with her mom huh..intriguing. 'On and off' huh? Why havent you found another girlfriend in 3 years? are you waiting for her??...Your relationship going 'down hill'...has it really or has it been there for quite some time and you just havent been paying attention? Whatever the case may be this is interesting so continue...

I mean before the move we was very happy with each other, but now lately all we been doing is arguing about petty stuff.

What is 'petty' stuff? That is a very, very vague word, you must be more precise, perception is all. You may think its 'petty' and she may think its 'serious'..but alas I am talking to you not her so carry on..

The major of our arguments consists of my girlfriend is kinda of a whiner and crybaby and I really hate whiners.

If she is a whiner and crybaby then why are you still with her? Do you always date people with the qualities that you dislike, let alone allow them to move into your home? If so, then YOU are the problem. but go ahead..

She just recently lost her car and I have been her only source of transportation between school and work for me.

Sounds like somebody is being used. Or at the very least, somebody is feeling as though they are being used. But, keep going man..

She mostly whine and complain about not having a car even though I told her just to save her money and she will have a car soon enough.

Hm. Well Sherlock Holmes you solved the 'Mystery of the Missing Car' for her but if she wishes to complain, if she thinks the situation will be solved by whining, let her. Nothing you say or do will change that.

It was my birthday yesterday and we didn't even do anything fun, let alone sex or anything.

Hm very interesting, did she know it was your birthday?...and are you sure she is not just using you for your house and transportation? continue on non the less..

I suggested lets take some time and go out of town for some fun but she insists on staying to save all her money, which is maybe for the best.

Thats funny. She must save ALL of her money huh? ALL of it? Every last penny huh? And then no sex either right? Is she saving her body too? Will that help her get a car? Hmmm maybe I'm seeing something that you are not buddy. Go on ahead and finish up now..

Can anybody give me some advice so we can get our relationship back the way it was before she moved in?

To make a long story short, you can't. Hard to swallow, I know but it is the honest to god truth. She must be willing to change, and I dont think that is so in this case. I think if you do not dump her and find someone new you will regret meeting her. Dont be suprised if she 'all of a sudden' dumps you and moves out. Seriously. And if that happens dont blame her either, because you heard the warnings and did not heed them. So if you decided to stick it out good for you But hey if things turn sour dont sweat this relationship, you'll learn something from this, and thats all that matters. Good luck with this one though, you'll need it

 

[scrouds]

Hello gang,
Can anybody give me some advice so we can get our relationship back the way it was before she moved in?

Not possible... You opened a can of worms, and you won't be able to stuff them back in the can.

 

[game.r]

Then it is advice you shall be bestowed.

Problems with her mom huh..intriguing. 'On and off' huh? Why havent you found another girlfriend in 3 years? are you waiting for her??...Your relationship going 'down hill'...has it really or has it been there for quite some time and you just havent been paying attention? Whatever the case may be this is interesting so continue...


What is 'petty' stuff? That is a very, very vague word, you must be more precise, perception is all. You may think its 'petty' and she may think its 'serious'..but alas I am talking to you not her so carry on..


If she is a whiner and crybaby then why are you still with her? Do you always date people with the qualities that you dislike, let alone allow them to move into your home? If so, then YOU are the problem. but go ahead..


Sounds like somebody is being used. Or at the very least, somebody is feeling as though they are being used. But, keep going man..


Hm. Well Sherlock Holmes you solved the 'Mystery of the Missing Car' for her but if she wishes to complain, if she thinks the situation will be solved by whining, let her. Nothing you say or do will change that.

Hm very interesting, did she know it was your birthday?...and are you sure she is not just using you for your house and transportation? continue on non the less..

Thats funny. She must save ALL of her money huh? ALL of it? Every last penny huh? And then no sex either right? Is she saving her body too? Will that help her get a car? Hmmm maybe I'm seeing something that you are not buddy. Go on ahead and finish up now..


To make a long story short, you can't. Hard to swallow, I know but it is the honest to god truth. She must be willing to change, and I dont think that is so in this case. I think if you do not dump her and find someone new you will regret meeting her. Dont be suprised if she 'all of a sudden' dumps you and moves out. Seriously. And if that happens dont blame her either, because you heard the warnings and did not heed them. So if you decided to stick it out good for you But hey if things turn sour dont sweat this relationship, you'll learn something from this, and thats all that matters. Good luck with this one though, you'll need it

good stuff...
There you go OP, if you don't get it after this post. please don't post anymore. Anything that happens after this is your fault, so don't b1tch on this forum.

 

[women haze]

Hidden-Hand I'm feeling what you are feeling Dawg........

I personally think once she gets her life together she is going to ROLL on him.

 

[anx1ety]

The original post said they were happy together before the move in. But anyway I'm not necessarily saying he shouldn't next but I just sigh everytime I see somene ask about a relationship deficiency and they receive the same responses. If his woman is incorrigibile then yes of course he will only be happy getting out of the relationship. However I think if you genuinely care about someone and the time and effort you invested in a relationship it is worth trying for.

For the record I'm not a proponent of moving in together.

EXACTLY. If you HONESTLY like or love someone, and have invested time, effort, emotions it is worth at least trying to fix first. Too many punks on here who just throw it all away so quickly..and will they end up unhappy in the long run..maybe, maybe not.