Sick of screwing up...help

[coachD]

I went out late Friday to try and meet some girls. Ended up at Bdubs for a late dinner and instead of sitting alone at the end of the bar like I did as AFC I sat in the empty chair between two different groups. Anyway, the girl on my left doesn't say much to me but twice rubs her ass on me getting into her chair. First time I was like...OK then the second I was seriously thinking she's coming on to me. Mind you, I'm AFC for almost 40 years now. Lost weight and dressing preppy seems to have opened my eyes to the fact that I CAN be attractive to the girls.

So after butt rub number two she opens me up in a couple of minutes. Before long she's giving me her number, demanding I guess her age, letting me play with the ring on her finger then holding her hand. Near closing time she says, "Follow me home so you will know where I live when you pick me up like a gentleman for our date". All of this is unsolicited, but I'm interested and trying to use what I've read on these forums. So I follow her home and get out of the car thinking sex is imminent. She was still talking about "our date" that I never agreed to and giving me body language like, this is it...say goodnight and call me. So I think okay she's not inviting me in tonight I'll get there soon enough. Said goodbye and headed home.

I called her Sunday and left the following message on voicemail, "Hey, it's coachd calling to talk to Nina". As of today I haven't heard from her and I'm starting to think she's not going to call.

Two questions:

What would you have done to get past the perceived non-invite inside?

Do I call or text a second time?

As I type this it's painfully clear that she wanted sex that night and all the talk of the date and being a gentleman was probably a **** test.

Any help would be appreciated.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I'll take a stab at this. My guess is when you followed her home, this sent a specific message.

First I'll back up and explain a situation where I messed up. About fifteen years ago, I was trying to rekindle an old relationship. From the coffee shop, we walked to grab a slice of pizza. The walk was about a half a mile. Half way during the walk, and while we were talking, she decided to cross the street ( there was no vibe that she was wanting to get a way from me or anything). Anyway, I crossed the street with her. The evening went well, but not as well as I would have liked.

Some readers here may already see what I'm about to explain. When I look back, it's all quite clear. When she crossed the road, this was a subtle test When I followed her lead, and crossed the road with her, I failed. I'm sure through out that evening, I probably did other things that I initially didn't pick up on.

As to your situation, it can be sometimes not as easy to think on your feet. If something similar happens again, you might say, "I've got a GPS and it would be easier if you'd text your address, but if you'd like to hangout at your place for a while, I'm cool with that."

We're always going to screw up from time to time. The fact that you are here and attempting to reduce it, is a sign that you will.

Good Luck!

 

[coachD]

I appreciate it. I have had such a dry spell that now I'm getting close but can't close.

Coffee is for closers.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Speaking of being able to "close" it really is like a game of selling. If we have a door slammed in our face, we have two choices.
1. Get angry and let this shine on our sleeve as we knock on the next door
or
2. Let it roll off our backs and ask ourselves... "what can we do differently when knocking on the next door to provide a better end-result."

 

[Greasy Pig]

Did you even try to invite yourself in?
You could've said something like: "I'm a bit worried I'll perish on the way home. How about we have a drink inside before I head off? After all, that would be the ladylike thing to do for a gentleman."
Once you get in the house, then you cosy up on the couch or my favourite is to lean back on the kitchen bench, look at her, hold out my hand and pull her in for a kiss.

 

[coachD]

Greasy I didn't try to get in. I went AFC there. At least I'm learning, like Black Widow says.

 

[origin138]

Coffee is for closers.

That scene was awesome. Great flick.

 

[Bushmaster]

She was still talking about "our date" that I never agreed to--Challenge/ Push" Well, Maybe we can, if you are good tonight"

and giving me body language like, this is it...say goodnight and call me. So I think okay she's not inviting me in tonight I'll get there soon enough. Said goodbye and headed home. - I see this alot in this forum - assume she wants you and be a sexual man and push the sex envelope. She may say no but she will respect you for it, and it frames you as a potential lover.

Just my thoughts.

Be patient with yourself, you are learning, not screwing up.

 

[coachD]

Thanks Bushmaster. I'm having some success by just going out and chilling. I've had two or three girls approach me when I'm solo at bars. Should I just keep learning on the fly or go to the boot camp approach? I'm in the middle of my coaching season, so I don't have much time to devote to either at this point.

 

[pdx1138]

To get in her house. Thats an easy one.

Tell her you need to use the restroom.
as a bonus, while in the restroom, check the cabinet for prescription meds so you know what you're dealing with.
Do it after you turn the faucet on when you wash your hands.
This is the first thing I do whenever I get an invite over.

Then when you come out, find an object of interest and comment on it.
Get a convo going, look into her eyes... thats all ye need!

 

[Bushmaster]

Thanks Bushmaster. I'm having some success by just going out and chilling. I've had two or three girls approach me when I'm solo at bars. Should I just keep learning on the fly or go to the boot camp approach? I'm in the middle of my coaching season, so I don't have much time to devote to either at this point.

NP, I see it as even my most awkward self is still equal or better than a woman who doesn't do **** to earn affection.

Good on being approached, you have a vibe working.

On your other question I can't say, just learn from each interaction, and make it positive.

Also, read up on texting protocols, often better than leaving a voice message.

 

[coachD]

Any thread about texting best?

 

[Colossus]

Any thread about texting best?

Do a search, there are tons of them. I also recommend not leaving messages with girls. Those are for business and friends.


Some general texting guidelines:

-Adhere to the < 50:50 rule. Never send more texts than you are receiving from her.
-Keep it funny and short.
-Avoid excessive emoticons and text-speak (lol, lmao, etc)
-Be unpredictable in your response time. Don't fire back immediately every time.
-Don't engage in full-blown text convos with new girls.

 

[Atom Smasher]

To get in her house. Thats an easy one.

Tell her you need to use the restroom.
as a bonus, while in the restroom, check the cabinet for prescription meds so you know what you're dealing with.
Do it after you turn the faucet on when you wash your hands.
This is the first thing I do whenever I get an invite over.

You'd better hope she doesn't do what I did once. I filled the medicine cabinet with enough marbles that they would spill out all over the floor if the cabinet were opened. Sure enough, I heard the clatter of marbles in there.

That was one short relationship...

 

[muscleman]

You could have gotten the lay, but that's ok. Next time (and probably with a different girl).

Here's the thing:

SHE opened YOU. She rubbed her ass on you twice, you didn't respond, and she STILL initiated conversation. Huge interest level. That would be a guaranteed lay for me right there.

From what you described, you actually played it well at the bar, all nonchalant. Problem is, you should have capitalized on the bits she threw at you. Call it the 'sex test' if you will. For example, when she said this:

"Follow me home so you will know where I live when you pick me up like a gentleman for our date"

You should have come back with 'only if you make a me a drink'. Boom. She says yes, you're in. She says no, don't follow her home (or you have some work to do still before she's ready).

I always ALWAYS do the 'sex test' when I'm with a girl to see if there's a possibility of getting laid that night. If it's a good chance, I'll proceed. If not, I'll exit and find something better to do with my time.

You'll get better, don't worry.

PS. Since you did follow her home, that was your time to be aggressive. The advice of 'hey can I use your restroom' is solid.

 

[JulieWatson31]

My guess is that she was DTF but did not just come out with it and instead talked about a 'date'.

Why not just call her, not text and set up something.

 

[Desdinova]

You'd better hope she doesn't do what I did once. I filled the medicine cabinet with enough marbles that they would spill out all over the floor if the cabinet were opened. Sure enough, I heard the clatter of marbles in there.

That was one short relationship...

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! :crackup:

If I could rep you again, I would

 

[coachD]

You should have come back with 'only if you make a me a drink'. Boom. She says yes, you're in. She says no, don't follow her home (or you have some work to do still before she's ready).

I always ALWAYS do the 'sex test' when I'm with a girl to see if there's a possibility of getting laid that night. If it's a good chance, I'll proceed. If not, I'll exit and find something better to do with my time.

You'll get better, don't worry.

PS. Since you did follow her home, that was your time to be aggressive. The advice of 'hey can I use your restroom' is solid.

Great advice from all of you. This sex test is so great. I'm pissed I didn't think of something like that.

I'm at a point now where I got spoiled by having a few girls open me. I need to get off my ass and go initiate. I'm thinking of doing the GLL approach methods and play the numbers game. I don't know if I could handle a bunch of rejection ("screens").

 

[coachD]

My guess is that she was DTF but did not just come out with it and instead talked about a 'date'.

Why not just call her, not text and set up something.

Julie, I called her two days later and it went straight to VM. I left a brief message and she never returned the call.

 

[JulieWatson31]

Typical stupid flakey female. I get it all the time. Ignore it.