Sick of being lonely (long story)

[tom121]

I am 18 years old taiwanese male, been in Canada for 6 years. I was born shy and not outgoing. So I didn't have many TRUE friends since I was little, you could say I have about less than 5 people I hang out with outside the school, but while in school I could be socializing with anyone freely.

Ever since I moved to Canada, I have changed that a little bit, I have tried to make few friends (which some of them turned their back on me.) I use to have 5 guys I hang out with outside the school time, not any of us are popular or doing drugs, we just a group of guys that just chill on the weekends together, neither does any of us have girlfriends.

Now I have moved to this new place for 2 years. I barely have any friends coming over, you can say I have this one guy 1 year younger than me coming over every couple weeks just to skateboard together. Now the weather is rainy everyday, he doesn't come anymore. I have no job right now, for some reason I gave out 30 resumes only got 2 interviews, I am still trying.

I have few phone numbers that I got from people, lately I have been trying to hook up with this asian girl, well I think she only treated me as a "friend" not "boyfriend material." I call her probably 3 times a week, our phone calls usually don't last more than 20 minutes.

Anyway my point is ever since I graduated high school, I have NO social life. When I was in school, I have somebody to walk home or hang out with. Now I have NO contact with any friends I made while I was in school. Although I still have them on MSN and talking to them everyday. Many of them are busy with their school life. I am just being at home everyday, sometimes I go out to get a haircut, I would take bus and walk around the mall just to hope I would see somebody I know or going grocery shopping with my sister. Couple days ago I see one of the guy I use to talk to a lot on the bus, he is still in high school. It's nice to see somebody say "what's up tommy." once in a while.

I have NO friends, NO social life, NO job (well I just got a on-call job which pays me $6 Canadian/hour and it's been 2 days I don't know when will they call me,) NO girlfriend

I am sick of using drugs like vodka or weed to get rid of loneliness. It just doesn't work anymore, its like temporary painkiller and I try not to do them as much.

I tried to meet people, dating sites, from friends, not many success, I once got played by this chick from the dating site. She made me waiting at this place thats like 1 hours of bus ride from my house and I was waiting for her for a long time, she didn't show up, I call her cell she has voice message.


I am sick of this life, sick of trying to be somebody I am not (hiding my lonely feelings) I don't know how long I can handle this, as long as there is somebody I can talk to or in person in real life I will stay alive...

 

[micams]

I can understand you.
Just stop your addictions and start slowly to build your action program ie 1 little action per day ans start increasing it (2 little actions,...)
Before some time you'll start changing your outlook in life for the better.
Remember self esteem and hapiness is directly correlated to the number of real actions you take on real life and not on the circumstances or other people.

If you have access to Steve Chandler "Reinventing Yourself" or "17 lies that stops you", go get them, I've done it and it is changing my life: I'm taking a lot more actions now(zpproaching, sayinh hi, smiling, being sociable,...).
PS: I've listened to a lot of audio programs and have read tons of books and I warmly recomend you Steve Chandler as a base for your new life.

 

[Alpine]

Well the good news is Tom you have obviously made a decision that enough is enough and you are going to do something about it. The feeling of relief must be incredible.

At the moment it may feel like all areas of your life are in a mess, and it's amazing how quickly things change.

For instance as you think about that new job, you may realise that with it comes work colleagues, potential friends, evening social events, structure, a sense of accomplishment and money.

I don't know whether you feel the job thing is something to focus on as all the other things may come out of it. This is an excellent resource for DJ skills and I reckon you will soon be putting them to good use soon.

Do something now to start you off, it doesn't matter what just get moving and get some momentum going.

Let us know how you get on.

 

[MAVER1CK]

start working out at your local gym.

sorry for the short reply but im a noob to.

 

[Alpine]

^^^^^
|||||||||


Good idea Maverick. Start bulking and meet people down the gym, always a good one.

 

[A-Unit]

States of Mind.

Loneliness is a state of mind. And it isn't that you're lonely, or quiet, it's that you maintain the belief that what you say or do has to be "cool" or "fun." I had similar beliefs in high school, but then came senior year and I was like "fvck it, gotta live life." Frankly, I didn't care about what I said, so much as the response I got.

You're probably a cool person, with lots of cool things to say, so STOP HIDING IT. There's nothing I can DO for you, only things I can SAY to release the lock that's stopping you from moving forward. You're the key to your own locked brain, or soul, or 'inner self.'

Passion and Focus.

A passion for life, and the focus to zero in on what you want will give you just that. Most people lack the passion on life. They "expect" things to be a certain way, or that life is greener elsewhere, hence why people blow up over small things or try "move elsewhere" to escape things as they are now. Well, why not plant that green grass right here rather than trying to move your whole life? (Metaphorically speaking).

If you have "feelings" of what you want to do, do them!

In life, anytime we have a good reason for something, we'll start chipping away at it to find the REAL reason why we should do it. This is the curse of our consciousness. We second guess our feelings. YOU DON'T NEED A REASON TO DO ANYTHING. We don't know the meaning of life, so why should you know the meaning of EVERY LITTLE DETAIL WE DO?

*If you want to have big muscles, get them.
*If you want to drive a nice car, save for it.
*If you desire nice clothes, save for them and buy them.
*If you want to speak 10 languages, go for it.

There's no rhyme or reason to life, at least until we pass out of this dimension, so why should there be answers for what are considered small desires?

Feel good as you are now and move forward with confidence that your desires, as personal as they maybe, are rightly your own, and with no explanation to anyone or anything are purely right in that they are the product of man. Look as if you have been born with a new life, do now what you have always wanted to do with the pure belief that you can do anything. Erase, forget, and delete ANYTHING that will not aid you in your life. Cease drowning pains in temporary solutions, because the ills are only be masked behind momentary happiness.


Gl,


A-Unit

 

[Ken785]

i bottle of tylonol helps tom.

 

[jakethasnake]

Originally posted by Ken785
i bottle of tylonol helps tom.

Oh come on.... Don't take this "advice" Tom.

 

[Cloudtopsun2100]

Hey man, Ni Hao, bu(4) yung(4) dang(1)shing(1)Ni(2) hui(4) mei(2) shr(4) de
Don't know if you can read pinyin I actually used bu pu mu fu back in the day but anyways...After graduating school there is a void that can come up...wow suddenly everyone is gone, going on with their lives. There many things you can do, go out and keep looking for a job where there is contact with other people....work at a bubbletea place in Richmond or whatever- take some classes at the local community college to get a degree while meeting tons of interesting people and also take dance classes go find a website like meetup.com and join some groups... It will take awhile to build your social circle up to the point you want it to be but just don't lose your focus on the way- let people get to know the real you. Helps to not smoke weed as well
Zhu(4)Ni(2)hao(3)yun(4)

 

[thebsharp]

you are only 18 years old, still too young to worry bout this... you will make tons of friends in college or uni. Your not gonna make any friends stay at home or wish someone would approuch you and talk to you in the supermarket, you have to get out there and start taking action. Join a club, take a course in college or whatever.

 

[prototype]

dude, dont worry thats a temporary stage. The girls will come running as soon as they see how great you are. The only thing I can tel you is read POOK's Posts and other DJ's that have influenced my life.

 

[dentalfloss]

you sure youve read the bible?

 

[squirrels]

You've got the right attitude! Now you need to know what to do.

In the top right corner of this page is the link to The DJ Bible. Read through some of this stuff. And learn.

Then get out and start talking to people. You don't learn conversational skills on an Internet message forum...it's something that has to be learned by experience. By trial-and-error.

 

[I Love Girls!!]

Originally posted by tom121
I tried to meet people, dating sites, from friends, not many success, I once got played by this chick from the dating site. She made me waiting at this place thats like 1 hours of bus ride from my house and I was waiting for her for a long time, she didn't show up, I call her cell she has voice message.

I had that happen once. After 20 minutes I realized she wasn't coming, so I made the best of it and approached two other girls. One I ended up talking to for about 40 minutes.

 

[jason86]

chiiiiiil dude. do something about it, instead of crying on here.

you'll easily make friends in uni or work or whatever. as for girls, you just need show her that you're one smooooth guy. tidy up your look if its messed up, that might be the problem.

action dude, action.