Shouldn't our goal be getting women to pick us up?

[The Shoe]

I've been dropping by every now and then for about 15 years. I'm 50 now and have attractive women constantly hitting on me. I am not rich, I am fat and bald. My goal has always been to get women to hit on me, not for me to creep out and use weird tricks. I hear a lot about "pick-up artist", but isn't the art making them pursue you?

Take for instance Friday evening. I am bicycling to meet an ex. At a stop light a woman pulls up next to me. I notice her. Fit, good looking, and about 35. She asks me if I am a farmer (because of a t-shirt I am wearing) and we strike up a conversation. We ride about four blocks when I let her know I need to turn. "Oh I live that way!" We ride another mile together. Just short of my destination she asks me to stop and gives me her phone number and tickets to a show.

Let's face it, we are mature men. We don't need the "alpha" bull****. Women are attracted to us. Should we not try to cultivate this rather than devolve into tricks?

Can we discuss "setting the stage" aka creating the conditions for attractiveness?

 

[thatfeel]

I think everyone here is gonna be more interested in exactly what your "stage" is and what it entails.

 

[bmp2cpm]

I'll respond to the OP.

Regarding setting the stage....the Tau of Steve speaks of this, in particular, "We pursue that which retreats from us."

When I look at every woman that hinted to me that I should ask them out, I just didn't care about them and I wasn't that interested in them. Now, that's not to say I wouldn't want to be intimate with them, I just don't want to immediately become their boyfriend and share all I have.

Earlier this year, I was single and looking for dates with women in my social circle and online. I did better with the ones I wasn't as interested in. I was too eager and interested in the one's I wanted. Then my ex-girlfriend came back onto the scene and my dating days were over.

My girlfriend is very jealous of any potential women. That's what caused us to break up in the first place. So, I can't afford to even flirt with other girls anymore.

The first week she moved out here, I had to go to a company overnight retreat. My department doesn't fit in with the other departments in my company, and my 3 close co-workers didn't do the overnight dinner. I really didn't want to eat dinner with strangers but it was Morton's and I like steak.There was a new girl at work that I never talked to. She was 8 years younger than me, attractive. We had a game at the retreat where we were given specific icebreakers. I didn't know anyone waiting for a cab to the restaurant and this girl was nearby. I gave her the icebreaker and we ended up taking a cab with a few other people to the restaurant, sitting together at dinner, talking all night at dinner.

We talked about our divorces and how dating sucks. We discussed the dating sites. We even ended up touching each other's hands during the conversation. The couple of people with us ditched us and the girl and I end up taking a cab back to the hotel together. I'm panicking...my exgirlfriend moved back from the west coast to the east coast to be with me just a 3 days ago and her I am with a younger girl, that's into me, who's been drinking. During the cab ride back to the hotel, I'm putting up boundaries, backing off...only seems to make her more interested. We get to the hotel and fortunately there are a group of people I know, we all talk. She wants go to the bar. I tell everyone I have to get some sleep and run to my room. Anyway...the next week, the retreat photos are available. She sends me the one with us and basically says in a work email that we should go out for coffee. I've been working in the corporate world almost 20 years and I have never had co-worker send me an email that we should go out before, especially not one that almost a decade younger than me.

If I was single, this would not have happened as I would have showed more interest and she would not have pursued me. The fact that I backed off, made her want me more.

If you want a woman to pursue you, back off and set lot's of boundaries. Of course, this is very difficult to do if you are into her too much.

 

[purple haze]

I believe if a girl is interested, she'll let you know. If she does not let you know, she's not interested.

 

[The Duke]

Shoe- thats quite the story you told. Sounds like fantasy land to me.

 

[Steady Eddie]

OP, you need to have some alpha about you. Weakness (beta) is not an attractive trait.

It's nice for a woman to show interest in a man. Though she should never be the pursuer. If a woman adopts the role of the man, she is looking to screw you over and not in the way you might expect!
A woman who's brazen enough to chase you (you're not Brad or Clooney) sees you as a beta provider\facilitator.

A woman is always looking for the maximum return on the least investment. If she can extract money from you without fcuking you, that's the route she'll take.

 

[wifehunter]

The man's role is not to chase, but go about his business. How is he to provide for her if he's too busy chasing her. First, have a life. Men chasing, looks needy. An added benefit of women chasing is INVESTMENT!!! The more they chase the more they invest. The more they invest, the more they chase. It seems exponential... and that, only works in your favor.

 

[wifehunter]

Women that chase at the outset are not the highest quality IME. Usually extroverts.

Yes, another good reason to put yourself in the position of chasee vs chaser, is you get to pick from those who choose you. It's best to have many options, so odds are you end up with a quality chicka.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Women that chase at the outset are not the highest quality IME. Usually extroverts.

What's wrong with extrovert girls? Opposites attract. Extreme opposites attract extremely.

I find the introvert girls boring. But I'm a big introvert.

My girlfriend is an extrovert AA flight attendant and none of the male passengers seem to mind her being extrovert. She gets a lot of phone numbers from the male passengers.

And the girl from work I mentioned in my post above seemed to be more of an introvert. In her case I initiated contact.

 

[SkrooU]

Our goal is to be a high quality male who doesn't cater to women. I think it's a mistake for any gender to wait for the opposite sex to initiate everything. Women in general are cowards who can't handle rejection and force men to bear it all. They typically say that pursuing a man turns him off and that if you have to approach a man then he's not a real man. This has probably come from some women approaching just 1 or a handful of men who weren't interested and they couldn't handle the rejection. As men we know that it can take up to 50 rejections before we get to something really good that sticks for a while. Women just don't want to deal with that. Nothing turns me on to a woman more than her initiating interest. I find women who wait for me to take the lead on everything to be extrememly boring people with no self esteem or just a huge sense of self entitlement. The ones who initiated interest have been most of my favorites.

 

[Steady Eddie]

LMAO. Get back to me in a year. Or get back to me tomorrow if you look through her phone.

(Smart) introvert women vs extroverts of any type = no comparison.

I hear you.

Extrovert women = drama queens.

You're literally asking for it to go horribly wrong.