Should Women be asked to be more aggressive in bed?

[TheTraveller]

Here's the issue:

The girl I've been seeing for 6 weeks, we've fooled around twice. The first time I got the wonderful not on the pill excuse. Fine, she I know she is a very responsible girl as it is, so I let this one slide. But after that first session she showed tons of interest in me, even more than before. So I just forgot about this first time.

The next time, we fooled around and I did a test. I made sure not to tell her anything and to see what SHE would do. Apart for feeling up and me giving her some great hand pleasure (she loved it), she didn't reciprocate nearly as much as I did. I didn't have protection so obviously didn't go all the way.

Is it worth speaking to her about being more aggresive in bed? I'm paranoid she's not into it, but by her body signals in bed she sure is attracted and into it. She just isn't a super aggressive type of person, so I'm hoping that is the problem, that she needs to be told EXACTLY what to do. She always listens to me outside the bedroom - why not inside the bedroom?

Please advice! Thanks!

- t, the confused newbie in bed (yes I am, but I'm good

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by TheTraveller
Here's the issue:

The girl I've been seeing for 6 weeks, we've fooled around twice. The first time I got the wonderful not on the pill excuse. Fine, she I know she is a very responsible girl as it is, so I let this one slide. But after that first session she showed tons of interest in me, even more than before. So I just forgot about this first time.

The next time, we fooled around and I did a test. I made sure not to tell her anything and to see what SHE would do. Apart for feeling up and me giving her some great hand pleasure (she loved it), she didn't reciprocate nearly as much as I did. I didn't have protection so obviously didn't go all the way.

Is it worth speaking to her about being more aggresive in bed? I'm paranoid she's not into it, but by her body signals in bed she sure is attracted and into it. She just isn't a super aggressive type of person, so I'm hoping that is the problem, that she needs to be told EXACTLY what to do. She always listens to me outside the bedroom - why not inside the bedroom?

Please advice! Thanks!

- t, the confused newbie in bed (yes I am, but I'm good

How old are you guys, it makes a difference in tactics.

 

[TheTraveller]

I'm 23 and she's 21... It's like she goes for it but doesn't go far enough. I'm sure if I told her exactly what to do she'd do it. I just noticed she doesn't take the initiative fully. I'm just hoping this is not an interest thing, and more a girl-attitude-personality thing. Because she IS digging me.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

This can be tricky because she is at an age where she could be coming into knowing herself and her strength as a woman, but if she is really into you it could work.

The next time you guys are getting amorous you need to be extremely serious and tell her something like "Want to know what would really get me excited?" She should not say no. Then you tell her that you really like a woman that takes the initiative and is comfortable being aggressive.

If she is still in the "I wonder what he likes" stage and has not put her needs first, she should go along with it. She may ask what you mean though. At that point I suggest asking her what she would do if she had the opportunity to do anything she had ever wanted to do to a man.

That should get things going.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

I say just tell her you'd like her to be more aggressive. If she isn't into it, then you've got your answer there. And if she is, then you're good to go. Sometimes girls think that guys are supposed to be the aggressive ones, so they sit back and let you take control. I am not one of those girls, but I know they exist... somewhere...

 

[( . )( . )]

You dont "ask" her to do anything in bed at all, sure talk about what you like and dislike over drinks or whatever but thats it.

since i woke up to myself i realised the man is the aggressor in bed when you want to bang a new chick, by that i mean YOU lead she follows, you place her and pull her around where you want her to go, BUT you have to have the right mindset and obviously she has to be fully primed or it just wont work, you have to be the dominant one as soon as you hit the sheets.

She just isn't a super aggressive type of person, so I'm hoping that is the problem, that she needs to be told EXACTLY what to do. She always listens to me outside the bedroom - why not inside the bedroom?

 

[TheTraveller]

C'mon Sexy_Malibu, you're from NY, I lived in NY for 4 months and people are very aggressive down there

My girl is very kind and responsible type yet I hope she responds to this. She has wanted to "get down the pants" and on the first time asked me what I wanted her to do to me, where I replied, do whatever you wish. Not much occured apart from a little hand action.

I'd guess it is too direct to just ask "Do you like to give ____"?

I think the "I like it when a girl is agressive" tact, combined with me telling her exactly what to do. What do you all think?

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

C'mon Sexy_Malibu, you're from NY, I lived in NY for 4 months and people are very aggressive down there

Yes we are.

If you don't want to ask/tell her to be more "aggressive" then just tell her what you want her to do. I am very aggressive, but that doesn't mean I just take control. I just flat out ask the guy "What do you want?" or "Tell me what you like".

I'm assuming she's still "not on the pill" so if that was more than just an excuse the first time, you might hear that again. But I don't see anything wrong with just telling her "I want to _____ you" or "I want you to _______".

Sounds to me that if she isn't actually really innocent, then she is playing innocent. That's when the girl doesn't want you to think she's slutty (which of course, guys both love and hate it when a girl is "slutty", you skitzos!) I think she is waiting for you to tell her what to do, so she can still feel like she is a sweet, innocent girl.

I stopped feeling like that a long time ago. ha ha.

 

[TheTraveller]

Sounds right, 212 Sexy_Malibu!

What I tell her tomorrow should not be an issue and will come across as "constructive criticism".

But what lead me to post this is a friend of mine who has never met my girl told me that she may not be "into me".

Excuse me, any idea if this makes any sense at all? She's there and willing to get into bed (and allow me to sleep the night with her) yet it does seem like she's waiting for me to direct her along the way. I'd think that if she wasn't "into me" she wouldn't be going along with the entire make out thing and she wouldn't be obviously turned on (in more than one sense) during this.

- t

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Excuse me, any idea if this makes any sense at all? She's there and willing to get into bed (and allow me to sleep the night with her) yet it does seem like she's waiting for me to direct her along the way. I'd think that if she wasn't "into me" she wouldn't be going along with the entire make out thing and she wouldn't be obviously turned on (in more than one sense) during this.

Oh she's in to you. She's doing one of three things...

1. She's shy and innocent and is holding back because that's just how she is... and she needs you to take control.

2. She's PLAYING shy and innocent because she wants you to take control/wants you to think you're in control.

3. She doesn't want you to think she's slutty or promiscuous, so she's holding back. (I know a lot of girls who don't go too far too soon because they want the guy to have respect for them). ??

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by ( . )( . )
You dont "ask" her to do anything in bed at all, sure talk about what you like and dislike over drinks or whatever but thats it.

Dude, they have not even got past the heavy petting yet and you are telling him to jump in with both feet? He does not yet know what exactly she is into (it does matter y'know if you really want to DJ her).

I would follow Malibu's advise until you get a better feeling for how to interact with her properly.

 

[Reto]

I didn't read all of the posts above, but here's my 2 cents.

It sounds as though she's not that experienced. The more you two do together, the more comfortable she'll be. Each time, take it a little further. Do different things. Coach her. (Don't tell her)She'll remember what you like. Chicks get off on pleasureing a guy.

I'm at the point with my current GF that when I say I'm about to CVM, she does...

 

[TheTraveller]

Well I met with her the other night and she couldn't stay out too late but says that she has only been with one other person all the way.

This implies INEXPERIENCE! But she wants to go further, she said she trusts me and if we had no work the following day then things would be different

I think definite coaching is needed but how? I think discussing while intimate ruins the mood. Discussing beforehand would be the best.

 

[Reto]

During if you ask me. It's not like it's school. It's on the job training...

You're making out, she touches you.

You: "God, do that again. It felt good"...

"Wait. Do it this way" or "to the right" ... "yeah, that's it"...


My current girl is experienced, but she was a little rough with the hands. I was just honest with her...It's all good now...

 

[Player_Supreme]

This is how I prefer my women to be as per this email from a new friend:

The feeling is so mutual. Honestly, if you would have fu*cked me and moved on I still would have cherished it. Seriously. Because you sparked something in me that I was thinking had started to die or at least was on it's "last leg". The only thing I have to address is the "almost" in your words. What are you missing that I need to satisfy? Ask and you shall
receive. Lead and I will follow. Your wish is my command...
<WINK>

*************

I sent her an email to tweak her a little and told her I was almost satisfied and that maybe I shoulda just fu*cked her like all the rest and moved on.

I prefer women to be women and follow a man's lead. If I say be more aggressive in bed (shudder the thought), then so be it.

With women it's all about communication. You gotta communicate what you want. And listen to what they want, if your going to have a successful relationship.

 

[DonScotta]

How ya doing bud? I say, 6 weeks, it's time for you to be aggressive (without scaring her of course). She seems the shy type, maybe not so comfortable with sexuality yet, I dont' think you should discuss it as it may ruin the mood.

If she asks what you want, I think it's appropriate to say give me head, if she looks shocked, just give her a little smirk, it'll be okay.

I also think you should direct things, if she is nervous, just get on top, she won't have to do much. Maybe after a few times you'll be a little more comfortable directing her. Hope I was of some help, later!