Should we pursue our relationship?

[Knicknack]

I am 21 and she is 19. I'll be a Junior in college next year and she'll be a Sophomore. We are both from the same city. I go to school in our home city and she goes to school about 8 hours driving time away.

Met her this summer almost exactly a month ago. Been having a great time with her and dating about 2-3 times a week. From the beginning we agreed to take this relationship slow and see where it goes. So basically, we just enjoy hanging out with eachother and the farthest we have "gone" is making out. This doesn't bother me, as we have both talked about sex and know that if we were to feel close enough, it will eventually happen.

Early on in the relationship we discussed the fact that she would have to leave for college, and we both agreed that we did not want to waste eachother's time. So we continued to see eachother and had a great time. Now the time has come and she will be going to her college.

The past couple of dates she was very quiet and seemed distant to me, so I called her on it last night. I told her she seemed "disinterested" and this kind of opened her up. She explained that she was scared of what our 1-month relationship will turn into once she leaves. She explained that because of her committments to her sorority and school, it will be hard for her to fly back as often as we'd like. She mentioned that it has nothing to do with her interest level in me, but she was afraid that she could not give her "whole heart" to me. That statement opened my eyes and I told her so. She said that she had been hurt really bad in her past relationship(which we had discussed before) and she was not ready to jump right in.

So what we agreed on was to just test it out and see what happens. I'm going to fly to see her in about a week after she has settled in and we discussed seeing eachother over the long Labor Day weekend.

Do you all have any advice as far as how often and long we should talk on the telephone(I don't want it to turn into one of those telephone relationships). I don't mind talking 30 minutes to an hour a day, but any longer would be botherseome.

We both agreed to not date anyone else for the time being.

Do you all think this can work?

 

[DankNuggs]

Agreeing not to date anyone in the mean time is ******** for "we can do whatever we want, but not tell each other." I would honestly say the best way to handle the relationship would be to go your seperate ways and see each other over summers and school vacations...Listen, if you guys are that good for each other, you'll get together when you can, there is no strain on the relationship, and neither of you will have regrets about trying to keep a difficult LTR while feeling like your missing out on the college experience...Its tough to say, but you grow so much in college that everything else becomes "out of sight, out of mind." its no one's fault, just the way things are...Wish I could have given myself the same advice a while ago...Goodluck

 

[Oscar Wilde]

"LDRs do not work" -- my experience, and I'm sure the same for a lot of guys here.

Good luck with it, but brace yourself, you're gonna be more tore up about it than she is when[1] she dumps you.

I'm not wishing it on you, it's just the way it's gone down before.

1. Ok, "if", you got maybe a 2% chance I guess. But prepare for long and drawn out pain that way.

 

[Knicknack]

Thanks for the advice. I pretty much agree with what you are saying. I'm not going to change my entire life and she will not either. She mentioned that her roommate last year was in a long distance relationship and it completely sucked. She said her roommate and her rommate's boyfriend would fight on the phone and skip a lot of class to see eachother.

That is what has my GF so scared. We both care about school and don't want the important things in our lives altered. I hope we can both feel comfortable away from eachother and make the most out of our time together. If we feel ourselves growing apart I won't be afraid to end it, if she hasn't already. I think rejection will ultimately be more rewarding than regret. It will not be fun thinking about "what could have been."

 

[Knicknack]

I'm just bumping this one time.