Should i try to get her back?

[Steve-OH]

My ex just told me she needs to do her own thing. she says she needs to focus on herself right now and she cant focus on us if she doesnt do so.. But i know thats not the real reason... for the last month ive been really down and depressed, mostly because i lost my job and i know that was putting added strain on our relationship..when we first met everything was awesome and i dont think either of us could be happier. but as my job issue and a few other personal issues started to surface i started to push her away not on purpose, i think i kinda pushed everyone away, i stopped wanting to go out and just started staying home everynight which is not something i usually do.any ways long story short im broken hearted and i feel like i really messed something up that showed a lot of potential.. i love this girl ive just never dealt with these kinds of issues before and i feel like an idiot for screwing his upshe still "wants to be friends" and says maybe down the road this could work but thats just more of a bummer because i know it could work now. is there any way to salvage this?

 

[KontrollerX]

Well though it appears she did not outright ask for a break here is joekerr's great thread on what "breaks" mean in a relationship...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471&highlight=breaks

Also though you may of indeed been at fault a bit for your current situation by shutting down from your woman a bit it shows that in tough times she will not have faith in you to pull through.

She showed her true colors and what she really thinks of you by bailing out on you when you needed her the most.

As for friendship you've gotta deny it man.

"Thanks but I have enough friends" is the only response to give her otherwise you are going to be stuck in friendzone hell with her forever while she goes off and fvcks other guys.

She might do this anyway but at least if you reject her friendship offer you won't be around to see it and be her emotional tampon while she asks you for advice about these other guys and complains about her relationship problems with them to you.

Going no contact ie no friendship is the only way you are ever going to have a chance at getting her back with you in a relationship.

It creates a few great things for you...

1. Establishes that you can do just fine without her and don't need to cling to her and hope so much you will accept something less of her ie the disrespect of friendship when you really want something more of her ie the honor of a relationship.

2. Makes her wonder about what you've been doing and the man you've become while away from her, in short it allows her mind to travel in all sorts of female fantasy directions surrounding you that it wouldnt' of otherwise done had you stayed in the picture. A woman can build a guy up in her mind as being the greatest thing ever far better than any guy's continued words can ever do.

Anyway bottom line is she bailed on you.

She showed that when the going gets tough she gets going.

To answer your original question of "should I get her back?" I really don't think you should.

I think you deserve better than this but at the same time I know how you feel so I have given you some advice that may work to get her back someday.

In the meantime though try and date other chicks and if she comes back great and if she doesn't also great since you will be out in the field with someone new in no time.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Did you have sexual contact with her?? Was she a virgin or a hor?? I know the answer to your woes!!

 

[jacob]

Steve Oh if you're gonna take advice take KontrollerX's. This happened to me on Christmas Eve, if you chase her she'll run faster and avoid you more, try and slowing detach yourself, put away anything that reminds you of her, this should help alleviate some heartache, but a more helpful approach to you're oneitis is to actually date someone else and subtlely let your ex know about it. I guarantee you her interest level in you will rise again then if you play your cards right you can spark her attraction for you again. I know this cuz Kontroller X was there to help me think cleary, especially when my mind wasn't so sharp cause of being broken hearted and depressed. I didn't chase my ex no matter how hard it was cuz i knew from experience and the support of some brothers and sister on this site that that would kill my chances more. So give her space make her miss you and think about the messed up things she's done to you to help you be strong, ironically this would be the wisest way to get her back. I know this works cause like I said I'm going through the same thing, but I had sex with my ex twice again since the holidays and now we're slowly reconcilling because I don't chase her like the typical guy would. Be Alpha and mysterious again. So man up bro, and if you really need help with you're broken heart read the Bible the book of Job and pray, and I'll try and support you however I can. Peace

 

[MacAvoy]

Steve, Kontroller has given you some great advice and I could elaborate on it but I don't see the need. You have this fellow young man here Jacob who just went through the exact same thing you are going through a mere month ago.

Have a read of his thread and you'll see that he went through the exact same thing, however Jacob was one of the few guys around here that actually followed our advice and it worked for him. Here is Jacob's follow up thread where he actually gets laid again by his ex.

If you want to see an example of what not to do, read this thread, its also from a guy in a similiar situation but who didn't follow our advice. Needless to say he didn't get the girl.

But if you truly want to be successful, the best thing you can do for yourself is Read The Bible. Its where all of us DJ's got our knowledge from and its how we are able to help new people like you. Its the most valuable part of the site. You will learn way more from it than any advice that I or anyone else gives on the site.

This is your life and you determine your happiness. Its up to you if you want success. It may seem like we are telling you exactly the opposite of what you want to do, but if you really want this girl, then you have to take our advice and step back.

 

[Steve-OH]

Wow guys thats some strong stuff.. i really appreciate all of the advice you guys have given me! im definately gonna apply it to my situation... oh and last man i was only the 2nd guy shes been with sexually so she wasnt a virgin but about as far away from a ***** as possible haha, im definately interested in hearing the answer to all my woes! thanks again guys and any other advice or anything is greatly appreciated! like what should i say next time she calls?

 

[DonGorgon]

My ex just told me she needs to do her own thing.

she is already with another dude(s). Women dont dump you till they are already in with another man... your time is up ... let her and it go... you should have seen the signs and dumped her first... Now you are unwanted.

 

[tigrecu]

Is the same story I had on New years eve... I was breaking a reationship and this girl that I like a lot was with me all the time... now I see (after reading DJ ) that in the beggining she open all the possibilities for me and I missed them, because I was still in my relationship... when I began to broke up she began to run... and when I was completey broken emotionally due to my separation that was a extremely, I became so unatractive and needy that she quit seeing me as a man... I couldnt stand my jealousy when I saw her flirting with other guys... and then we fought... She went on a travel for two months... and she is coming now ... during this time I really stood on my feet and I have decided to maintain silence and distance .... and If I meet her I will just put one idea in her head.... "if you wanna remember me the rest of your life as a needy kid, is up to you, because you are missing the opportunity to meet a real man, because I am again the one you met" .... Hey guys suggestiosn...

 

[KontrollerX]

Hmmm you said in your post that you wish to put that idea of you now being a real man in the girl you wants mind tigrecu.

If you intend to do this with your actions and not actually say out loud to her what you just posted on the forum then I say go for it bro.

 

[tigrecu]

So you mean.... Just show her that I changed without giving her explanations at all.... I will see her in one way or another because I am using her room while she is travelling.... So you suggest to react positively and emaning good vibes .... Maybe ... if she asks how I am...I should answer... "Better than ever, had fun all this time, met lotta people and girls and got along really cool with your roomates, Indeed, everything perfect" .... or am I still to much words?

 

[MacAvoy]

Still too much words. Just reply "Better than ever" then get busy doing something else. That way she sees that your not just feeding her words but are living it. Be the prize, make her chase you.

For the most part ignore her unless she provokes you, then brush her off. If she has any interest, it will pique her interest, make her wonder why you ain't chasing her like a puppy dog anymore.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Just show her that I changed without giving her explanations at all"

Exactly.

Showing her rather than telling her is more powerful and lets that highly emotional female mind run wild with fantasies of how great you may of become.

Also I like how you want to answer her if she asks you how you are.

Its perfect and doesn't make you seem AFC like the first stuff does that I told you not to say.

See the first stuff would make you seem AFC because it sounds like you going out of your way to sell yourself to her but trust me bro showing her with actions is much more powerful and the only thing that will work anyway if anything can.

Edit: Mac's suggestion may be better than mine about shortening your answer to her as yeah that female imagination can get going over the simplest things like this like cutting back on how much you say to a chick when previously you may of talked her ear off lol.

 

[tigrecu]

Sorry my english is not so good ( I speak spanish) what do you mean with "brush her off"

 

[KontrollerX]

"Brush her off" is another phrase for ignore her basically.

 

[MacAvoy]

"brush her off" translates to answer her question, then go do something else,

aka don't give her the time of day,

aka don't sit there and continue to make small talk with her,

 

[tigrecu]

Got it... ... otherwise I am moving on with other girls...
but I wanna a revenge ... I also was planning to go with other girls to the pub she usually goes... I dont know if that might work???

 

[Sandow]

Got it... ... otherwise I am moving on with other girls...
but I wanna a revenge ... I also was planning to go with other girls to the pub she usually goes... I dont know if that might work???

ABSOLUTELY

 

[Steve-OH]

update

Alright so i followed your guys advice and stopped talking to her.. ive completly ignored her last 2 calls and texts.. but im not gettin those sad crying " i miss you" messages was hoping for... any advice on stepping up the game to another level?

 

[MacAvoy]

Great job so far and thanks for the update Steve. Now for my advice: Patience my friend. You have to give her a chance to miss you. This could take 4-6 weeks. However if you make contact before then, you give her all the power back. In the meantime, you need to prepare yourself for when she comes calling.

In your first post, you mentioned that for the past month, you've been in a bit of a slump. Well when she comes calling, you want to be on your A game. So for the next month, work on yourself and getting your A game back. Start working out at a gym, just a little exercise will help your mental game a tonne.

Then even do an approach or two, go out on a couple dates to boost your confidence and practice your skills. That way when she does call, you will be sharp, you don't want to be rusty.

More importantly by doing these two things, it will give you the right mind set for when she does call, but it will also send her a very important message, that you are the prize and that she has to work to keep you otherwise she'll lose you because your not some chump wasting all your time pining over her, you have a life and if she wants to be part of it, she has to work to be in it.

Now go do it champ.

 

[Steve-OH]

another update

alright ive been staying strong i havent called her or replied to her text messages... she called me yesterday at about 5 and i answered, talked for about 30 seconds and i told her id have to give her a call back later because i was on my way out with my friends.. i didnt call her back and havent yet... but she didnt call me back or anything either. should i just wait til she calls me back or what? let me know..