Should I take out a personal ad? What should I do?

[5M17H]

So...I'm single. That's a problem cuz everyone thinks I'm gay...but I'm not.

A little background.
I'm 22, going to school. I get good grades (I'm smart but not a genius). I'm good looking.....girls would call me cute. I kind of look young for my age and I have freckles on my nose so I have a real innocent look. I'm 6'1" at about 180 lbs. I'm in good shape. I lift weights, hike, bike and I used to work as a wildland firefighter. I've got a nice car and a good job and some extra money....but no girlfriend.

So why do people think I'm gay...

Well, I'm clean and organized. I keep a high standard of cleanliness but I'm not a obsessive or compulsive. ****, I'd reach into toilet to unclog it if I had too...

I've been told on a couple of occasions that I have "girls lips." One of the persons that told me was a 2 or 3 year old girl while I was at a barbeque. It gave everybody a good laugh, but damnit that was embarrassing. I've never really thought that I have girl lips, but the consequence of it is that it doesn't make me look like a tough guy...more like a pretty boy.

Also, I've never really had a problem with girls being attracted to me. For some odd reason, people in high school thought that I was sleeping with all the girls...but in reality I wasn't gettin any play. A few girls have even accused me of bein a playa cuz I can go into a party and pull numbers all night.
Its not quite that easy in a bar however, partly cuz I look young so I feel out of place. But for the most part, I don't have a problem going up to a girl in a bar and starting a conversation. On one particular occasion, I picked up young hottie and started f-banging her on the dance floor (my friends were impressed, but I wasn't...she was drunk).
The other side of the coin is that I'm kind of quiet, calm, and reserved.....but definitley not shy by any means. I'm definitely not a flamboyant personality (i.e. flamer).
I also eat healthier than, well, pretty much everybody I know. I would say that I eat like a body builder. I eat my vegetables, low gi carbs, and plenty of meat over several meals a day. My friends think I eat hippy food because I'm into eating whole foods (rather than processed foods and junk food).

One consequence of my lifestyle is that I am put off by girls who aren't as clean as me or who don't eat as healthy as me.

Another very personal detail is that I'm uncircumcised. I'm self conscious about that. That doesn't mean I'm a virgin, but in general I dont' let girls go down on me (but I have). I have put a lot of thought into getting circumcised, but I don't want to make this a circ thread.

So what's my problem? I can't figure it out, but I know it is very hurtful when others think I'm gay.

So I was just thinking about taking out a personal ad. Ordinarily, I would never consider such a measure, but I was thinking of a surefire ad:

My friends think I'm gay because I don't have a girlfriend. Clean, cute, athletic guy looking for hottie to show them otherwise. Call me....

Would that work?

Actually, I probably won't do it anyways, but I figured I'd ask for some advice from the crew at the DJDF.

Any comments, suggestions, or advice for me and my situation?

Thanks

 

[rgeere]

What you should do when your friends call you gay is use some sarcastic reverse psychology. Say something like"

"Ohh yeah, I'm preety gay. In fact I'm waiting for my boyfriend right now. He should be coming down here to meet me any minute now."

If you do it right and say it with confidence people will not take you seriously and will stop calling you gay.

Besides this I wouldn't give a flip what people think of you. People who assume idiotic things like 'gayness' over not having a girlfriend are morons who should get out of town. Who cares if you are clean, that's a good thing.

 

[5M17H]

Originally posted by rgeere
What you should do when your friends call you gay is use some sarcastic reverse psychology. Say something like"

"Ohh yeah, I'm preety gay. In fact I'm waiting for my boyfriend right now. He should be coming down here to meet me any minute now."

If you do it right and say it with confidence people will not take you seriously and will stop calling you gay.

Besides this I wouldn't give a flip what people think of you. People who assume idiotic things like 'gayness' over not having a girlfriend are morons who should get out of town. Who cares if you are clean, that's a good thing.

My friends don't call me gay to my face. They know girls are attracted to me and they dont' get why I don't have a girlfriend. They leave it at that.
Most of them have girlfriends of a few years (none married yet). So when I call my friends up and talk to them on the phone, thier girlfriends would say something like, "get off the phone, you're bringing out the gayness in him."
Of course....that just makes me wanna pimp slap her.
On one occasion at a bar, I was with my buddy and this flamer with sprinkles on his face walks by and says hi to me. Turns out he is in the same academic program so we kind of know each other. My buddy just gave me a look like, "Ok, maybe he is in the closet..."

Those are just a couple examples. It goes a lot deeper than just those specific instances.

Its too the point that I'm uncomfortable about it. I went to watch "Be Cool" with my buddy and his gf, and The Rock plays a role in which he is gay. I didn't know if I should laugh at the jokes half the time in fear that it might make me look gay (I don't know if thats logical, but it seemed to make sense at the time).

I'm clean because I like the cleanliness, not because I like to clean. It is a good thing, but not when it turns girls off. It really bugs me when girls are amazed at how clean I am. They're supposed to be the cleaner sex, damnit. I just think theres been such a bull**** feminist outcry uprising in this generation that girls have some subliminal feeling that playing any part in a traditional female role (like cleaning) is now somehow degrading. I know thats kind of a stereotype and it definitely doesn't apply to all women, but thats kind of how I feel sometimes.

 

[rgeere]

You sound alot like me. I have lots of girls attracted to me also and yet don't have a current girlfriend.

I guess if you wanted to put out a personal add it would be fine, although I would avoid doing it just to appease those who try to demean you by calling you gay, if that's the case. There isn't anything you have to prove to them regardless.

I've never really been in a position where girls get turned off for being too clean. In fact, you'd think they would appreciate the fact. Maybe most just assume that all men should act like neanderthals or something similar.

 

[5M17H]

Originally posted by rgeere
I guess if you wanted to put out a personal add it would be fine, although I would avoid doing it just to appease those who try to demean you by calling you gay, if that's the case. There isn't anything you have to prove to them regardless.

It's family too. My older brother has a lot of the same friends I do, but no one thinks he is gay cuz he is out of shape and pretty much a slob. So he's got an excuse. Plus, I tend to steal the hearts of the girls that he likes and hangs out with; Consequently he has kind of a grudge against me for it. He is somewhat apathetic so it has never escalated into anything substantial.

At one point in time, I had a dream that my mom was saying that she would still love me even if I was gay. That's nice and everything but the dream still pissed me off.

 

[alphawolfx]

You sound fine the way you are. You don't need to get cut, you don't need to do ANYTHING. Just be comfortable with who the **** you are, you seem like a good guy to me, and that's reading one post.

So chill with the self-doubt there buddy, it can be a killer.

 

[5M17H]

Originally posted by alphawolfx
You sound fine the way you are. You don't need to get cut, you don't need to do ANYTHING. Just be comfortable with who the **** you are, you seem like a good guy to me, and that's reading one post.

So chill with the self-doubt there buddy, it can be a killer.

Thats good advice...but I just feel like, "damn, how long is this $h!7 gonna go on?"
I feel like I need to do something about it, but I don't know what.

 

[5M17H]

Any other advice?

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Maybe your friends are just douches. Could it be time to find new ones?

 

[5M17H]

Originally posted by Dapper Swindler
Maybe your friends are just douches. Could it be time to find new ones?

Interesting advice, albeit easier said than done.
I'll just go ahead and go make new friends this weekend.....
Actually I have been trying to expand my social circle, but its a hard thing to do. About 2 months ago, I moved into a house with 3 people that I didn't really know. They're cool, and I hang out with them occasionally, but I don't think it will ever get to the point where we're good friends. I tried hanging out with some old school friends...
Some are doing drugs and spending food stamps, others just think I'm calling them cuz I have no friends.

I could just stop hanging out with my friends, but that is a very hard thing to do. I can't just live my life in isolation until I find some new people to hang with.....

 

[earthshyne]

Go with your strengths.

It's been my experience that those fellows who come off as less than "manly" are HUGELY attractive to wimmen. I don't know why, exactly, but I think it may have something to do with the possibility that they don't see you as a threat.

Go with it. Use it. Get comfortable with it. So some a$$h0les think you have "girly lips" (whatever that means). That says more about them than it does about you.

 

[5M17H]

Originally posted by earthshyne
Go with your strengths.

It's been my experience that those fellows who come off as less than "manly" are HUGELY attractive to wimmen. I don't know why, exactly, but I think it may have something to do with the possibility that they don't see you as a threat.

Go with it. Use it. Get comfortable with it. So some a$$h0les think you have "girly lips" (whatever that means). That says more about them than it does about you.

Yeah, I think I heard of some kind of research that said that the less manly guys tend to have much much more fulfilling relationships.

Dude, you just called a 2 year old girl an a$$h0le........
That's kinda funny....

 

[MrHarris]

My friends think I'm gay because I don't have a girlfriend. Clean, cute, athletic guy looking for hottie to show them otherwise. Call me....

Absolutely not. I've been reading on another site on the question of online ads and here is some of what that other guy had to say:

Chapter 1. Why the internet?

I used to believe that internet dating was for chickens, who were too scared to go out and meet people face to face. Ugly cowardly people. Now I know better. The internet is actually becoming one of the largest singles bars of the 2000’s. With a multitude of benefits.

How many rejections do you need to experience to meet 100 women or even 1000 women? How long would this take for the average dater? How about years. But with the internet you can achieve this in a matter of days. You can actually meet 100 women in less than an hour and over 1000 over the course of one weekend.

I’ve met and bedded women within 2 days of our first contact over the internet.

Millions of people are now using the internet as a viable option to their dating experiences. With an estimated over 40 million Americans participating in online dating sites and that number doubles when you go outside of our country, I’m sure you all can see the value of putting up an online “ad”.

Here are some more facts and figures for the number crunchers reading:

· According to People magazine’s 2003 poll of people between the ages of 18 and 44 12% of the women in the 1,400 men and women polled used online dating, with men amounting to 16% admitting to using online dating.
· If you know people, they will rarely admit to anything so I’m sure this number would be much higher, especially when you take into account that over 40 million are openly using online dating.
· A new study of online dating site members has found that when couples who had built up a significant relationship by e-mailing or chatting online met for the first time, 94 per cent went on to see each other again.

But is the internet a viable means to find real love. Read these facts of a recent research by a Dr. Gavin at the university of Bath, and determine for yourself:

· • 94 per cent of those surveyed saw their ‘e-partner’ again after first meeting them, and the relationships lasted for an average of at least seven months, with 18 per cent of them lasting over a year.
· • men online were significantly more likely to be committed to the relationship than women and were more dependent on their ‘e-partner’.
· • the more the couple engaged in simultaneous online chat before meeting rather than simply e-mailing one another, the more they were found to depend on one another emotionally and the more they understood one another.
· • the more the couple talked on the telephone before they met, the deeper the relationship.
· “Given that the most successful relationships lasted at least seven months, and in some case over a year, it seems that these relationships have a similar level of success as ones formed in more conventional ways.
· Of the relationships, 39 per cent were still going on at the time of the survey, and of these 24 per cent had been going for at least a year, and eight per cent for at least two years. Of the relationships that had already ended at the time of the survey, 14 per cent had lasted over a year, and four per cent had lasted over two years.
· “This study shows that online dating can work for many people, leading to a successful meeting for almost everyone we surveyed,” said Dr Gavin.

Now consider this, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day you have the potential to meet hundreds and even thousands of women who might be just what your looking for for as low as 55 cents a day! Less than the cost of a steak dinner for two and you can have your dance card filled with beautiful and available women!

With the night club scene representing countless rejections for us men, you might want to expand your options. I’m not saying give up “sarging”, cause that is cowardly to me. I believe in using all means that are available to meet a female of good quality and that will make a good match for me.

 

[MrHarris]

Chapter 2 Setting your course:

Every great voyage starts with a destination. Which means that you pick your target location and work your way back from there and plot how your going to get there. Imagine setting sail with no destination at hand and ending up all over the place.

It's the same in this medium. You need to define exactly what your looking for or your target. With this you want to build the perfect woman in your head.

Close your eyes for a moment and try to mentally picture the most perfect woman that you can imagine. Now using the following criteria build her:

1. Height. How tall is she and it's actually better to have the perfect height also in mind.

2. Hair and eyes. What color hair and eyes do you want.

3. Health. Does she work out or is she fit or do you like what I like thick and healthy.

4. Personality. What type do you get along with.

5. Intelligence level. Do you want her smart or dumb or in between.

6. How about kids? Or living situations.

7. Is she a good girl a girl who want's love in her life or a freak which is a woman who only wants male attention and good sex or a Ho which is a woman who has the looks to trade for a guy with a good and promising job.

8. Does she have her own career?

9. How about her pets. Do you have any alergies?

10. Is she fun loving and fun to be around? Or do you like the more serious type.

11. How about in the area of passion. Describe your interests here.

12. Do you like sexy women or conservative women?

13. Is the the loving and caring type?

14. How about feminine/submissive vs dominating/masculine women?

15. Is she a good communicator or do you want her to be shy to some degree. Is she the outgoing type?

16. How about trustworthy? And honesty level?

17. Do you like drama queens or well balanced women?

18. Does she own her own business?

19. Do you like the creative type or the funny type, how about serious and mature or playful or even supportive, educated, caring and kind?

20 Think about the exact nationalities that you want. Are you one of those caucasians who only have a taste for asian women or sista's?

You need to think about for a moment all of the women that you've gotten along well with in your past as your building your composite of your perfect woman.

You get to choose everything right down to the kink level that you desire. If you like having your salad tossed put it down, don't worry about marketing yet cause there is a market for everything.

Also be aware of how zodiac signs will effect you. I have been in the dating arena for quite sometime and there is something to this.

I want to yo define how you want this woman to enter into your life and on what level. Are you looking for just casual sex or something as deep as a soul mate. How about just weekend hookups or casual dating. A new date each night of the week, it doesn't matter put it down.

Believe it or not accordingn to a recent survey in the feburary 2003 edition of PEOPLE MAGAZINE which surveyed people who are dating:

*70% of the women surveyed stated that they only are looking for companionship.

*14% of the total women were looking to get married.

Just think about that for a long moment. The rest of those women in the survey just wanted something to do and someone to do it with or just someone to talk to. That is how lonley women are these days for just decent companionship.

So you must be honest in what your looking for. And settling for less doesn't even enter into the equation. Shoot for the moon here, cause it's your life that your living. If it's sex your looking for there are sites just for that.

They even have sites for people who just want to dress up like little furry animals.

Next consider the distance your willing to travel. I personally set my travel to 10-15 miles from my home. This narrowed down my search to only women who live close by. It is not in my personal interest to get into a long distance relationship.

Decide how far your willing to travel. Take into account that if you live in a very crowded city that closer is better.

 

[MrHarris]

Chapter 3 Writing your online ad!

You need to start thinking about your online profile as an ad. You are the marketer of a product “you”, which you want to market to a selected and targeted market, that being your ideal female.

You already know exactly who your target audience with your work in the last chapter. In marketing smart advertisers discovered long ago that the shot gun approach of where you market to anyone and everyone was ineffective when compared to the rifle approach where you have a precise and exact market or target audience.

You can see the benefits of the superior approach. Why try to sell air conditioners to Eskimos.

Now to capture your target audience or markets eye we will rely on another marketing invention called A.I.D.A. This stands for A-get their attention. I-capture their interest. D-create desire. A-get them to take action. So lets get to work.

How do you get their attention? In advertising you use first of all a visual. For our medium that means you need a photo. When I say a photo, not just any will do. I’ve seen some hilarious photo’s put up to try to attract attention, and wondered how the person ever could of put that up there.

Your photo must be not a cheap quality one. Use a good digital camera. Borrow one if you have too. When you take the picture please remember to smile.

The smile is the most important part of your picture. I’ve gotten so many compliments on just my smile in my online ad that attracted tons of emailed responses on that point alone.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 3-continued.

Ok so far you have seen how you need to attract attention to your ad with the use of a good quality photo. Now how do you get interest in your actual ad? In marketing this is accomplished by having a captivating Headline.

You need to think of the headline as the ad for your ad. In direct marketing it has been proven that one headline can out pull another by as much as 1700% just by changing a few words. Just think what you can accomplish with your own personal ad.

Here are some power words for use in a headline:

1. You
2. Your
3. How
4. Who
5. Want
6. Why
7. Free

If you can incorporate these words into your headline you will increase your pull. As in sales and marketing there needs to be a benefit in someone spending time reading your profile. Here are a few more ideas to incorporate before you start writing away.

1. The women whom you are trying to attract must be attracted to something that will be of benefit to them..ie a possible soul mate…romance…love..adventure.
2. Desire for that benefit must be generated in order to get her to
3. Take action.

Step 1. Say something that will get her attention.

Develop 10 different headlines that will catch your target audiences attention. Imagine that she is sitting right in front of you so personalize it.

People buy benefits not features. In our arena a feature would be something about you. For example many personal ads will do the laundry list about that person. I have only one comment to say about that. BORING!!!!

Ask yourself who cares after you list a feature about you. For example if you enjoy bike riding, why should a woman care about that. Then come up with romantic ways to make that seem exciting and adventurous.

As Elmer Wheeler a famous marketer said “Sell The Sizzle, Not The Steak”

What is exciting about you. And then sell why this is important for that female to have in her life.

Notice how I took the mundane and jazzed it. I listed my boring height and added some style and flavor to it.

I am 6’ tall, athletically muscular, with a shaved bald head,
Dark eyes and I must admit that I am very pre-occupied with
Stimulating and interesting intelligent conversations.

Notice how I jazz up what I do for a living:

I am not a doctor or a attorney. I do own a Personal
Training business in Sacramento California. I am also the
Host of a PBS special called SPIRIT QUEST, and I am
Involved in the human potentials movement…so I have a
Lot of metaphysics to share and teach in the area of mind
Spirit as well as body!

I know that women are into metaphysics and it’s thrilling for them to find a man on the same page. I too am into that so I put it up there. I didn’t list how I follow quantum physics and all that. That would be boring to read.



-END

Unfortunately the guy hasn't finished his report. But basically he is saying that your a company that is marketing a product. That product being you to a target market. The perfect woman for you. And that you need to think like a marketer of goods and services when it comes to online dating.

 

[topher]

Originally posted by 5M17H
I also eat healthier than, well, pretty much everybody I know. I would say that I eat like a body builder. I eat my vegetables, low gi carbs, and plenty of meat over several meals a day. My friends think I eat hippy food because I'm into eating whole foods (rather than processed foods and junk food).

One consequence of my lifestyle is that I am put off by girls who aren't as clean as me or who don't eat as healthy as me.

man i hear ya, im the same way, i eat so clean lean and healthy and when i see a potential gf and see her chugging down a pop filling her face with chocolate and potato chips, it really turns me off.

and i too get the hippie treatment for eating healthy theyll say exactly the same thing, nice hippie food hippie, i do know though that everyone who says that is envious that they dont have the will power to better themselves. i just think of it like ill still be pumping young 40 yearolds when im 90 while the other 90 year olds are laying up in the nursing home waiting for gods chariot to arrive.

 

[5M17H]

Re: Re: Should I take out a personal ad? What should I do?

Originally posted by topher
man i hear ya, im the same way, i eat so clean lean and healthy and when i see a potential gf and see her chugging down a pop filling her face with chocolate and potato chips, it really turns me off.

and i too get the hippie treatment for eating healthy theyll say exactly the same thing, nice hippie food hippie, i do know though that everyone who says that is envious that they dont have the will power to better themselves. i just think of it like ill still be pumping young 40 yearolds when im 90 while the other 90 year olds are laying up in the nursing home waiting for gods chariot to arrive.

Its funny, but I think my taste buds might have something to do with it... I can eat pretty much anything. Other people get so squeemish over the simplest foods....like straight cottage cheese.
Another quirk is that I have a hard time identifying artificial flavors. If you were to give me a life saver, it would take me about 10 guesses to get it right. The first time it happened, I thought it was a fluke.....but the second time proved me wrong. Funny eh...

 

[MrHarris]

To Luveno who's thread was closed:

Luveno you said:

"To all those who think online dating is a magic bullet
Internet dating is stupid if you have no real life game. THink about it, if you have no game in reality, then when you meet your internet girl, you won't be able to hold the rapport that you could when you weren't face to face.
If you do have game, the internet is basically just a catalogue for guys who want a good looking girl. You look through it, pick a girl, get her info, meet , and take it from there.
Its not rocket science.

You must have the confidence to build rapport with people in reality if you ever want online dating to be effective."

I at one time would of agreed with you on this matter, but since having my eyes opened with the light of experience I must say that I disagree 100%. That means without any qualms.

Why? Because your misconception is that people who do online dating have no game and are chickens who don't want to sarge in real life.

What your forgetting is that you still need game to get the first date and you still need game to get her to your place and you still need game to get her into your bed!

Online has been reffered to as the 24 hour online night/singles club of the future.

You can either stay up with the times or fall to the side.

This medium is merely another marketing tool for your game that's all. A real Don Juan will try to make use of all available means of finding love in his life.

That means still hitting the singles clubs, the bars, the coffee houses, the bookstores, taking the special classes and using the internet or any other available means.

To not do so is stupid! According to the report above many guys are tired of the night club scene as well as many women.

Now what are you going to do when 25% of the available hot women no longer go to clubs cause they are tired of being gropped by drunken fools? And did you know that many of the ads without photo's are the super hot ones who mistakenly want guys to like them for themselves first and not their deliciously hot bodies? I just read a report by another guy on the internet on this subject.

Infact this guy claims to only go for the ones without photos and he is finding tremendous success, according to his claims.

That's 25 % of your market. You or anyother marketer cannot afford to lose the attention of that large a percentage of any kind of market.

So my contention is that online is a great adjunct to your marketing mix.

MrHarris Esq.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Hey GAY dude, don't worry about what others think - worry about what you want out of your life and how you will get it!!! Hopefully a woman is in this equation - if you are truly not a homo!!

To your question, "Should I take out a personal ad? What should I do?"

PR_L says, Don't "take out a personal AD" take out a woman!!

 

[animal crackers]

GOD MAN...

Are you really happy with yourself in all these areas of your life?

It seems like you have your **** together, and you REALLY SHOULD see yourself as the great catch.

All you really have to do is be DOMINANT with the girls that are ALREADY ATTRACTED TO YOU, and then let your sexuality out. The reason people think you are gay isn't because your clean and pretty, its because you aren't being a man and cavemanning the biitches.

READ Gunwitch Method, and just do that

Oh and the uncircumcized thing, if you have ever heard of a man named "Mystery" he happens to be uncut also. www.mysterymethod.com .....I dont really think it affects his game.

I am uncircumcized also, and i used to have a BIG problem with it. Like I thought I was a freak because of it. But, i found a great girl and found out that it didn't matter. She went down on me all the time, and never complained (unless it took over an hour) , and the girls after her were the same.

One thing that i did while getting intimate with a new girl, is say "I'm not circumcised...have you ever seen one?" Acting like its unique and cool, and she probably hasn't makes it seem like a GOOD thing.