should i stay with it or get out while i can

[walkguy]

Good evening to you , here is my situation im married 33 years very soon , we have been through alot good and bad like most marraiges but in recent months ive been having some nagging problems
now tell me if im wrong or how to improve my sitauation , i get nagged about how much voluntering im doing ( she dont like volunteer ) she thinks im a schmuck or simply being used which i dont think i am ( the type volunteering i do is for theatres ( ushering ) , helping out the city at events like conventions , walks , etc
i get nagged at how much fun i have with my friends ( she dont go out even though i ask her to join me ) im the social one in the family not her
i also get told how much i dont do around the house which i do my fair share and then some buy she refuses to see that
i do 99% of the shopping , errand running ,& maintaing/cleaning the cars but im called lazy !!!??
note also i am retired but work 2 part time jobs , but she dont consider what i do real work ??
so im at the end of my rope i put up with alot of verbal abuse at times , i do my best to take care of her but nothing seems to please her
so tell me what you would do ina situation like this id hate to end a marraige after 33 years thanks >>>>WALKGUY

 

[Phyzzle]

You wife needs a life!

I've never been married, but my brother had the same problems until he realized that his wife had zero friends except for him. He forced her to have other friends. I'm not too clear on how he did this, but if your wife ain't into charity work, she just ain't. There has to be something else she can do. It sounds like she's stir crazy.

 

[lee36044]

one question

I'm gonna risk the wrath of everyone here and go against conventional wisdom espoused on this site!

Nobody on here can give you an easy answer. You have a long term committed relationship in which you, and undoubtedly your wife also, have made major investments. Financially, emotionally, and just in terms of the time shared to build it. I don't, and I would hope none of us here do, think we have the right to say ditch her ... she'll never change. Or to tell you stick with it ... thing will work out.

Ask yourself this one simple question. Do YOU really want to stay or go. Don't say what you think makes you the good guy! Don't say what you know is expected of you. It's better to be happy and alive and seen as an SOB than to ride this out through depression, stress, an eventual unhappy ending, and possibly major health issues just for the sake of looking politically correct! So answer yourself honestly!

If it really is stay, seek help in another arena! I'd recommend Michelle Weiners divorcebusting forums as a start! Her divorce busting principles are almost all in accordance with the DJ principles that can be used to help here. Forget everything else you hear about AFC's, Lame Nice Guys, and Wimps. It has nothing to do with what you are dealing with now!

If the answer is go, stop putting it off. Put aside the fear, the guilt, the apprehension at starting over alone and just get out! Once you have done that start living by the DJ principles to avoid winding up facing this decision yet again in the future.

Only you know where you want this to go ... choose the course with the best possibility of getting there

 

[ElChoclo]

What about your 32 year old girlfriend troll? I refer you to your previous posts.

 

[Phyzzle]

(Don't think he's a troll. I think his marriage sucks and he's trying to turn his friends into lovers on the side as a result.)

 

[Hitman10000]

In my opinion if a woman is nagging or she seems to start arguments it is something you are doing that is not making her happy which in reference makes the relationship unhappy. I'm sorry to say this but a real woman who appreciates you for who you are will argue but do it constructively because she will allow the "Man" in you to grow so you can become a "Man" for her. She could be right and it is something you're "NOT" doing.

Another thing is if you feel truly unhappy with whom you're with/marrying then it's not going to get any better. "Good" Relationships are supposed to be emotionally and perhaps intellectually fulfilling experiences (nowdays that is.) If it doesn't seem that way, seriously consider on dropping this relationship entirely.

 

[zerocelcius]

WOW!

My friend, I would love to give you advice, but I truly feel this is above any of the DON's. The best that any of us can do is being here for you to talk to and get personal advice. I am sure that we can help you with your own issues, but as far as the Marriage goes, I say get pro. Help. I.E. Consoler.

On the topic of her nagging, you should not apologize for helping your city! Also you should not disrespect the fact that you worked long enough to retire! Those are extreme accomplishments and should be respected by all including your wife!

Perhaps the root issue is she feels guilty of your accomplishments and resents the fact that you do these things.