Should I stay or should I go.

Coppaia

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I am afraid this will be a rather long post, in order to fill you in.

I am currently in a relationship with a spanish girl, I myself is a northern European (cultural differences). We've been together and living together since December. This year I have been planning and preparing a 'great expedition' where I was to recreate one of histories great military marches, walking by foot through great parts of Europe. The last month of planning and research was April and May was supposed to be solely a training Camp in The mountains to peak my form before starting to walk in early June.

We were both expats and were leaving The country at The same time. So she insisted that we should spend as much time together during April saying goodbye to friends and The City. She would complain incessantly if I were to say that I had to do some Reading or working out etc. And eventually I gave in thinking this could very well be The Beginning of The end for us as well, and I could empathize her feeling of not wanting to let go etc. However, that I made this sacrifice for her, she seems completely unaware.
So there we have it - i lost one month of preparations.

At The end I got sentimental and I thought it would be nice experience introducing her to The mountains of The North. I invited her for one week, but then she invited herself for The entire month. I couldn't do any exercising with her,, she never skied before. And she refused blankly to be left alone at The cabin because she found The silence and white plains of snow 'so scary', and she would start to cry and tell me how inconsiderate I was etc when I would go out with my backpack and skies without her. After a few days i understood that this wouldnt be a training Camp after all. I consoled myself with that I at least could do some of The work here that I didn't get to do in April. But no. I had told her beforehand that at The cabin there isn't much to do, but being in Nature and read books. But after never more than half an hour she would lose interest and insist that I had worked enough.
The 2nd month that I lost, and again she doesn't seem to understand how I have bend over backwards trying to be accomodating and nice, trying to get to appreciate being outdoors, putting aside my own priorities.

My march was a race, and time was precious. I had to finish within 14 weeks. Her hometown happened to be along my route, so The plan was to stay for 4 days, meeting her family and all. When I got there after having Walked for a couple of weeks, I was tired and it was nice sleeping on a bed, meeting her family, seeing her again, eating good food etc. But after 7 days i said that I had to keep on going, she started to cry and claimed that I was ruthless and cruel and her whole family intervened on her side, insisting that I had to stay for a few more days. After 9 days I said that I couldn't stay for more than 2 more days. When The day came she started The whole opera all over again. When I finally left on The 13th day, she said she wanted to come with me for a few days. I tried to impress upon her that I had lost a lot of time, and that I would have to walk All day. Apparently that was no problem. Of course she started to complain and cry, complain and cry. And after two days it was another vacation and I lost 2 more days.

Three weeks later we agreed that she should meet me for The climb of The pyrenees. I had planned 4 cosy days (we agreed on 4 days, no more!), just a few hours of walking every day in pittoreske surroundings and two days at a beautiful little French village. Things were Going well. We were in a good mood, having a lot of sex in mountains, eating good food etc. When we got to The French village we were having dinner with a vagabond, he procured Wine - it was a little party. I thought it was awesome and I was glad to share all these experiences with her. While we were having dinner a posh brit came up to us and joined in. We were invited into his home and had to wonderful days with good food and wine and good conversations.

When we were leaving my girlfriend out of The blue started to complain and came with a whole tirade about how awful she has had it. That I preferred discussing politics with a stranger rather than having a romantic time with here etc etc. I was shocked. I thought we had experienced so much in so few days together. And if she hated being at our gracious host why hadn't she said anything. It all escalated into an all out dirty fight. Where She said i won't know you anymore, you are not The man that I fell in love with. I responded: I feel The same way towards you, you used to be calm and cool as a cat, and now you are this needy and manic little girl.

We ended up having make-up sex and of course she prolonged her stay with two more days. Now many weeks after, and I have finished my march and I am about to travel back to spain I have applied to finish my studies in Spain in order to be with her, she has all of a sudden started to bring up this fight, resulting in silent treating me now for 8 days. I am leaving for spain in 3 days, what do I do?

Sincerely yours

Sucker in need of advice
 
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Interesting story Coppaia, thanks for sharing. The set up of the story is a little confusing, you live with her somewhere (different from Spain and your country) did you guys meet in Erasmus?

About the story: as a general rule, in a relationship she always enters your frame, but it is also important for you to make it so that it is exciting for her to do so. A 3 month march around Europe is not something made for every girl, you are really serious about it, which is great, but if she is not really into it, to include her in your plans is going to be really bad in general. The cabin part for instance, if you know she is not going to accompany you while you prepare for the march,you cant expect her to be by herself in a cabin in the middle of nowhere while you are out all day, specially if she does not have any hobbies, which is the de facto thing for spanish girls. Knowing this, what I would have done is to invite her one week, make very exciting plans, show her around, get her drunk, flirt and be wild and exciting in general, when the week is over you kiss her goodbye, put her on a plane and have 3 weeks for yourself.

The same thing goes for when you spent 4 days with her family, if the plan is 4 days then it is 4 days. Her family will ALWAYS take her side no matter what, you cannot change that, but you can choose whether to be influenced by it or not. Regarding the next part of the story, I think its the same thing, if she is not going to enjoy the trip then don't let her tag along. She will always want to be with you everytime, everyday, that does not mean you should let her.

About the last part: does 8 days of silent treating mean no contact? if it does then my advice is to GTFO as soon as possible. You are young, you have game and you can be perfectly happy alone, dump her and move on.

Those are my two cents anyway
 

Coppaia

Don Juan
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Thank you Francisco, very instructing!

Yes, the radiosilence was close to no contact for 8 days, but it was mutual I should add. I was tired off always having to take the initiative and she wanted to learn me a lesson I guess, and consequently resulted into a trench warfare.

When I got there she was nice and warm, but behaving more like a friend than my girlfriend in front of her parents. This wouldn't have bothered me, I know that the culture is different there and this family I gather is very traditional, if it wasn't for the fact that I have visited and lived with her family before. At that time I was just introduced as a friend who happened to be in Spain, but she would very demonstratively do all of these little displays of affection, showing her family that I was her man. That was not the case this time round. Last time, she would sneak out of her room at night to have sex with me, but this time she was apparently either too tired, too affraid of her parents or not feeling like it. I should add that the whole family was working hard these days during the tourist season in the family business. And her grandfather had died 8 days before my coming, but it was long coming. He had suffered a stroke was in his eighties, is that a sufficient reason for not wanting to have sex with your boyfriend whom you haven´t seen in 2 months?

The last day I confronted her saying that she was behaving very silly and that I wasn't interested in participating in her lesson (as you remember I had told her that I found her a needy and manic girl), and that I understood what she was doing. I started out in a friendly fashion, both of us laughing, she humorously denying it, but then later it evolved into a fight. Me telling her pretty much how I was feeling (see first post) and that I was tired of her always falling back on playing the victim, being hurt. I won't write any of the things she was saying as they were pretty much things she just invented in order to 'win' or at least not to 'lose' the argument, she even brought back up grievances 6 months old about me flirting with other women etc.

Now I am in Madrid, and we haven't had a talk wether or not she will follow me her as originally planned. what do you say guys should I keep on trying? this was a question I even put to her, and she responded something to the effect of: 'ah, of course you just want to take the easy way out'. she is a beautiful woman, kind, caring and fun when she isn't crazy, and she still has some of the archaic traditional female values which I appreciate.
 
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Thank you Francisco, very instructing!

Yes, the radiosilence was close to no contact for 8 days, but it was mutual I should add. I was tired off always having to take the initiative and she wanted to learn me a lesson I guess, and consequently resulted into a trench warfare.

When I got there she was nice and warm, but behaving more like a friend than my girlfriend in front of her parents. This wouldn't have bothered me, I know that the culture is different there and this family I gather is very traditional, if it wasn't for the fact that I have visited and lived with her family before. At that time I was just introduced as a friend who happened to be in Spain, but she would very demonstratively do all of these little displays of affection, showing her family that I was her man. That was not the case this time round. Last time, she would sneak out of her room at night to have sex with me, but this time she was apparently either too tired, too affraid of her parents or not feeling like it. I should add that the whole family was working hard these days during the tourist season in the family business. And her grandfather had died 8 days before my coming, but it was long coming. He had suffered a stroke was in his eighties, is that a sufficient reason for not wanting to have sex with your boyfriend whom you haven´t seen in 2 months?

The last day I confronted her saying that she was behaving very silly and that I wasn't interested in participating in her lesson (as you remember I had told her that I found her a needy and manic girl), and that I understood what she was doing. I started out in a friendly fashion, both of us laughing, she humorously denying it, but then later it evolved into a fight. Me telling her pretty much how I was feeling (see first post) and that I was tired of her always falling back on playing the victim, being hurt. I won't write any of the things she was saying as they were pretty much things she just invented in order to 'win' or at least not to 'lose' the argument, she even brought back up grievances 6 months old about me flirting with other women etc.

Now I am in Madrid, and we haven't had a talk wether or not she will follow me her as originally planned. what do you say guys should I keep on trying? this was a question I even put to her, and she responded something to the effect of: 'ah, of course you just want to take the easy way out'. she is a beautiful woman, kind, caring and fun when she isn't crazy, and she still has some of the archaic traditional female values which I appreciate.
https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/30/there-is-no-one/
 

BeExcellent

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She is manipulating you easily. You are getting emotionally bullied by this girl. She is a brat. She is controlling you with tears and complaining.

Be glad you are seeing it now. Get away from her and get on with your life. If you can't hold to your own priorities and tell her "no" and set limits and boundaries then she is the wrong girl for you.

The only way this has any chance is if you can look past the crocodile tears and stand up to her. You have not done that to this point.

Understand something. You are reinforcing her crying and whining. She gets her way every time she does it. So you are teaching her to do it more (because it works). If you do not give in the behavior will stop since it isn't working. She is like a child this way. Do not react, simply keep to your priorities no matter what.

I think it is probably lost with this woman, unless you can man up and quit acquiesce to her. You'll not recognize yourself soon enough and you'll blame her...when in reality you refused to be the man.

Hate to be blunt but must call it like I see it.
 
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