Should I settle.

[Foe]

So quick back story Ive been in a relationship since I was 19 (5+16+3+3+1). In between Ive spun some plates and I'm just recently got out of an absolute **** show with a 8+ knock out sex addicted crazy woman.

I'm trying to take some time to "work on myself" but at the same time I'm on online dating and taking advantage of what comes up, Ive got about 4 plates at the moment but nothing that comes close to the desire and passion I had for this crazy woman. On the weekend the nicest plate (my age, single mom, rents) cornered me for the "what are we" talk. I didn't say I was getting off OLD but I did say I wasn't seeing anyone else which is true technically right now.

So I'm about a 7+. 6'2 not bad looking, in shape, good job, nice car, own my own house etc. My ideal woman is at least 5 years younger then me, has her own house (so I don't have to worry about de facto payout if things kick off and we move in etc) is 7+ and submissive.

My point being Im feeling guilty about this conversation and leading this girl on when deep down I feel like if I was to give her a honest chance I would be settling on pretty much all of my criteria. I mean this girl is probably a 7+ 5 years ago so looks wise shes ok, definitely 7+ for her age but cant compare to the younger girls I see on online dating who at this point I havnt been able to lock down. I figure its because Im still getting my game together *read confidence*.

What should I do?

 

[Black Widow Void]

I'm glad to be responding to this before all the "she's just another b!tch" type responses come rolling in.

In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with spending time with someone that doesn't check off all the boxes. Let's not fool ourselves. We've also at some point, been the person that didn't check off enough boxes with a female. Despite a lot of the group-think on this forum, I do believe it is wrong to mislead a gal. Instead, try to find some middle-ground. Say something like ... "I enjoy your company and am enjoying the moment and I hope that you are too." If she applies pressure, then say something like "I'm not sure that I'm in a place where I can offer you more, but I respect you enough to be honest and not mislead."

I've gotten the "pressure squeeze" more times than I can count. You can expect that half of these will eventually end it. Of the half that remain, you can expect at least half of these to become distant, passive/aggressive or start with the typical female games. I don't care what anyone says, women are usually more prideful and egotistical than most men.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

In my opinion the short answer is No. But the expanded answer is “It depends.”

I agree with @Black Widow Void that honesty is best. Be straight up. Fearlessly straight up. Tell her that while you enjoy her company you are not in a place to become exclusive.

Stating that is important because if you are not that direct then you are not fully representing where you are at…and you’ll actually build trust through your honesty even if she doesn’t like it.

You are entitled to your preferences. Never apologize for that.

If you find that you do not hold the attention of younger women who you prefer it’s a factor of 2 things: Your value and her options. You may not have comparable value against other options the younger women have. You can improve yourself to whatever degree but again, you do not know who your competition is and hot women always have options. One thing you have absolute control over is your behavior. More on that below.

So in consideration of the above think about your priorities and your goals. If sex is a high priority and sexual chemistry is high priority then you need to screen for that (while screening out the crazy makers), if your goal is a LTR your strategy and priorities are different than for ONS, increasing notch counts, and STRs.

Historically you have been a relationship man. My guess is that you come on too strong too fast as a relationship man and thereby blow your chances with hotter, younger women. It’s a delicate balance. You’ve got to be aloof enough for the first 3-6 months that she doesn’t know for sure that she has you. Women fall in love more slowly as rule than men, and you’ve got to allow the target you really want enough time to fall for you. It is a game of patience and restraint. Many many men blow it by gushing about a girl they *really* like. That’s just how it is. This forces the girl to show her interest more over time and become more invested….which is naturally happening with this plate who you are kinda “Meh” about…who is trying to lock you down.

You are likely doing something that is blowing you out with the target women you actually want, and you don’t realize you are doing it. No desirable woman wants a sloppy puppy of a man or a leg humper of any variety. Yuck. Any whiff of that and your target woman will bail for other options who know how to handle her.

My $.02

Cheers

 

[2Rocky]

I think if you can be genuine with your plate If she is worth a darn, it will only work in your favor.
"I'm fresh out of a relationship, and I'm not eager to start anything serious or exclusive for a while yet. I like what we have and I'd like to keep that going."

I agree with @Black Widow Void that honesty is best. Be straight up. Fearlessly straight up. Tell her that while you enjoy her company you are not in a place to become exclusive.

All you can do is chart your course in life and the people who want to ride along with you on it will make themselves a part of that journey, not derail you from it. Most will remove themselves but some you gotta remove yourself.

 

[EyeBRollin]

My ideal woman is at least 5 years younger then me, has her own house (so I don't have to worry about de facto payout if things kick off and we move in etc) is 7+ and submissive.

You need to lower your standards.

 

[SW15]

In general, most people end up settling if they start an extended romantic relationship after a certain age. Even women settle in their 30s/40s despite the feminist mantra of "Never Settle!".

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You need to lower your standards.

Depends how realistic it is for him to get someone like that. If he is living in his Mom's basement and is a 2, then yeah I agree. If he has every reason to believe he should be able to obtain that and simply hasn't yet then I don't agree.

 

[Foe]

Depends how realistic it is for him to get someone like that. If he is living in his Mom's basement and is a 2, then yeah I agree. If he has every reason to believe he should be able to obtain that and simply hasn't yet then I don't agree.

Mate I'm hitting a 9.2 of attractiveness on photofeeler! LOL

"Great smile!"
"Great photo!"
"Great photo!"
"I would date them! He seems outgoing and fun."

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Mate I'm hitting a 9.2 of attractiveness on photofeeler! LOL

"Great smile!"
"Great photo!"
"Great photo!"
"I would date them! He seems outgoing and fun."

Then go out and get them and don't settle for something you don't want.

 

[Foe]

Yeah so it happened she invited me over, I had plans to see another chick so countered with a different day. She wrote back goodbye.

Ahh well, one less problem

 

[Dragonfly]

Yeah so it happened she invited me over, I had plans to see another chick so countered with a different day. She wrote back goodbye.

Ahh well, one less problem

My guess is she was done with you weeks ago, long before that goodbye text.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

For the sake of discussion on the subject of settling:

Would you be ok if you felt that a woman “settled” for you?

I would not be. The problem is that you have to be very intuitive to detect a woman settling for you, they are the masters of deception and if you’re not vigilant they will get one over on you.

The solution is to date someone who is not as intelligent as you are, it’s usually easier to spot attempts at deception that way.

 

[Foe]

The solution is to date someone who is not as intelligent as you are, it’s usually easier to spot attempts at deception that way.

Yeah I dont know about that, I dated a smart chick for two years who cheated on me constantly and I could always tell, she was good at lying but I always knew. Then I dated a BPD girl who was not smart, she was basic as but she lied way better then the smart girl. To this day I dont know if she cheated on me or not, theres enough evidence to suggest that she did but I dont know by the discussions we had.

That being said the BPD girl had a way to redefine reality so in many cases she wasnt lying, she actually believed that she didnt have sex with someone even if she did 24 hours before and it didnt fit her idea of herself. She simply erased it.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

As far as I’m concerned I won’t keep
a chick around for long if she doesn’t submit to my frame. So it’s a moot point. I can’t do dumb.

Yeah I dont know about that, I dated a smart chick for two years who cheated on me constantly and I could always tell, she was good at lying but I always knew. Then I dated a BPD girl who was not smart, she was basic as but she lied way better then the smart girl. To this day I dont know if she cheated on me or not, theres enough evidence to suggest that she did but I dont know by the discussions we had.

That being said the BPD girl had a way to redefine reality so in many cases she wasnt lying, she actually believed that she didnt have sex with someone even if she did 24 hours before and it didnt fit her idea of herself. She simply erased it.