Should I pull the plug ?

[yul]

Hi,

would you leave a 6 year old relationship if the sex went downhill for a long time?

It has actually been going downhill for the past 3 years but now theres nothing.

She is depressed and taking medication and is off from work and has been struggling with personnal issues for a long time.

I dont mind living with her problems but since the sex is completely out, its pretty hard.

I like her very much but I still have my male impulses and am struggling every day not to cheat on her.

I know the pills can kill the libido but there was barely any before anyways...

we have talked about it many times and she gets agitated when I do so. I have threatened of leaving in the past, actually left for a day, talked , encouraging her...nearly done everything I could do.

Thanks !

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Wow man. Sounds like my relationship before we broke up.

I haven't heard of relationships getting better, unless its a couple who suddenly found jesus and now there relationship is all better. Then, they get divorced 7 years later. I don't buy into all that Dr. Phil and Oprah crap. What good is being in a relationship if you're miserable. Life's too short and you're not married to her.

Be honest with yourself and figure out if she is what you want for the rest of your life.

Eric

 

[yul]

Originally posted by ER!C L!VE
I haven't heard of relationships getting better

Are you kidding ?

This is my first LTR so i dont know.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Talk with her about your sexual needs. Ask if she can switch meds. Wellbutrin doesn't mess with your sex drive. See if that helps.

I don't want you to go make any crazy decisions based on my experiences. Everyone is different.

 

[crowes22]

Damn, I've never dated a girl near that long so keep that in mind. I don't think I could. I get sick of them quick.

If it was me, and I even had to ask this question you are asking, I know I'd be gone. But this is ME. You do what you want.

Good luck.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by ER!C L!VE
Talk with her about your sexual needs. Ask if she can switch meds. Wellbutrin doesn't mess with your sex drive. See if that helps.

I don't want you to go make any crazy decisions based on my experiences. Everyone is different.

It's not about the sex. Lack of sex in a relationship is just a symptom of the underlying problem. Whatever that is, those personal issues started several years ago, has made her depressed and is making yul consider infidelity.

So yul, take this with a grain of salt since it's coming from a guy who been out of a LTR for about a year. Avoiding the real issue is only going to make things worse. Her medication and your possible infidelity may mask the problem for a while, but unless you do something about it directly, the problem will still be there.

 

[Desdinova]

I haven't heard of relationships getting better, unless its a couple who suddenly found jesus and now there relationship is all better. Then, they get divorced 7 years later.

LMFAO!!! Yeah, that Jesus stuff doesn't work too good.

She is depressed and taking medication and is off from work and has been struggling with personnal issues for a long time.

I have to ask, does she have a history of sexual abuse? If she does, that's most likely where the problem lies.

 

[yul]

Thanks for responding.

There is no sexual abuse history.

We have been through ALL THE POSSIBLE DISCUSSIONS and there doesnt seem to be anything related to me that is causing this. I'm all for schocking truth and she would tell me.

The facts are that she gained a lot of weight and is becoming vey conscious(since I started to tell her) about the direction her life is taking....which is not very far, career wise, socially, financially etc...

There are some probs in the and her dad is in long term care because of alcohol abuse and her grandmother being sick etc..

But there always seem to be something bad in her life ! ALWAYS !

So bakc to my question...

Regards,

 

[flexion_]

Well 6 years is a very long time. I guess I'll be a little direct here:

1) she has mental disorder with a 90% chance of divorce if you marry
2) no sex

You are in the relationship long enough now that marriage should be coming to mind... I'd throw this one back in the sea if you are looking for a happy marriage someday.

 

[drZaius09]

Originally posted by yul
We have been through ALL THE POSSIBLE DISCUSSIONS and there doesnt seem to be anything related to me that is causing this.

I wouldn't think she'd be so eager to reveal that you are the problem. There's a powder keg in the middle of the room, but she's not lighting that sucker until her escape route has been planned, tested, and executed. Henceforth, THIS particular topic will remain carefully dodged and parried until she doesn't need you anymore.

Let me ask you a question.. If this ISN'T about you, then what the f#ck else could it possibly be about? She doesn't want to have sex with you. As far as I can see, "you" are the only object of the verb "sex." So who or what else could be the problem?

I'm all for schocking truth and she would tell me.

Oh, oops! I didn't see that before I replied. This changes everything

You have a short but distinct window of opportunity to get the drop on this girl. Do yourself a favor and take it.

 

[yul]

Originally posted by drZaius09


You have a short but distinct window of opportunity to get the drop on this girl. Do yourself a favor and take it.

what does that mean ?
Would you pull the plug ?

I want to make sure I understand.

As far as sex goes, she says she is also not interested in other people. The libido is somwhat completely out...if that's possible ?

How evil would it be for such a person to whom I have been caring for so long to waste my time and ruin my life...

Unless she's living in denial and needs me for financial support or something.

 

[cave dweller]

I would leave.......

yul,

Some people have so many problems and they just never get a handle on them.

She has a bus load of problems, plus, you are not getting any pvssy.....

I believe I would 'cut my losses' and move on.

my 2 cents

cave dweller

 

[cave dweller]

again.....

yul,

I came out of a 4 year relationship back in October.

I was so in love with her, she was so special, but, she was so fvcked up in the head that I had to let her go.

So, the cave dweller knows where you are coming from.

cave dweller

 

[NewMan]

Been there, done that, bought the T shirt.

If the sex is gone, the relationship is dead. You've already said you've had countless discusions on this topic - but has anything changed?

With one of my ex's, the only time I got sex was when we argues about it. She would not be interested, stayt up late, smoke weed, be on the PC for all hours - until I could not take it any longer and would just blow up. Then we would have sex. But NOTHING changed.

I was a different person back then.

Today I would not stand for it. I'd be out of that door.

Believe me, if you left and she meet another guy, she'd be giving up the poon for him, but aparently you are not deserving of it.

the only thing a self respecting man can do is to cut this chick loose. Don't buy into the sob story and crying - THERE IS NO WAY ANYTHING WILL CHANGE IF YOU WILL NOT STAND UP AND BE A MAN.

 

[Carpy]

Sounds just like when my 10 year LTR went downhill. First she's depressed, got pils, then never said whats on her mind, then the sex went, then came the "you dont understand whats going on with me, i need space to think" THat was almost immediately followed up with, "we're just really good friends" as she moved out and had another guy. This went on a few years. She was depressed alright, depressed about being in our LTR.

None of us can say what your girls problem is for sure, but the situations like this are almost textbook at times.
Sometimes your better off following your head rather than your heart.
I'm no dj, nor am i an expert on women, but in the end all those signs my afc'ness allowed me to ignore led right up to her happy ending.

 

[Don-Rocker]

Yep Guys, I got screwed over by a gal recently myself, boy did it bite a big weenie [for lack of a better term]. It seems like romance is like investing/other achievements in life, you need to get you butt nailed a few times before you get it and protect yourself. Worst part is most women will knowingly play you along while they ensure their emotional needs are met, while they are setting themselves up with your replacement, I really seem to hear this allot from my DJ brothers and it just happened to me too.

I consider myself an experienced DJ, I had a 11/2 year relationship, she broke up with me one week after we announce our engagement, then got back together again, caught her cheating on me! Gave her the boot... Man was she nasty when I busted her too, it’s true there is nothing worse then a woman scorned nothing…

You know the worst is when you’re in to the chick and her interest level tanks on you, for guys most of the time right when your interest level is peaking and you've finally learned to trust her. And the WORST CRAP is that she will fake her interest level just like the Guru's say and that sucks big time. And while she is faking it, she is setting herself up. Guy’s I think it’s true, women are wonderful, I love them all on a level, but you can never trust a woman the way you could a male friend. I think their unstable emotional/physical state is a major cause of this.

In my case the worst part was when we first broke up I clearly said lets date other people – I was honest as women are supposed to be – yep I am a bit bitter have to admit -, but the attraction was too much and allowed myself to reconnect [yes guys it's true no matter how much it hurts when the pot has been pissed in DO NOT, repeat DO NOT try to get back with her, it's hard enough to trust a women once – to get screwed twice bites], anyway she was planning on stringing me along while she searched for her new guy, I think she was pissed that I detected she was going to break-up with me the first time and bailed first. By am I glad I busted her and got out, plus I was likely and used our last break to setup a number of possibilities myself and now I am seeing one and it seems to be a better match for sure. Anyway it's amazing how calculating, and underhanded women can be at times and they say we play games. Damn the Don's that do play a little bit it's probably because of all the times they got S*** on by a women.

I really so feel sorry for the nice guys that get their head handed to them by some calculating chick, you know what in a way that stuff is like emotional rape, yet they always find a way to pin it on us.

Well I hope I have lived and learned, but sometimes women make me weak and I need to try to be strong…

The best thing you can do if a chick wants space is give it to you, and go get another….

My two cents.

BTW looking for fellow NYC don’s to hit the pavement with, but I wonder how many of them are here.
Best of luck to us all boys…

 

[Desdinova]

Let me ask you a question.. If this ISN'T about you, then what the f#ck else could it possibly be about? She doesn't want to have sex with you. As far as I can see, "you" are the only object of the verb "sex." So who or what else could be the problem?

Since sexual abuse has been ruled out, I'd have to agree with this.

How evil would it be for such a person to whom I have been caring for so long to waste my time and ruin my life...

This is what has happened: She has become comfortable in the situation. Many people don't adapt to a lifestyle change very well. That's the ONLY reason why she's still around, and that's the reason why you're not going to listen to us and stay with her. You're going to stay miserable with this miserable woman, making love to your hand while she's laying in bed, depressed and sleeping.

I went through this bull5hit myself, and trust me, it's not worth staying around. Perhaps a good chunk of the six years wasn't a waste of time, but it sounds like you've already wasted a lot of time already. When the sex goes, she should go. Let her be depressed all by herself. There's no need for her to drag you down with her.

 

[Lost In Translation]

NewMan
Been there, done that, bought the T shirt.

same and what a crappy T shirt it is


Yul,

LEAVE HER

it will be the best decision you ever make

you will feel like a weight has been lifted and you will become a new man

remember to read the Don Juan Bible linked to on this website after you dump this vampire ( she is sucking the life out of you )

forget about her grandma and her dad and her stupid disorders

YOU Yul are all the matters

they are sucking your blood

FLEE !


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
It's not about the sex. Lack of sex in a relationship is just a symptom of the underlying problem. Whatever that is, those personal issues started several years ago, has made her depressed and is making yul consider infidelity.

So yul, take this with a grain of salt since it's coming from a guy who been out of a LTR for about a year. Avoiding the real issue is only going to make things worse. Her medication and your possible infidelity may mask the problem for a while, but unless you do something about it directly, the problem will still be there.

Francisco is so wise, you should listen to him.
think back and try to remember some sort of problem that existed in the beginning between the two of you or with her past.
something is there and it needs to be dealt with.
if it is something between the two of you, it either has to be dealt with or the relationship with end bitterly.
if it is with her past, she needs to deal with it or her life will be forever cursed with depression and pills that arent helping that much.
infidelity is going to make you both feel worse and isnt going to help the relationship .

 

[SAYNO]

Kick that trick to the curb man and move on!


Sayno to lunatics!


Sayno'