Should I meet Ex after 1 month?

[spax]

Hi guys,

I recently broke up with my ex after a 7 year relationship. She moved away 10 months ago and we were trying to make long distance work until she is supposed to return in a few months.

She was pretty cold about it and very clear cut in her decision. We met in person one last time and she affirmed her decision.

Immediately after, I went No-Contact. It has now been 2 weeks and not a peep from me or her.

She is coming back to my town for a week in 2 weeks, so it will probably be 1 month of NC by then. When we broke up, she said we should meet at this time when she comes down for "coffee".

My question to you guys.....is should I?

I have really been self-improving during this time so far. I have been working out daily and already lost a lot of weight, got a personal trainer, am in the process of buying my first apartment, picking up new hobbies, and creating a new wardrobe.

I am not sure if I want her back at this stage. But what I REALLY want is for HER to want ME back. I then want to have the POWER to determine whether we are together or not. I want her to beg, cry, and tell me she made a mistake.

I'm sure this possible. But what will be more effective? Meeting her in person casually, expressing how chill and cool and well-off I am doing since the break up and not giving a **** about her..........or not meeting her at all?

The reason I am more swaying to meeting her is because if I don't this time, she won't be back in town till February next year. And I really want to convey my higher value than her.

Or should I just ignore her completely?

What are you guys thoughts? (And yes, I will start seeing other girls...I'm not clinging on to the idea of her rushing back into my arms......I just want to make her feel pretty **** and doubt her decisions)


TLDR -
Girlfriend of 7 years breaks up with me after doing the past 10 months long distance.
I have done 2 weeks of No-Contact so far.
She will be visiting my town in 2 weeks for a week.
She will want to meet.
I have been improving myself and want to convey my higher value.
I want her to doubt her decisions and beg for me back (I may or may not take her).
Should I.....or just ignore if she wants to?
Which will be more effective in my goal?

 

[LiveYourDream]

Hi guys,

I recently broke up with my ex after a 7 year relationship. She moved away 10 months ago and we were trying to make long distance work until she is supposed to return in a few months.

She was pretty cold about it and very clear cut in her decision. We met in person one last time and she affirmed her decision.

Immediately after, I went No-Contact. It has now been 2 weeks and not a peep from me or her.

She is coming back to my town for a week in 2 weeks, so it will probably be 1 month of NC by then. When we broke up, she said we should meet at this time when she comes down for "coffee".

My question to you guys.....is should I?

I have really been self-improving during this time so far. I have been working out daily and already lost a lot of weight, got a personal trainer, am in the process of buying my first apartment, picking up new hobbies, and creating a new wardrobe.

I am not sure if I want her back at this stage. But what I REALLY want is for HER to want ME back. I then want to have the POWER to determine whether we are together or not. I want her to beg, cry, and tell me she made a mistake.

I'm sure this possible. But what will be more effective? Meeting her in person casually, expressing how chill and cool and well-off I am doing since the break up and not giving a **** about her..........or not meeting her at all?

The reason I am more swaying to meeting her is because if I don't this time, she won't be back in town till February next year. And I really want to convey my higher value than her.

Or should I just ignore her completely?

What are you guys thoughts? (And yes, I will start seeing other girls...I'm not clinging on to the idea of her rushing back into my arms......I just want to make her feel pretty **** and doubt her decisions)


TLDR -
Girlfriend of 7 years breaks up with me after doing the past 10 months long distance.
I have done 2 weeks of No-Contact so far.
She will be visiting my town in 2 weeks for a week.
She will want to meet.
I have been improving myself and want to convey my higher value.
I want her to doubt her decisions and beg for me back (I may or may not take her).
Should I.....or just ignore if she wants to?
Which will be more effective in my goal?

You think you will be meeting her from strength but it's really weakness in disguise.

Do NOT meet with her. As long as you have ANY desire for a response/approval/validation from her on ANY level, you are NOT ready to see her. Stay No Contact.

No Contact is not to make her miss you and see how awesome you have become so she regrets leaving. No Contact is so you become so aligned and strong and centered in the core of who you are and your own value, that her approval or disapproval makes not an ounce of impact on you.

You say how great you feel. Suppose you see her and she didn't notice your changes, or didn't care, or you saw her in a club kissing her new hypothetical guy, would you still feel so great. The No Contact Thread has pages of proof that you won't.

Unless she has been begging you to get back together, and you are certain you want to (you already said you are not sure) especially this early I would be doubtful to consider even that conversation. Stay NO CONTACT. Read the No Contact thread. You'll have no question.

 

[Fireballs]

You want her to doubt her decision? Then DO NOT meet with her OR reply to any texts etc.. Stay NC man, it's the only way. She moved away from YOU.

When a girl breaks up with you, she is never really sure if she made the right decision. If you're available to her or begging or crying or basically doing what 90% of guys do when they get dumped, then she will know she made the right decision.

If you stay NC, it will nuke her hamster into oblivion and you may find her blowing up your phone. But the best part of NC? You will get over her quicker and when you find a higher quality girl who doesn't want to move away from you for a year (you will), you will look back at this post and laugh at the thought of giving this girl any more of your time.

 

[Zarky]

No, don't meet with her. In all honesty you haven't changed that much in a month, even though it may seem like it to you right now.

 

[El Payaso]

You guys have broken up. Move on to better women. Don't give that trash another second of your day. That means NO coffee. NO drinks. NO nothing.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Which will be more effective in my goal?

You mean this goal?

But what I REALLY want is for HER to want ME back. I then want to have the POWER to determine whether we are together or not. I want her to beg, cry, and tell me she made a mistake.

You need a new goal, a better goal.

Check this out first: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=34509

then swing by the NC thread.

You want revenge? Ignore her and throw every drop of your energy into self improvement.

You want her to crawl on her stomach back to you? She's going to have to do that on her own accord. Don't indulge in clever little tricks to show her what she's missing out on like 'accidentally' sending her a pic of you curling iron in the gym. If she returns, then you decide whether or not to cross that bridge, but don't hold your breath hoping for that day to arrive. Plenty of people on this site have been burned and bounced back to get better, hotter girls. Set your crosshairs on joining that club instead of linking up with the bitter and jaded crowd.

 

[mikey2012]

Dude, you broke up already..let it go...find a new woman. Even if you get back with her it won't last...

 

[spax]

Any other insights?

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Any other insights?

If by "insights" you really mean some special tactic or secret elixir to bring her back drenched in tears and begging for your forgiveness, no, you won't find that here. That's more the sort of thing you'll find on Loveshack, but I should add that in a very special way, I am indebted to that forum for giving me the shovel that helped me dig up my own grave which ultimately, one year later, brought me here.

I know what you're going through. You're pissed, you're confused, you're sad, you're anxious, you're wondering what she's thinking right now, if she'll reach out to you, if she'll change her mind, if she has other guys lined up. You're just yearning to go back to the way things were, but that chapter is over. Stop dwelling on the past. It's precious time and energy wasted. Read up on how girls handle breakups when they do the dumping. It wasn't a snap decision - she's been contemplating what life post-spax will be like for some time before announcing her decision to you. Time to hit the 'gym', literally but more importantly, mentally speaking. Best you can do is to demonstrate to her that you won't sit idly on the sidelines, moping, hoping that she reconsider. You have a life to live, big goals to go after, and she no longer will be a part of that. Drill it into your head that this is her loss. Shut her out completely. There's a world of conquests waiting for you out there. Begin the emotional unplugging process and as has been said multiple times in various ways on this very thread - MOVE ON.

 

[Alvafe]

I ask you this, why?

why meet with her again? waste of time if you ask me

 

[LondonTowers]

Firstly you haven't changed at all in 2 weeks. Yes, maybe some surface stuff but your mindset does not change that quick.

Secondly, you are not going to be all cool, calm and charming. Because you are thinking about being it, rather than just being it. The fact you've written this post, proves it.

Lastly, you wait for her to suggest meeting, not the other way round. It would be far in your favour to keep improving and stay silent. If she calls to meet now.. you either stay silent or act busy. If in February the chance arises, you may have actually changed enough to be in control.

Don't fool yourself.

 

[Tiguere]

You need to go ghost OP... No other way about it.

 

[spax]

I would like for her to beg for me back. Whether I will or won't, I would like that position of power.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Than Absolutely Stay No Contact!

Longer the No Contact = More Intense the Begging (usually).

 

[Starfvcks 64]

I would like for her to beg for me back. Whether I will or won't, I would like that position of power.

I know exactly how you feel, because I was at that point before. I think a lot of guys know that feeling at some point. But it will never be as easy as you think it could be, and you have no idea how unprepared you are. You aren't going to walk through a door, shoot the place up, walk back out and make a smooth get away.
You will see the very best parts of her, all the stuff you missed and you'll start to have doubts. What if she ends up being the one pulling the gun out on you?
That leaves you worse than before, and you'll be going backwards.

You keep looking for ways to rationalize your emotions, as evident in all the threads you keep making and I know it's hard. But maintaining no contact is for the best, and you will understand that looking back a year later. Look at my post in the other thread too.

Plus, think about it like this: you have power right now. The power to give her attention or not. Girls CRAVE attention, and even negative attention is better than no attention. She would rather have you speaking to her in some capacity, than for you to completely ignore her. So you are already in a powerful position because you control the attention you give her. By texting her you give her the validation and attention she craves, and also put yourself in a position where she has power over you.

 

[Zarky]

I would like for her to beg for me back. Whether I will or won't, I would like that position of power.

Well, what we want and what we can get are usually two different things. Best to walk it off and walk away. Now that's a position of power.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I would like for her to beg for me back. Whether I will or won't, I would like that position of power.

Trust me when I and others tell you that the best you can do in this sort of situation is to maintain your silence. I'm at a little over three months since my break up - think I haven't been tempted to blast her (my ex) with one aspersion after another? You bet brother, you bet. Through silence, you will be sending her the most powerful (and loudest) message you could possibly send - that you have had enough, that she fvcked up, that she can't just jump in and out of your life on a whim, and that there is ZERO chance of anymore "us".

It's power over her that you crave? Then there you have it - silence. All the power that you desire can be found through going no contact, but understand too that the power that you truly long for is not power over her, it's power over yourself, which you too will achieve by becoming completely silent.

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

She pissed to your mouth and you want to smile and say 'Thank you,darling?' 'Can I have more,please?' Some guy most probably face****ed her and *** inside her mouth and you want to tongue kiss her now ?

Have some ****ing respect.If she LOVED you or didnt think you are a loser she would work out problems and issues with you, when she dump you are a piece of trash in her mind.