beatscostmoney
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- Nov 21, 2014
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this is my first post. Long time lurker and reader of SMGP and Heartiste.
I'm in a bit of a dilemma with my current gf and could use some help.
I'm 33. I've got a hot young 21 year old asian girlfriend who I've been with for almost a year now. We moved in together a couple months ago despite me knowing that moving in with a ltr is a bad move. Can't go back now though.
Anyway, here's the situation.
Yesterday she dropped on me that she wants to go on a trip with her buddy Shawn to Miami for a week in the beginning of December. She says her aunt and Shawn bought her the ticket without telling her, which really doesn't make any sense. Nobody just buys someone a plane ticket without them asking the person if they can go first. This Shawn guy was the best friend of her cousin who passed away really young a few years ago. She says he is the last connection she has to her cousin. He's an artsy type of guy. Probably pulls a decent amount of v. I've met him once and he seemed like a decent dude although I don't really see him as a direct threat. The signs of perhaps a long time crush on this guy are evident, although she tells me he is "like a brother" and that she doesn't see him in that light.
No way of really knowing what the truth is at this point, I know speculating about a lie wont do me any good. However a couple things are really obvious. I have been a provider chump of epic ****ing proportions. I made a huge mistake of moving in with her premptively. This, in addition to some backsliding, jealous behavior, letting her phase me, too much availability etc. etc. has dropped her interest level periodically. We still have a lot of sex and I make her consistently orgasm so I got that going in my favor.
She has mistaken my kindness for weakness and I know how I act from this point forward is going to be the deciding factor on the outcome of this situation and the relationship as a whole. There is an obvious power imbalance in her favor which makes her hamster feel completely justified for behaving however she wants. In her eyes, she really isn't doing anything wrong. In many ways she's just being a 21 year old girl. Irresponsible, selfish, inconsiderate, and eager for new experiences. She's completely oblivious as to how this inconsideration is directly affecting me or just doesn't care. With the dynamic I've created in this relationship, I kind of expect a certain amount of disrespectful behavior on her part due to her age.
The issue at hand brings up a few difficult questions that I am going to need to consider and answer for myself. First off, Is it worth staying in a relationship with someone like her at this point in my life? I know my goal in life shouldn't be to save this relationship, it should be making beats, handling my ****, and improving yourself in every way possible. If her main focus remains to be herself , then so should yours. Relationships are supposed to be a compliment to your life, not become your main objective. The amount of self control and will power it will take to sustain this relationship will require a good amount of energy, time, and work on your part. I know a lot of PUA's would tell me "cut your losses and move on". In many ways they are right. The time and energy wasted on fixing this relationship would likely be better spent pursuing a new one.
I keep asking myself "In the case where you were a true alpha male with plenty of options, what would you do in this scenario?" .
In my heart, I don't want to lose her. My ego can't help but be offended when she wants to go on a little vacation with her friend whom she has shown some signs of attraction towards. The thought of her spending a week in florida with this guy while leaving me here really pisses me off. It's as though she thinks she can do whatever she wants and you will just pick up the slack and stick around no matter what because you love her. She has all the power in this situation.
Here's what I came up with as a plan.
What not to do.
-***** and whine about her taking this vacation and how it's an irresponsible thing to do considering her employment situation and our overhead cost
-act jealous towards her in regards to Shawn, thereby making it seem as though you see him as a threat to your relationship.
-act butt hurt about it indirectly and let it come out in other ways
-show any signs of anger and frustration
-try to explain to her how it makes you feel, hoping she will feel guilty and change her mind.
I know the only thing I will accomplish by doing any of that **** is that I will lose even more ground and make my life even more difficult in the process.
What to do.
-Act completely unfazed. As if you could give a **** less if she is leaving for a week. Just act normal and do not be an ******* about it. Show no emotion in regards to her trip, positive or negative. Just accept it. Showing her that this really bothers you makes you seem needy, desperate, jealous, and a host of other unattractive characteristics. You just have to truly not give a ****.
-Start working on your 12 week plan starting monday. Focusing your attention on yourself rather then her should help start to raise her interest level back up. Your mission must take priority over her as her mission obviously takes priority over you. This means working out, reading, making beats, studying beats, and treating that as a priority over her needs and wants.
-Be less available. Make her come to you. No saying I love you first anymore. No saying I miss you first anymore. No gifts or expensive dates. Text and call only in response. Take your time. You need to make yourself be the one who cares less to regain power in this relationship.
-start talking to other girls again. Hang out with them. Go out for a drink. Smoke with them etc. Don't make it obvious you are trying to make her jealous, just make it known that you are a man with options and that if she doesn't want to treat you with respect then you can indeed walk away and find someone else with relative ease. Use social media to reiterate this. Remember you can't make it obvious that you are trying to go after other women, you have to just plant the seed and let her imagination do the dirty work for you.
-Go no contact a couple times over the course of the next week. Being that you cannot ignore her for days, just turn your phone off and disappear for a day when shes at work. Take 3 hours to respond to a text. When she confronts you, just play it off like "Oh that's sweet, you really do care" or something to that effect. Again, this is letting her imagination do the dirty work. It is without a doubt the strongest tool you have at your disposal.
What do you guys think?
Cut my losses and tell her to go **** herself?
Follow my plan above and let the chips fall where they may?
Give her a if you go it's over ultimatum?
I'm trying to think about this logically but it's pissing me off and I got other things I need to focus on. Some help would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
I'm in a bit of a dilemma with my current gf and could use some help.
I'm 33. I've got a hot young 21 year old asian girlfriend who I've been with for almost a year now. We moved in together a couple months ago despite me knowing that moving in with a ltr is a bad move. Can't go back now though.
Anyway, here's the situation.
Yesterday she dropped on me that she wants to go on a trip with her buddy Shawn to Miami for a week in the beginning of December. She says her aunt and Shawn bought her the ticket without telling her, which really doesn't make any sense. Nobody just buys someone a plane ticket without them asking the person if they can go first. This Shawn guy was the best friend of her cousin who passed away really young a few years ago. She says he is the last connection she has to her cousin. He's an artsy type of guy. Probably pulls a decent amount of v. I've met him once and he seemed like a decent dude although I don't really see him as a direct threat. The signs of perhaps a long time crush on this guy are evident, although she tells me he is "like a brother" and that she doesn't see him in that light.
No way of really knowing what the truth is at this point, I know speculating about a lie wont do me any good. However a couple things are really obvious. I have been a provider chump of epic ****ing proportions. I made a huge mistake of moving in with her premptively. This, in addition to some backsliding, jealous behavior, letting her phase me, too much availability etc. etc. has dropped her interest level periodically. We still have a lot of sex and I make her consistently orgasm so I got that going in my favor.
She has mistaken my kindness for weakness and I know how I act from this point forward is going to be the deciding factor on the outcome of this situation and the relationship as a whole. There is an obvious power imbalance in her favor which makes her hamster feel completely justified for behaving however she wants. In her eyes, she really isn't doing anything wrong. In many ways she's just being a 21 year old girl. Irresponsible, selfish, inconsiderate, and eager for new experiences. She's completely oblivious as to how this inconsideration is directly affecting me or just doesn't care. With the dynamic I've created in this relationship, I kind of expect a certain amount of disrespectful behavior on her part due to her age.
The issue at hand brings up a few difficult questions that I am going to need to consider and answer for myself. First off, Is it worth staying in a relationship with someone like her at this point in my life? I know my goal in life shouldn't be to save this relationship, it should be making beats, handling my ****, and improving yourself in every way possible. If her main focus remains to be herself , then so should yours. Relationships are supposed to be a compliment to your life, not become your main objective. The amount of self control and will power it will take to sustain this relationship will require a good amount of energy, time, and work on your part. I know a lot of PUA's would tell me "cut your losses and move on". In many ways they are right. The time and energy wasted on fixing this relationship would likely be better spent pursuing a new one.
I keep asking myself "In the case where you were a true alpha male with plenty of options, what would you do in this scenario?" .
In my heart, I don't want to lose her. My ego can't help but be offended when she wants to go on a little vacation with her friend whom she has shown some signs of attraction towards. The thought of her spending a week in florida with this guy while leaving me here really pisses me off. It's as though she thinks she can do whatever she wants and you will just pick up the slack and stick around no matter what because you love her. She has all the power in this situation.
Here's what I came up with as a plan.
What not to do.
-***** and whine about her taking this vacation and how it's an irresponsible thing to do considering her employment situation and our overhead cost
-act jealous towards her in regards to Shawn, thereby making it seem as though you see him as a threat to your relationship.
-act butt hurt about it indirectly and let it come out in other ways
-show any signs of anger and frustration
-try to explain to her how it makes you feel, hoping she will feel guilty and change her mind.
I know the only thing I will accomplish by doing any of that **** is that I will lose even more ground and make my life even more difficult in the process.
What to do.
-Act completely unfazed. As if you could give a **** less if she is leaving for a week. Just act normal and do not be an ******* about it. Show no emotion in regards to her trip, positive or negative. Just accept it. Showing her that this really bothers you makes you seem needy, desperate, jealous, and a host of other unattractive characteristics. You just have to truly not give a ****.
-Start working on your 12 week plan starting monday. Focusing your attention on yourself rather then her should help start to raise her interest level back up. Your mission must take priority over her as her mission obviously takes priority over you. This means working out, reading, making beats, studying beats, and treating that as a priority over her needs and wants.
-Be less available. Make her come to you. No saying I love you first anymore. No saying I miss you first anymore. No gifts or expensive dates. Text and call only in response. Take your time. You need to make yourself be the one who cares less to regain power in this relationship.
-start talking to other girls again. Hang out with them. Go out for a drink. Smoke with them etc. Don't make it obvious you are trying to make her jealous, just make it known that you are a man with options and that if she doesn't want to treat you with respect then you can indeed walk away and find someone else with relative ease. Use social media to reiterate this. Remember you can't make it obvious that you are trying to go after other women, you have to just plant the seed and let her imagination do the dirty work for you.
-Go no contact a couple times over the course of the next week. Being that you cannot ignore her for days, just turn your phone off and disappear for a day when shes at work. Take 3 hours to respond to a text. When she confronts you, just play it off like "Oh that's sweet, you really do care" or something to that effect. Again, this is letting her imagination do the dirty work. It is without a doubt the strongest tool you have at your disposal.
What do you guys think?
Cut my losses and tell her to go **** herself?
Follow my plan above and let the chips fall where they may?
Give her a if you go it's over ultimatum?
I'm trying to think about this logically but it's pissing me off and I got other things I need to focus on. Some help would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
