should i apologize?

[ne0phyte]

long story short - i've been out of the game for a while and made a lot of mistakes going too fast with a girl i was dating. I had her staying over at my place after the first week but I pushed too hard.

basically, after fingering her for a bit (and her returning the favor), i tried to put it in her. she instantly stopped making out with me and changed to subject to talk about other stuff. i pretended it was no big deal and went with it.

a day later she calls me and says we need to stop seeing each other because I remind her of her ex-bf, who "destroyed her", and she wants nothing to do with him. she told me she wishes we were friends longer b4 dating because right now she can't tell if she likes me for me, or because i remind her of him. "it's unfair to you", she says. she goes on to say how comfortable she is around me, and that we can be "really, really close friends"

the issue is I don't believe that's the real reason. I don't mind the breakup (we've only been dating 9 days or so) i'm just worried that i freaked her out sexually, and rather than confront it, she's just giving some BS reason instead. We are both 23, and work in the same office and have mutual friends, so I'm afraid that she'll start spreading rumors that I'm only out for sex.

so should i take her word for why she broke up with me, or go ahead and apologize for moving too fast anyway? like i said, i'm just worried about my reputation in the office.

 

[Iceberg]

Apologize for attempting to have sex with a girl whose pants you already had off? No. You shouldn't. What are you going to say? "I'm sorry for being a man." ??

Her breakup excuse is pure BS anyway. "You remind me of my ex"...if a girl really likes you, she'll find excuses to be with you. Not little crappy reasons to break up.

And stop worrying about her spreading rumors around the office. Women like to keep that stuff private too.

 

[PornPot]

And stop worrying about her spreading rumors around the office. Women like to keep that stuff private too.

What the dude above said.

Keep one thing in mind, it took two to tango... or in other words you were not alone in that room. She cant say anything about what happened in that room without mentioning that she was participating in it as well... and even if she "forgets" that part, she would be too scared that you would spill it if she tries to paint you in a bad light.

As for the rest of your post, others far wiser than me (like the dude above) would be better equipped to answer stay strong!:rockon:

 

[Kailex]

Iceberg nailed it, but I figured I'd add a little to that.

long story short - i've been out of the game for a while and made a lot of mistakes going too fast with a girl i was dating. I had her staying over at my place after the first week but I pushed too hard.

No such thing as "pushing too hard" unless it's borderline rape.
You followed your impulses, never regret that.

basically, after fingering her for a bit (and her returning the favor), i tried to put it in her. she instantly stopped making out with me and changed to subject to talk about other stuff. i pretended it was no big deal and went with it.

Ehhh, next time, don't go with it.
It's an awkward transition to go from "almost sex" to "talking". Next time, just eject out of the situation.

a day later she calls me and says we need to stop seeing each other because I remind her of her ex-bf, who "destroyed her", and she wants nothing to do with him. she told me she wishes we were friends longer b4 dating because right now she can't tell if she likes me for me, or because i remind her of him. "it's unfair to you", she says. she goes on to say how comfortable she is around me, and that we can be "really, really close friends"

All of this is BS from her. You probably don't remind her of her ex boyfriend... and she doesn't wish you two were friends longer.

What she did was mentally place the blame away from her and onto a third person who has nothing to do with the situation. That way, you can subconsciously blame the ex-boyfriend for being a douchebag and NOT HER. It's BS, but that's how they play the game. If she were comfortable around you, she would have been comfortable with you being inside her. When they say that you can be really, really close friends, you just nod and then do the opposite. Don't become her emotional tampon. She obviously didn't care about being honest about why she's dropping you from her rotation, but she wants to keep you as an orbiter. Move on, this one's done and find someone else.

the issue is I don't believe that's the real reason. I don't mind the breakup (we've only been dating 9 days or so) i'm just worried that i freaked her out sexually, and rather than confront it, she's just giving some BS reason instead. We are both 23, and work in the same office and have mutual friends, so I'm afraid that she'll start spreading rumors that I'm only out for sex.

First of all, you can't "breakup" after 9 days. That's just... odd.
But yes, it sounds like buyer's remorse, but thats her problem not yours.

BTW, I WISH WOMEN WOULD SPREAD RUMORS THAT IM ONLY OUT FOR SEX.

Again:

I WISH WOMEN WOULD SPREAD RUMORS THAT IM ONLY OUT FOR SEX.

It's a gift, not a curse.

so should i take her word for why she broke up with me, or go ahead and apologize for moving too fast anyway? like i said, i'm just worried about my reputation in the office.

Who cares about the WHY? It doesn't matter. It never matters. Don't "need" a sense of closure. You just know that it happened.

And don't apologize for having a steady access to testosterone.
NEVER apologize for being a man with manly impulses.

Do you ever apologize whenever you crave a steak, and then you buy it, and then you eat it? NO, RIGHT?

Screw your reputation at the office.
She won't say anything, because she has nothing to say, and if she did, she'd be more afraid as being seen as a slut than you are.

Rest easy, you've done nothing wrong.

 

[SandHawk]

What you were experiencing is what is called Last Minute Resistance(LMR). Basically her "anti-sl*t defenses" kicked in, freaking her out. She wants you to stuff it in her and f*ck her senseless.

However, you have to make sure she can internally say "He made me do it, he made me so crazy I wanted to do it, even though I'd normally wouldn't do it". You probably would've laid her if you put up a bit more persistance. As in, change the subject back from fluff to sexual stuff and touching her up all the time.

 

[ne0phyte]

thanks for all the input guys. i appreciate hearing advice from people far more experienced than i am with stuff like this.

iceberg and pornpot, thanks for alleviating my worries.

kailex, i was totally with you on how "you can't breakup after 9 days of dating" - that's why her decision to give a whole BS rant about her ex-bf made things a lot stranger/serious than if she had just said "i don't see this working out - LJBF". also, the reason i stayed and talked with her was because i wanted to make her think whether we did it or not wasn't a big deal. Wouldn't leaving right after a failed attempt make it seem i was desperate for sex?

moving on from her shouldn't be a problem - i was just worried about her potentially ruining things with other girls in the office by talking about me behind my back.

finally, sandhawk, (and any others with advice as well), how do i go about overcoming LMR? it definitely seems like that was the case. I understand how I have to get girls in the mood for sex, but would love to get tips. previously with this girl, it took 3 hrs of making out and kino before she asked me if i had a condom (and i didn't at the time ). i know every girl's different, but it would be great if there were ways to shorten foreplay up with girls like that.