Shifting the dynamic

[yesplz]

I'd like some advice. I'll try to make this as short as possible.

Broke up with girlfriend of 3.5years 4 months ago. Decided I did it for the wrong reasons soon after. Went into beta-mode, giving all control to her.

Things were going quite good for some time. We made out everytime we saw eachother, but no secks. 2 weeks ago she shifted into "I have lots of work, can't see you this week". Last week she called me up to hangout together, I agreed. Next day I text her asking to go out for a drink when she's done with schoolwork, she says she can't.

Now, at that point I realised something needed to change. I was way to available for her. The dumper pretty much became the dumpee.

I decided to go NC and let her contact me first. After 7 days she called me. I didn't pick up, waited 15min to call her back. Ideally I probably should have waited longer or waited for her to call again.

We made some smalltalk, about her school and how terribly busy she is and mutual friends. Never did the topic of meeting in person come up, so I decided to not instigate it myself. After 10 mins or so I broke the call of, saying I needed to go.

Any remarks on the way I handled it or how I should proceed next?

Thanks

 

[Purefilth]

next, she's already mid-swing to another branch.

Your Princess is in another castle.

Game Over.

New level - Cold approach time

 

[silkyjohnson]

I agree with purefilth. You broke up with this girl for a reason so why look back? I've discovered once a relationship ends it is never wise to try and go back to it.

For shyts and gigs let's say you DO get back with this woman would you ever trust her or would she trust you for that matter? I say probably not. One or the other of you would always be waiting for the hammer to drop and live in constant insecurity.

In my opinion you have one opportunity to establish the frame that woman will view you through for the rest of the time you know her. If you set that frame as an alpha (confident, strong, driven, fun, etc) you can slip from time to time and still be OK. But if you give that frame up completely like you did with the break up and then go sniffing around again you will forever be untrusted and weakened.

Just remember why you broke it off with her in the first place and go spin some d*mn plates like the DJ you are. Or as my buddy Brock would say...go get your noodle wet and you'll feel better a little strange never hurt anyone.

 

[yesplz]

For shyts and gigs let's say you DO get back with this woman would you ever trust her or would she trust you for that matter? I say probably not. One or the other of you would always be waiting for the hammer to drop and live in constant insecurity.

In my opinion you have one opportunity to establish the frame that woman will view you through for the rest of the time you know her. If you set that frame as an alpha (confident, strong, driven, fun, etc) you can slip from time to time and still be OK. But if you give that frame up completely like you did with the break up and then go sniffing around again you will forever be untrusted and weakened.

Thanks for the rationale. Never really thought about how it would be further down the line. I can see a major ****storm coming indeed.

Time to bite the bullet.