She's suddenly "Not in the Mood" - Why?

[PepperSpray]

Been seeing a 22 year old college girl for a few months now. Met her on a day game cold approach on campus. We've been out on six dates.

We usually see each other every other week on a Friday/Saturday night - I pick her up from her home, we head out for dinner/dessert/bar/club, and then have a few drinks back at my place, watch some DVDs and have sex. Had sex on 3rd, 4th, and 5th date. Prior to last night, the last time we hung out was a week ago when my buddy was having a farewell party and I introduced her to some of my friends, and we had sex back at my apartment later that night.

Last night we go out for dinner and dessert. Come back to my place to watch TV. After the show's done she pulls the classic "I'm not having sex tonight, I'm not in the mood". When I ask her why she says "I don't know." This throws me for a loop as in the past she's always been DTF with no LMR.

I take this for token LMR, so I put on some Bossa Nova music, kiss her for a bit and a few songs we both have our tops off. I pick her up, move her to the bedroom and throw her onto my bed. As I kiss her and move towards taking her pants off she says "no, I'm not having sex."

I told her I wasn't going to force her into doing something she wanted to do, but if there was something she was on her mind - and "I don't know" was not an acceptable answer. She said she wasn't good at expressing her feelings and remained mum. So I didn't push it any further, just stroked her for a bit as
she rested her head on my shoulder, and later we got up and I drove her home.

What's happening here?

This girl is an interesting case. She's easygoing and pleasant and generally down for anything I want to do. We almost always split the bill so I'm not spending money on her. When I call her (usually once a week), she always picks up, we have a conversation and when I propose a date she's always down - never flakes. Yet she never initiates texts or phone calls herself. I get that she's a bit of an introvert, maybe a little socially awkward and lives at home with her parents - but cute nonetheless.

She's also very restrained about showing physical affection, even while making out. Yet she's always down for anything I say or do, and when I initiate physical contact she never resists. Last night was the first time she showed any objection to sex.

I'm not sure what to make of all this. Thoughts?
 

 

[PepperSpray]

FYI - she's the girl mentioned in this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=188587

 

[st_99]

Hard to say really but the fact that she never initiates contact after a couple months is not exactly good. You have to wonder why... If you banged her a bunch of times you can't use shy or introvert as an excuse.

 

[Diaforetikos]

She's bored. Or there is someone else. Either way, it's not good. You've becoming boring and predictable. Besides the fact that she probably doesn't wanna get married or be in a LTR while she's in college. Should have went for the friends w/ benefits.

You need to mix it up. Do something different. And skip a date. Even if it's every other week, that could get repetitive. Maybe a Wednesday or something. Go out during the day and walk in the park. Go hiking. Something.

I don't know your guy's schedules, and I don't need to know them. No excuses. Just mix it up, or drop her.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

This is the part where you stop talking to her and maybe you go bang someone else, maybe you don't.

Sounds like it's time to make yourself a rare commodity.

 

[the_great_gaia]

Was she on the rag? Seems like it could have been the problem..

 

[nismo-4]

2012 and I'm still seeing these cases. Damn.:crazy:

Hate to break it to you, but that spark is gone.

You are guilty of being boring, predictable, available, and pu$$y whipped. The fine is a lost girl, indefinite stress, and a trip to Lake Boringfriend, Louisiana.

This is why you need to have multiple women at a time aka spin more plates. A woman doesn't want to know that she can have you at any time, any where. Women spin plates like crazy all the time. You should too. If you were, you wouldn't be worried about this girl.

Make these girls want what they can't have!

Case closed.:rockon:

 

[PepperSpray]

2012 and I'm still seeing these cases. Damn.:crazy:

Hate to break it to you, but that spark is gone.

You are guilty of being boring, predictable, available, and pu$$y whipped. The fine is a lost girl, indefinite stress, and a trip to Lake Boringfriend, Louisiana.

This is why you need to have multiple women at a time aka spin more plates. A woman doesn't want to know that she can have you at any time, any where. Women spin plates like crazy all the time. You should too. If you were, you wouldn't be worried about this girl.

Make these girls want what they can't have!

Case closed.:rockon:

Interesting, but I honestly don't think this is the case here.

I suspect she's probably having concerns about where the relationship is going, and she's defending herself against feelings for me because she suspects I'm using her for sex.

There's probably zero future projection there and its just a ..
I'll call you up and bang you on a regular basis type relationship.

To fix it - I may have to make some joint plans together that lie in the future.. Like a road trip, or camping, or play around with fantasies of what it would be like to have a future together.. (we'd live in hawaii and you'd bring me mangos every morning.. etc).

Outside of the road-trip, the other stuff can be just fantasy role-playing **** up in the air..

Keeping a future projection alive and well in a woman's head handles most of this BS.

Thoughts?

 

[EvilAgenda]

Take her to a store, like Macy's around 6 pm, tell her she can pick anything and everything she wants.

If she likes two pairs of shoes and can't decide which to pick, tell her to get both of them, because she needs them both to match her outfits. Keep allowing her to pick everything she wants.

When she finally says, "OK, I think I got everything I want , let's go to the register."

You say, "No baby, I don't feel like going there tonight. I'm not in the mood."

 

[pdx1138]

any woman that suddenly refuses sex and won't communicate the issue to you is not worth having around.

find another.

 

[PepperSpray]

any woman that suddenly refuses sex and won't communicate the issue to you is not worth having around.

find another.

Yeah I'm beginning to feel the same way. The lack of communication at her end is about as irritating as her withholding sex - and "I don't know" is a bull**** response.

I'll give it one more shot - do the old freeze-out and try something different (comedy club?) in a couple of weeks to spice things up. Maybe this will hit the rest button on our relationship. IF she pulls the same stunt again it's time to next.

It's too bad as up to this point I thought I'd struck gold - that rare cute, pleasant, easygoing girl who was fun, didn't play games, and always DTF. It's unfortunate that she's starting to play power games like this.

 

[Sofomore]

She could be doing this to lure you in to a more serious relationship. I bet she is realizing you really only want to have sex, so if she holds off on the sex and you stick around, she knows you are for real. If you vanish, she knows you were not for real.

If you are like me and are not looking for a relationship, just move on and keep meeting other women. If you want to pursue this girl and take a gamble, just play it cool and don't act sex starved. Hope this helps.

 

[st_99]

She could be doing this to lure you in to a more serious relationship.

The problem with this theory is that any sane women that is interested in a LTR or MTR (medium term )with a guy is certainly going to make some effort to call or text. She apperently does not, according to OP.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Also, this may sound like a chump talking but have you decided what you two are? Friends with benefits or long term relationship. Don't bring it up, jut decide. If it's fwb, then let her know that you are only interested in the such, and tell her your seeing someone else.

Make sure your actually seeing someone else. You don't need to lie to her.

If you want long term, then don't bring up. Just leave it be. If she wants it, she'll ask.

Clearly defining the relationship produces less game playing and gives yourself standards.

And a comedy club?? That's it? It's too predictable man. Do something active. Get her blood flowing. Dance lessons, ice skating. Something. Sitting and watching isn't all that exciting.

 

[PepperSpray]

She could be doing this to lure you in to a more serious relationship. I bet she is realizing you really only want to have sex, so if she holds off on the sex and you stick around, she knows you are for real. If you vanish, she knows you were not for real.

If you are like me and are not looking for a relationship, just move on and keep meeting other women. If you want to pursue this girl and take a gamble, just play it cool and don't act sex starved. Hope this helps.

lol, your psychosexual analysis reminds of a hilarious Eddie Murphy sketch from RAW.


They can figure us out. Guys, don't get trapped.
We'll call them "***** traps".
Let's call them ***** traps.
It's a trap.
They trap you with the *****.
They catch you with the *****, see.
And it's a trap.

The most common trap
is to not give you any, though.
Don't think, "Maybe you're
gonna put a trap on."
The most common is when you ain't
getting any at all, that's the trap.
When you meet a woman
and everything is perfect
and she won't do anything,
it's a trap.

Sometimes it backfires, because a lot
of women play these games with sex.
And ladies like sex just as much as we
do, guys, but they act like they don't.
But they do.

There's not a woman...
There's not a woman in this room
that wouldn't rather be somewhere
else with a nice stiff one in them.
Don't you let them fool you.
They like it just as much as us.
See, ladies sitting there going:
"That's true.
"He's funny, but he's not that funny.
"I'll take a **** over a smile any day.
Yes, I will."

They like it just as much as us,
but they play these games.
Know where it backfires
on you, ladies?
When you go meet a guy,
he wants you, you want him,
you like each other,
everything is perfect,

but you won't do anything.
He say, "Let's go."
You say, "No, I'm not gonna do it."
And after that,
he don't like you no more.
But he still wants to **** you.
So he waits.
He be like, "Okay, I'll wait.
"Goodnight."

And you wait.
You wait three months.
Then you finally get it
and she's like this, "I'm yours."
And you go, "**** you, *****!"
"**** you and your *****.
Get the **** out of my face."

Be careful. Don't get trapped.
The most common trap
is to not give you any.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4942-SJtjQ

Sounds exactly like my situation here!

 

[Sofomore]

The problem with this theory is that any sane women that is interested in a LTR or MTR (medium term )with a guy is certainly going to make some effort to call or text. She apperently does not, according to OP.

Good point, I looked over that aspect. She could be playing games to mess with the OP's head :nono:

 

[Packers2010]

Take her to a store, like Macy's around 6 pm, tell her she can pick anything and everything she wants.

If she likes two pairs of shoes and can't decide which to pick, tell her to get both of them, because she needs them both to match her outfits. Keep allowing her to pick everything she wants.

When she finally says, "OK, I think I got everything I want , let's go to the register."

You say, "No baby, I don't feel like going there tonight. I'm not in the mood."

oh god. please do this...

it sounds like she has either had enough or is bored. it sounded like you have repatriation in your dates,.. mix it up a little. IE: make a day date. take her to some place she has never been before.

or plane b

dump her and meet someone new.

 

[PapiChulo]

+1 on her having another guy(s). I would cut most of the contact out and wait untill she initiates, meanwhile you seek other women.

 

[marmel75]

How many orgasms do you normally give her when you have sex? Sounds like you may not be fvcking her good enough to make her want more...

 

[the_stig]

Happened to me last year around this time, same story almost verbatim. She ended up dropping me hard a week or two after pulling back sexually and was listed in a relationship on Facebook soon after.

My bets on another man in the picture, almost certainly.