She's spending all her time with another guy...

[Timster]

I went to Colorado Springs for a week. While I was gone, my close friend Brittany (I'm not going to say girlfriend because we're in an "open" relationship -- meaning we date other people) spent a lot of time with this other guy. I've known about him and I guess they've been dating for a few weeks.

When I got back, I called her, but she didn't answer her phone, so I left a message, but she didn't call me back.

I called her the next day to see if she wanted to go to dinner, but she said that she had plans.

I called her yesterday to see if she wanted to do something last night (keeping in mind that I haven't seen her for about eight days) but she had a "church meeting" to go to.

So, I end up hanging out with my best friend and we go over to her house to see if she's there to surprise her, because a meeting isn't going to last all night.

Her sister opens the door and her mom tells her to tell Brittany we're here before we head down to the basement.

She comes up and invites us down to...meet Ben. The tv is on and Ben has a laptop on his lap and she's studying one of her college books. So, that's the meeting...?

So, we talk for a little bit, then head out.

It bothers me that she's lying to me. I'd rather she say she's hanging out with Ben than make up excuses. And, I'm a little upset that she doesn't want to see me. I realize this guy is probably a new thrill for her, but things were great before I left...we even kissed goodbye. What would you do in this situation? Just let her have her time with him? Keep pestering her to hang out?

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

You said you have an "open" relationship. Until you're exclusive, stop b1tching about her being with another guy. And no, it's not the "principle" of her "lying" to you that's the problem. You're jealous. Plain and simple. You say it is an open relationship, but it's obvious even from just reading what you wrote that you want more than that.

Stop fooling yourself into thinking that you're angry "only" about the "lying" part and realize what you really want. Then go for it. Complaining about it won't do any good.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Timster

we're in an "open" relationship

spent a lot of time with this other guy.

they've been dating for a few weeks.

When I got back, I called her,

I left a message, but she didn't call me back.

I called her the next day

I called her yesterday

we go over to her house to see if she's there

She comes up and invites us down to...meet Ben.

Ben's boinking your girl, dude. If you wanted an exclusive relationship, you should've PURSUED an exclusive relationship. You left it open, and now she's found someone she wants to get more intimate with. And you're acting like a pu$$y...borderline stalker...over it.

How much more obvious could it be?

If YOU were her, what would YOU do? Hang out with your cute study-date Ben? Or spend time with the kid who was too afraid to commit and is now too afraid to let go, so he calls twice a day and "pesters" you to spend time with him? Ben, please.

Sorry, not a winner. Find another girl and try again.

 

[siph]

yup, lvie by the sword, die by the sword. you either have to treat her amazingly poorly and feed into her insecurity so shell always come back to you or pursue a more normal relationship. or just realize your gone. either way acting this way and pursuin her soo deeply wont get you anywhere fast.
peace

 

[Qualtran]

Dont call, dont stop by, dont make any effort to do anything that has anything to do with her!

If she does happen to call you (dont get your hopes up dude), say that you are too busy to talk right now and that "maybe" you'll call her sometime later (then dont call for quite a few days).

Don't be upset with her at all because she didn't do anything wrong! If you really like this girl, the only chance you have, albeit remote, is to completely back off and see what move she will make. Yes, she may never call, but at least you can save what pride you have left and learn from this mistake.

 

[tipsy_619]

Wow its like every one of your sentences start with:
I called her....
Then I called her this day...
Finally I called her that day...

I hope the female your are talking about is your mom because thats the only one who deserves that much attention.

 

[spider_007]

Let me be blunt. She moved on. She has a new boy toy naw. Someone who (at this point in time) is more interating and exciting to her then you. Someone with who she might even start a relationship. She didn't lie to you, She just has plans with someone else. With him. You two arn't exclusive, there for you are on the backburner. when she finds out where it's going with this guy, she will let you know. For now, you are just a backup plan.

 

[eoin2000]

Make sure you get your arse in gear and find another woman. Be unavailable.

If/when the whole 'ben' thing doesnt work out for her, do NOT let her cry on your shoulder about it.

Do NOT become an emotional tampon for this woman.

You really should have seen this coming, but maybe you will be better equiped to avoid it in future. Remember, you dont NEED any individual women. They are there for your amusement...or at least make THEM think so.

 

[JackPrescott]

Ben and her have been making naked love, at night. She moan's Ben's name at 5am during the 3rd round of their lovemaking as he takes her from behind as she is half asleep. Soon they will present you with an engagement announcement.

 

[TizZle]

Just back off of her. You must pull away. Calling her multiple times and arriving at her house at night when she gives you excuses why she didnt want to hang out with you is just plain "dumb". Learn from this and don't turn into a woman hater if you feel hurt by what this girl is doing and has done. There's other women out there so don't worry at all about this one. If she considers you a backup she isnt playing the game very well.

 

[RiceHapa888]

in an open relationship stuff like this happens. back off and think of her for what she is, not your girlfriend - go ahead and meet new girls but keep cool with her- my girl has recently been annoyingly unavailable but at the same time she wasnt my girl - I never asked her to be my gf cause shes a fvckin headcase-
downgrade how you think of her and you will not be so emotional- me realizing that has kept me from going nuts

 

[Tazman]

Totally unrelated to this post......LOL! Man some of you guys are quite entertaining. I can't remember ever laughing at written material the way I do at sosuave.

Ben and her have been making naked love, at night. She moan's Ben's name at 5am during the 3rd round of their lovemaking as he takes her from behind as she is half asleep. Soon they will present you with an engagement announcement.

 

[DJ Hawtness]

You're an embarassment to yourself. =/

Not only are do you WANT an exclusive relationship, but you're being a stalker.

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED.

Real players never have their head down, and never worry about a single girl. You even said it yourself, she isn't your girlfriend.

The world has other girls, go have fun.

Basically, leave this ***** for other girls, and don't give her any attention.

What you could do is say:

"We need to talk later."

Then just leave without saying bye or anything. NEVER talk to her, she'll go freaking crazy, but act like she doesn't exist.

Mess with other girls in front of her, do other things. Everyone has things to do, when she wants to hang out say no.