She's convinced I have feelings for my ex.

[Hellboy]

WTF guys!

I am coming up to the 1 year anniversary with my girl. She is the jealous type, no more than any other girl, but still very different. For a start she hid it very well so I became a little more honest that I would have, thinking she was stronger than this. And now she won't let things go. Every little thing adds up to some big conspiracy.

I am good friends with my ex. I have been for about 5 years AFTER we split up. We were together for 4 years so I have known her for about 7 years. We are close but we are JUST friends. Trust me there is nothing else in the equation and I'd much rather be with my current girlfriend.

BUT my girlfriend says I am lying to myself because:
I follow my ex around like a lost puppy.
I said her name once in my sleep.
I called my girl by my exes name twice during an argument, great timing I know. This was only because my ex had been there, and I am much more used to ARGUING with my ex than I am with my girl.
And the main sticking point, I have pictures of my ex which my girl doesn't think I should have.

I have made a lot of sacrifices for her but I don't see why I should destroy a piece of personal history to make her feel better, just so she can skip the country if she gets bored later on. And yes, she has hinted at doing this. She did the same to her last two boyfriends.

Bloody women.

 

[biker_gixxer]

Why is she saying that you follow your ex around like a lost puppy?
Calling her by your ex's name? You have your ex's picture up at your place? Ouch, come on bro, you are just giving her reasons to b*tch, lol.

Stand your ground, let her know that you aren't going to change who you are friends with just for her, but don't give her a reason to start giving you $hit either.

You would be surprised what a girl will 'accept' if you approach it correctly...

 

[MacAvoy]

By allowing her to tell you who your friends can and can't be, your giving her the power. You need to tell her, these are my friends before we got together, if you can't accept it, then the door is right there. You have to be willing to walk away and give up your g/f. It seems like I'm contradicting myself, but you have to be prepared to walk away if you want to keep what you have with both women. This goes back to the fundamental law of all relationships:

In any relationship (romantic, familial, business, etc.), the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

You need to get the power back.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

HELLBOY: You're a goodlooking guy. With even basic DJ skills, why on earth would you opt for a chick like this? Let's do some DJ math then shall we? If you're 26 and you've been with this chick for a year then you met at 25 (possibly younger if you just had a birthday of course). Prior to that you had a 4 year relationship with your ex making you 20-21 when you were together? You my friend are a serial monogamist and you're using relationship skills and techniques you developed in high school. Let me guess the current girlfriend is 22? Maybe younger? Judging from her responses it would seem that she is also using immature ways of relating as well.

I could sort this girl out for you, but I think she's only reacting to the messages you're giving her. Guys don't have female "friends" for exactly the reasons you're experiencing now. You're clinging to this high school notion that men and women can be friends in the absence of sexual desire or mutual intimacy. This simply isn't the case and anyone telling you differently (including yourself) is selling you something.

You may not have "feelings" for your ex, but she'll do in a pinch if you know what I mean? Would you tollerate your present girlfriend paling around with one of her male "friends"? Would it bother you to see her following a male friend around?

And what are you doing this for really? You've only been with 2 women? Your situation is exactly why I advocate that men never even consider monogamy until 30. You're simply going to do what you want to do, and you create conditions such as the one you're in now. You want to date and knock it out with multiple women and there's nothing wrong with that. It only becomes wrong when you mislead one woman to think that you're exclusive with her while you wish you were with another or many others.

Like I said, you're a good looking guy and you appear to be out going. Why are you wasting time and burning calories thinking about your ex or this Goth chick at all? You've got a natural advantage; all you have to do is break your mind free of this AFC idea that you have to be with one girl.

 

[ElChoclo]

Hellboy, your girlfriend's comments may have some validity. Calling someone by the wrong name is a telltale event, though not entirely uncommon.

But just because the comments may be valid doesn't mean that you should not consider your overall position. Maybe spending too many years with possibly unsuitable women is not the best way to utilise your prime decades.

 

[Skel]

friv and spider. Do you not read? 25+ That means advice givers too. GTFO of here!

 

[Desdinova]

I'm going to take your gf's side on this issue.

- I follow my ex around like a lost puppy.
Are you spending more time with your ex than you are with your gf? If you are, I'd suggest putting more time into your gf than your ex.

I said her name once in my sleep.
You're probably hanging out with your ex too much.

I called my girl by my exes name twice during an argument, great timing I know. This was only because my ex had been there, and I am much more used to ARGUING with my ex than I am with my girl.

You're DEFINATELY hanging out with your ex too much.

And the main sticking point, I have pictures of my ex which my girl doesn't think I should have.

Well, I'll agree with you on that one. She WAS a part of your history. You cannot erase memories.

However, I'm going to tell you that ANY woman you date is going to have issues with you being friends with your ex. This is the sole reason why an ex should remain an ex.

A relationship involves risks. You risk losing friendship with any woman you become romanticly and sexually involved with. When the two of you split up, you lose EVERYTHING that made up the relationship. You don't keep certain parts and throw the rest away. It's like burning a batch of cookies, and trying to cut the burnt parts off. It's a waste of time, energy, and a cause of frustration. You're better off to dump the entire batch and start again.

By keeping an ex as a friend, you're going to cause problems in ANY relationship you get involved in. You're the common denominator. You are the one who has baggage, not her.