"Shedding the Mask"...

[harhar]

Looking back on my life, I realise how insecure I am.

I know this sounds silly, but when I log onto myspace or MSN and see peoples top friends it sort of upsets me, me not being there.

Also, the fact that most weekends it's usually me improving my social skills with ... a TV or computer. It's not that I don't have friends to hang out with, it's just that I'm not as close to the rest of the group as they are with each other. This results in me only being invited to the big gatherings such as parties and meals etc., but not the little things like playing football at the park on the weekend, and the thing is, we hardly ever go to parties or meals so these outing are very scarce.

I think because I'm so unhappy with my social life, my school life has started to suffer too. I know I have coursework to do, which is much more important than sitting in front of a TV or computer, but i just can't bring myself to do it, I feel so demotivated with this aspect of my life; that others suffer as a result.

So in order to hide this social embarrassment, I created a mask.

People at school believe I have this amazing social life, where I go out with my other group of friends and have amazing nights. We go to parties and spent a week in France during the Summer holidays, when in actual fact, NONE of this is true. Yeah, I sound and feel pretty pathetic.

It's not just socially I feel inadequate, I sometimes have refrained from going to school because because I've got a ZIT!!

I'm quite insecure about my looks.

People at school believe I've got pretty high confidence, but as stated before, that's a mask.

I think it's that and the fact that I am comfortable in some social situations, but as people form school see me in the same situation every day I have adapted to it. I am a very funny guy and find it easy to make people laugh once I have gotten to know them, but if I'm meeting them for the first time, they usually find me bland and boring.

The thing is I want true confidence, not one that's a mask because it will show through, I had to do a speech in English class one day and I felt so insecure it definitely showed through.

I'd really appreciate if you could give me some insight as to how I can get rid of these negative thought patterns that are building a blockade on the journey of true confidence. That, and how to "shed the mask" i have created.

Cheers.

 

[WC2]

In my mind, there are those who GET it and those who DON'T.

Those who GET it are the ones who are successful with people in any situation. Whether they know them or they don't. These people are enjoyable to be around and are invited back all the time.

Those who DON'T get it can also be successful with people in any situation. While these individuals are socially adept, they in turn are usually not being invited back to see these people.

So what the f*ck is the difference between these two type of people?

Identity.

Those who GET it are their own people. They are not afraid to be themselves and portray an IDENTITY that says, take me or leave me. This kind of personality is attractive to others. Whether you are funny, annoying, intelligent, or stupid-- you are a constant in what you are. You don't change your beliefs or identity just to please others. In other words, you don't care. Most importantly, you bring this aspect of your identity to the group. The group actually sees how you could compliment them.

Those who DON'T get it, have no identity. They change their personality for those that they want to fit in with. They make up false experiences they've had or care too much what others think. They are not "sturdy" and therefore are not trusted by others. Those who don't get it can have great first impressions, but can't hold them. They have a false identity. Groups of friends see this person as untrustworthy and in turn bring nothing to the table. This is why maybe you've been successful at making acquaintances or friends, but not keeping them.

So what must you do? Bring something to the table. Chances are you already have beliefs and skill sets, but are too afraid to stick to them when you are approached by others.

You must say f*ck it and be who you want to be.

Listen, if you live life worrying about what others think you'll always be the odd man out. I go out on weekends and have fun with friends. I have several women who would die to spend a night with me. I have a great social life.

But no matter who I am with or who I meet, I'm still the same person.

I can't tell you how many times guy's insecurities have lost them chances of getting p*ssy.

Tell it like it is. If a woman asks you what you enjoy and it is playing computer games, then sh!t convey that to her. It's not so much what you say as how you say it. Say it with confidence and security and you're no longer a little boy but a man who has no worries about what others think.

On top of all this, stop living your life so seriously. Men who live their lives seriously turn women off right away. Men who joke around and give off a fun vibe are sought out by not just women, but other men who will possibly befriend you. Next time you go out make it a priority to joke around and have fun. Not with just women, with EVERYONE.

If you are truly your own man with your own beliefs who is fun to be around, then there is nothing stopping you from making unlimited friends and getting laid every night. I don't care how many express shirts you own, or how much hair gel is thrown in your hair, cause these things don't matter near as much as your actual persona. Start thinking real.

 

[Darth]

^^Thank you for this wonderful post. I think I finally get it.

 

[harhar]

I agree :yes:

Repped.

 

[The Bat]

Good response by WC2.

Here, read these two articles:

http://www.kinowear.com/blog/building-an-attractive-personality/
http://www.kinowear.com/blog/taking-off-the-false-mask/

And don't beat yourself up for behaving like this up until now. I'm not sure how old you are, but I reckon you're in high school, and most kids your age are like this. Unfortunately for some, it takes them years and years before they decide to shed the mask. Others like you realize early enough that something is not right and it's time for change.

Look up some posts by guys named Interceptor and Victory Unlimited on here too. These guys give GREAT advice on how to accept yourself and work on your shortcomings without being insecure about it and depraving yourself from the simple pleasures and joys of life that you apparently see everyone enjoying.