She thinks I'm a Playa'

[NewMan]

I initally meet this hottie about 6 weeks ago....

Then 3 weeks ago I saw her again and got her number....

The problem arises because earlier that night I got a number from another chickie in the bar and this girl saw me upto it.

We've gone out since for 2 dates and meet an aditional 2 times at the same bar. Last night we went out, and she brought the whole thing up.

Told me that she believes I go around all the bars in the area getting numbers etc... and that I'm in the wild "sowing my oats" phase.

Of course I told her that if I see someone I like I'm going to go for her number, or at least talk to the girl and see if I like her. But for some reason this girl has the opinion that I'm out at the bar every night of the week scamming on chicks.

I know her interest level is high - or at least it seems that way - on Date # 1 I spent the night at her place - no fvcking, but we messed around - then last night I got more play and fooling around....

I just think that this girl is holding back a little because of how she thinks of me....

I'm just wondering if it worth trying to crack this nut?

Anyone encounter something similar?

 

[Julian]

Of course man. I like how you handled it and told her what you were doing straight up.

Stay with it man, she WILL give it up to you.

 

[stevek1977]

there are two sides to think about with your story. i think you handled it well, but at least think about the other side for the future.

1) you told her exactly what you were doing and now she has to deal with. not a bad approach by any means, and makes you a very honest guy to boot.

2) you could have told her exactly what you were doing a little bit more open-ended and left it up to her to decide your intentions rather than you just throwing them at her. in this scenario the woman will usually decide what she wants, rather than what you tell her. either way i have found it to be better to ALWAYS tell the truth, but to leave it open enough for her to decide what she wants to believe.

 

[NewMan]

SteveK...

So in this example, I tell her what?

Yeah, I was getting numbers - and leave it at that?

I not sure how you can tell them anything but the truth in this situation without looking like a phoney baloney - or making you look even worse - like somebody who is hiding what they are doing.

I think any chick who is worth going out with for longer than a couple of weeks - so I'm reffering to a quality chick - is going to see right through that, and know that I'm getting numbers for one reason... the fact that she saw me do it as well, only confirms this.

I'd be interested though, to hear what you would think would be a good reply - in Option # 2 that you suggested above.

 

[poonologist]

i like the way you handled it in the first post.

maybe you should just show her that youre outgoing and like being around people.in that light i dont think it looks so odd getting numbers cause youre just a person that likes being with other people.on top of it all,she doesnt really stand in judgement of you now does she?if so then id wonder if it was all worth it anyways.why do you need someone who prefabricates opinions of your lifestyle before theyve even been welcomed into it completely

 

[stevek1977]

Originally posted by NewMan
I'd be interested though, to hear what you would think would be a good reply - in Option # 2 that you suggested above.

Try something like:

"yeah, i did ask her for her number. we had spoken for a few and she was extremely interesting. i had a great time with the conversation and i thought it would be cool to keep in touch with her."

that type of example lays you on the line as being truthful, but not saying anything that would make the other woman think that you have "player" intentions.

if you tell the other woman that you were interested in her because you thought she was interesting and she still thinks you are a player then she is probably going to be inesecure and you will experience problems anyways. think about ALL women as friends when in the presence of another woman and you get the opportunity to see how they respond to you having other women around. just make sure you NEVER say "we are just friends" unless thats all you really are. the goal here is to let the woman make the decision about your relationship so that you don't have to give yourself up.

 

[flava]

Originally posted by stevek1977
Try something like:

"yeah, i did ask her for her number. we had spoken for a few and she was extremely interesting. i had a great time with the conversation and i thought it would be cool to keep in touch with her."

that type of example lays you on the line as being truthful, but not saying anything that would make the other woman think that you have "player" intentions.

if you tell the other woman that you were interested in her because you thought she was interesting and she still thinks you are a player then she is probably going to be inesecure and you will experience problems anyways. think about ALL women as friends when in the presence of another woman and you get the opportunity to see how they respond to you having other women around. just make sure you NEVER say "we are just friends" unless thats all you really are. the goal here is to let the woman make the decision about your relationship so that you don't have to give yourself up.

good point i like that approach