She surpised me with a tattoo!

[Broadband]

Need some advice guys. I have a girlfriend who has always been curious about getting various piercings and tattoos, but stuck with just a few piercings. After we met she wanted to get her belly button pierced and convinced me to go with her. I wasn't too hot about the idea, but I wasn't against it and it didn't really bother me so I went with her to get it done. Since, she kept bugging me about the idea of a tattoo and I told her I didn't like them, but it's her body and I can't tell her what to do with it.

Fast forward 18 months to yesterday. Her mother really wanted a tattoo and decided to get one and bring her with her. My girlfriend kept saying to me, "I'd get one if I knew you liked them" but since she knew I didn't like the idea she told me she was just going to go with her mother to watch. Well, she calls me after they leave the tattoo parlor and tells me how much her mom screamed but it was fun to watch. I tell her I'll see her in a few hours. So she comes to my house and I go to hug her and she tells me not to touch her neck. She decided to get a tattoo afterall not mentioning a thing to me. Her excuse for doing it behind my back was because i told her i was cool with the idea (see "it's her body" above) and because I said I'd never want to watch (I'm not a fan of needles). On top of that she got Kanji (Japanese) characters on the back of her neck and since her hair is short you cant hide them.

I'm not her boss and wouldn't try to forbid it, but I thought I'd atleast get to put in my opinion on an issue like this even if she outright ignored it. On top on that the damn thing is in a place she can't even see but I can't avoid looking at. It's a small tattoo, but her doing this behind my back "to suprise me" is what is getting to me the most. Would you tolerate these actions from a girl you were dating for over a year? Would this be probable cause to make a fuss or am I over-reacting?

 

[Fadero]

damn that was hard to read!! please use paragraphs next time, bro.

there's two sides to this. one, is that you don't own her and technically she can do whatever it is she wants to with her body. but two, if she truly respects what you think she would definitely respect your wishes of not getting a tattoo or would work something out to compromise in thus getting one.

if it really bothers you though, its not going to get any better because after all, the tattoo is permanent and for life. i have tattoos, and i know for a fact that for everyone that gets one, as they are getting their first one they are already thinking of what their 2nd and 3rd one will be. its addicting like that. so i wouldn't be surprised if your girlfriend is even contemplating on getting another one.

so if you can't deal with it, i would definitely think about what you truly value in this relationship and if for some reason this particular problem totally overshadows those, then you should just let her go and find someone who won't do what you don't want them to.

 

[Broadband]

I agree. I don't own her and ifshe told me it meant this much to her I would have been cool with it. But that's because I could have told her I hate the idea of it on her neck, or something else. Then she could have compromised and got it elsewhere or outright ignored me. But instead she ignored involving me. For all she knew I could have personal reasons never to date a woman with tattoos. It's not the action but rather the lack of communication.

 

[Pancho]

Get over it. Its not a big deal, and I bet you it doesn't look bad. If you don't shut up about it, your going to sabotage your own relationship over something trivial and stupid.

Pancho

 

[The Great Obnarticus]

Broadband, you fool! The best place for a tattoo on a chick is just above the a$$! You should've known she was gonna get one no matter what you said to her ->chicks are like that. You could've given in though and decided the best place for one. Then she wouldn't have it right in your face all the time, and it'd look frigging hot when she isn't wearing much.

 

[bman]

is she japanese? if not dump her... you dont need some trendy girl for a gf.

 

[Broadband]

No she isn't Japanese and ya she is overly trendy, eg a brand w-h-o-r-e.

It's small, and yes it looks fine, but it's on her damn neck. She didn't care what I thought, which is what gets me the most. Does she consider that I might now feel uncomfortable taking her to my formal business outings. I might understand it's just a tattoo, but lots of big wigs are stuck up and overly critical of potential business partners.

Obnarticus if she told me she just had to have one I would have settled with it above the ass or on the hip in a heart beat. She didn't do it behind my back because she thought I'd forbid it, she did it because she thought I wouldn't care and be happily suprised. She was the one suprised when I was less then thrilled.

I'm not trying to sabotage my relationship, but when your 21 you are perhaps more critical knowing there are plenty more fish in the sea waiting to be caught.

 

[Walden]

Sorry this was a mispost.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Broadband
No she isn't Japanese and ya she is overly trendy, eg a brand w-h-o-r-e.

It's small, and yes it looks fine, but it's on her damn neck. She didn't care what I thought, which is what gets me the most. Does she consider that I might now feel uncomfortable taking her to my formal business outings. I might understand it's just a tattoo, but lots of big wigs are stuck up and overly critical of potential business partners.

Obnarticus if she told me she just had to have one I would have settled with it above the ass or on the hip in a heart beat. She didn't do it behind my back because she thought I'd forbid it, she did it because she thought I wouldn't care and be happily suprised. She was the one suprised when I was less then thrilled.

I'm not trying to sabotage my relationship, but when your 21 you are perhaps more critical knowing there are plenty more fish in the sea waiting to be caught.

Then DUMP HER if it's such a big friggin deal!

Your boss isn't going to deny you a promotion because your girlfriend has a tattoo on her neck. She's just your GIRLFRIEND, not your wife, anyway. AND it's her own damned business where she wants to get a tat. You told her it was "her body," if you wanted to make a suggestion, you should've made it THEN. It's a little late now.

I think you need to make a decision...what's more important to you? Having this PARTICULAR girl, or having a girl who's tattoo-free?

Bear in mind that there IS no "wrong" decision...either one could be valid, but it all depends on you. Personally, I wouldn't be flipping out so hard over it, but I don't know you and I don't know how you feel. Just make a decision and stick with it.

 

[Broadband]

if you wanted to make a suggestion, you should've made it THEN

"Babe, I'm not really hot about the idea of a tattoo, but it's your body and you can do what you want. If by chance you decide for some strange reason you have to have one on a complete impulse without telling me, please don't put it on your forehead, face or neck."

I don't think I should have anticipated her doing this behind my back on an impulse, but then again maybe I should have. I also never once thought a girl would want a tattoo above her neck...live and learn I guess.

 

[NewMike]

Why get a kanjii tat if you aren't japanese? I dont get it. Because the lettering looks "cool" ?

sheesh.

 

[Demon]

Why would you get a tattoo with Gothic lettering if you aren't German? Or a cross if you're not Roman?

 

[Kevon]

here is the thing, it is HER body, not yours, It makes me mad when people try and tell other people what they can and cannot do with their body, I realize you werent trying to own her, but still, even trying to persuade her into not doing it, its not a good thing

interpretation from experience