She says she really likes me but doesn't want a relationship....

[FireAnt89]

Ok this is a long explanation so bare with me. Trying to give you guys as much in info as possible:

Me and this girl have been talking over a week and things seemed great. We hung out and got really close, quite quickly in fact. She came out and told me she really likes me and hasn't felt this way in a very long time. This all progressed after hanging out 2 days after we first started talking. Our date ended up at an amusement park and it took off from there. The 2nd night we hung out we went to dinner and watch movies most of the night. We started making out heavily until we moved into the bedroom. We started fooling around and before we proceeded to have sex, I had asked her if this is what she wanted (Being that I didn't wanna take advantage of the situation and screw things up, I had to ask). She said yes and that she hasn't had sex in a long time and that I was her first since her ex of over a year ago. Well after that we cuddle up in bed and had pillow talk. She said she likes me a lot and hopes this works out but wants to see where things will go. I agreed and said I felt the same way. I left the next morning because I had class. She got up with me and we kissed for a minute before I left. She texted me not even 5min after I left saying she was glad I came over her house and she enjoyed my company. We talked all day until the next day when things changed all of a sudden. Normally she would text me right away or she would text first but not this day (I later found out she was feeling ill and she was going to her dads that night). The next day I didn't hear from her at all until that night. We had made plans to go to the beach after she got off work but when I called her she didn't answer. I called her once more later and left a voicemail. She eventually called me back saying she had gotten worse, so being the guy I was I asked her if she wanted me to come over and take care of her. She said no it was fine and she was going to bed. Well I texted her good morning the next day and no reply. Texted again later that afternoon, still nothing. I called her before I went to bed that night. Nothing. I didn't hear from her til the next night and this is what she wrote me:

"I am feeling a little bit better thank you for asking...so about this whole thing I need time, I think you are trying to move to fast for me and I'm just not ready at all. My daughter is coming back home from her dads at the end of the month and I have to be 100% focused on her. I really like you Anthony but I'm honesty not ready for a relationship. I thought I was but I can't. I would still like to remain friends but I can't give you anything else at this point. I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you in anyway and I haven't been answering because I have lost my voice from whatever it is I have so I can't really talk"

Now I kinda feel like I lost her attraction. I really do like this girl but I don't know what to do from here. I've been told by a friend to just give her space and not talk to her til next week. I don't wanna give her the idea I'm all strung out about her but I just cant help feeling guilty. Is this salvageable or just a lost cause and should move on? Mind you she hasn't had a BF in over a year and I was the first guy she was with since then.

 

[JoeMarron]

*sigh* you already banged her so all you had to do was play it cool. Instead you pushed too hard and now she's pulling back. If a chick doesn't answer you the first time don't blow her phone up. Sit back and let her answer on her own time. A man should always make sure he's putting in less work than the woman. When this dynamic is reversed you will continue to lose in this game.

Dont initiate anything for awhile. If she has any attraction left she'll start chasing you and you'll be in a position of power.

 

[Dan08]

I skimmed through it mate and this is what I have for you *credit to Brad80*

"Im not ready for a relationship right now" = im not ready for a relationship with you, ever

"We’re moving too fast" = I’m not ready to sleep with you again until I find out if the bad boy I got the hots for is out of prison yet

"I like to take it slow at first" = I'm still judging you and testing you

“sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner, I was so busy with work/feeling sick” = take a hint, I could not possibly care any less about you

NEXT.

 

[FireAnt89]

Ya I realized it too late, I ended up being over zealous with her.

 

[PlayHer Man]

*sigh* you already banged her so all you had to do was play it cool. Instead you pushed too hard and now she's pulling back. If a chick doesn't answer you the first time don't blow her phone up. Sit back and let her answer on her own time. A man should always make sure he's putting in less work than the woman. When this dynamic is reversed you will continue to lose in this game.

Don't initiate anything for awhile. If she has any attraction left she'll start chasing you and you'll be in a position of power.

Spot on

The man does more work to START the relationship.. but the woman does more work to KEEP the relationship. That is the dynamic that works best. That is how it works in nature.

Women are naturally more relationship oriented than men are so it only makes sense. Don't EVER invest more emotionally in a relationship than the woman does. This is the dumbest thing you can do.

Insecure women will play passive-aggressive games to scare a man into chasing her harder and committing more deeply. These games consist of acting cold, ignoring calls, flaking, talking to other guys, etc. Don't fall for it.

Women who play these games seek control and can't be trusted. Once these games start a man must disconnect emotionally and start spinning plates immediately.

"You are too emotionally unavailable" = Code for: I need a man I can control more and you are too hard to manipulate.

 

[ludis]

Spot on

The man does more work to START the relationship.. but the woman does more work to KEEP the relationship. That is the dynamic that works best. That is how it works in nature.

Women are naturally more relationship oriented than men are so it only makes sense. Don't EVER invest more emotionally in a relationship than the woman does. This is the dumbest thing you can do.

Insecure women will play passive-aggressive games to scare a man into chasing her harder and committing more deeply. These games consist of acting cold, ignoring calls, flaking, talking to other guys, etc. Don't fall for it.

Women who play these games seek control and can't be trusted. Once these games start a man must disconnect emotionally and start spinning plates immediately.

"You are too emotionally unavailable" = Code for: I need a man I can control more and you are too hard to manipulate.

This is some sound advice.

Passive aggresive games also seem to be the favourite sport of high-functioning BPD/HPD/NPD females. Mine (undiagnosed BPD) flaked via text message, about a visit to her place (2 and a half hours distance), one hour after we hang up the phone, having arranged the last details of my visit. After some failed attempts at drama inducing from her part, i went NC.

4 days in NC and there are 4 unanswered texts and 2 missed calls from her.

I'm contemplating just toying with her and exploiting her weaknesses if she continues to pursue although, at the same time i fear this strategy will eventually erode my quality as a man.

 

[nismo-4]

After you bang a girl, don't go fast like Sonic. Play it cool. And did you read what PlayHer Man wrote?

That I'm not ready for a relationship is code. Add with you to the end of that sentence.

Don't chase. Don't keep after her. Drop back.

Case closed.

 

[Aristippus]

She has a daughter???

Don't beat yourself up, you didn't lose much.

You're probably wondering why Danger said this. On the surface it seems cold IF you live in fantasy land. That's where most men live. In fantasy land. Most men believe that when they meet a single mother and choose to take her children under their care that these women will be sweet, kind, and eternally grateful and appreciative. If this were the case, then maybe what Danger said would be cold.

It is the REALITY which is cold, and his response to that reality is dead-on except for in a small minority of cases. The reality is that most women are not really that appreciative but take for granted and expect the next man that comes along to gladly father someone else's child with no complaints, making 100 times the sacrifices that she will make. In her mind, he is there to make her life easier. In order for him to make her life easier and take the burden of these extra responsibilities, she has to make his life harder.

These extra responsibilities and sacrifices, we, as men, would gladly make IF the level of appreciation shown was in direct proportion to the sacrifices made. This applies to marriage and relationships where no one else's children are involved, but especially in the case where a man decides that he loves a woman enough to make the sacrifices and raise a child with her from a past relationship. It only seems normal and natural to receive gratitude, appreciation, and respect.

Unfortunately, in all types of relationships, including ones where the woman has a child from another relationship, she expects the man to make all kinds of sacrifices for her and her child, while making minimal (or zero) sacrifices for the man. What you're left with is a woman who doesn't really appreciate all of the sacrifices you've made. You've sacrificed your time, your energy, your physical work, and your money, to make her life easier and to raise a child with her and you're left with little or no appreciation in many cases or with a woman who nags and disrespects you. Where something is expected, you will have a hard time finding appreciation.

This is the reality for many women because they've been raised to expect things but not to really appreciate things that men do for them. I honestly wish this weren't true, but unfortunately it is, and what seems at first like a cold response is actually a measure to protect you from the bad effects of wrong attitudes that many women have. Many women are ruthless and opportunistic, even if they don't realize it, because these ruthless and opportunistic attitudes have been ingrained in them from a young age. Women are taught entitlement but are very rarely taught appreciation. Women are taught what they "deserve" but are very rarely taught how they are supposed to treat their man. They are only taught how THEY "deserve" to be treated but not what qualities they should have.

 

[VladPatton]

All she wanted was a little sexy action, man. Girls wanna get laid just like we do, and not go into any type of relationship afterwards. Time to let her go and just chalk it up as a fun time. If she wants to bang again or go for a milkshake, she has your number. Dassit!

 

[Fatal Jay]

if a chick say she really likes you but don't want a relationship she doesn't like you.

you think she would say that to Justin timberlake or.... if she really like him she would date him

 

[Pimp-sicle]

We started fooling around and before we proceeded to have sex, I had asked her if this is what she wanted (Being that I didn't wanna take advantage of the situation and screw things up, I had to ask).

Mistake #1 You are exercising your masculinity to a willing & able female.... that's called fulfilling your role as a man, not taking advantage.

We talked all day until the next day when things changed all of a sudden.

Mistake #2 You spent a nice weekend with a girl you like, no need to suddenly change your life and talk to her all day. Also that kills attraction as you soon found out... your too available.

We had made plans to go to the beach after she got off work but when I called her she didn't answer.

Mistake #3 Hanging out too much too soon... again killing interest/attraction

I called her once more later and left a voicemail.

Mistake #4 I'm cringing reading this now.

She eventually called me back saying she had gotten worse, so being the guy I was I asked her if she wanted me to come over and take care of her.

Mistake #5 I'm sorry bro, but you have no idea how attraction works. You need to start reading a woman's actions instead of hanging on to her words.

Well I texted her good morning the next day and no reply. Texted again later that afternoon, still nothing. I called her before I went to bed that night. Nothing. I didn't hear from her til the next night

Mistake # 6 And they are just getting worse now because you have become emotionally dependent on this woman in less than a week. Why would you contact her so many times if she hadn't returned your previous calls? Chill out.

Your are showing her how insecure, needy, clingy and beta you are.

"I am feeling a little bit better thank you for asking...so about this whole thing I need time, I think you are trying to move to fast for me and I'm just not ready at all. My daughter is coming back home from her dads at the end of the month and I have to be 100% focused on her. I really like you Anthony but I'm honesty not ready for a relationship. I thought I was but I can't. I would still like to remain friends but I can't give you anything else at this point. I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you in anyway and I haven't been answering because I have lost my voice from whatever it is I have so I can't really talk"

Translation: "At first I was into you and thought you were exciting & confident. But now its very obvious you weren't the guy I thought you were & I've lost all attraction for you. We can still be friends, and by friends I mean you can be someone who strokes my ego from time to time, but that's it."

I've been told by a friend to just give her space and not talk to her til next week.

Yes, back way off & most likely she will start contacting you again, HOWEVER you need to change your mindset, otherwise you will fall right back into the same pattern.

Secondly because she is a single mom, you should understand that there is a high % change she is damaged goods. You will always come 2nd to her child & will become responsible for the child if the relationship progresses. Why any young, single male would willingly walk into that situation is beyond me. Except if you are desperate, clingy and don't know how the game works.

I don't wanna give her the idea I'm all strung out about her but I just cant help feeling guilty.

Too late for that! You did that 10x over with all your actions recently. And what do you feel guilty about? You should be embarrassed by your behavior and learn how to change your mindset so you can start seeing the success you deserve.

Is this salvageable or just a lost cause and should move on? Mind you she hasn't had a BF in over a year and I was the first guy she was with since then.

You shouldn't be asking yourself if this is salvageable because honestly with your lack of knowledge at the moment, this will not end well for you. However, most people need to crash & burn in order to learn from their mistakes.

The error is in your thought pattern & inner game; learn to value yourself & your time more and you won't behave like this in the future.

I mean this with all the respect in the world but right now you are a straight up chump. You might even have a lot going on in your life and tons of friends, but your actions with this girl have communicated the total opposite.

Women are attracted to men who are confident, men who challenge them, men who are leaders, not supplicating followers. Learn to develop these traits & your success will sky rocket.








PIMP

 

[floydb25]

Spot on

The man does more work to START the relationship.. but the woman does more work to KEEP the relationship. That is the dynamic that works best. That is how it works in nature.

Women are naturally more relationship oriented than men are so it only makes sense. Don't EVER invest more emotionally in a relationship than the woman does. This is the dumbest thing you can do.

Insecure women will play passive-aggressive games to scare a man into chasing her harder and committing more deeply. These games consist of acting cold, ignoring calls, flaking, talking to other guys, etc. Don't fall for it.

Women who play these games seek control and can't be trusted. Once these games start a man must disconnect emotionally and start spinning plates immediately.

"You are too emotionally unavailable" = Code for: I need a man I can control more and you are too hard to manipulate.

EXCELLENT. Definitely watch out for those insecure, immature, dysfunctional types. DON'T SYMPATHIZE.

As for the OP: Whenever I heard that, the girl just wanted an FWB situation... because, like you, I came on too strong and became pushy... got caught WAY up in the challenge, and acted desperate. I was "hot" enough for sex, but didn't excite them emotionally, or whatever they were going on about. Bishes like to chase and be uncertain. But these particular girls were players, anyway, and set up FWBs with everyone - while using the same BS excuses to keep being wh0res and using people (while acting like it was everyone else's fault for not being "good enough", and basically deluding themselves completely - when it was their idea all along, and they even connived people with their BS lies and manipulations to string everyone along, and try controlling them... Damn Demons.)