She Says She Doesnt know what she wants

[Chunkydo]

My girlfriend just broke up with me after 6 months. During our relationship we were together all the time, and were always wanting to be with each other when we weren't. Texting, calling, emailing, working out together. She was a huge part of my life and my family loved her. We had so many talks about settling down together, moving away, and starting a life together that was going to be great.

The problem that we always had was that at her work, she was treated like dirt by her boss, who happens to be her ex-bf. He would verbally abuse her, put her down, He was the reason we fought alot. She said she stayed at her job, regardless of all the problems she had with her ex, because she was making a lot of money. Her Boss (ex Bf) made a ton of money too so that was something I was always very leary about. I have lots of money as well but i never really liked to talk about it because to me, money isnt everything. She seemed like money didnt matter to her until more and more we got into the relationship. that's the reason i fell for her initially because she didn't seem like money was so important, love was.

When she broke up with me she told me that she didnt know what she wanted, that she wasnt sure if she wanted to be with me or not. I told her that we could try and fix whatever was wrong, REALLY make an attempt to fix our relationship, and that by giving it a real strong shot, we would know, and we could also say that we tried even if it didn't work out.

She said no. She said she needed time to think. She said that she doesnt know if she wants to be with me or not. That was 3 days ago and I have been obeying the NC rule. I really want her to tell me the truth but I dont think she will. I suspect her ex is in the picture again. What do I do?

 

[Bible_Belt]

I told her that we could try and fix whatever was wrong, REALLY make an attempt to fix our relationship, and that by giving it a real strong shot, we would know, and we could also say that we tried even if it didn't work out.


Yeah, that never works. Once I girl says she is not sure, or wants space or a break, then it's all over. No valiant effort is going to change anything. Move on.

 

[DonGorgon]

i dont know what i want = i dont want you...

women get want they wan, its not about knowing its about feeling for them... if they dont feel it that its not on their to do list...

wost women say they dont know wat that want wen they have started fingva new dude before having left their boyfriend....

but let me help you.. what ever a woman is doing, thatvis wat she wants. so go find new women to f..

 

[Warrior74]

You need to wait for her. And by wait for her, I mean date and screw other women and never call her again. That should fix it. Done and done!

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Get on your horse and ride away.

 

[Igetit!]

My girlfriend just broke up with me after 6 months. During our relationship we were together all the time, and were always wanting to be with each other when we weren't. Texting, calling, emailing, working out together. She was a huge part of my life and my family loved her. We had so many talks about settling down together, moving away, and starting a life together that was going to be great.

Oh,I hate this. I hate this with a PASSION. From everything you described here,your relationship with this girl seemed like "Alice in Wonderland". Everything seemed perfect. But then you say she broke up with you,and you suspect that her ex,the guy who verbally abused her and mistreated her may be back in the picture.

So she left "perfect" to go back to the abuser.

Typical female.

It's possible that things were "too good" for her,if that makes any sense.

When she broke up with me she told me that she didnt know what she wanted, that she wasnt sure if she wanted to be with me or not.

She said she didn't know what she wanted,huh? Let me see if I understand this correctly:She broke up with you...FIRST,then she told you she didn't know what she wanted,right? So,FIRST,she made a decision about the relationship,then AFTER SHE MADE THE DECISION,she told you she didn't know what she wanted.

Oh pul-lease.

I told her that we could try and fix whatever was wrong, REALLY make an attempt to fix our relationship, and that by giving it a real strong shot, we would know, and we could also say that we tried even if it didn't work out.

This was doomed for the getgo. Her decision to break up with you was an emotional one,but you tried to repair it through logic. It was dead from go.

She said no.

What do you mean she said no? I thought she didn't know what she wanted? "NO" is a pretty definate answer. It's a decision.

That was 3 days ago and I have been obeying the NC rule. I really want her to tell me the truth but I dont think she will. I suspect her ex is in the picture again. What do I do?

If she wants to be with her ex,(the abuser),then there's probably nothing you can do.

But in the mean time,keep up the no contact. Don't call her,don't text her.

If she text you,don't respond,and if she calls you,be "polite and courteus",but DON'T SAY ANYTHING about you two dating or getting back together. In fact,try as quick as you can to end the phone call.

If she suggest you to getting together to "talk" about things,tell her you're busy and maybe you two can discuss things some other time.

To the best of your ability,give her the impression that you're happy,content,and moving right along with your life. Make her feel like her presence or absence in your life makes no difference whatsoever.

You won't be any happier with her in it,and you won't be any sadder with her out of it.

If you do this right,then she'll start trying to be around you more just to prove her own self-worth to herself,while simultaneously and unknowingly becoming attached to you.

The problem here is she's in control.

She broke up with you,then told you she didn't know what she wanted.

So in essence,what she said was this:I don't know what I want right now,but at the moment,I don't want you. So I'm going to leave,and think about things for a while. I'm going to put you on "hold" while I'm working things out,then if I decide I want you,I'll come let you know".

She's taking you for granted.

She let you go,because she thinks you'll still be there should she decide to come back.

Tell her to get lost...BY YOUR ACTIONS!!! Don't say anything like that directly with words to her. She'll know that emotionally,she got to you,then it's game over.

Basically,just live your life. If she comes around,don't just let her back in,do like I suggested.

 

[KontrollerX]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471

What do you do?

You read that thread I linked for you and move on.

That thread explains and puts a woman's manipulative "I need space" or "lets take a break" into proper perspective fully explaining to any man that reads that thread what "breaks" really mean and a man being filled with the new knowledge of what it actually means then realize its time to fully and completely move on.

 

[jophil28]

The problem that we always had was that at her work, she was treated like dirt by her boss, who happens to be her ex-bf. He would verbally abuse her, put her down, He was the reason we fought alot.

The reason that you and you g/f broke up is embedded in the quote above.
Essentially, you were the "rescuer" in a drama triangle.
She played the role of the "victim", her boss (exB/f) was the "abuser" and you were Capt Save a Ho.

SO what did you get for your trouble? Dumped is all.

I bet that she is still working for her 'abusive' ex b/f "for the money..." and you have been let go.

You were in a relationship with a woman who wanted drama more that she wanted the stability that you offered.
Men do not understand this need in a lot of woman, so we try to create a life with her of calmness and stability. To her that feels good for a while, but eventually it feels boring and predictable.

Live and learn. Never get in triangles.
Also take the advice above from IGetIt.