She says I'm too quiet-how to fix this

[sangheilios]

Interesting. I have a few theories on this...

1. Extroverts are lonely AF lol. They can’t go too long without human interaction. Even in my worst incel days, I was never “lonely” as an introvert. My own brain provides plenty of entertainment.

2. Because it’s typically women that utilize the “silent treatment,” women are most likely to assume the worst and think you are pissed off because you are quiet.

But yes, like you, I prefer to listen, analyze and take in what others are saying.

All that aside, I am also a very empathic person. I get that silence can make a lot of people uncomfortable. That’s never my intention. So lately, I’ve been trying to fill in silence with some random fluff talk because I accept that most people won’t be as comfortable with silence as I.

I think that’s the point here. Sure, I’m all for just “owning” who you are. But I don’t want to unnecessarily make people uncomfortable.

IME, fluff talk (ie small talk) is NOT used because pop culture theory tells us that people like to talk about themselves. It’s because, all else being equal, most people feel more comfortable and bond better with some small talk.

TLDR: Be yourself, even if you are quiet. But at least try to throw in some small talk during the gaps in conversation so you don’t unnecessarily make others uncomfortable.

I actually had a date this past week with a sexy latina. Anyway, I just took her out for appetizers and drinks, just something pretty casual. I had a pretty long day and was kind of tired so I just kind of wanted to chill and just enjoy her company, the atmosphere, etc. Anyway, she made some comment about how I wasn't saying much and she asked if I was having a good time, because she felt like she was doing all of the talking. I had to explain to her that I just like to sit there and just absorb everything, I don't think she took it personally but it was obviously something that she wasn't used to.

 

[sazc]

Again: I see nothing wrong with this. OK to be selfish in this case. Those who want to engage with him will simply have to do the talking.

You all want a guy who listens, right??

Women want an active listener. People want an active listener. Then you feel as if the other person is investing in you.

Sitting around spilling your guts to someone who's not really interested AKA passive listening, someone who's not keen off of things you say in order to continue the conversation, that's frustrating it makes you realize they're not really interested

 

[Dash Riprock]

I'm going to disagree with a number of posters here that are saying being very quiet is ok, own it, be mysterious, etc.

We are who we are but...

First, there's a big difference between being mysterious which women like initially, and not having anything to say or engage in adult conversation which comes across as boring, uninterested, and having nothing interesting going on in your life to talk about. Not to mention, a person who can't start and hold a conversation has well below-average communication skills compared to most. Truth. I'm not ripping anyone, the non-communicator is probably really good in other areas, but we're talking about interactions with females and how it relates to piquing her interest and getting and keeping a date.

Too quiet = Boring as F*uck for a woman. Yeah, you can play the mysterious man for a date or two maybe, but eventually she'll think something if "off" about you that you cannot hold a conversation like an adult. Ask almost any woman what they value in a man and what the "glue" is that holds together a relationship and they'll say COMMUNICATION. I agree 100%. I once had a LTR gf that would often just stare at me or talk in innuendos and connotations, or worse, often expect me to be a mind reader, and it was the WORST thing about our relationship. She could not address a serious situation to save her life. Hence, we broke up due to this.

Back to dating...

Guys, you NEED to be able to start, carry, and hold a conversation with women if you want ANY success. Developing this one skill will also assist greatly in business and life too--period. Sure, we can sit here and find examples of leaders and high SMV guys you all know who were very introverted and quiet and meek and all that but the majority of leaders and highly attractive men from a woman's standpoint are outgoing, charismatic, funny, and very good conversationalists.

So if you're struggling in this area, here are some tips:

- For a date, come prepared in advance with some things you can talk about. Women love pop culture, reality shows, music, hypothetical questions, travel, fantasy, and on and on. If you can't think of some fun questions around these topics, you're socially inept, sorry. You need to fix it.
- Ask open-ended questions that will not garner a yes/no or single word answer.
- "Peel the Onion." The might be the X Factor for "quiet people." When someone gives you an answer to your question, ask a follow-up question. Example:

Dash: Hi Sally, where are you from?
Sally: Illinois. You?
Dash: I'm from Wisconsin. Why did you move here (Colorado)?
Sally: To be close to mountains, hiking, and skiing.
Dash: Cool. Me too. Where do you like hike?
Sally: I love the Vail area. I'm still getting acquainted with all the activities and trails.
Dash: I really like the Holy Cross Wilderness area around Minturn, which is close to Vail. It's remote and rugged with few people and I had a run-in with a bear and maybe a bigfoot there.
Sally: Really?! Tell me!
Dash: Well, I was hiking a few years back when this huge thing was walking off to our right and grunting (true story btw) yada yada...

Get it? Easy AF.

- Women like to talk, right? But there's a chance she's just as nervous as you might be so once YOU get the ball rolling she'll gladly play along. Sit there like a tired old fart or mute and you're not James Bond. You'll bore the crap out of her and she'll find a guy who's more engaging and fun.

Good luck.

~Dash~

 

[Crosstimbers Okie]

I already know her a bit. It sounds boring saying that.

I just get stuck on things to say or how to make a conversation.

Even with my friends I just there quiet and just ask general questions about 'how's work' 'what you up to' and my friend talks to me too.

So most of the time I sit there quiet.

Tell them all to ****-off and that you'll do what you want. You need to first fix your mindset to not caring what others want, especially female others. Once they sense that the attitude is genuine their pussies will drip.

 

[Stephen89]

Hey guys, thank you very, very much for your kind, awesome comments and for your suggestions, advice.

I very much appreciate it.

I'll take all the comments and suggestions on board.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey guys, thank you very, very much for your kind, awesome comments and for your suggestions, advice.

I very much appreciate it.

I'll take all the comments and suggestions on board.

Fix whatever communication/charm/etc for yourself. Spend your time with a babe who likes you as is

 

[Wrenched]

If she accuses you of being too quiet that's the worst time to try and change it. Make light of it by making a joke. You could always respond by saying "You're right......I do talk too much!..... I'll have to work on that" in a mild sarcastic tone.

 

[Bayne05]

People are very insecure and judgemental. I'm literally the quietest guy who doesn't bother anyone but you'll hear comments like "he's full of himself" or "he thinks he's better than us" or "the quiet one's are the most dangerous" the list is endless. Just laugh it off and continue being yourself, people will always have negative things to say about you whether you speak with them or not. Most of these people who made "he's so quiet" comments who've actually engaged in a conversation with me always ended up confessing that they thought I was stuck up but I'm actually a cool dude. That includes women. I like my quietness because I learn more about people based on their actions and it weeds out all the weak minded people around me. What you need is people that understand you not people who force you to change who you are. We can't all be chatterboxes!