She said she doesn't want to date hours before our first date.

[-deejay-]

Hi, this is my first post here. I've been lurking on this site for a while and have learned a lot but I still have more to learn.

I'm posting because I am in a situation that I've never been in before and wanted some opinions and advice. This may be a long story so I'll do my best to keep it short.

2 weeks ago I contacted a woman on OKC. She's 30 and I'm 38. Things started off really great. We would message each other quite a bit over a few days. She would respond fairly quickly and so would I. We quickly moved our conversations off to gchat.

Once we moved on to gchat, we would chat with each other practically all day at work. Luckily we both have a lot of downtime where we could chat at length while at work.

Our IMs were great! There was a lot of chemistry and sexual innuendos dropped and she responded very well to them. I got to know a lot about her and her personality via chatting. Since we've been communicating, she started following me on instagram and she told me to friend her on Facebook, which I did. She accepted right away.

I got her number and was going to call her but she said she doesn't like unscheduled calls from anyone, including people she knows. she is online all the time and prefers to text or IM. this is a new experience for me, i have never had a relationship like this with anyone, whether friend or not. There's more on this later.

So early last week she told me that she went up to NYC to visit a friend that she's known for 15 years but has never met. Apparently they "met" via mIRC when they were 15. I don't even know what that is, but whatever. They met for the first time in NYC 2 weekends ago. The guy is from San Francisco. My gut told me it was more than a friendly meet up so I asked her on the IM if it was a "romantic" weekend. She said that he just wanted to have fun and that wasn't very romantic with her.

Later last week I said we should get some dinner and she agreed. We were supposed to have dinner last Friday. Everything seemed to go as planned. So on Thursday, I had to "schedule" a call with her that night. We did end up talking but it was very brief. I ended the call.

The next morning (the day of the date), I logged into OKC to see if I got any new matches or messages from other women. I noticed that her profile had been removed. I thought that was a bit strange. Then I logged into Facebook and she left a half-joking status update about figuring out her life in the past 8 hours.

I go into work and she hits me up via text to tell me she needs to tell me something. I knew what was coming. She got on the IM and said this to me:

her: well i have decided that i am interested in the friend i met in new york, and to continue dating new people would confuse things and involve both of us in a mess.
i get the impression you don't want to deal with an indecisive date
and i don't want to do that to you, and i like chatting with you, and would like to be friends with you
so i'm making a decision and i'm not going to start something that i don't know if i can really be 100% into
i figure it's better if i tell you all this before we even meet, because it's nothing i dislike about you, it's just something that is already in motion

me: ok. thanks for letting me know. hope it works out.

her: thanks.
i'm sorry and i hope this has prevented possible heartache in the future

me: ok thanks

her: and i would like to remain in touch with you as friends, if you're open to that. let me know.

me: ok

I didn't reach out to her but on Monday, she hit me up on the IM again and brought up the friends thing again. I asked her what it meant to her to be friends with me and she said she wants to continue chatting/communicating with me and to hang out some time(s). I responded to her saying I was not sure about being friends. I reminded her that I contacted her on a dating site. She said she gets it and understood. Several minutes went by and then I told her I guess I could try being her friend.

Every since she sent me that IM on Friday, I have not reached out to her. She has reached out to me, all on IM, however. I definitely have toned down my chats with her and have been keeping them short.

The reason why I am on here is to get your opinions on this situation. Does she sound crazy?

I'm still very much attracted to her but I have never been in this situation before. We still don't really know each other and like I said, I have never had a friend where all we do is talk online. And I've never been friends with someone I had feelings for.

Is it possible to turn this around? I guess I got friendzoned but we aren't really even friends since we don't know each other and have never hung out. How could I turn this around if it is possible?

The other thing is she never gave us a chance. I'm not that far away from her and the dude she wants to pursue is across country. I feel that I would have the upper hand except she claims to have known him for 15 years, but their entire relationship has been online.

Oh, on a side note, this is not the only girl I was pursuing. I have been "dating" another girl but I am not sure how I feel about her so I don't want you all to think I'm putting all my eggs in one basket.

Thank you in advance.

 

[pdx1138]

move on to another you're in the friend zone.

You chatted WAY too much with her before actually meeting up.

Initiate a meet up within 2-4 msgs, don't do chat or im. spoils the mystery.

there are TONS of posts on this subject in this forum, read them if you want to know more.

and lastly, get used to girls flaking. It happens. The more the better because it gets to the point of not affecting you.

I've had a few of these women recently on okcupid as well. Everything going well, we setup a date within a few msgs then they fall out. Seems to be happening a lot more frequently as of this year. Last year it hardly happened at all.

Again, get used to it. It's a numbers game, so go out and increase those numbers!

 

[-deejay-]

move on to another you're in the friend zone.

You chatted WAY too much with her before actually meeting up.

Initiate a meet up within 2-4 msgs, don't do chat or im. spoils the mystery.

there are TONS of posts on this subject in this forum, read them if you want to know more.

and lastly, get used to girls flaking. It happens. The more the better because it gets to the point of not affecting you.

I've had a few of these women recently on okcupid as well. Everything going well, we setup a date within a few msgs then they fall out. Seems to be happening a lot more frequently as of this year. Last year it hardly happened at all.

Again, get used to it. It's a numbers game, so go out and increase those numbers!

Yeah, I kind of figured that. Oh well.

It seems like I must've stumbled on a box of Special K because pretty much all the women I've been trying to date have been flakes. lol.

So now what? Should I remove this girl from my life? Block her on gchat? Defriend her on Facebook?

 

[pdx1138]

no need to burn bridges, you never know when they might come back.

I would stop chatting with her though. don't defriend on fb.

Keep positive with her, but act busy as if you have a stable of women to date.

 

[Purefilth]

friend zone! sorry, didnt read the whole thing, just got to

"IM all day, it was so great"

friend zone, too much talking my man.

 

[-deejay-]

Ok, will do.

The really odd thing about this woman is she only communicates with me via IM. We've texted each other a couple of times. She said she is like this with everyone, not just me. I don't get it. I don't have virtual relationships with anyone.

Since we're both logged into IM at work, I can see her signed on all the time.

The other odd thing is why pursue a guy that lives across the country that she's met only once?

Since we really don't know each other and I don't consider her a friend in the real sense, is there any possibility to get out of the Friend Zone?

Let's say she asks me to hang out. Should I flirt with her and act like it is a date? I certainly do not want to be a door mat. I honestly don't want to hear her talking about other dudes and her exes and such.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to focus on this girl like before but I would like to know what to do in case we did end up hanging out at some point.

Thanks for your responses.

 

[-deejay-]

friend zone! sorry, didnt read the whole thing, just got to

"IM all day, it was so great"

friend zone, too much talking my man.

Ok, lesson learned.

But you know what? She kept on reaching out to me. I guess it doesn't really matter since I was available?

I tried to do a search on this site to get some ideas on the best way to handle IMs but didn't really find a much. If someone could kindly post some links here I'd appreciate it.

 

[Purefilth]

Ok, will do.

The really odd thing about this woman is she only communicates with me via IM. We've texted each other a couple of times. She said she is like this with everyone, not just me. I don't get it. I don't have virtual relationships with anyone.

Since we're both logged into IM at work, I can see her signed on all the time.

The other odd thing is why pursue a guy that lives across the country that she's met only once?

Since we really don't know each other and I don't consider her a friend in the real sense, is there any possibility to get out of the Friend Zone?

Let's say she asks me to hang out. Should I flirt with her and act like it is a date? I certainly do not want to be a door mat. I honestly don't want to hear her talking about other dudes and her exes and such.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to focus on this girl like before but I would like to know what to do in case we did end up hanging out at some point.

Thanks for your responses.

If you do hang out, goi in for the kiss, she turns away? move on, there are so many women out there its unreal. This one is not worth your time if she shows no interest.

read the book of pook - its in the DJ bible, link to which is at the bottom of the screen.