She is having doubts

[RicBoy]

I’ve been seeing this girl for 2,5 months. We meet twice a week at her place. It’s more like a fwb situation.
yesterday she fell asleep and then canceled the date. I called I could hear she had just awaken up. We ended up meeting later anyways and we talked a bit.
I shouldn’t have brought up the topic but I did after sex. She said she likes me and likes the sex and has some feelings for me but she is also starting to have doubts. I think she meant that doubts about the future and being a real couple. She also said she feels a bit bad that I seem more excited about all this than she is. She said she is excited about us but I seem to be even more than her.
Maybe I’m putting too much relationship vibes out there ?
Any reason to be concerned just yet ?

 

[soulforge]

I’ve been seeing this girl for 2,5 months. We meet twice a week at her place. It’s more like a fwb situation.
yesterday she fell asleep and then canceled the date. I called I could hear she had just awaken up. We ended up meeting later anyways and we talked a bit.
I shouldn’t have brought up the topic but I did after sex. She said she likes me and likes the sex and has some feelings for me but she is also starting to have doubts. I think she meant that doubts about the future and being a real couple. She also said she feels a bit bad that I seem more excited about all this than she is. She said she is excited about us but I seem to be even more than her.
Maybe I’m putting too much relationship vibes out there ?
Any reason to be concerned just yet ?

You like her, more than she likes you. That kinda dynamic rarely leads to a successful relationship.

She must like you, a little more than you like here.

This is why it is important that you view her as sex only and treat her as sex only... Eventually this chick will either drop off, or chase for an LTR

Never ever push for an LTR friend, or have those feelings conversations

 

[RicBoy]

You like her, more than she likes you. That kinda dynamic rarely leads to a successful relationship.

She must like you, a little more than you like here.

This is why it is important that you view her as sex only and treat her as sex only... Eventually this chick will either drop off, or chase for an LTR

Never ever push for an LTR friend, or have those feelings conversations

Yeah I told her yesterday this was the last time we talk about these things and I’ll stick to it. I’m gonna meet her tomorrow as usual and just have fun and sex and no more of those talks.
Should I pull back a bit let her do most of the texting and chasing?
You think there’s a reason to be worried yet?

 

[Bingo-Player]

I’m gonna meet her tomorrow as usual

No you aren't

Cancel the plans create some distance , get her hamster breathing again

 

[RicBoy]

No you aren't

Cancel the plans create some distance , get her hamster breathing again

Maybe I’m over thinking. The reason the said that was because I asked. She had already had told me something in the past that she has trouble to develop feelings for people. She never had a single serious relationship only fwb and she is 35. She said all the guys that caught feelings for her eventually she left them.
I think I need to back off and no more feelings or relationship conversations and just enjoy the moment

 

[Bingo-Player]

Maybe I’m over thinking. The reason the said that was because I asked. She had already had told me something in the past that she has trouble to develop feelings for people. She never had a single serious relationship only fwb and she is 35. She said all the guys that caught feelings for her eventually she left them.
I think I need to back off and no more feelings or relationship conversations and just enjoy the moment

You are

DO NOT LISTEN TO WHAT WOMEN TELL YOU

Do your own thing let her follow you or leave , your adding too much emotion into it

 

[RicBoy]

You are

DO NOT LISTEN TO WHAT WOMEN TELL YOU

Do your own thing let her follow you or leave , your adding too much emotion into it

Yes maybe you’re right I am over thinking.
she cancelled the date she fell asleep and then had a bunch of things to do in the house. When I got there she was cleaning and Stuff. Regardless hearing her say she has doubts wasn’t great but we have sex and we keep meeting twice a week maybe so far nothing to worry yet

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Seems to be something that is a continuous problem for you OP. There is something you are doing that is causing this with women after a while. What that is, only you can know but it likely is some combination of being too available, acting like BF/GF when you aren't, and being too needy.

 

[RicBoy]

Seems to be something that is a continuous problem for you OP. There is something you are doing that is causing this with women after a while. What that is, only you can know but it likely is some combination of being too available, acting like BF/GF when you aren't, and being too needy.

Yes I have to agree with you. I’m too easy no mystery. Getting too comfortable too soon. Replying msgs too fast, maybe to relationship focus and makes women turned off after a while and smothered.
I’m not sure how to solve this

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes I have to agree with you. I’m too easy no mystery. Getting too comfortable too soon. Replying msgs too fast, maybe to relationship focus and makes women turned off after a while and smothered.
I’m not sure how to solve this

It's an internal problem you need to deal with that doesn't have to do with women, it has to do with you.

 

[Gamisch]

Maybe I’m over thinking. The reason the said that was because I asked. She had already had told me something in the past that she has trouble to develop feelings for people. She never had a single serious relationship only fwb and she is 35. She said all the guys that caught feelings for her eventually she left them.
I think I need to back off and no more feelings or relationship conversations and just enjoy the moment

35 and never had a serious relationship? I think she's lying to scare you off. Sound more like ; never had a serious relationship with YOUR type or something.

She is slighty younger than me. I cant imagine going through life only wanting or getting fwb relationships. Women date serious from age 14 . So in 21 years she never fell in love with someone who liked her equally?


That's not even talking about the specific dynamic. If you dig deep enough every woman will have doubts about her situation.

 

[RicBoy]

35 and never had a serious relationship? I think she's lying to scare you off. Sound more like ; never had a serious relationship with YOUR type or something.

She is slighty younger than me. I cant imagine going through life only wanting or getting fwb relationships. Women date serious feom age 14 . So in 21 years she never fell in love with someone who liked her equally?


That's not even talking about the specific dynamic. If you dig deep enough every woman will have doubts about her situation.

Yes every woman has doubts. She wouldn’t have mention anything even if I hadn’t asked. She had 100 plus guys and only fwb and one night stands. She never had a single Relationship since high school days. It’s not a joke. I know her from mutual friends it’s just the way she is

 

[Michael Chief]

In psychological terms, you seem to have an anxious attachment style and it bites you in the ass whenever you try to pursue women with avoidant attachment styles like this one. Look up the characteristics of having a secure attachment style and work toward developing those perspectives.

She is "having doubts," but that just means she is getting turned off by your desperation/clinginess/neediness, or anxious attachment habits. She means that she has lost attraction and respect for you. This will continue to happen if you do not address the core issue.

This is a common issue among men who try to seek improving their dating and seduction skills. The standard advice given in these communities is to fight fire with fire by doing things that emulate an avoidant attachment style. There is some merit to such advice, as trying to swing the pendulum in the extreme opposite direction when you're currently at one extreme end can often land you in a good middle spot, and you actually do need to address your neediness. However, keep in mind that the ideal goal is having a secure attachment style rather than an avoidant one. The latter results in a whole 'nother set of problems.

 

[RicBoy]

In psychological terms, you seem to have an anxious attachment style and it bites you in the ass whenever you try to pursue women with avoidant attachment styles like this one. Look up the characteristics of having a secure attachment style and work toward developing those perspectives.

She is "having doubts," but that just means she is getting turned off by your desperation/clinginess/neediness, or anxious attachment habits. She means that she has lost attraction and respect for you. This will continue to happen if you do not address the core issue.

This is a common issue among men who try to seek improving their dating and seduction skills. The standard advice given in these communities is to fight fire with fire by doing things that emulate an avoidant attachment style. There is some merit to such advice, as trying to swing the pendulum in the extreme opposite direction when you're currently at one extreme end can often land you in a good middle spot, and you actually do need to address your neediness. However, keep in mind that the ideal goal is having a secure attachment style rather than an avoidant one. The latter results in a whole 'nother set of problems.

I’m not sure if she is already turned off. We are still meeting and having sex twice a week. But yeah I’m sure she has picked up some of my insecurities. One thing she said for example. She said she doesn’t text me much during the day because when she doesn’t and I reply we end up making always a full convo and she doesn’t have time for that because of work. She basically meant if I text you good morning you can just say for you too and that’s all. Also me bringing these kind of topics about relationships and where we stand probably bad idea

 

[Michael Chief]

One thing she said for example. She said she doesn’t text me much during the day because when she doesn’t and I reply we end up making always a full convo and she doesn’t have time for that because of work. She basically meant if I text you good morning you can just say for you too and that’s all.

Is she older than you? This reminds me of when girls who date boys younger than them have to teach them how to date. They learn to hate dealing with that real quick. You need to be the one "teaching" her how to please you in a way that also pleases her... unless she's a dom and you're a sub, in which case I'm just kink-shaming yall

 

[RicBoy]

Is she older than you? This reminds me of when girls who date boys younger than them have to teach them how to date. They learn to hate dealing with that real quick. You need to be the one "teaching" her how to please you in a way that also pleases her... unless she's a dom and you're a sub, in which case I'm just kink-shaming yall

I’m 41 and she is 35. The problem is me chasing with msgs and always present etc

 

[Ricky]

You like her, more than she likes you. That kinda dynamic rarely leads to a successful relationship.

She must like you, a little more than you like here.

This is why it is important that you view her as sex only and treat her as sex only... Eventually this chick will either drop off, or chase for an LTR

Never ever push for an LTR friend, or have those feelings conversations

agreed in all my long term relationships…. I almost never had a conversation about the relationship. It just isnt good. Let women bring that stuff up

 

[Ricky]

In psychological terms, you seem to have an anxious attachment style and it bites you in the ass whenever you try to pursue women with avoidant attachment styles like this one. Look up the characteristics of having a secure attachment style and work toward developing those perspectives.

She is "having doubts," but that just means she is getting turned off by your desperation/clinginess/neediness, or anxious attachment habits. She means that she has lost attraction and respect for you. This will continue to happen if you do not address the core issue.

This is a common issue among men who try to seek improving their dating and seduction skills. The standard advice given in these communities is to fight fire with fire by doing things that emulate an avoidant attachment style. There is some merit to such advice, as trying to swing the pendulum in the extreme opposite direction when you're currently at one extreme end can often land you in a good middle spot, and you actually do need to address your neediness. However, keep in mind that the ideal goal is having a secure attachment style rather than an avoidant one. The latter results in a whole 'nother set of problems.

Very good post. I only learned about this when i started having marriage issues but attachment styles do explain some of the relationship dynamics

 

[SW15]

35 and never had a serious relationship? I think she's lying to scare you off.

Though rare, it would be possible for that to happen to a woman.

A 35 year old woman today is a Millennial who has had access to online dating and social media. A 35 year old woman today has had far more options than a 35 year old woman in 1990 would have had. A 35 year old woman today who hasn't had a serious relationships has been pursued by hundreds to thousands of men from tech-based methods and likely put up a big notch count in one night stands and situationships over a 15-20 year period. Additionally, a 35 year old woman today likely went to college and was exposed to a lot of eligible men on campus. She might not have had a serious relationship in college but she wasn't lonely.

A 35 year old woman today without a long term relationship in her past has had at least 15 sexual partners.

 

[Gamisch]

Yes every woman has doubts. She wouldn’t have mention anything even if I hadn’t asked. She had 100 plus guys and only fwb and one night stands. She never had a single Relationship since high school days. It’s not a joke. I know her from mutual friends it’s just the way she is

100 plus multipled by..? 2 ? 3?

You are extremely naive to believe her.

But this is the main issue; we all have different ages in different settings. E.g , Ive done boxing for 20 years. So ny experience/boxing age is 20. If a new guy joins the gym with no experience his boxing age is zero. Perhaps 3 or 4, because he knows what boxing is and he probably threw a punch (with good or bad intentions) once in in his life.

Same goes for dating. Just made this thread https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/friends-asian-gf-finally-got-her-visa.278113/#post-3028466

This dude's real age is 40, but his dating age 20, perhaps even 15. Same with this woman of yours. If you are her first real bf at 35 ,at times it will feel like dealing with a teenager( a normal woman will act like a teenager times,so this will be even worse)

I’m not sure if she is already turned off. We are still meeting and having sex twice a week. But yeah I’m sure she has picked up some of my insecurities. One thing she said for example. She said she doesn’t text me much during the day because when she doesn’t and I reply we end up making always a full convo and she doesn’t have time for that because of work. She basically meant if I text you good morning you can just say for you too and that’s all. Also me bringing these kind of topics about relationships and where we stand probably bad idea

You're coping.

Everything indicates you are the female amd she is the male. No knock on you. But that's what happens when you date a "irregular " woman ; seemingly normal shyte like texting, taking the relationship somewhere, expressing yourself ect will all ne extremely difficult if not turing her off.

She tells you who she is amd yet yiu refuse to believe her...