she has guy friends?

[torqueboxer]

OK guys ive been seeing this girl for a couple months now but she does something that totally annoys me. I need some help to play it cool and not look like a AFC. This chick has guy friends which i really dont care about because im F&^%^ng her. Most of these guy friends are total tools and not even close to me in any way, but, heres the problem. She will say she is going to hang out with her friends some of which are guys, and party with them, without me. I have hung out with these people before and i not worried about any of these dorks pulling her out from under me but it totally annoys me that she is going to go and drink and party without me, Im just not trying to have the " Im so sorry i was drunk" conversation with her. How do i handle the getting drunk, and having guy friends girl? This isnt happening all the time just occasionally. Love to her some advice guys.

 

[italostud]

Start going out and partying with other girls. See what she says then.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Until you two are in a committed relationship, she (and you) are able to do whatever you want.

That said, either make a commitment or do what italostud said.

 

[drixsa]

well i am in the same boat as your right now

except my girl's friends are decent looking guys, half are cool the other half are stupid

and in my book getting drunk is never a good enough excuse for having sex

this kind of thing has crossed my mind, but i cannot worry about it.

if i gave it the effort that it doesnt deserve then im gonna end up worried about stupid **** and all that worrying in my head is going to start reflecting my actions and my words.

the only thing you can do is look at what kind of girl you chose to be your g-f, and if you cannot trust her then you should not be dating her.

i have now met some of her guy friends and they seem allright overall. one of them (a stupid one) is practically in love with my girl and tried to make me look like a fool.

i just didnt show him anything the whole night, until he got in my face real intense, and i put him in his place.

after that i knew ALL her friends thought i was awsome since they were waiting for someone to do just that.

so i guess my advice is to almost befriend her friends but dont worry about her friends, just think of who you chose.

 

[E-Z Rider]

Are you two even exclusive? All I know from your post is that you're 'seeing' her and fvcking her.

If you're not exclusive, then there's no way you should give a fvck.

If you are, then you might have something to worry about. But obviously she is going to do what she wants- and you telling her not to go party without you is going to leave a bad taste in her mouth.

So...you need to let her know, not really explicitly, that you're not having the "I was drunk" conversation; if she cheats, it's over.

And: until she stops putting herself in those situations, go and hang out/party with other girls.

And there is a decent chance that she already has cheated. I mean, think about chicks who get drunk at parties with no bf around. BUT, you really have no grounds to accuse her of anything, or even to really suspect her- she could just as likely be a loyal gf at the party.

If you really feel like she is cheating (signs like she's acting distant, less available, wierd circumstances, etc.), and/or you feel like she is disrespecting you by going to these parties (different guys have different opinions on this), then feel free to grab your balls and next her, and try to find a chick who suits your desires.

Hope dis helps- -E-Z

 

[E-Z Rider]

Originally posted by drixsa
and in my book getting drunk is never a good enough excuse for having sex

agreed.

this kind of thing has crossed my mind, but i cannot worry about it.

I know what you're trying to say here, bro. But at the same time, you need to at least consider the negative possibilities, and the likelihood of them occuring. But you're right, you can't dwell on it.

the only thing you can do is look at what kind of girl you chose to be your g-f, and if you cannot trust her then you should not be dating her.

Yes, this makes sense. BUT...don't make the mistake of thinking that people are immune to temptation, just because they are generally good and trustworthy. In the right situation, I'd venture to say that ANY girl would give in and cheat. The key is that your girl knows how to avoid the situations. And, while guys are just as prone as girls to give in under the right circumstances, guys usually have to actively *create* those circumstances, while those conditions come to girls, even without them wanting it. I think you know what I mean.

i have now met some of her guy friends and they seem allright overall. one of them (a stupid one) is practically in love with my girl and tried to make me look like a fool.

The retarted ones aren't the ones you need to worry about. It's the decent guys. A guy can be decent to your face, but really not give a sh!t about you and just try to get your girl in the sack. And even if the dude respects you, in the right situation, he can forget that respect and go for your girl. Say your girl gives him a little innocent kino. He gets a little excited, and starts kinoing back. She returns, b/c at this point it's still 'innocent'...but we all know the effects of kino, and it escalated until they;re all over each other, and goes from there.

i just didnt show him anything the whole night, until he got in my face real intense, and i put him in his place.

after that i knew ALL her friends thought i was awsome since they were waiting for someone to do just that.

so i guess my advice is to almost befriend her friends

This is probably the most effective thing you can do. For one, guys are less likely to mess with the gf of a guy they are cool with. Second, if you can demonstrate some alpha characteristics around her guy friends, to her you will become the leader of the men she knows. This means, in general, she'll be attracted to you above the others.

but dont worry about her friends, just think of who you chose.

This 'don't worry' is what I semi-disagree with. Never underestimate your competition.

I'm assuming your gf is attractive. It's not a stretch to say all of her guy friends are also attracted to her, just like you are. Not to say all of them are in love with her, or even really give a fvck, but if that attraction is there, situations can arise. Trust me, I know this.

At the same time, you can't accuse a girl of cheating just because circumstances made it likely. Additionally, you can't dwell on it b/c it WILL bring you down. This I know as well.

So...I know I sound like an ultra-pessemist here, but I'm really not. I'm actually an optimist, but in this post I'm being realist.

I think you have to realize that in a certain situation, virtually anyone is capable of cheating. Therefore, being a loyal gf has more to do with the situations you put yourself in.

If I like a girl enough to be exclusive with her, I generally won't go to parties by myself, but instead chill with my friends at the party instead of hitting on/getting hit on by chicks. And so forth. Having cheated before, I know what I will do in the heat of the moment. Most people don't- they've either never been in that situation, or they didn't spend the time to anylyze the causes of their cheating and how to prevent it. Or maybe they do know what they'll do in the moment, but they don't have the willpower to prevent that moment from happening. I think girls, by nature of society, have a tougher time with this.

So, basically, keep realistic thoughts in your mind of what your girl is doing, but don't dwell and don't draw unsusbstantiated conclusions. Learn to think of cheating potential in terms of situations and not trustworthiness. And don't let her 'get away' with more than you do.

Later- -E-Z

 

[Big Pappy]

I find this to be an interesting topic. A girl you're with - a girlfriend or a girl you see from time to time with sex involved parties with some friends without you.

I'm assuming you're bf/gf with exclusivity. Otherwise, what would be the point of your post?

Here's my 2 cents. Some people have different types of friends. I have one set of friends from school and another set of friends from my neighborhood, and another from the Marina where my boat is.

Very rarely, some of the circles may intersect. But, for the most part, each group of friends has a certain stereotype. I seriously doubt that the college buddies would feel comfortable with the red necks at the marina.

So, if you're left out of some of this partying, don't worry too much about it. They might be gay, or they might be a couple of dorks and she's trying to spare herself the drama that could unfold with you guys interacting.

More than likely, she's perceptive enough to realize that you might see these friends of hers as competition for her time and she doesn't want to be worried about stroking your ego while she's partying.

It's difficult, but try not to worry about it. Just have fun doing your own thing while she's doing her own thing.

 

[Ice Cold]

IMHO she's cheating.

For some reason, if they don't cheat with the guys they go out with, they don't tell you so that you're not worried.

If they do cheat, they tell you it's just friends.

Chick logic

Has anybody else seen this?

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

What fvcking kind of logic is that? because a girl goes out partying with friends she's cheating? Rofl.

 

[drixsa]

Originally posted by E-Z Rider
Yes, this makes sense. BUT...don't make the mistake of thinking that people are immune to temptation, just because they are generally good and trustworthy. In the right situation, I'd venture to say that ANY girl would give in and cheat. The key is that your girl knows how to avoid the situations. And, while guys are just as prone as girls to give in under the right circumstances, guys usually have to actively *create* those circumstances, while those conditions come to girls, even without them wanting it. I think you know what I mean.

though i know what you mean, i think that if i really did not want to cheat on a girl, i wouldn't. i have has some pretty interesting tests in the past but if you were to put heidi klum up to seducing me i cannot say how i would act.

The retarted ones aren't the ones you need to worry about. It's the decent guys. A guy can be decent to your face, but really not give a sh!t about you and just try to get your girl in the sack. And even if the dude respects you, in the right situation, he can forget that respect and go for your girl. Say your girl gives him a little innocent kino. He gets a little excited, and starts kinoing back. She returns, b/c at this point it's still 'innocent'...but we all know the effects of kino, and it escalated until they;re all over each other, and goes from there.

what, are you trying to give me nightmares or somethin?


This is probably the most effective thing you can do. For one, guys are less likely to mess with the gf of a guy they are cool with. Second, if you can demonstrate some alpha characteristics around her guy friends, to her you will become the leader of the men she knows. This means, in general, she'll be attracted to you above the others.

yup

This 'don't worry' is what I semi-disagree with. Never underestimate your competition.

i honestly do not worry about my competition. If my girl wanted the guys, they would of been hers. the truth is if i sit there and i worry about her friends hittin on her, im going to get pissed and worry about it. thats just not me. i have certain things that i look at with a girl before i decide if she is suitable to be my g-f, f-buddy, etc. each group has its own guidelines, but i get a very good feeling about this one.

now its true, i *could* get cheated on. Its Possible. but i have done the most i can do to limit that possibility. and once i have done that then there is nothing more than i can do so worrying about it really serves no purpose.

from now on the only thing i can look for is yellow cards(not quite a red flag, but can easily lead to one) and obviously red flags.

I'm assuming your gf is attractive. It's not a stretch to say all of her guy friends are also attracted to her, just like you are. Not to say all of them are in love with her, or even really give a fvck, but if that attraction is there, situations can arise. Trust me, I know this.

yes id like to think she is (attractive). yea her guys friends show interest, and i know situations arise and i am usually on the other side of the coin



So...I know I sound like an ultra-pessemist here, but I'm really not. I'm actually an optimist, but in this post I'm being realist.

i like the way you said that, kinda sounds like me thinking

I think you have to realize that in a certain situation, virtually anyone is capable of cheating. Therefore, being a loyal gf has more to do with the situations you put yourself in.

cannot argue that

If I like a girl enough to be exclusive with her, I generally won't go to parties by myself, but instead chill with my friends at the party instead of hitting on/getting hit on by chicks.

ah, self control. you seem to lack it if you would hold yourself like tha. Now i see more where your perspective is coming from. the truth is that other girls flirt with me, i have a good time, but nothing goes anywhere. if a girl comes up to me and puts here arm around me i do not need to scream "i have a girl-friend get your horny hands off of me!" and then proceed to pull out a picture. i think there is a certain level to which it is acceptable to take it. thats something you have to decide for yourself. if you are easily seduced then maybe just chilling with the friends is your best bet. but a lack of self control in the end will screw you over

the truth is i am really not the jealous type. i do not cringe at my girl hugging another guy, giving a kiss on the cheek, dancing with other guys, etc. for i do the same sort of thing.


And so forth. Having cheated before, I know what I will do in the heat of the moment. Most people don't- they've either never been in that situation, or they didn't spend the time to anylyze the causes of their cheating and how to prevent it. Or maybe they do know what they'll do in the moment, but they don't have the willpower to prevent that moment from happening. I think girls, by nature of society, have a tougher time with this.

my reply seemed to make its way above this paragraph


So, basically, keep realistic thoughts in your mind of what your girl is doing, but don't dwell and don't draw unsusbstantiated conclusions. Learn to think of cheating potential in terms of situations and not trustworthiness. And don't let her 'get away' with more than you do.

Later- -E-Z

hey EZ how did it ever work out with that GF of yours?>

 

[becker]

I'm going to totally go out on a limb here and say that in general, you'll know if a girl is the type that will cheat based on the type of person she is, especially if you've been with her for a while.

My last one-itis would struggle just to even have lunch with me, since she had a BF, who was a total AFC type. Add to that, she was an extremely loyal person when it came to relationships.

If she's totally hot (based on the community, and not your own biased standards), then you can bet your a$$ that any guy friends she has are like a pack of hyenas waiting for the lion (you) to finish his meal before moving in.

I can feel you though, it sucks if she's going out with other guy friends and getting drunk with them without you. To me, that's a little borderline and you can sort of foresee some dramatic things happening in the future (such as the "I was drunk" talk). I have no problem with her going out with other girl friends without me though.

Definitely try to be exclusive. I don't even try to go out with girls these days if I could not see being in an exclusive relationship with them.

 

[E-Z Rider]

drix

Yeah, I agree with you in as much as I can say we'd probably handle a situation the same way.

I think the whole point of my post was to point out situations as indicators rather than what you percieve her trustworthiness to be.

And yeah, you can prevent cheating (as much as possible) by making friends with her guy friends, and by doing the same kind of things she does; if she dances with other guys, dance with other girls. Something like that.

About my gf: I assume you're talking about that long-ass post I made a couple of weeks ago.

Well, she did e-mail me almost two weeks after she told me we were over, and wrote that "she had something to tell me" but that she wanted to wait for me to decide if I even wanted to hear it, basically saying she understands if I don't even want to talk to her anymore. So in the meantime she sent me a bunch of Bryan Adams songs to download, love songs like "Please Forgive Me" and "Have you ever really loved a woman"...lol.

Well I told her I'd be really busy the next 2 weeks, studying for finals (the damn truth), so she has to wait a while to tell me whatever she is going to say.

Overall, I'm going to string this out, and build up real attraction instead of e-mails or phone calls. If we get back together, I don't want it to be from talking. I want it to be from action. So we'll see.

-E-Z

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
What fvcking kind of logic is that? because a girl goes out partying with friends she's cheating? Rofl.

I know, but look at it this way:

What holds her from cheating if another guy comes onto her?

Morals?

HA!

 

[E-Z Rider]

Originally posted by Ice Cold
I know, but look at it this way:

What holds her from cheating if another guy comes onto her?

Morals?

HA!

This is kind of my point.

What holds her from cheating? Well, firstly, if he's not attractive enough for her, and/or if he doesn't have much game.

But assuming he's attractive enough and has good game, what then?

A guy who has good game can have a very manipulating effect on women.

I'm pretty confident that if I could get my foot in the door (initiate a conversation, spark interest), I could, over the course of a night, alcohol helping but probably not neccessary, get a chick with a bf to cheat. Or at least be obviously attracted to me, lots of "more than friendly" touching, etc.

Here at sosuave we like to explore women's mentality, and I think one of the more accurate bits I've read here is that women have less willpower, conviction than men. This is probably due to their disposition to being more influenced by emotions than rationality.

So, I think in this kind of situation even a normally good girlfriend would more than likely cheat. Regardless of her interest level in her bf.

So, the best way to be sure you've got a woman that's not screwing around is one that doesn't put herself in situations like this. Why would she really want to party with just her guy friends anyway? Why wouldn't she want to have you along? Really think about those questions.

 

[ShortyBrown]

Originally posted by torqueboxer
This chick has guy friends which i really dont care about because im F&^%^ng her.

Most of these guy friends are total tools and not even close to me in any way, but, heres the problem. She will say she is going to hang out with her friends some of which are guys, and party with them, without me. I have hung out with these people before and i not worried about any of these dorks pulling her out from under me but it totally annoys me that she is going to go and drink and party without me, [/B]

You're totally contradicting yourself. It scares you witless and you should go get a woman whos mates don't intimidate you so much.

 

[dietzcoi]

Funny how women always think it is "innocent" when they have guy friends, while the guy friends are spending their time scheming on how to get into her pants.

The story is always the same.

You don't need a woman who has male "friends". You just don't need to put up with it. It is disrespectful to you and you can bet they are trying to fvck her. It is human nature.

In the case of my present and past two GFs, their so called male friends (AFCs) and other men in our mutual circle of aquaintences were contantly trying to hit on them. I only needed to turn my back for a second... so do not trust the so called male "friends". Some of the stuff they tried, which my GFs later related to me, was both laughable and despicable at the same time.

Do not put up with it. You are being made a fool of.

Dietzcoi

 

[torqueboxer]

Great ideas guys! My former AFC self would have been totally worried about this whole thing. This was a committed relationship (one-itis, sorry) and I was more worried about losing my steady FB. Thanks to this board I kicked the little AFC p*&&y out of my mind went down there and basically told her I wasnt happy with how she was acting, gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her to have a nice life with her friends!!! I cant tell you guys how good it felt to fire her a$$ and not even care. After that I want straight to the mall and brushed off my DJ skills not to bad I made two convos, and number closed one HB 7.5
This discussion is great because now I have a better idea on how to deal with it. THanks guys.
Ben

 

[NewMan]

1) These guy's she hangs out with - they want to fvck her -> casually or otherwise.

2) Your 24. Your to fvcking young to be in a LTR, especially with some chick who's partying with other guys.

3) If your worrying about what she's doing your fvcked. You give her all of the power. You attitude should be that you don't give a damn. In fact, it enables you to go out and party with other girls. She will wonder about YOU - about what YOUR doing. It's a power game.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

u r a fool if u think she is not having sex with these guys - she is blatantly disrespecting your manhood - but if u r just a sex partner with this wh@re then y worry about it - she is a ho and u want her to act like a virtuous woman who has values and guidelines - r u on crack?

 

[drixsa]

Originally posted by torqueboxer
Great ideas guys! My former AFC self would have been totally worried about this whole thing. This was a committed relationship (one-itis, sorry) and I was more worried about losing my steady FB. Thanks to this board I kicked the little AFC p*&&y out of my mind went down there and basically told her I wasnt happy with how she was acting, gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her to have a nice life with her friends!!! I cant tell you guys how good it felt to fire her a$$ and not even care. After that I want straight to the mall and brushed off my DJ skills not to bad I made two convos, and number closed one HB 7.5
This discussion is great because now I have a better idea on how to deal with it. THanks guys.
Ben

thats nice and all but was she even cheating on you?

or even being flirtatious with other guys?

i guess what i am asking overall is why did you NEXT her?