She has a fear of commitment.

[ItalianMafioso]

Hey, guys, I hope you can help me get this girl, because I've tried everything, and I'm losing patience.

This girl (who is easily a 9) kissed me last weekend, and then tried to act like nothing happened. Whenever I tried to talk to her about it, she told me to forget about it. Well, I told her that I think she has a fear of commitment, and that's why she's avoiding the issue. At the time, she tried to argue with me and tell me that I was wrong. After a few days, however, she finally came up and acknowledged that she did have a fear of commitment. She said that she didn't want a serious relationship right now because of that and the fact that both of us with be graduating in three monthes. She's afraid that when we go to college, everything will change and that I'll find someone better than her and want to get rid of her to go out with that better girl.
We're both going to the same college, and there's definately physical attraction from the both of us, and we get along amazingly well. She's afraid that either I'll hurt her, or she'll end up hurting me. She wants to wait (and just be friends, ugh) until we're both a little ways into college. Then, persue a relationship. I don't want to wait that long. We've known each other fairly well for quite a while now, and we've been through arguments and her family loves me and is pushing for the relationship. Everyone says we'd be perfect together (except for her exboyfriend). She just has some reservations. I've really been having to push the issue with her.
Any idea what I should do?

Until Next Time,
ItalianMafioso

 

[fragmentor]

Originally posted by ItalianMafioso
... I've tried everything... I don't want to wait that long... her family loves me and is pushing for the relationship... I've really been having to push the issue with her...

There's ya problem, right there. Seems to me that your getting way too clingy and you have a CLASSIC case of oneitis.

Let's analyse why she doesn't want a relationship:

1. She's being pressured by you and her parents to get into it. That's no reason to date someone.
2. You're being too clingy and she knows it
3. You're not exciting her - Where's the C&F?
4. Most importantly - where's the Keep Away factor?
   [/list=1]
   
   Want the best advice you're gonna get? You may not like it.
   
   Start ignoring her a little bit and then when you do talk just act like friends and say something like "well I've moved on now - it was a shame that you didn't take a risk and that you could have missed out on the time of your life". Say that then BAIL. Get the hell outta there saying "Got to go now, see ya later".
   
   Move on - forget about her and get some more phone numbers.
   
   She now KNOWS that you've moved on - and the last comment you made to her got her thinking - "wow, i could have had the best time - WHAT HAVE I DONE??".
   
   But DO NOT EVER EVER EVER bank on this. She may start being attracted to you again - just be relaxed and flirt a bit (make sure YOU are the one to break the convo up and leave). NO clinginess.
   
   Keep doing this, see other women and maybe, just maybe she'll ask YOU out (make sure it's her asking you or else u could appear to be clingy and desperate).
   
   Most important thing here is:
   • Get her thinking about what she could have missed out on
   • MOVE ON - stop thinking about her altogether.
   • And of course - the classic - READ THE DJ BIBLE!!
   
   
   That's pretty much the best advice I can give you,
   Frag-Mentor

 

[The Antichrist_Star]

Talk about a guy to who is shooting himself in the foot. Italian... you need a lesson in ********, so here it is.

because I've tried everything, and I'm losing patience.

There's your first mistake... why are you making this such a big deal, and why are you losing your cool... that's the worse thing a Don Juan can do.

This girl (who is easily a 9) kissed me last weekend, and then tried to act like nothing happened. Whenever I tried to talk to her about it, she told me to forget about it.

Maybe because nothing did "happen." Did it ever cross your mind that she may have done that for physicality sake? Maybe she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you... she just may want sex. (When was that a bad thing?)

Well, I told her that I think she has a fear of commitment, and that's why she's avoiding the issue. At the time, she tried to argue with me and tell me that I was wrong. After a few days, however, she finally came up and acknowledged that she did have a fear of commitment.

A fear of commitment... what is she committed to? This is something that you never do... you never, ever bring up LTR words to girls, unless they do it first. You guys haven't even gone out on a date yet and you're talking about commitment... come on man... you could hop off the ovaries for just a second please?

She said that she didn't want a serious relationship right now because of that and the fact that both of us with be graduating in three monthes. She's afraid that when we go to college, everything will change and that I'll find someone better than her and want to get rid of her to go out with that better girl.

Can you blame her? You guys are three months from graduating and you want a serious relationship... are you for real? She's not afraid of anything... that's what you call woman bull****. It's just that she doesn't want to do it... she wants to spend her last three months of school having fun... not tied down to some guy. And trust me... once you go to college... you will find a better girl.

She's afraid that either I'll hurt her, or she'll end up hurting me. She wants to wait (and just be friends, ugh) until we're both a little ways into college. Then, persue a relationship. I don't want to wait that long.

That's some more woman bull****... this is what she is saying in English. I don't want to be in a relationship with you, so will you please stop trying to bring it up? I kissed you because I thought maybe we could have some fun, I didn't think you would try to marry me because of it. Trust me... N. Korea has a better chance of blowing the West Coast into oblivion (which I really doubt will happen) than you being in a relationship with her once you get into college.

I don't want to wait that long. We've known each other fairly well for quite a while now, and we've been through arguments and her family loves me and is pushing for the relationship. Everyone says we'd be perfect together (except for her exboyfriend). She just has some reservations. I've really been having to push the issue with her.

So let me get this straight... her parents are pushing for the relationship.... hahahahahahaha! And you really think that she is going to go with a guy that her parents like? C'mon man... that's sad. Every girl I have been with, her parents never like me right from the beginning... and with good reason. If her parents like you already that must mean that you're safe... and let's face it... how many girls want to date safe guys? She does have reservations all right... for the relationship period... so do yourself a favor and give it up!!!

I'm sorry I have to be this harsh, but I hope this will wake you up... this girl does not like you enough to have a relationship with you... so give it up. Leave her alone... completely and spend your valuable time pursuing other girls... don't worry... she'll probably come back around soon... but if you keep this up... she'll run for the hills.

The Matrix: Reloaded

 

[blueeyedblonde]

Well first off I am a girl and I know this is a guy site but my friend you need help. Okay, first thins first, If this girl you are talking about is the same one you have been talking about for quite some time now, not to be too harsh, but give up! The things you have been saying that has gone on sounds like she isn't interested in you as more than a friend. It sounds like to me she has you wrapped around her finger and messes with your head because she can. So if you do really like her then do what that other guy said and ignore her and she will probably realize how wonderful you are if she really does like you. But as for now try other girls out. Get your mind off her. Coming from a girls point of view I bet there is a girl out there who likes you a lot and would really enjoy dating you and even though you think that falling into the "friends" category with a girl is bad and you have no chance with them I bet you have a friend that wants to be with you, everyone does just no one knows it.
So I hope I have given you some descent advice and if I haven't then I apologize.

Peace,
Blueeyedblonde

 

[Da Game]

Dude, you have the roles completely reversed. SHE is supposed to be the one bugging YOU about a relationship, not the other way around. Commitment is a GIRL thing to do. In the classic male evolutionary sense, we should be perfectly happy to sleep around and never settle down. When you start bugging her about a relationship, it makes YOU the woman. That's bad.

Live and learn. Just don't make this mistake with the next one.