She has a bf, need help!

[leapingllama]

hello men, i'm in need of DJ guideance.
Ive become 'romanticly involved' with this gorgeous girl who happens to have a boyfriend we have been together several times resulting in her feeling badly about the whole ordeal, but unable to turn me away. I have identified some things that she likes about me that her boyfriend obviously does not posses: wit/good sense of humor, physical affection (im on my way to become a massage therapist), she loves eye contact, as well as the compliments i often give her, and most importantly i see her 5x as often as him. so thats all good, however after reading a few posts i realize i am a dreaded 'nice guy'. although she seems to respond well to how well i treat her e.g. drive a long way to see her, buy her treats for when she gets home, spending a lot of time with her... she says her mind is with me but her heart is with the other guy, and that she would love to be with me but doesnt want to hurt bf. but she still gets very turned on when i'm intimite with her
Any advice on what attitude or aprroach i should take with her would be much appreciated.

 

[Igetit!]

Question here...

You say that you "need help" with this girl. What does that mean?

You need help doing what? Trying to take her from her boyfriend?


That's what you want? Because if they'll do it with you,then they'll do it to you as well.



You said that you've identified some things about yourself that her boyfriend doesn't have.


Obviously these traits and qualities alone aren't enough to make her leave him and be with you.



You said that she said the reason she doesn't just break up with him and date you is because she doesn't want to hurt him. If that's true,then why is she fooling around behind his back in the first place?


What,she doesn't think THAT will hurt him?



I don't know what type of "help" it is you're looking for,but obviously there something about her boyfriend that's stronger than whatever it is you're giving her right now,and that's why she's choosing to stay with him.



My guess would be he provides security,but after a while,she gets bored.



So she runs to you. The fooling around behind her man's back gives her a rush,some excitement...for a while. Then once that need has been momentarily filled,she goes back to her boyfriend for security again.



Strap yourself in dude,because more than likely,this the way things are going to be for a while.

 

[leapingllama]

Agreed, I had the feeling that might be what was happening, I just needed someone to tell me strait up. thank you I suppose I just needed help not being such a moron haha DJ bible here I come.

 

[averagechan]

i suggest you to read the dj bible on how to become a p.i.m.p

 

[TizZle]

You are filling a void that he is not. Right now you are second best. DO NOT. I REPEAT, DO NOT catch feelings for this chick.

 

[leapingllama]

Im not yet done reading the DJ Bible and I'm realizeing the grand errors and delusions I have fabricated through this experience. On retrospect I see my message and think 'poor chump' he should have known better. sosuave kicks a$$! back to the Bible!

 

[66_kingz]

Stay away!!! and Stop talking with her

She is using you. THINK about it...when she is finished being intimate with you what do you think she does after with her Boyfriend???

Trust me...no girl is worth your self respect

 

[Igetit!]

You are filling a void that he is not. Right now you are second best. DO NOT. I REPEAT, DO NOT catch feelings for this chick.

EXACTLY.


I saw a perfect example of this on "The Real World" on MTV one time.


This girl had a "nice guy" boyfriend. This guy,he worshipped the ground she walked on.


He was totally in love with her,faithful to her,even bought her an engagement ring.



Well,she was on this show,which meant he was left behind in whatever town she was from.



Well,you know how the show is,going out drinking,meeting new people,hooking up,etc. Well this girl told her boyfriend that she wanted a "break". Of course he was against it,but she went ahead,and put things between them on hold.



Well since she was on "break",she went out for a night on the town with some of her roommates,and met a guy. She was totally into him because unlike her boyfriend,he was wild,exciting,and very outgoing.




Well guess what happened? She overheard him saying to someone that she wasn't "that hot",and she got offended. She left the bar crying with her roommates,and when she got home,surprise,surprise,she called her boyfriend,telling him that she's so lucky to have him,that he's always there for her,etc.



The point here is that women are emotional,and this girl was getting two emotional needs met from 2 different guys.



Women want security,and that's what her "nice guy" boyfriend provided...but prolonged security causes boredom. So when she got to the point of no longer being able to stand the boredom,she broke off (the "break") things with her boyfriend,then went out an found "excitement" in another guy.



Then once the new guy shook her confidence,shook her "foundation" with the "she's not that hot" comment,she ran back to her boyfriend,who provdes security by constantly telling her she's beautiful,that he loves her,how he doesn't want anyone else but her,etc.



That what seems to be the case here.
This girl will keep this going on as long as she can.




The only way she'd possibly leave her boyfriend for the op is for him to provide all the needs HIMSELF.


If he could give her whatever it is she's getting from her boyfriend,in addition to whatever it is he himself is providing,then that would be his best bet.


Good luck with doing that.

 

[schttrj]

Stay away!!! and Stop talking with her

She is using you. THINK about it...when she is finished being intimate with you what do you think she does after with her Boyfriend???

Trust me...no girl is worth your self respect

Do you really think she's using you? Listen, if you want, go snatch her away from her boyfriend. Did you do anything sexual? If no, make your moves. Don't get disheartened. DON'T ever stay away at this point. She is hot. She has guys waiting for her. She will not even turn to look at you going away.

Play hard and if you need help, just bump here...

 

[leapingllama]

thank you compadres. tonight is the night when she will have to decide! better yet, the night I will decide what is to come of us!
"There is no surrender, there is no retreat" hahaha
strength and honor brothers

She is not using me outright, she does care for me(I judge by her actions) there are several things i give her that her bf doesnt, the only thing he has on me is the fact that they have been together for more than a year now. she's never even considered cheating before me. and im sure i could seduce her into one night of ...well anything, it's only after the intimacy that problems arise. should i swing for homerun or wait for a better pitch?

 

[Igetit!]

thank you compadres. tonight is the night when she will have to decide! better yet, the night I will decide what is to come of us!
"There is no surrender, there is no retreat" hahaha
strength and honor brothers

:crackup:

WHAT???


Please,PLEASE tell me you're joking here.


You really think she going to make a decision tonight simply because of the two or three replies you've gotten to this thread?


Look: Her needs take priority to her. You're not going to "ultimatum" her into a decision.


All she'll do is choose her boyfriend over you,then go out and find another guy to meet the needs you've been meeting.


She'll just keep her boyfriend and replace YOU.

SHE'S GOING TO GET HER NEEDS MET...PERIOD.


I don't think you quite understand...


You keep saying that there are things that you give her that her boyfriend doesn't.


Well guess what? There are things that her boyfriend give her that you don't give.


That's why she keeps going back and forth between you two because NEITHER ONE OF YOU provides EVERYTHING.



If I want a hamburger,then I go to a place that sells hamburgers,but if I want mexican food,then I'll go to a place that sells mexican food.


I go to one place to get the hamburger,then go to another to get the mexican food.



Well,what if there's a place that sells both? In that case,I'll go there instead of running back and forth between the other two restaurants.



That's what she's doing.


Go ahead and do what you have planned to do,but as long as she has a need for something YOU DON'T PROVIDE,she'll continue to seek it out in other men....GUARANTEED.

 

[leapingllama]

:crazy: .....im so glad somebody is thinking strait, so basicly i should become a mexican hamburger for her hahaha any advice in finding out what her bf is giving her that im missing? I would just ask her but appearantly my simplistic approach to my problems is less than ideal. :nervous:

I know she has the security aspect from him, but he's joining the military in a few months so that is faltering. she has expressed that he doesnt show her enough physical affection, or communication, but ive made up for that. Besides that im unsure about what their relationship consists of.

 

[Arakune]

Getit Gets it!

This b1tch is just using you. If you think you a better man just cuz she cheats with you then you got a lot to learn!

I've been in this sich too many times to know that in the end she'll just dump your for her hubby, and that's she's either confused or just using you to make herself feel better

stop blinding yourself with attraction and just get rid of this chick.

a b1tchs who cheats ain't worth sh1t. you really think this girl is good jus cuz she shows you positive attention? keep in mind that this is behind her mans back, and that this behavior is highly selffish of her

she'll do the same with any guys she's with just to meet her needs

 

[Igetit!]

It's not that often I do this,but I'm going to put my own words in quotes.

This is from reply #7 of THIS THREAD.

The only way she'd possibly leave her boyfriend for the op is for him to provide all the needs HIMSELF.


If he could give her whatever it is she's getting from her boyfriend,in addition to whatever it is he himself is providing,then that would be his best bet.


Good luck with doing that.

So yeah,the "mexican hamburger" theory would be correct.

How to go about doing that...not so simple. And it DEFINATELY won't "puff",just magically happen tonight when you see her.



Another thing you have going against you is that this girl and her boyfriend has a history together. And each day that history grows.


So if it takes you 3 months to finally be able to become this "mexican hamburger",that's three more months of history/them being together you'll have to overcome.


It'd be sooo much simpler just to find a girl who's single.

 

[leapingllama]

ight, she's just soo sexy hahaha but i just started uni so there will be more great pick ups. ill just keep me chin up but my hopes down and ride it out (literally?!?!) haha thanks a million boys

 

[leapingllama]

Yeah, i'll work on that

p.s. llama is spelt with two L's

 

[nismo-4]

Romantically involved? I think I smell oneitis!

Take her from her bf? Reap what you sow.

Dude, you need to be more interesting to her than her bf.

I'd pm Igetit! if I were you.

Case closed.

 

[Da Realist]

Wow, sounds almost as bad as vlad's thread.

 

[Energizer]

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Igetit! again."

Top post mate (your first one). I agree with every word.

 

[Energizer]

ight, she's just soo sexy hahaha but i just started uni so there will be more great pick ups. ill just keep me chin up but my hopes down and ride it out (literally?!?!) haha thanks a million boys

You're what Sgt Gunnery Hartman would call a "maggot".

Cheating is wrong, I have no respect for people who try and steal someone else's woman or man. There is no strength and honour in what you are doing. You are nothing more than a grabastic piece of amphibian sh*t.

There are plenty of single women out there, hot single women are probably looking for a random hook up, why not go for these women?