She got kissed by another guy... What would you do?

[Tomo]

I'm been sleeping with and starting to build a relationship with this HB. She is the high quality type - good moral grounding, we share the same beliefs etc and she is the type you'd take home to your family etc. We're not in a relationship so there is no commitment but at the same time you'd think there is a type of loyalty between two people like ourselves - especially since she is the nice girl type.

So here is the story:
End of semester, and everyone is getting drunk and partying hard. We all go out for the night and after her looking for me, I walk out of the clubs to go look for her. I messaged her a couple of times but received no reply. Then when I walk out, I see her go in for a quick kiss with another guy. As such I walk away and head home. She chased after me but I did not reply.

She is now blowing up my phone telling me that the guy was a good friend from back home (we are studying interstate) that went in for a kiss on the cheek but ended up hitting the lips. I don't know how to take it. I am not angry at her because I know we are not in a relationship yet I feel my loyalty has been dented. I was dancing with girls, escalating but holding back yet I feel now I should of hooked up with a few of them.

What would you do in this scenario? Do you give her a chance - talk about it? Or do you just keep sleeping with her and not remain committed. I guess I am gutted because my loyalty was just not returned. I've come a long way from being the AFC. Funny though, even if you are now the high quality type even something like this puts a dent in everything.
Note: I'm not after quick PUA hook ups but quality hence my downfall.

 

[thatfeel]

Well at least you've learned for yourself that women are not loyal creatures who will then lie to rationalize their bad behavior. Since there was no loyalty established via communication you should have continued to spin plates and you would not be in this emotional predicament. You don't "start to build a relationship", you **** her and make her show you that she's worth having a relationship with and then if you want it to go that way you let her bring up the "officiality"(if there is such a thing).

 

[happyDJ]

Ouch. But it's what thatfeel said.
She has to be lying or (much less likely) at the very least she was giving all kinds of positive hints to the other guy and teasing him.

Whatever you do, don't act butthurt. Jealous or offended.
But do not take her back. At least not right now. She'll lose all respect for you. You can't take her back like that, after kissing another guy in front of you. But don't act butthurt. And never buy into her lie. She'll think you're a fool. Just dismiss it or ignore it everytime.
I don't like spinning plates, but here I have to recommend it. You'll lose the power in the relationship if you don't. Don't go completely NC, that means you're sore. Don't initiate contact, but reply light hearted, but short. Keep busy. Just widen the distance in the relationship right now, and see other girls. Fvck them preferably.
With her you'll always be the guy who took her after she cheated. You should back off but not show it as a revenge act. The only chance is to spin plates, but I would consider exit strategies, instead of trying to keep long term options. If you want to keep fvcking her this is a great time to amp up things, she'll be much more submissive. Did you ever want to do something and never got around to initiate it? (for the long term to even hold you have to spin plates now)

Don't be the guy who is butthurt and don't be the guy who pretends nothing happens. Either one is bad. Do something orthogonal to this.

 

[apprenticedj]

What would I have done?

Probably exactly what you did, walked away and ignored her but I think that's the wrong action because it shows you were hurt and offended. She simply should never see you feeling this way.

What SHOULD you have done?

You should've acted like nothing happened but made sure she was aware that you saw the kiss. More than likely she would have noticed your nonreaction to the matter (let's face it chicks are analyzing EVERYTHING) and she would've brought it up on her own. Then you could've told her "who you kiss is none of my business, we're not serious or anything".

If she is interested in you her hamster wheel would've spun right off the track!

Of course my friend, hindsight is 20/20. What's done is done. For now I would (and this is just my opinion) resume hanging out as if nothing happened, stay uncommitted and spin plates/bang other chicks. This is the only way you can maintain your frame and not let these things get you down. I know you said you're not a quick hook up type of dude but you need to do this buddy. It will help you get out of your head and heart so that you won't take things so seriously. That will be your armor and we all know a warrior needs his armor.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I'm been sleeping with and starting to build a relationship with this HB. She is the high quality type - good moral grounding, we share the same beliefs etc and she is the type you'd take home to your family etc. We're not in a relationship so there is no commitment but at the same time you'd think there is a type of loyalty between two people like ourselves - especially since she is the nice girl type.

So here is the story:
End of semester, and everyone is getting drunk and partying hard. We all go out for the night and after her looking for me, I walk out of the clubs to go look for her. I messaged her a couple of times but received no reply. Then when I walk out, I see her go in for a quick kiss with another guy. As such I walk away and head home. She chased after me but I did not reply.

Contradictions in bold. Good moral grounding my @ss.

She is now blowing up my phone telling me that the guy was a good friend from back home (we are studying interstate) that went in for a kiss on the cheek but ended up hitting the lips.

And then she tripped and landed on his d!ck. You know how it goes..

 

[Lord Hypnos]

news flash bro: nice girls who you are sleeping with, but not in a relationship with, are not nice girls (they're the female equivalent of a DJ)

clearly you have ONEITIS

 

[Tomo]

Even if it was the first time she has been drinking in a year (she spends her days studying '24/7' as her parents put it) and I could see her always glancing at me throughout that night consistently surrounded by HBs and flirting a bit? - I never let anything escalate beyond though.

 

[m7ytn]

She is now blowing up my phone telling me that the guy was a good friend from back home

You don't say...

Here is my opinion:

1. Clearly there was some sort of implicit loyalty between the two of you...if not, she would not have felt the need to start blowing your phone up in an attempt to justify what you just saw. She has officially betrayed this implicit agreement.

2. Her story does not hold any weight when analyzed using reason. I have had good female friends in the past... I never made it a habit of kissing them. Sounds to me like your gut is telling you that it wasn't a friendly peck on the cheek gone wrong... listen to that gut feeling, I guarantee it is more honest than she will be.

3. I take it that she is not "relationship material." Don't fool yourself into believing that she is what you want her to be. I have met a lot of "innocent" girls who I thought were morally superior that turned out to be slvts when they thought no one was looking. Face it... if you pursue this, you will always be asking yourself in the back of your mind, "what was the true story with that kiss?" The trust is gone, and with it the potential for any serious dating.

My advice? ...move on. Keep her as a plate if you wish, but don't trust her bull****.

 

[jay07]

Thatfeel hit the nail.

She chased you cause you caught her. She seen you see her, so shes scared to lose the "boyfriend" emotional guy while the other dude gets his off on the side.

It doesnt matter if youre together officially, what she did was disrespectful with you around. She knew your guys deal and she tested the waters.

Do not bang her for a while. Dont initiate contact. Amd when she contacts you, respond short and end the convo on your terms.

No girl is a "nice" girl. That is a movie from the 1950s that has no place in the modern world. Every chick wants the d just as much as we want the v.