She changed the date... Does that put me at the disadvantage

[tomcat2007]

Dear DJ's
I recently asked this chick out and was supposed to take her out to dinner Satuday. Me: I am working( age 27) and She is in college(age 21). She was for it until last night(Thursday.) She cancelled saying she had to pay her tuition for college. However she wants to go to coffee with me at a later date. I told her I was flexible with it and didnt make an issue about it. However, eventhough I appreciate her honesty and cancelling a couple of days in advance(dinner and drinks etc).. I smell some b.s behind it. Whats your take. Am I blowing this out of proportion or is she not interested and sparing my feelings. Did I look weak agreeing to change plans on her agenda eventhough we both made an agreement earlier in the week-I asked originally and she mentioned a couple of times. I still have some interest in this nice piece of ace. The help would be appreciated. Cheers!

 

[PhatE1vis]

"Coffee at a later date" isn't specific enough. If we was interested and couldn't make it, she would have counter offered. Chicks will crawl through broken glass if they want you.

I think you handled yourself well, no need to get your feathers ruffled and show she upset you. You should pull back now and not give her much attention.

 

[Obsidian]

Your post isn't clear. Did she ask for a specific time, or did she just say "sometime in the future"? If she changed the date to a different time, go with it. If she was merely vague, consider not calling her back.

 

[tomcat2007]

Obsidian: Sorry man, didnt realize it. She just said at a later date: she brought up the offer herself. She is on my MSN contacts. However, never gave a specific time. I am with you, very skeptical and on the border(ex. say to hell with calling her back.) Cheers! Tomcat.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Yet another example of why you don't want to take out somebody to dinner on a first date. Had you suggested coffee from the beginning, it would have felt like less of an "investment" less of a "commitment" to her.

21 year olds are very flaky and really relly on the opinion and approval of their peers. In her eyes, and her friends, you are known as "the old guy who wasnts to take her to dinner."

Very vague, very non-comittal from her part. Where/how did you meet her? How often do you run into her or see her?

 

[tomcat2007]

For the record: she offered the dinner and drinks idea. Then she changed it coffee. But ugh! Man i know 100 % where you are coming from based on the 21 year old female demographic. I been flaked out on a few when I was in college and 21 myself. She lives in my neighbourhood in a city. I see her a couple imes a week and chat online alot-shout the breeze. Your right also: she didnt make an exact commitment on her part. Ouch I been burned! Cheers!

 

[everywomanshero]

To OP,

I have a sort of algorithm I use to make flaking a non-issue. I also flake on women, so I guess it would be hypocritical of me to take issue with women for the same. I never flake because I personally dislike someone, it's just sometimes people don't feel like meeting right then or something has come up, there's never a reason to take this personally.

1) I make plans for the same night, preferably for as soon as we get off the phone. Many times I've met a woman for lunch and set something up for that evening. Other times I call them late at night and then go over as soon as we hang up the phone. The more time between making plans to meeting, the more flaking one can expect.

2) If I suspect someone might flake and plan 1 isn't viable (which it almost always is), then I have them meet me somewhere I'd be going anyway. I never put myself in a position to be put out and upset. If a man does that, he only has himself to blame. EX: I have them meet me at a neighborhood bar I'd go to anyway, I have them meet me at a bookstore and I read crap I needed to anyway (don't have to buy the book this way either), I invite them over to the house to watch a movie(used to do this, I can't now for other reasons)

3) "Special dates": Fancy hotels, cabins on a lake, the ocean, diner dates, etc. I don't really do these unless someone is a regular. I've had some good success taking women on diner dates and then nailing them the next time we met or the same night, so it's not as bad as some guys make it out to be. I just don't like doing them. Eating out is usually bad for you anyway, it costs too much money, and there are too many women who want sex and are short on time to start catering to some chic I don't even know.

4) Internet women. I don't advise going out of town to meet these women, but if you insist (and I used to do this sometimes), then this info might be useful. One of the main reasons Internet chicks flake is because they usually have bfs/husbands/psuedo-stalkers. A lot of times they guy will try to show up last minute, causing her to flake. I have found a solution to this that has worked every time I've used it. I call her up and get her address, this is very important that I have her address and directions. Never say you'll call right before you get there or you'll call to have her meet you somewhere or you'll get the flake if they dude shows up unexpectadly, these guys mate-guard and show up when they think she is ditching them trust me. So here is what to do: I get her address/directions, then I tell her my phone is going dead and I don't have a car charger so I probably won't be able to call her but I have a GPS so no worries, I will definitely make it there. Without the ability to call and tell me not to come, she will have no choice but to get rid of the other dude no matter how persistent he is. lol. Theorectically he could take her out somewhere but I've done this a lot and that has never happened.


Just my advice

 

[Obsidian]

everywoman'shero is giving effects tips, true, but I kinda prefer to give the girl the opportunity to flake. That way I can tell how interested she really is. I like to set up get-togethers a day or two in advance.

and actually, it usually kinda annoys me when people call me up at the last minute and expect me to meet up with them -- as if I haven't already made plans of my own. So I can understand why a girl would get mad if you tried to call her up on the weekend to take her out.

 

[DonGorgon]

many younger women flake cause they are nervouse or shy!