Sexual innuendos - am i doing it the wrong way?

[m0101]

Just started talking to this one girl recently, mostly on the phone but have traded a few texts here and there. Both of us are busy atm, and can't meet up for another week or so. we talk/text like every 3 days or so, just to keep in touch.

Anyway, i try and throw in sexual innuendos etc now and then, and haven't treated her differently from any other girl, in that respect.

Some examples:
- she said something about "coming out on top" and i responded "hmm, yes being on top is verry important". she just started giggling.
- after a late night of partying, she is pretty hungover/out of sorts the next day so im busting her balls about it. she gets defensive and tells me if i had to do the same, id be lying on the floor exhausted at 2am. i retort "yes id be on the floor but not in the way you're thinking "
- she is describing a "halter top" once. I tell her im not aware what that is. She starts describing the neckline and how it is backless etc. i just said "ooh, i already like how it sounds".
- she's talking about how some women in her gym walk around naked and one has a waist-chain or something. I just tell her i dig that jewelry and find it sexy...

I am nowhere near being gross or graphic and most of these were just innuendos.

the thing is whenever i HINT at something sexual, she almost always points out that i sound like a "15yr old h0rny teenager" or how many times what i say has "double meaning" or that im "freaky". She sounds part playful about it and part wary of me (being a sexual pervert or something, maybe?) . Of course, i played it cool and have never tried to defend myself or anything. This one time, she was talking about "p3nis tattoos" and i was quick to neg her by saying "you're trying to corrupt me" AND "look who is the 15yr old h0rny teenager now?!"

anyway - my question is, am i being too forward with the way i talk? should i just keep doing what im doing? (not just with her but in all my interactions with women during initial stages)

she tells me im a little freaky and normally she just cuts off contact if someone is too freaky, but i also appear calm and have a good sense of humor so she likes me.

 

[Eph]

not exactly a master at this but to me it sounds like you do it a little too frequently. If you do it too much she'll start thinking all you care about is sex (or as you suggested she'll think you're a pervert). You shouldn't flirt too much.

 

[Voice]

I find the sexual innuendos work best when they are half implied and half relative to what you are talking about. It's more about double meanings like your first example.

Examples:

Her: I need to get on top of things here
You: Yeah I like it better when I'm on top as well
Then like clear your throat and change the subject. Don't make it obvious you're trying to be funny.

Her: We should do (some activity)
You: Yeah, you want to DO IT right now or later tonight?
Again here's a double meaning. It could be part sexual and part situational depending on how she sees it.


Her: The water is so rough out there, I had to get out.
You: Eh, I prefer it rough actually, don't mind getting tossed around

All of these examples can be combined with some playful kino. Don't go overboard with the sexuality. These kinds of things should be partly sexual and partly fun. This combination will reel girls in.

*And BTW if she brings up the subject of sex then she's thinking of you in a sexual way.

 

[PDubb75]

not exactly a master at this but to me it sounds like you do it a little too frequently. If you do it too much she'll start thinking all you care about is sex (or as you suggested she'll think you're a pervert). You shouldn't flirt too much.

Agreed... however:

If a girl is interested: You will be shocked at the "freakiness" and frequency you can talk sexually without her having a single issue.

If a girl is not interested: She says the things you are hearing.

Sorry to say that, but I think the chances are, if she's responding that way, it's a hint that it's not gonna happen.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Voice nailed it for you, OP.

Agreed... however:

If a girl is interested: You will be shocked at the "freakiness" and frequency you can talk sexually without her having a single issue.

If a girl is not interested: She says the things you are hearing.

Sorry to say that, but I think the chances are, if she's responding that way, it's a hint that it's not gonna happen.

Not sure I agree with PDubb here. I'm also a very flirty, banter-loving person, especially around hot women, and the reaction the OP describes of seeming offended is one you get a lot. As with most things girl-related, it depends on the medium: that is, how the criticism of your teasing is given. If the girl is giggling when she is telling you off, then she likes you- the giggling is a form of sexually submissive body language. If she is stern and straight-faced, then she finds you annoying.

What I would say is that if you like the girl you describe, you should make a move sooner rather than later. Our game styles sounds very similar (lots of innuendo and sexual wordplay), and I've lost girls before by teasing them too much. You have to build comfort through normal conversation as well in the vast majority of cases, and you also have to make a physical move. If you stay in the "flirty-banter" stage for too long without progress, you'll just come across as goofy.

Does that answer your question, OP?

 

[m0101]

Thanks for the feedback so far, guys. I agree with what Eph and Voice said about using half implications and also not using them as frequently as I do

*And BTW if she brings up the subject of sex then she's thinking of you in a sexual way.

^ I tend to agree actually. The reason I say that is because she really opened up and was casually talking about other topics which had sexual themes etc to it.

Like somethings she HERSELF brought up were:
** Her friend getting her (friend's) dildo confiscated at airport security
** talking about how women in locker rooms walk around naked and how one in her gym has a waist chains. When i said i liked them, she teased (?) me for being freaky.
** when i laughed at her accusation, she asks me if im a b00bs or an a$$ guy. When i said the latter, she tells me "exactly. all a$$ guys are freaky" (umm ok whatever)
** then somehow we're talking about tattoos and SHE teases me for having a weird one like a p3nis tattoo. I just pounced on that opportunity and teased her with "u haven't even met me and already talking about my p3nis"

But then she caveats it by saying "you know i can discuss all this if you want bec we're adults after all. but doesn't mean that i actually can do any of this with anyone"

I do think she followed my lead and opened up, once i set the sexual frame and how my mind works...

What I would say is that if you like the girl you describe, you should make a move sooner rather than later.

Thanks dude. I agree, it's a case of striking when the iron is hot. I know she is excited to meet me, just that our schedules don't permit meeting before friday/sat.

I have a couple of questions for all -
(1) Just planting seeds of sexual conversations in a girl's mind - is that good enough, to make her think about you sexually and be more open to want to do it with you?
(2) on the date, im sure she is expecting me to be sexual/extra flirty etc. SHould I do somewhat of the opposite and just be humorous/confident and cut back on the sexual stuff, to confuse her a bit & spin that hamster?

thanks all!

 

[PDubb75]

OnTheWayUp, and OP. I misread one thing from the original message, and it somewhat changes my perspective on this.

I thought the last line said that when you do these things she cuts off contact with you. If that isn't the case, then I'll take back my comment, but I would proceed with caution.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Sexual innuendo should be presented in a way where her own dirty, filthy mind fills in the blanks. You don't have to acknowledge it in any way (no winks, sly grins, etc.) You come out clean and she ends up feeling sexualized over you because she herself is completing the innuendos in her own mind.

Examples"

"I'm coming or Are you coming" when moving around.
"Don't blow this, or You almost blew it"
"Tit for tat" said innocently
I want to take you (You are saying to the store or to the mall, but her filthy mind is doing your work for you).
"It's very hard"
"It's very wet"

Also mix words and syllables that together can be taken ("Can be taken", see what I mean?) to mean something else. Use the "fu" sound with hard (Hard?!?!) consonants at the end. Sometimes you can make two words together sound sexual, but I'm having a mental block and can't think of any that I have come across.

The point here, though, is that coming from you she has the option to judge you as a pervert if her emotion of the moment calls for that. Instead, make sure that she is the one making the sexual connection. She will talk herself into believing that she finds you sexually charged just by your putting these certain phrases in her mind. Why should you do all the hard work when you can just have her think herself into considering you sexual by allowing her to fill in the blanks?

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Your sexual banter is really excellent, OP, lots of guys here should learn from it. Very witty and natural-sounding without being try-hard.

I have a couple of questions for all -
(1) Just planting seeds of sexual conversations in a girl's mind - is that good enough, to make her think about you sexually and be more open to want to do it with you?
(2) on the date, im sure she is expecting me to be sexual/extra flirty etc. SHould I do somewhat of the opposite and just be humorous/confident and cut back on the sexual stuff, to confuse her a bit & spin that hamster?

thanks all!

1) Yes. Girls respond best to social-sexual dominance, it turns them on more than muscles, money, looks etc. Think about it like this: in our evolutionary history, we lived in a physical world where women sought men who could take care of them and future offspring physically. These days, battles over status and "territory" are fought using social means, so a guy who can display good sexual social skills (ie flirting) will always clean up with the ladies. Obviously you have to escalate physically too.

2) You're overthinking. I know, because I'm massively guilty of it too. Don't fall into either a frame of analysing what she wants, nor a frame of analysing every little micro-interaction. You sound like a clever guy- relax, follow your natural instincts, and get laid. Your ancestors have been doing yet for millennia! If you must think, ask yourself whether she fulfills YOUR criteria rather than thinking about what she wants.

 

[Skalioppe]

1) Yes. Girls respond best to social-sexual dominance, it turns them on more than muscles, money, looks etc.

Truest words ever said. One of the biggest mistakes in my game from years ago was to not get sexual expression into my communications. It resulted in a lot of failures.

Then one day I had an epiphany, almost by accident. I was getting to know a really hot girl, she seemed to like me, but I wasn't getting anywhere and I was super frustrated. I was about to give up and just thought "fvck it" and started chucking in sexual innuendos. Bingo, it was almost like a magic key. She pretended she was a little shocked at first, but all of a sudden things were happening, she was keen, chasing, replying sexually to emails, calls, texts. Things escalated at an alarming rate, before long I was banging her brains out. It's when I realised the number one rule in the game:

LET A WOMAN KNOW YOU WANT SEX. WHY?... BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT A REAL MAN WANTS AND ALL WOMEN WANT A REAL MAN.

So I started refining my technique. Confident innuendo, being a sexual b@stard and as soon as they played as well I'd up the ante, more risky, pushing the envelope of social-sexual behaviour. Before long (literally a handful of texts sometimes) I found they're putty in my hand and enjoying that I'm being sexually blatant as anything, telling them what I'm going to do to them in bed.

If they get offended, it's normally a sh1t test or you aren't Alpha enough to carry it off (women can sometimes smell out men who say but don't mean it confidently enough). In any case, you disappear for a few days, text / call again and repeat. Trust me, it works.

 

[Zerro]

*And BTW if she brings up the subject of sex then she's thinking of you in a sexual way.

Which is the objective here. If she's thinking of sex with you then you've accomplished that mission.

 

[FairShake]

I don't know if you are doing it too much. Those lines...were they over the space of a month, week, day, hour? If they come back to back to back they are probably too much. If they come over the course of a couple of days then probably not.

Her reaction is simply one of disinterest. Like so many other things in life you can only get away with so much depending on how much they like you. I think this girl likes you but only as a friend. Her reaction, calling you a 15 year old, sounds like a nice way of letting you know she's not interested. She doesn't want to insult you or report you but she's letting you know it's not really her bag.

Your innuendo would work well with girls who already have some interest bro. Focus your scope.