Sexual apathy

[viking22]

I'm in my mid 30s. I've developed a certain knack for sleeping with women that are interested in me. But it hardly seems worth it any more.

With most women any sex appeal is heavily front loaded i.e. clothes, make up etc. When the clothes come off and make up disappears you realize most women are average looking with average bodies that aren't really that exciting at all. Nor does it feel like much of an achievement sleeping with them. And what limited novelty factor there is from sleeping with a new woman quickly wears off so even if you like the girl's personality/company etc the sex can feel like a bit of a chore.

For the small minority of women who seem worth sleeping with by virtue of their beauty, sexual magnetism, great body, youth etc. they tend to be either unattainable or require a huge amount of time, effort, expense and even if you do manage to sleep with them it feels like they are just doing it as a favour and it feels unsatisfying and anti-climatic. And they are pretty fickle so they don't tend to stick around for long.

Condoms definitely reduce pleasure/sensation but most women I come across either are not on contraception or are very reluctant to have unprotected casual sex even if you present clear tests and hold off on it until things get more serious. And in general sensitivity is not what it was 10-20 years ago when the merest touch or kiss felt super exciting. I suppose like any drug you develop tolerance pretty quickly and at its worst typical casual sex with condoms just feels like a workout and once it is over you have to put up with a strange woman in your bed for the rest of the evening.

Anyone else feeling like this and how did you break out of the rut?

 

[SW15]

With most women any sex appeal is heavily front loaded i.e. clothes, make up etc. When the clothes come off and make up disappears you realize most women are average looking with average bodies that aren't really that exciting at all. Nor does it feel like much of an achievement sleeping with them. And what limited novelty factor there is from sleeping with a new woman quickly wears off so even if you like the girl's personality/company etc the sex can feel like a bit of a chore.
Anyone else feeling like this and how did you break out of the rut?

Sex with an average looking 30-40 something with an average body isn't that exciting. Sex with attractive 30-40 somethings can be worthwhile. That's mainly the top tier fit women.

For the small minority of women who seem worth sleeping with by virtue of their beauty, sexual magnetism, great body, youth etc. they tend to be either unattainable or require a huge amount of time, effort, expense and even if you do manage to sleep with them it feels like they are just doing it as a favour and it feels unsatisfying and anti-climatic. And they are pretty fickle so they don't tend to stick around for long.

All normal feelings. I don't like it when a lot of effort is put into the initial seduction and the woman doesn't stick around for long. I prefer extended interactions so as to reap some rewards from the initial seduction effort. It's a lot of effort to chase down one night stands and short term sexual arrangements.

Condoms definitely reduce pleasure/sensation but most women I come across either are not on contraception or are very reluctant to have unprotected casual sex even if you present clear tests and hold off on it until things get more serious. And in general sensitivity is not what it was 10-20 years ago when the merest touch or kiss felt super exciting. I suppose like any drug you develop tolerance pretty quickly and at its worst typical casual sex with condoms just feels like a workout and once it is over you have to put up with a strange woman in your bed for the rest of the evening.

The Iron Rules of Tomassi

One of the most influential books in my life has been The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. It’s a book I wish every man could read, and I…

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Iron Rule of Tomassi #5

NEVER allow a woman to be in control of the birth.

I have mostly had sex with women using birth control and I still used condoms. That's because of Iron Rule of Tomassi #5. Women who claim to be on birth control can't be trusted to take birth control, plus the whole STD thing.

Sex with condoms is better than the alternatives, especially being an incel.

 

[Barrister]

First, there is no such thing as an "unattainable" woman. Don't have this attitude as it isn't healthy for you.

Second, you sound burnt out. And believe me - I have been there. Normally, if I am in plate spinning mode, I can do it for about 8-12 months max and I start to get burnt out myself. It is a lot of work and a lot of time is consumed on it that you could spend doing other, ostensibly more useful things. Also, after about 10-12 "first" dates in a short amount of time with different women it all starts to run together. On subsequent dates I have to really think about "now did she tell me the story about X or was that one of the other 3 or 4 women I have seen in the past few weeks." It is sort of funny, but my head gets filled with nonsense like this and I find myself preferring 1 or 2 to deal with and toning down the constant churning of women. And that two eventually becomes one inevitably.

On the condom issue - my experience is actually pretty different. Most women I have been with have usually been completely apathetic about whether I use one or not. I have had a couple that were adamant I do use one, but this is a rarity.

I would suggest either taking a break completely or trimming down your plate count to your 2 favorites and just seeing them as you wish. Make room for your other life activities whatever those may be. I am guessing if you give yourself some space you will be in a better spot and your libido will actually increase from less female traffic.

 

[corrector]

I'm in my mid 30s. I've developed a certain knack for sleeping with women that are interested in me. But it hardly seems worth it any more.

With most women any sex appeal is heavily front loaded i.e. clothes, make up etc. When the clothes come off and make up disappears you realize most women are average looking with average bodies that aren't really that exciting at all. Nor does it feel like much of an achievement sleeping with them. And what limited novelty factor there is from sleeping with a new woman quickly wears off so even if you like the girl's personality/company etc the sex can feel like a bit of a chore.

For the small minority of women who seem worth sleeping with by virtue of their beauty, sexual magnetism, great body, youth etc. they tend to be either unattainable or require a huge amount of time, effort, expense and even if you do manage to sleep with them it feels like they are just doing it as a favour and it feels unsatisfying and anti-climatic. And they are pretty fickle so they don't tend to stick around for long.

Condoms definitely reduce pleasure/sensation but most women I come across either are not on contraception or are very reluctant to have unprotected casual sex even if you present clear tests and hold off on it until things get more serious. And in general sensitivity is not what it was 10-20 years ago when the merest touch or kiss felt super exciting. I suppose like any drug you develop tolerance pretty quickly and at its worst typical casual sex with condoms just feels like a workout and once it is over you have to put up with a strange woman in your bed for the rest of the evening .

Anyone else feeling like this and how did you break out of the rut?

This was a good read. Threads like are great to read! There should be more posts like this. I've highlighted in bold what I like about your post and why there is no arguement against what you've just said.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

My sex drive has always been quite low, even in my early 20s. But as I age I find sex becoming more enjoyable because I know what kind of girl I like. For some reason the last several women I've had sex with was the best sex I've ever had (and I raw dogged several of them).

In your case it could simply be not finding the right girl. Someone with sexual chemistry but who isn't so much work that they aren't worth the effort. I used to get very depressed whenever I had sex with a new girl , but that hasn't happened in quite some time now. I think if you fvck a girl you're not interested in, the payoff isn't worth the effort.