Sexual Anxiety

[resurrected]

First of all i would like to thank this site for a lot of stuff i learn, and put to use, they have been working well, even tho it took me a while to get it down. Even though i just registered, i've been a silent spectator of these boards for a long time now, but now i finally felt the need for some outside help.

I got this girl, for like a month and half we've been togheter. I'm a 19 year old virgin (yeah i know), and she thinks i'm very experienced, even though i haven't lied about this directly, she just assumes because of the way i talk and act confident around girls and about sex.

I have had some fun with her, like fingering and this kind of thing, but when it comes close to the real thing i kinda freak out and the little guy down there freaks out with me, refusing to stay up. Im sure it's a psychological thing cause most of the time im with her it is hard like it should. On the last two times it went down as i went to get a condom, so i am pretty much afraid it will happen the next time again, which doesn't help me at all. It's incredible, it's the only moment that i feel vulnerable around her.

Did anybody had these kind of problem with their first time?

I need some tips on overcoming this issue, it is getting this confident guy in a AFC again.

Jokes will be ignored, thank you.

edit : Just notice there's another thread on this issue, incase the other guy's problem is not being nervous about it im leaving mine here still.

 

[IrReSiStIbLe]

Don't worry about it man, it happens to a lot of guys.. Only thing is, none of them have the balls to admit it. So good on you for at least seeking for help and not being embarrest to share us with your problem.

Ok, so firstly, you said this happens to you while your about to put your condom on just before you have sex. This may sound weird, but it's very true- remember that given your sexual status (virgin), your not used to putting on a condom. When you see one, im assuming you get freaked out. Therefore, you might be thinking too much while trying to put on the condom and that should not be the case. It should be your second nature. So what you should do is- Go to a chemist or a sex shop, buy a pack of 20 condoms or more, at night, or whenever your free for 10 minutes, get a boner and practice putting on a condom. start off doing it 10 times with a cucumber or banana, and then 10 times with your own willy. Do it till you get sick and tired of it and then you'll see how much better you'll feel.

Also, don't masterbate for a while. For at least 3 days before your about to see her. Look upon it as like collecting points. Say, Mojo points. For each day you don't masturbate you get one mojo point, but once you do, you lose them all. Rule is- you cannot see your g/f without at least 3 mojo points or more. try it, it works.

And lastly, relax. Don't think about the consequence of fvcking up coz then you will fvck up. Don't think about it at all. Just feel comfortable around your girl and when your with her, control your breathing.

Oh, and how could I forget the most important rule of all- STOP LOOKING AT PORN! Porn will fvck you up big time, coz the more you look at it, the higher your expectations get, and you lose that sense of surprise when your with her. When you do toss, use your imagination. Develop your imagination. Remember, porn is THE devil. Nobody realises it, but it is, so trust me.

Hope this somewhat helps,
Goodluck bro,
IrReSiStIbLe.

 

[Mack 86]

Once again you guys are steering this man in the wrong direction. Listen man all you need is to be excited. Have her give you a handjob or rub on your body so that you hold your erection long enough to put the condom on. TRUST ME! Once you put it in you will have no problem staying hard so don't worry about that and also. Since this is going to be your first please buy yourself some Durex Performax desensitizing condoms because you will bust fast no matter what. Anytime it's your first time fukking a different girl you will not perform as good as you would let's say your third time. In your case this is your first time all together so get you some desentizing condoms and then you'll be good to go.

P.S. Make sure she does enough to stimulate you I cannot stress that enough foreplay is essential. If you can barely hold an erection now once you put the durex performance on you're going to look like you jumped in cold water if she didn't do her job right.

 

[diablo]

AE...

 

[IrReSiStIbLe]

Nah man, you're wrong. Here's why;
1) "Listen man all you need is to be excited"- He is excited. In fact, he is too excited. And frankly, over-excitment is the number one contibution to erectile dysfunction.

2) "Once you put it in you will have no problem staying hard"- not true. Getting an erection is one thing. Maintaining it is a whole new ball game and is arguably just as hard.

3) "please buy yourself some Durex Performax desensitizing condoms because you will bust fast no matter what"- That sh!t is so bad for you.. Using a desensitizing condom is like running on a treadmill. You're doing it, fine, but it's boring and your not getting anywhere. I remember using one of them a few months back and it was like not having sex at all, which made me essentialy lose my erection half way thru coz i wasn't feeling anything.
If you wanna last for longer, just change positions every time you feel like your about to come. As simple as that.

One thing your completely right about is the foreplay bit. FOREPLAY IS ESSENTIAL. NO FOREPLAY, NO BONER!

Peace,
IrReSiStIbLe.

 

[strong like bull]

i agree with irresistable. i had the same 'fun' issues before i lost my virginity. i was always nervous and i could never get/stay hard - even when shed give me a blowj0b. i overcame all that thanks to a couple things.

- she was/is my gf. spending more time with her, interacting sexually, and even just connecting on a deeper level helped me to relax around her. knowing that she cared about me and understood my virgin woes stopped me from worrying so much.

- NO MORE PORN. NO MORE MASTURBATION. it really cant be understated. simply put, as hot as your gf may be, you wont enjoy her fully if youre constantly tossing off to these airbrushed supermodel girls in porn. MENTALLY, feeding off porn is very different than playing with a girl whos sitting with you. PHYSICALLY, you get so used to your hand that her touch will do nothing for arousal. after i stopped, it took me about a month to start feeling the natural process. the little things about her started to get me really turned on. by tthen, her blowj0bs felt heavenly and the feeling of being inside her was wonderful.


read this post. it's what set me on the right track:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=56701

it worked great, too. a month into no masturbating/porn, i lost my virginity with her. i remember i was so horny and in touch with the natural ways... i had been awake for 40 hours. yes, FOURTY-HOURS! i worked 3 long, back-to-back-to-back shifts at different jobs at didnt have time to sleep. i remember she actually came and picked me up from my last shift, because she knew how tired id be and didnt want me to fall asleep behind the wheel. she also bought me my favorite food - olive garden.

remember how i said, connecting? stuff like that helps to relax you and feel comfortable around her.

anyhow, she drives me back to my place and after i eat, were laying in my bed. its like 3am and she starts playing with me... and i was so turned on that i went with it. i got a second wind and ended up fvcking her for 3 hours. even tho id been up for fourty...

so thats my testimony. it worked for me.

-SLB

 

[resurrected]

Huge bump, sorry

After more than 2 years I come back to the site to freshen a bit some concepts (which I kinda left aside while in this LTR) and remembered this post. Now it's kinda over and I'd like to left here a motivational message for anyone who get the same problem: it's just in our head. I swear i think I became an addict to sex after the first time I did it. But I guess it's normal.

A few things that helped me tho:

1 - The two first times I failed I remember being in a more vulnerable spot of the house, like someone could wake up and see us. That only makes you more nervous (might become exciting after a while lol).

2 - Being relaxed and not plan it. That's how it went. I don't recall completely but I think I started without a condom but put it on shortly after the initial thrusts (bad advice, possibly DST's and/or pregnancy).

3 - The girl was one of those shy girls who wasn't very comfortable around mine or hers 'stuff' so she couldn't help much in the beggining. But she was totally cool with all that happened, probably even thinking it was her fault.

Thanks for the answers tho, it's just one of those things that is self-aggravated. Hope this helps getting someone else more relaxed about it.