Self respect and confidence comes hand in hand with ego?

[meerk]

We are told that confidence and self respect are the keys to making yourself more attractive to women.

We are also told that ego and pride are the single most detrimental quality to most guys that are trying to become better with women. This is at least true for myself. My fear and anxiety of approaching can be 100% traced back to my ego and the fear of it's loss when rejected.

I have started on the journey of self improvement not long ago, I keep feeling that what motivates me along the way is in fact ego itself.

"I'm working out and becoming better looking than 6 month ago. I feel so good about myself! I'm so much better than the next guy who's sitting on his ass doing nothing!"

I can't but feel the more I improve myself, the more i fear rejection.

Anyone else felt the same way? How did you reconcile this?

 

[yuppaz]

What an insightful question. It takes some guys forever to realize this issue and some NEVER do. Imho - You need to be ok with having some ego around it for a while, pumping yourself up, having success until you start seeing that you are ok with "rejection" and realize that having sex / women in your life isn't difficult and that you can be comfortable and still have success by just being yourself. At that point, (hopefully) you start to see all the things that are great about women that you can love. Then you stop coming from a place of need (to fulfill your identity about yourself (that your an awesome, badass player that gets a lot of a$$) to fill the ego and switch to come from a place of knowing you can have that and being selective in finding things you love about women and love being around certain ones for. You then are coming from a MUCH better place where good selection is possible and you draw in solid connections and intimacy with worthy women.


So as of right now, be ok with coming from ego, don't sweat it too much, but go through it with the end in mind.

Good luck!

 

[meerk]

What an insightful question. It takes some guys forever to realize this issue and some NEVER do. Imho - You need to be ok with having some ego around it for a while, pumping yourself up, having success until you start seeing that you are ok with "rejection" and realize that having sex / women in your life isn't difficult and that you can be comfortable and still have success by just being yourself. At that point, (hopefully) you start to see all the things that are great about women that you can love. Then you stop coming from a place of need (to fulfill your identity about yourself (that your an awesome, badass player that gets a lot of a$$) to fill the ego and switch to come from a place of knowing you can have that and being selective in finding things you love about women and love being around certain ones for. You then are coming from a MUCH better place where good selection is possible and you draw in solid connections and intimacy with worthy women.


So as of right now, be ok with coming from ego, don't sweat it too much, but go through it with the end in mind.

Good luck!

I guess a large part of the need to stroke the ego comes from insecurities, maybe once i've faced my insecurities and conquered them, i won't have as much need for an ego ...

 

[Young Juan]

Think long term life success rate in all endeavors. If in a day, I (1) Play ball for exercise (2) win a game of ball (3) lift weights (4) clean up my place (5) make a bomb meal for the first time and (6) get rejected by some chick, I'm 5/6 for the day. The one chick that rejects me isn't the biggest deal. Also, over the course of time, the fine chick I do get to bang will be weighted against all my other rejections so if I get rejected 8 times and bang 1 chick, that 1 chick will make me forget about the 8 previous.

 

[SoSuave666]

Thinking you are better than everyone: self worth.

Believing your are better than everyone: ego

Picture a 100 m dash. Someone who thinks they will win the race has confidence in their own ability. They work hard to get where they are, think they have out-prepared their competitors, but never for one instant remain complacent. Most importantly someone with self worth never underestimates competition. Someone who believes they will win the race has an ego to protect. They may be gifted or otherwise, but eventually will stop pushing themselves to their limit. They'll become content with their own growth and believe that simply because they show up they deserve to win.

If the person with self worth loses, he will continue to train until he wins the race. If someone with a boosted ego loses, he will complain/blame others over the unfair "loss." He won't work or dedicate himself to his own betterment, and will show up at the next race still believing he is the best when little effort was put into his preparation.

Apart from the analogy, self worth brings a healthy confidence while ego breeds an unhealthy one. Pride/ego distorts reality.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruhFmBrl4GM