self consciousness

[dollashort]

Are you always conscious of yourelf and of your actions and wether or not ur looking good or not, wether ur looking nervous or confident, wether ur looking good or bad?

Are u so absorbed in these thoughts that when ur talking with someone you find urself observing their reaction towards you, looking for their approval rather than just engaging in the conversation?

Do you always look into the mirror when you walk past one and check to see if everythings alright. I mean its ok to look in the mirror to make sure ur neat and tidy, but are you ever in your bedroom and keep glancing at yourself to assess if your expressions are original? Like when ur on the fone and laughing.

Does that leave you feeling frustrated at the end of the day? As though your always fighting yourself to do things properly, and have that feeling that you’ve placed too much emphasis on something that just doesn’t seem right.

That’s how I am, and its so much to the point where I cant look people in straight in the eyes, and ive realised lately that its because im always just looking for their expressions, analysing wether they approve or disapprove of me.

Yesterday I was chatting with a venezuelan girl at uni and she was telling me about how bad their President was. And even though the topic is of so much interest to me, all I could think of inside my head was wether my posture was good, wether my hands were in a good position, wether she’s really talking to me because she doesn’t want to be rude, wether she knows whats going on inside my head and stuff like that.

on some occasions, my whole awareness of self-consciousness seems to slip my mind and I actually have decent conversations with people and look them straight in the eyes, and then half way throughout the conversation it starts to creep my mind again and I start looking at their expressions.

does anybody have some understanding on what can i do to adress this issue?

has anyone ever been through the same problem? al i want to do is just overcome this and get on with life.

 

[Chemistry]

You let it distract you...

There's nothin wrong with knowin your face and how to run with certain expressions... it's what actors do and that's how you learn to drop that winnin smile on a girl... but when you can't talk on the phone without lookin to see if you're laughin right then it's a bit extreme...

Now when I'm walkin past a mirror I'll check myself in it... briefly to see if my ****'s straight basically, and secondly to enjoy my reflection... I've killed 10 minutes waitin for a taxi in town simply by lookin at my own reflection in some glass thinkin how good I did look, lol...

Just seems like too much paranoia and pressure is on gettin it right... it's all about fun, sure practice that winnin smile but make sure you enjoy seein yourself in the mirror rather than gettin all worried about it

 

[ScrewIt]

I understand what you mean. when you're not 1 on 1 w/a chick you're not like that. but you ARE 1 on 1, you're afraid of screwing something up. almost similar to thinking twice how to respond to a question or conversation.

i'd say just loosen up and enjoy the moment.
PPL can tell easily when someone is REALLY listening compared to pretending that their listening, while they're fidgeting or something else is on their mind.

So just cut it out already!

 

[dollashort]

yeah it is like im just "pretending" to listen, but thats only because the more i try to 'just listen', the more aware i become of certain stuff that i just dont wanna be aware of, i just want that awareness to disappear. because the topics that we could be talking about really do interest me and if i was not 1 on 1 with the chick i would be more absorbed and acknowledge alot more of the info.
and it aint like im unhappy with the way i look, its not about that at all. besides i look good and i feel as though i always get special treatment from everybody just because of that.

thats probably a reason why im so weak in that regards. people usually form good first impressions of me but i stress out at having to live upto those impressions.

ive read threads like "the natural order of things" and it really makes sense, but it seems that in reality its all alot more complicated than that.

 

[JB101]

I've been fighting this for a long time. One way to decrease self consciousness is to focus on the present moment. Really, really relax and focus on your surrounding. Being "in the moment".

You can't be self conscious if you're focusing on something besides yourself. Practice everyday doing that.

 

[AMF]

I think its part of being relatively attractive. You naturally become quite image conscious. It becomes a HABIT to READ peoples reactions to you.

However, if youre just very average looking your whole life, you simply wont have expereinced these changes in people's reactions to you. It wont have become a habit.

Furthermore, if youve looked good once - and loved the self confidence and ego boost you get from that - then you'll be continually monitoring yourself to maintain that high standard.

And if for whatever reason you dont look good one day - you cant always look good! - you're gonna be accutely aware of the deficit in positive response and reaction to you.

This inturn inhibits your confidence, and makes you SEEM less attractive! Nasty vicious circle. So being relatively attractive can give you a life of extreme ups and downs; you only have to look at the f**ked up lives of models, actresses etc. "The beautiful people."

Just my 2 cents.

 

[> Gucci Boy]

@ JB 101: Thanx for the tip... that might work!

@ AMF: THAT SH!T IS SO TRUE! I've met a lot of people in my life who told me that I'm "so handsome", "so sexy", and that "I should be a model" ... besides that, I noticed that a lot of people who cross my way look once and then suddenly they look twice, and some even stare at me like all the time, I'm serious! Of course, I'm proud of this and I'm glad people like me (or my face), but it becomes ADDICTIVE! I need to look perfect everytime I leave the house and I'm ALWAYS lookin' for attention... it's not funny anymore! Sometimes I even become less confident because I know that somebody is lookin' at me in a very detailed way and might think that I'm good-lookin', that makes me nervous and it's hard for me to handle! Sometimes I'm even ashamed when I talk to someone who's not that good-lookin' because I'm afraid that he might envy me and therefore doesn't like me anymore... I know that sounds kinda stupid, but it's true!

 

[AMF]

gucci_boy, i can relate. will you post a pic so i know what im up against?

 

[> Gucci Boy]

Originally posted by AMF
gucci_boy, i can relate. will you post a pic so i know what im up against?

No doubt... I'll try to post a pic tomorrow!

 

[CLOONEY]

Yeah I know what you guys are talking about to some extent. I cant say I am nearly that extreme. Like when I talk to someone, I can concentrate perfectly on what they are saying. However when I am out in public, I always get people looking and staring at me, sometimes it can make me not enjoy myself as much because I become self concious.

I think this is one thing that is hard when you are good looking. Because you are constantly on a platform, you are always being judged and watched. Thus in turn makes you self concious.

To be really good looking you have to take GREAT pride in your appearance also, constantly working to see you maintain your looks. This also makes you put more emphasis on your looks and does work in a cycle, as AMF said.

Yeah, I wanna see a few pics also. I would post mine, but dont have any on the net. If anyone has MSN or something you can add me to your list, I can send you plenty of pics through that, my address is, matthewcomb@hotmail.com

 

[Quickclicker]

Don't mean to be rude, but don't you guys think sharing your pics to see if the other guy is, well, attractive, is ummm....very gay? What the hell is happening to these forums? We're MEN, not little fuking girls. Why the hell are you evaluating other guys appearances? Am I missing something?

 

[ScrewIt]

i have the same problem too!!
I become self conscious of it and i have wandering eyes in public. like i want to know my surroundings and be aware of whats going on.

I do this at the gym mostly! different sorts of chicks and guys there, sometimes i cant help it but to just look at others and see what they're doing. I've realized this recently as a colleague told me this and i self analyzed myself. I'm trying to get out of this habit, but i dont think it'll be easy.

and i find it hard for me to talk to ppl that are below average looking...well not really talk, but get to know them in general.
yea i fear the same, that they get bitter/jealous and envy/resent me.

my friends are bitter sometimes cause they know their just average looking compared to me, where in public i get female eyes on me. I can tell it in their attitude, even tho he doesnt tell me.

 

[Quickclicker]

Originally posted by ScrewIt

and i find it hard for me to talk to ppl that are below average looking...well not really talk, but get to know them in general.

yea i fear the same, that they get bitter/jealous and envy/resent me.

Why would you feel like that for? If anything, you'd know that your more attractive than them, so you'd feel more confident. Do you feel sorry for them since your better looking or something? I don't get it man. Please explain.

 

[Life-Trainee]

If i don't space out in my deep thoughts I usually study my surroundings. Perhaps that's not helping me. I have a tendency to systemize everything. That also makes me sometimes create very strange phrases and expressions that my friends find funny (passes for humor). But that's rather a side effect. I barely can be purpously funny unless I recycle a joke. See? See me writing all this?? I'm to analytical!

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

I am extremely concious of my looks. At parties or when I'm out or whatever I will probably check my hair way too often... When I was out friday with some girl I know and a mate the gf of my female friend commented on my hair to our common friend and said "I bet every single hair on that head is laid there on purpose" (badly/loosely translated).

This does not make me uncomfortable though. The only couple of times I've been uncomfortable was when a group of young girls stood in the window of a store and stared and one time I walked into a party consisting of about 10 girls sitting and talking and me and my mate walked into the room and 10 secs later I followed and all the talking just stopped and I knew they were staring (Cool thing was that I laid one of them without doing nothing, she threw herself after me, she asked to go home with me etc LOL).

But I am too selfconcious about how I look, it does NOT affect me when I'm out partying or whatever, but it still does affect me.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Originally posted by Quickclicker
Why would you feel like that for? If anything, you'd know that your more attractive than them, so you'd feel more confident. Do you feel sorry for them since your better looking or something? I don't get it man. Please explain.

To be honest I don't hang around below average looking people because I feel uncomfortable around them and I don't like being associated with ugly company.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
To be honest I don't hang around below average looking people because I feel uncomfortable around them and I don't like being associated with ugly company.

Man, this is sad, because it is true with a LOT of good looking people. Or at least mildly good looking people. I have a LOT of friends who are like that.

I have always went out of my way however, to befriend those who were not part of the "group". The ones who nobody liked, because they were "wierd". And in doing this, it has not hindered my opportunities with the ladies, not in the slightest.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
To be honest I don't hang around below average looking people because I feel uncomfortable around them and I don't like being associated with ugly company.

hm...well i never thougt about that, i dont think that's my reason. i mean i still hang out with buddies even tho they may be average looking and i see no problems.

well i dont really know the reason why i may feel uncomfortable around average looking ppl, but maybe it's similar to the above. in a way it degrades my level to theirs. why?? cause we live different life styles. the ones ive met are unconfident about themselves, they have much negative thoughts and have low self-esteem....such as my friends.....

such as my friends, i dress well and act mature. my friends dress like slobs and dont bother doing anything to look "nice" they do nothing with their hair/facial hair nothing. they leave it as is.
but hm..i dunno, i guess i have no problem with being around them. but there are some times that i'd wish they'd dress appropriately for their age. they're too chicken to talk to girls or socialize with them, probably unconfident about themselves. so usually i hang out with them when we go shoot pool mainly. any other activities, i find my other open minded friends.

but hey, everything in life will always be about competition.
ppl WILL and CAN get bitter/resentful if you work better than them, look better than them, have more friends than them, socialize better, smarter, richer....ETC.
life is about competition, and whether or not you see it that way and be friendly w/everyone, there are those who will resent you just because you outcompete them in a certain field.

i guess being self-conscious isnt all that bad since it raises your overall confidence. my friends constantly crack at me that what girl is checking me out or whatever or they didint bill us for that dish cause of me.

Today in the train there were a 3 ppl that came in the train car to ask for donations (change) to help their organization earn money to help feed homeless. when i reached into my pocket and threw in some change, i was shocked...."thank you handsome guy"
the exact words. other guys threw it in she didnt say the same.

 

[ScrewIt]

read the last 2 posts in this topic as it went more in depth about AFC average looking friends.

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=48296

 

[> Gucci Boy]

I don't know how to to upload pictures to this site, therefore I can't give you a pic of me right away... but everyone who's interested can send me his mail-address and I'll send him a picture as soon as possible:

>> global-playa@web.de (my account)

I won't be at home over the weekend, but I'll be back on MONDAY! Please, let me know who you are (> member-name) when you send me a mail.

Back to the topic:

I sometimes hang around with average-lookin' people because some of them have more to offer than some of the good-lookin' people. Besides that, I gotta admit that I like it when they look up to me, that might be immature... but I can't change it!

Why would you feel like that for? If anything, you'd know that your more attractive than them, so you'd feel more confident. Do you feel sorry for them since your better looking or something? I don't get it man. Please explain.

It's just fvcked up when you wanna get to know someone or when you wanna have a serious discussion with him and you feel like he's jealous because you're just better-looking! That fvcks up the whole moment and it drives you away from the important things! It's basically like this: you like a person, but you are scared that this person does not like you only because you are handsome!