Self Absorbed Men Here on Sosuave

backbreaker

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I think I have pinpointed what irks me about most guys on this forum.


I don't know if it's a byproduct of being on this forum or the mansophere in general or if its' just the general makeup of guys who come to find a place like this to be successful with women, but in general the avg guy here on this forum when dealing with women is way, way too self absorbed.


What I mean is, everything is not about you. Everything that a woman does, is not in relation to how she feels about you. Every perceived slight is not somehow a **** test to test your manhood. Alot of times, men dig their own graves in this regard and their **** tests become self fulfilling prophecies.


When dealing with women you have to have 3D perception you can't deal with everything in 2D, i.e her and myself.



Your girlfriend has a job. She has had a bad day at work, people have bad days at work. The boss keeps you late, that report you spent all week on wasn't what the boss wanted, you got reprimanded for some **** you didn't do, the girl that sites next to your GF keeps talking **** about your GF behind her back, whatever. **** happens at work. Your girlfriend comes home or comes over your house or whatever and she's in a pissy mood and has a smart alicky tone with you. The avg guy on this forum would take her tone a sign of "obvious disrespect" and now instead of you being the caring boyfriend helping make your GF's hard times better now your GF is battling wars on 2 fronts; the work front and the pissed off for no reason BF front lol.


After going home and thinking about your behavior she realizes you have no empathy, you don't care about her wellbeing and you're pretty immature, and she starts to lose interest in you. You being the DJ as you are patting yourself on the back for "avoiding another flake with low interest"


it keeps going on until you be come tyrannical in looking for preconceived "signs of disinterest" until everything is a sign of disinterest to you and every girl is a flake which makes you more and more bitter towards women



I had gotten up to about a pack a day smoking and i decided i've had enough, it's effecting my energy levels and **** lol, i'm coughing and **** and i'm otherwise a healthy 32 year old. So I quit cold turkey 2 weeks ago. Up until about a week my sleep pattern was really screwed up, it never was great but my acid refulx really kicked it into high gear and made sleep for more than 1-2 hours at a time impossible. So about 4-5 days into it I'm pretty ****ing miserable. Plus on top of that i was dealing with some work **** and my momma is getting remarried and is basically handing me the bill because "all my money is going towards getting your sister a car and her college i can't afford a real wedding" . So I"m not having the best of weeks. So my wife decides to go out with her friends to the beach and kick it, have some drinks, etc. Get away from the house. So I'm stuck with a 7 year old, a 3 month old lol,, i'm tired as ****, and i'm stressed out. So My wife comes home and I get into her becuase there is no dinner and i'm hungry. Dammit I've been working all day long and I'm taking care of 2 kids and trying to work and I'm dead tired the least you would do is put some ****ing biscuits or some **** in the oven lol.


living with me for 7 years lol, my wife takes one look at me and starts laughing and says "bless your heart you're so tired lol, i'm sorry" kisses me on the cheek, takes the kids and basically demands i go take a shower and lay in bed lol. puts the kids to bed and gives me a massage until i'm knocked the **** out lol. doesn't take anything I saw personally, and she was 100% right lol. I don't give a **** about her cooking i could have ordered out if i was that hungry and **** i cook better than she does. I coud have thawed out a steak and put it on the grill outside and cook it in 15 mins if i was really that hungry, i was just tired and irritated and took it out on her and she understood that.


Wake up the next day, rested like a mofo, lol, feel ****ing great, i get up before she does, take the kids and dog for a walk and **** i never do that lol. she wakes up and she's like " i see you feel better today lol" we laugh it off and go about our day.


I think that's what is missing from most guys on this forum. My wife has bad days just like everyone else and I'm able to see it for what it is, there are times when she's testing me as a man but more times than not, she's just got **** going on and i'm able to see past that and not diagnose everything as a personal **** test.


The time my wife caught me checking out her best friend's feet lol at the beach in flip flops and commenting on her cute her feet were lol that was a sign of disrespect to my wife she had every right to tear into me and she did lol. She knows how I am about feet and she knew for me to blatantly make a comment like that to her best friend I was checking her out lol. The time I came to the gym and found her in the cafe area eating lunch with another dude without telling me and I flipped the **** out i had every right to be pissed. i don't care about her having male friends,, she has male friends, i have female friends. But she knows about mine and i know about hers. I don't go anywhere with any female without her knowing about it out of respect. and while i know her enough to know it was not malicious and she just didn't' want to bother me at 1pm in the middle of the day while i'm knee deep in work to ask me if it's okay if a dude from the gym can buy her a smoothie or not lol, i'd rather be bothered than not be bothered in that regard. that's direseptful, i tore into her and it hasn't happened since.

but me flipping out over dinner not being made after 5 days of not sleeping lol, backbreaker go home you're drunk lol.



i'll quickly tell this story. When I first came here and started to game women, not my oneitis lol, I met this chick. Pretty hot, 7 years older than me. It was clear from my natural instincts she was crushing on me pretty bad. You can tell when a woman is digging you and she was digging me. Setup a date with her. She flaked. She called back 2 days later told me she was sorry something came up. Setup another date, went and washed my car and **** lol. She flaked again I' like WTF lol. Calls me about a week later says she is really really sorry and she promises that she likes me just **** going on. I'm like you know **** happens sometimes okay let's try this again. Flakes AGAIN lol.


By now I'm like **** this lol. She works at a department store, I go in the next saturay to buy some colonge I run into her, and she sees me and comes up to me and gives me a hug and tells me look we need to talk, so we go to lunch. she lays it down to me; she just got out of a 6 year relationship and she really likes me but she still loves her ex boyfriend. Every time her ex would find otu she was going on a date he'd pop up to sabotage her going out and while she liked me she had really strong feelings for him.


I appreciated the honestly and I honestly was feeling her she was hot, spunky and funny as hell. I told her this is what is going to happen. I'm going to pick you up tomorrow and we're going to go out. If you don't show up i'mm not going to be mad, but don't' ever talk to me again as I dont' have time to go back and forth like this you are either going to give me a shot or you're not. Ex tries to do it again, i pick her up while he's in the ****ing house and she just leaves him there lol. Had probably the best first date in my life, amazing. She met my 2 best friends and the chemistry between all of us was just perfect. She fit right in. I knew then we would eventually date we were just a good fit. We ended up dating for about 17 months. '


She like me. Her cancelling the dates had nothing to do with me. It wasn't a sign of disrespect. She was just torn. Eventually, i told her to have a chance with me bro has to go, for good. She asked could she go out to eat with him one more time to break the news with him, i i told her it's cool and she never spoke to him again after that, despise him calling leaving crying messages on the phone. she had chose up


I think in general guys here are passing too many bases too fast with women, don't' ever really spend any real time with them before trying to game them, get in relationships and **** with them. Women, are in fact human beings lol. With emotions and problems and **** just like men. Everything they do is not part of some illogical scheme to test your manhood.
 

:-)

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Hmmm. Well disrespect is still disrespect. If I disrespect someone I should expect to have my ass kicked in return. Don't see why it should be any different for a woman. What if I'm having a bad day too, does that mean I've got to take that kind of treatment? I don't think so.
 

SeymourCake

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Everyone at some point experiences egocentricism.
 

zekko

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I agree with the OP. To some extent, you can't blame guys here for being self absorbed, because that's what they get taught here. For all the complaints about BPD women, guys here will worship psychopaths and narcissists, and hold them up as ultimate examples of how men should live their lives. But on another level, guys should be blamed, because they should be smart enough to stand up against some of this stuff, like Backbreaker here.

What's one of the most admired traits around here? Not giving a sh!t about anyone or anything. I know there are advantages to not taking life too seriously, but damn. This place can do a lot of good for guys, but this place can also be seriously damaging, also. And until they clean stuff like this up, I'm always going to view it all with at least a grain of skepticism.
 

Tictac

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I'm 'here' to get perspective and to see if the words of others can better help me navigate with women. You have to learn to ignore a lot of griping and macho bullsh*t to read here much.

I love women. And I don't expect them to think like men.
 

ubercat

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Great post OP - if you've been with your g/f a couple of years - its most likely to be this rather than a **** test. A bad day is just that. Where I struggle is where they have a bad few days and don't want to talk. I don't want to be Oprah asking them about their feelings but you've got to talk **** out.
 

amazingswayze

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don't take me too seriously

backbreaker said:
She knows how I am about feet
That's a peculiar statement. Do you have a foot fetish? I chuckled. :crackup:
 

nismo-4

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zekko said:
I agree with the OP. To some extent, you can't blame guys here for being self absorbed, because that's what they get taught here. For all the complaints about BPD women, guys here will worship psychopaths and narcissists, and hold them up as ultimate examples of how men should live their lives. But on another level, guys should be blamed, because they should be smart enough to stand up against some of this stuff, like Backbreaker here.

What's one of the most admired traits around here? Not giving a sh!t about anyone or anything. I know there are advantages to not taking life too seriously, but damn. This place can do a lot of good for guys, but this place can also be seriously damaging, also. And until they clean stuff like this up, I'm always going to view it all with at least a grain of skepticism.
I took the time to read this long ass post. Three times. It is really an eye opener.

What happens is that so much negative sh*t happens and we get such few positive experience, that everything gets assumed to be in the negative. Too much red pill perhaps? We all have.

Sometimes when a girl is distant, she just had a bad day or bad experience. I've run off a couple women who otherwise seemed to like me. Hell, one of these was from a family emergency, which of course I took as a sign of low interest. Wrote her off, thinking she was with another guy. Because I had times where women use death in the family as an excuse to flake on me. Negative experience.

Men with enough positive experience tend to look in 3D. Most men who had a lot of bitter and negative experience look at things in 2D.
 

yungballa

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Dang, this post really opened my eyes. Most of the time I'd always be thinking it was due to the girl just flaking, but this post really opened my eyes. Maybe its because I always expect negativity from girls... I have a long journey to go, seeing as my experiences with girls have not been very positive lately.
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

sph21

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OP is right. She has stuffs going on in her life. It's not always about 'me' and 'her'. If she's obviously disrespecting us, there's no point in trying to respect her just to get her to like us. Stop putting too much negative thoughts about yourselves & her. We are men. We do not let our emotions guide us. But it doesn't mean we're emotionless. We're not robots.

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida is a great reading material if any man wants to become a great man.
 

Julian

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Backbreaker your girl was having a smoothie with a dude from the gym without you knowing?The fact that she accepted it period is fukked up. lol YEAH ok buddy that is the last time it happened because you "tore into her"...fact is tyrone from the gym was tearing into her sugar walls and she drank his smoothie. Shoulda dumped that *****.
 

pz_kraken

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A level of narcissism is healthy.

The reality is that society has it engrained it on us men, that women are to be catered to. It has reached a point that women take advantage of this.

I see this site perfectly fine, just as I see the Feminist movement.
 

AgesDuctPro

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Julian said:
Backbreaker your girl was having a smoothie with a dude from the gym without you knowing?The fact that she accepted it period is fukked up. lol YEAH ok buddy that is the last time it happened because you "tore into her"...fact is tyrone from the gym was tearing into her sugar walls and she drank his smoothie. Shoulda dumped that *****.
Lol...

Anyway, I agree with OP. Reminds me of a certain thread started a while ago by an esteemed member here about holding a woman's purse...
 
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