Seeking Advice

[carl814]

Hello gents, this is my first post and just looking for some advice here. Hopefully this doesnt sound too bad. So a few months ago I met this girl through another chick that I was hanging out. We kept in touch everyone in awhile and a few weeks ago, we went out for dinner and some drinks. She then asked me to dinner like a week or so later, nothing happened on either of these times out except for alittle minor flirtation on the first night out drinking. She texts me quite a few times throughout the week, but everytime I ask to do something again, she says she'll get back to me. Now she always does, and starts asking what im doing tonight and all that ****, then I ask her to come over twice now. Both times she said would, and either would text me she got off work or recently when she was done at the gym. Both times she came back with the too tired thing, and offered to reschedule for a couple days later. So I keep on trying with this girl? Or any other advice would be appreciated, thanks.

 

[Rubato]

Hello gents, this is my first post and just looking for some advice here.

Welcome! Hopefully this website can be of as much service to you as it has been to me and many of the other fine men here

Hopefully this doesnt sound too bad. So a few months ago I met this girl through another chick that I was hanging out. We kept in touch everyone in awhile and a few weeks ago, we went out for dinner and some drinks. She then asked me to dinner like a week or so later, nothing happened on either of these times out except for alittle minor flirtation on the first night out drinking.

It's usually not a good idea to preface conversations with an opening like that. If you are concerned it may sound bad, well, you may have good reason to. What happened here was a failure to escalate sexually with the girl. The girl you were initially hanging out with... when you say hanging out, do you mean you guys sat around and did things like watch Big Bang Theory together or were you "hanging out" and actually sexually interacting (making out, having sex, ect)? If you were actually just hanging out and not acting sexually, this was your first issue. The girl introduces you to her friend as a nonthreatening, nonsexual force.

You spoke intermittently and it doesn't sound like you were able to make capture the interest of the girl fast enough to make anything happen soon. Either that, or you weren't willing to be direct and lead the girl towards the outcome you were seeking. There is a difference between hinting around to a girl via text that "maybe we should hang out sometime" and finding out when she's free and saying "okay, let's meet at this place for drinks at 7 on Thursday (or whenever she's free)". And I don't know what you did. But a lot more guys would do the first rather than the second and then wonder why nothing ever happened.

But you did meet for dinner and drinks, and I'm assuming nothing happened the first time, just like nothing happened the second time. If you are the typical guy who shows up here, you probably paid for everything. So this girl is really benefiting from you right now... she's getting free food, free drinks, and probably a free therapy session to unload all of her problems, while she's getting free food or free drinks. If nothing else, she's getting your attention. And girls love attention.

Why was there only minor flirtation on the FIRST date but not on the second? And why was it only minor? Did you want to have sex with this girl, or are you looking for an activity partner? It takes stones to sexually escalate with girls, but if you don't, you're probably never going to have anything beyond an activity partner. That you're financing, of course.

She texts me quite a few times throughout the week, but everytime I ask to do something again, she says she'll get back to me. Now she always does, and starts asking what im doing tonight and all that ****, then I ask her to come over twice now. Both times she said would, and either would text me she got off work or recently when she was done at the gym. Both times she came back with the too tired thing, and offered to reschedule for a couple days later. So I keep on trying with this girl? Or any other advice would be appreciated, thanks.

You had 2 dates with the girl and never did anything. You may not have even kissed the girl. It's commonly cited as unbelievable, but girls do want to have sex. Very badly, sometimes even a lot more than guys. And you demonstrated to her that you are not a sexual being if all you did was minorly flirt with her one time.

Think about what the girl is saying to you when she tells you that she is "too tired" to hang out with you. That would insult me quite a bit. I nexted a girl (it's what PUA/DJ people say when they release a girl from their interest list) because she told me she forgot to get back with me about plans. That is horribly disrespectful. She's telling you she's too tired to hang out with you because she's had a long day at work or just finished getting hott at the gym to look good for the next guy she either is going to fvck or is currently fvcking. Because you 2 aren't having sex... and she's probably having sex with someone.

Let me ask you this - when you're done with work, are you too tired to hang out with her? When you're done with whatever it is that you do with your life, do you still have energy to see her? If you say yes, she's obviously said no... you now know who has a greater stake in this interaction - you do. You care more than she does. And that's a big problem.

At this point, I don't know that there is much you can do to resolve this short of completely changing your frame and playing it off as a spiritual awakening or something like that. You would have to immediately establish a dominant and sexually confident frame and impose it upon her without hesitation. And that will put her off, because it will be unusual and foreign to her since you've probably never acted that way before. You will have to justify it. A profound epiphany or spiritual awakening is a good excuse. I will warn you, that if you've never had to act like this before, it will be very difficult to impossible to execute it correctly.

And it's much better to be than to act anyways. So...

The best advice I could give you to is to put a lot of distance between you and the girl and make yourself scarce (nothing has anymore value than it does when it is scarce) while you develop the parts of your personality in lack that are responsible for your current situation. And once you feel better equipped to deal with the scenario, go back and approach her as though the frame you approach her with is the frame you have always approached her with... and she simply has a bad memory.

Hope this helps you bro!

 

[MirrorOfTheSoul]

Carl, you sound too needy.

Somebody once said you must be dating at least two girls at a time or none at all. You have all your eggs in this girl's basket and she knows she has your number, so she's gonna screw with you.

Go get another chick in your life, maybe two more, and forget her for a minute. She'll come around once you drop your needy vibe.

 

[carl814]

Thank you gentleman for the replies and your honesty. I guess, well no I dont guess, you are right. I have been acting like a needy *****. I was married right out of high school after i joined the military until about a year ago. Not at all making excuses, I just have alot to learn and work on and I know this.


However the right move as you guys say is to just back off and I can see that now. However, if she starts texting me on thursday with the usual, do i just blow it off? Make something up, etc? I'm sorry for naiveness, any advice for moving forward would be much appreciated.

 

[MirrorOfTheSoul]

Honestly, in the grand scheme, the specifics of how you interact with this chick Thursday are irrelevant. The most important issue is taking action to increase the number of women in your life.

Don't dwell on what you're going to do with her, instead go out ASAP and start collecting new numbers. Go to stores, go to bars, clubs, etc and start meeting new women. Keep doing this until you become good at it. It is not difficult. Always remember, women want to be approached.

Once you start getting your pipeline filled, you will realize this chick was not worth the torture and abuse. No woman is.

Your over arching goal in life is to gain control of it.

Are you a man or a mouse?

Do you want the best you can get, or do you beg, plead and sell your soul for the bare minimum? That's essentially the battle you're having with yourself right now.