Nothing has any meaning except that which we give it.
I started in on this post in my mind. I was sitting at home after a long day of golf, and then football reading some stuff on NLP and realized perhaps one of the BIGGEST and MOST HELPFUL tactics I use to fix "my thinking" when I'm in the dumps. And not even just then, but in any situation I find myself less than resourceful, less than who I am, or less than I desire to be.
Reframing.
You see, the mind IS a machine. It operates just like a supercomputer, only one that we come to understand through operation of it, and not dissection of it. Psychologists, therapists, NLP practitioners and the like learn more about the functionability of life through our everyday uses than surgeons do by breaking it apart in the lab.
And so I set forth to reinforce what I know and impart something I have yet to find on this site.
One of the major reasons some succeed as a DJ and others don't is there frames on situations regarding life. All the positive thinking, motivational quotes, and wise lingo is worth it's weight in gold, but only when it's directed in the proper direction, you're desired outcome.
Let's take the case of 2 guys in High School.
Guy 1 sees a girl he is 'attracted' to and contemplates all the possibilities of a relationship, how beautiful she is, what sex could be like down the road, the dates they could go on, and the endless thoughts that consume his brain prior to taking action. He even incorporates some negative ones as well, such as the potential rejection, her dumping him in the future, or even cheating on him.
He takes action finally, or maybe he delays until the moment is right. In any event, he killed the potential learning experience and even potential friendship/relationship by anticipating so much. Worse off, his "frame" of women he's attracted to is negative.
This is bad. Now, whenever he sees a girl he likes, he'll feel like he will fail already. That is unless he works up the courage to try again. Otherwise, he will assimilate this vision, this outcome, as if X=Y, as 1+1=2, and now you have AFC-dome. Because he WAS a man here, he feels the next course of action is to SLIDE in there, via a friendship, or wait and wait and wait, or try "to get her to like me through gifts, gloating, and kissing ass."
Guy 2 on the other hand views meeting women as an experience. He sees her as cute, and thinks at the very least, it'd be a nice addition to the day to chat with a cute girl. She isn't threatening, she's his type, so if they seem compatible, then maybe there's a future.
Guy 2 takes action and succeeds, because he's not pressured to seduce her all at once. He realizes the dance/journey may last only this conversation, or it may last forever, one cannot possibly know WHAT this dance will be, the "thong song" or the "bon jovi always song." He merely does at the moment the thought that comes to him. And succeeds! From then on out, he is conditioned to believe in himself and that it doesn't hurt to meet people, or girls he likes. Why shouldn't he go for girls he likes? What others should he go for, ones he doesn't like, won't treat well, or waste their time?
NO!
These 2 guys might be the same looking, but achieved different results, partly because of their view on approaching, but also it includes an element of unexpectedness...something where they have no control. Maybe...
-she was PMSing.
-failed a test.
-lost a dear friend.
-was recently dumped.
-is a lesbian.
-doesn't like you.
Reframing deals with reshaping, or flipping the coin. In essence, it gives you the tools to realize there's multiple view points to story, so if you're watching a movie, perhaps your friend sees the explosion, while you hear the explosion, and yet another friend FEELs the car exploding.
There are many times when I've been stressed over life and how some girl I'm dating fits in. I merely back and say..."wait, this is a dance. it might not last long, so let's enjoy it for what I can. Maybe it's on sexual, maybe it's a relationship, and maybe it's FWB, or even marriage. I can't tell. so just let it be."
Moreover...how many times have you called a girl to make plans and found her not answering her phone? A few days go by and you think "Gee, she didn't like, she aced me on the number, etc." Happens alot, right? Well, people do lose their phone, get sick, leave town, have other committments, even lose service. We can make all these contradicting scenarios too, and say well, she could call me, blah, blah. STOP.
Reframing gives you the tools to ACT NOW. To say...life is a dance, it's a journey. If I want to bed down an awesome hottie on spring break, or when I'm 21 at a club, I better start meeting girls now and get over the fear. Let's fail 100 times, then I won't be phased at failure 101. Let's meet lots of hot girls, get rejected, and at least I know I can take it.
What you have on this site ARE MULTIPLE VIEWPOINTS. We all, each and every one of us, have a different definition to success with women. For some, it's a first gf, others, their first lay, and yet some, multiple lays at one time. They're all good reasons to be here, yet, each post is the result of ONLY ONE viewpoint.
I'm a guy who comes from the viewpoint that, there's more to life than a harem of women. Though it's nice, juggling more than 5 women over a period of time means high cell phone bills, lots of planning to keep things progressing, and possibly confusing names. It's great to have backups to plans, and it's important to keep multiple going so that you can weed out the ones who won't get you to your goal, but in the end, make sure you're doing what's right for you and your life. That's my feel.
HOWEVER, reframing your BELIEFS, your life, and any situation you're bothered by enables you CHOICES. You see, being stressed, pissed, happy or upset is only one outcome you know for a given situation. There are other outcomes that other people would see, just you haven't chosen to feel them. Now you can.
A girl isn't returning your call right away. She's busy, so should you be. Let time evolve and see if she does. If so, she's got some interest in you. If not, move on. Give another call, just to see if it was miscomm, or cell phone error. There's other women, and that relationship wasn't going anywhere since you didn't even get the phone call.
A girl is giving you extra tests. Laugh with her. Joke back. She makes comments about 'hot' hollywood hunks, do the same thing. She's testing you're maturity level with finding attraction with other people, use some C&F.
We all have the talent, but it lies dormant in the brain. Stop trying INSTALL new programs, and redo the old ones. Perfect example of a situation where I used it. A girl who I'm casually dating (slept with), has been flaky as of late. We had a low key convo on exclusivity, which really went nowhere. Things ain't been great, 'cept the sex is wonderful, and she's a beauty. I'd launch her, but our lives are nuts, I'm not really into having a GF right now, and she's fun to be around when we can hang. Rather than toss it away, I merely figured it was fine as it was. If things change, things change. I date other girls, chat with them, and if things get serious with them, then call quits over there. The relationship is good for what it's good for. It helped clear up alot of bad air, because it WAS great, and then got awkward because of her schooling and my work. I'd rather take my free time and chill with her.
I believe that NLP, specifically reframing, and other facets of it are integral to success. We won't always have the answer to a given situation, but you have to know in your own mind that it can be found. There won't always be a mentor, or post here for it either, but know that the answer lies within you.
I'd start with some Anthony Robbins, and also a book called Mind Lines (tough read but very well written), and perhaps David D to gain the sexual side of it. It can be used for reframing anything, from being a sales person, to meeting women, to even losing weight (as Anthony Robbins explains). Forget about using it on women, learn to use it on yourself first. You'll be a master once you do, and you'll gain new conversational techniques as well.
End.
A-Unit
I started in on this post in my mind. I was sitting at home after a long day of golf, and then football reading some stuff on NLP and realized perhaps one of the BIGGEST and MOST HELPFUL tactics I use to fix "my thinking" when I'm in the dumps. And not even just then, but in any situation I find myself less than resourceful, less than who I am, or less than I desire to be.
Reframing.
You see, the mind IS a machine. It operates just like a supercomputer, only one that we come to understand through operation of it, and not dissection of it. Psychologists, therapists, NLP practitioners and the like learn more about the functionability of life through our everyday uses than surgeons do by breaking it apart in the lab.
And so I set forth to reinforce what I know and impart something I have yet to find on this site.
One of the major reasons some succeed as a DJ and others don't is there frames on situations regarding life. All the positive thinking, motivational quotes, and wise lingo is worth it's weight in gold, but only when it's directed in the proper direction, you're desired outcome.
Let's take the case of 2 guys in High School.
Guy 1 sees a girl he is 'attracted' to and contemplates all the possibilities of a relationship, how beautiful she is, what sex could be like down the road, the dates they could go on, and the endless thoughts that consume his brain prior to taking action. He even incorporates some negative ones as well, such as the potential rejection, her dumping him in the future, or even cheating on him.
He takes action finally, or maybe he delays until the moment is right. In any event, he killed the potential learning experience and even potential friendship/relationship by anticipating so much. Worse off, his "frame" of women he's attracted to is negative.
This is bad. Now, whenever he sees a girl he likes, he'll feel like he will fail already. That is unless he works up the courage to try again. Otherwise, he will assimilate this vision, this outcome, as if X=Y, as 1+1=2, and now you have AFC-dome. Because he WAS a man here, he feels the next course of action is to SLIDE in there, via a friendship, or wait and wait and wait, or try "to get her to like me through gifts, gloating, and kissing ass."
Guy 2 on the other hand views meeting women as an experience. He sees her as cute, and thinks at the very least, it'd be a nice addition to the day to chat with a cute girl. She isn't threatening, she's his type, so if they seem compatible, then maybe there's a future.
Guy 2 takes action and succeeds, because he's not pressured to seduce her all at once. He realizes the dance/journey may last only this conversation, or it may last forever, one cannot possibly know WHAT this dance will be, the "thong song" or the "bon jovi always song." He merely does at the moment the thought that comes to him. And succeeds! From then on out, he is conditioned to believe in himself and that it doesn't hurt to meet people, or girls he likes. Why shouldn't he go for girls he likes? What others should he go for, ones he doesn't like, won't treat well, or waste their time?
NO!
These 2 guys might be the same looking, but achieved different results, partly because of their view on approaching, but also it includes an element of unexpectedness...something where they have no control. Maybe...
-she was PMSing.
-failed a test.
-lost a dear friend.
-was recently dumped.
-is a lesbian.
-doesn't like you.
Reframing deals with reshaping, or flipping the coin. In essence, it gives you the tools to realize there's multiple view points to story, so if you're watching a movie, perhaps your friend sees the explosion, while you hear the explosion, and yet another friend FEELs the car exploding.
There are many times when I've been stressed over life and how some girl I'm dating fits in. I merely back and say..."wait, this is a dance. it might not last long, so let's enjoy it for what I can. Maybe it's on sexual, maybe it's a relationship, and maybe it's FWB, or even marriage. I can't tell. so just let it be."
Moreover...how many times have you called a girl to make plans and found her not answering her phone? A few days go by and you think "Gee, she didn't like, she aced me on the number, etc." Happens alot, right? Well, people do lose their phone, get sick, leave town, have other committments, even lose service. We can make all these contradicting scenarios too, and say well, she could call me, blah, blah. STOP.
Reframing gives you the tools to ACT NOW. To say...life is a dance, it's a journey. If I want to bed down an awesome hottie on spring break, or when I'm 21 at a club, I better start meeting girls now and get over the fear. Let's fail 100 times, then I won't be phased at failure 101. Let's meet lots of hot girls, get rejected, and at least I know I can take it.
What you have on this site ARE MULTIPLE VIEWPOINTS. We all, each and every one of us, have a different definition to success with women. For some, it's a first gf, others, their first lay, and yet some, multiple lays at one time. They're all good reasons to be here, yet, each post is the result of ONLY ONE viewpoint.
I'm a guy who comes from the viewpoint that, there's more to life than a harem of women. Though it's nice, juggling more than 5 women over a period of time means high cell phone bills, lots of planning to keep things progressing, and possibly confusing names. It's great to have backups to plans, and it's important to keep multiple going so that you can weed out the ones who won't get you to your goal, but in the end, make sure you're doing what's right for you and your life. That's my feel.
HOWEVER, reframing your BELIEFS, your life, and any situation you're bothered by enables you CHOICES. You see, being stressed, pissed, happy or upset is only one outcome you know for a given situation. There are other outcomes that other people would see, just you haven't chosen to feel them. Now you can.
A girl isn't returning your call right away. She's busy, so should you be. Let time evolve and see if she does. If so, she's got some interest in you. If not, move on. Give another call, just to see if it was miscomm, or cell phone error. There's other women, and that relationship wasn't going anywhere since you didn't even get the phone call.
A girl is giving you extra tests. Laugh with her. Joke back. She makes comments about 'hot' hollywood hunks, do the same thing. She's testing you're maturity level with finding attraction with other people, use some C&F.
We all have the talent, but it lies dormant in the brain. Stop trying INSTALL new programs, and redo the old ones. Perfect example of a situation where I used it. A girl who I'm casually dating (slept with), has been flaky as of late. We had a low key convo on exclusivity, which really went nowhere. Things ain't been great, 'cept the sex is wonderful, and she's a beauty. I'd launch her, but our lives are nuts, I'm not really into having a GF right now, and she's fun to be around when we can hang. Rather than toss it away, I merely figured it was fine as it was. If things change, things change. I date other girls, chat with them, and if things get serious with them, then call quits over there. The relationship is good for what it's good for. It helped clear up alot of bad air, because it WAS great, and then got awkward because of her schooling and my work. I'd rather take my free time and chill with her.
I believe that NLP, specifically reframing, and other facets of it are integral to success. We won't always have the answer to a given situation, but you have to know in your own mind that it can be found. There won't always be a mentor, or post here for it either, but know that the answer lies within you.
I'd start with some Anthony Robbins, and also a book called Mind Lines (tough read but very well written), and perhaps David D to gain the sexual side of it. It can be used for reframing anything, from being a sales person, to meeting women, to even losing weight (as Anthony Robbins explains). Forget about using it on women, learn to use it on yourself first. You'll be a master once you do, and you'll gain new conversational techniques as well.
End.
A-Unit
Also, this re-framing stuff is a lot like Zen so maybe you want to pick up some zen books while you are looking into books.