second date she flakes?

[pyros]

I met this HB7.5, 30 years old, single mom, some months ago during my salsa lessons. Then some months later I found her on a dating site. I said hello to her, we talked and I got her number.

Some days later she was going to a salsa club and she suggested to meet there.. When she saw me at the entrance she came to say hello to me and I noticed she was there with a guy. I asked and she said he was just a friend. Once inside this club, I noticed that this guy did not have any idea about salsa, so he was just sitting down the whole time with a boring expression on his face. Besides, you could say that these two had a negative vibe between them, they did not talk much and looked at opposite directions. Anyway, I danced with her a few songs, we chatted a bit etc. When I left the salsa club, she texted me to say that she really liked dancing with me and that she hoped we could meet again.

Some days later I texted her to set a date, she agreed. We went for a drink in the evening, she told me that she works in a 24h/7 supermarket, so sometimes she works in the mornings, or at nights, etc. She told me also that the guy from the club was her son’s dad, but that she is no longer in love with him since some time ago etc. I thought: ‘whatever, I just would like to bang you so that’s fine with me’ . Then she suggested to go for a walk, I kissed her, we made out a bit and we said good-bye.

Now, some days later I texted her to set another date, that was on Saturday. She said that she had to work at nights until Wednesday, so I said that Thursday night was ok for me, she agreed too.
Tuesday night I texted her to tell her the time and place for the date, she agreed.

BUT today, Thursday, she texted me this:
Her: Hey!! How are you? Im sorry to tell you that if we meet tonight I may fall asleep…hahahaha. I barely could sleep two hours today, and I need to rest. I hope it does not annoy you.
Me (20 mins later): Hi, its ok, get some rest. I’ll see you some other time.
Her: thanks for understanding!!! Zzzz, zzzz, zzzz….

Opinions please?
what do I do?

 

[Greasy Pig]

No counter offer??? What the fvck is wrong with these rude bytches?
Ball is definitely in her court. I'd wait for her to get in touch.
Her schedule is what's keeping you two apart, so she should be offering the next suitable time.

 

[TheCWord]

I think this warrants at least one more try.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Agree with Cword. One more chance, and if she fails, NEXT.

 

[backseatjuan]

pyros, she was tired man. Go on with your while meanwhile, date other chicks, and call her up sometime, and see if you could do a sudden date, perhaps at her place, and f'ck her. If backseatjuan can f'ck a single mom on the 1st date after 1.5 hours of dating, with some fast food, on top of the mountain and on the back seat of his auto, you could do it too. Keep it up boy.:crackup:

But don't make backseatjuan mistake #1, don't try to wife a slut until she tries it first. F'ck them with plenty of interval time.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Real talk: I once dated a chick who was in law school AND working at said law school AND was traveling all over the country for various meetings AND would come home with tons of paper work and bar studying to do... and yet, despite her being tired and almost out of energy, she would STILL manage to show up for any dates I planned, even if she only had enough energy for 1 hour's worth of time.

Bottom line: if they like you they'll see you, and if not they'll flake on you. Plus, she didn't counter-offer - when she said she'd be busy until Wednesday, you should have kept your mouth shut and waited to see if she said "but Thursday would work for me..." If she doesn't suggest an alternative day that she knows she can see you when she has the energy, there's a reason for it...

 

[TheWolfMan]

Agree with backseatjuan, I would have just responded with "Okay" and left it at that, it's indifferent and it makes them wonder if you don't really care and it will get their hamster wheels spinning. Might be worth another shot. Had success with a "sudden" date yesterday, hit her up asked what she was doing that night and we ended up hittin up a bar and having some drinks, no lay though so that sucks but I definitely brought my "A" game and its prob gonna happen. Anyway chicks like that spontaneous shiz.

 

[GS750]

I'd give it one more try. If she turns you down or does not reply go NC. Then its up to her to reinitiate if she wants to see you.

 

[nismo-4]

A woman who wants to see you will move mountains to see you. She has the upper hand. But give her one more chance, and drop her ass if she flakes again.

BTW, mixed signals is low to no interest.

Case closed.

 

[dasein]

I met this HB7.5, 30 years old, single mom, some months ago during my salsa lessons. Then some months later I found her on a dating site. I said hello to her, we talked and I got her number.

Some days later she was going to a salsa club and she suggested to meet there..

What happened in the interim here? Texts back and forth? Had you asked her out during this time? How much contact? How long were the contacts? Important detail left out. 1. Never give women any kind of control or the steering wheel early on. Keep 100% control of all early plans and dates no matter what she suggests. Why? Because they do silly crap like bring men or friends along, throw all kinds of other curveballs, changeup plans, even though they may have baseline interest to work with. Women are not to be trusted to make or suggest plans early on. Keep that control for yourself and the odds of the date being good go up exponentially.

Modern culture has told them they are unaccountable for rude, flighty behavior, and so they are. Accept it and work around it. 2. From the start, you must communicate subtly that there is a limited window of opportunity. This happens naturally when you have other options. Then they know better than to bring other people when around you. In my 20s, I used to have women pulling this crap all the time, now I send out a natural, real scarcity vibe (because my attention is in fact in demand and scarce due to lots of options in a full life, not because of games or posturing), and have not had to deal with such in a long long time. Strive to build this kind of true full existence (I guess it's called inner game here), and they instinctively -know- better than to bring some dude along when they meet you. If you had a date with a famous model in your town for a week shooting a movie, would you bring some other woman along? under any circumstances? any woman? Of course not.

Some days later I texted her to set a date, she agreed. We went for a drink in the evening, she told me that she works in a 24h/7 supermarket, so sometimes she works in the mornings, or at nights, etc. She told me also that the guy from the club was her son’s dad, but that she is no longer in love with him since some time ago etc. I thought: ‘whatever, I just would like to bang you so that’s fine with me’ . Then she suggested to go for a walk, I kissed her, we made out a bit and we said good-bye.

"Not in love with him" means "not in love... but still f-cking him" most times. Else why is she bringing him along meeting other men? Trying to make him jealous? Trying to make you jealous? Why is he acting all bored and not solicitous and interested? WTH was he even doing there? You need to -know- answers before spending more time on this woman. In this case, I would say bluntly, "so, do you still f-ck?" just like that, no sugar coat, matter of fact, just a question, and then shut up and listen. Sends lots of subtle messages, first, f-cking is no big deal to you. Second, no pedestals and you are presuming she is a mature adult, not some ingenue. Third, you are subtly getting your desires out there without even talking about yourself. Fourth, you aren't up for any push-pull games or having a relationship slid in the back via the sex door. If she throws tude? Not worth your time. If she "nunyas" you, not worth your time.

BUT today, Thursday, she texted me this:
Her: Hey!! How are you? Im sorry to tell you that if we meet tonight I may fall asleep…hahahaha. I barely could sleep two hours today, and I need to rest. I hope it does not annoy you.
Me (20 mins later): Hi, its ok, get some rest. I’ll see you some other time.
Her: thanks for understanding!!! Zzzz, zzzz, zzzz….

Opinions please?
what do I do?

Agree with others, one more attempt. If she declines without specific alternate move on. I've never, even in my clueless days of the past, had one send me something like zzz. Not exactly an enthusiastic response from a woman who has interest. Too much texting likely, tone it down going forward. Call for dates, not text back and forth. Personally, I would have walked with a made up excuse, and no rancor at all, within half an hour of her bringing the other dude to the salsa place and called another woman to go out with right then, but no harm in one more attempt here. Good luck.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

First you do all this....

I noticed she was there with a guy. I asked and she said he was just a friend.

Some days later I texted her to set a date, she agreed.

Then she suggested to go for a walk, I kissed her, we made out a bit and we said good-bye.

Now, some days later I texted her to set another date

She said that she had to work at nights until Wednesday, so I said that Thursday night was ok for me, she agreed too.

Tuesday night I texted her to tell her the time and place for the date, she agreed.

----------------------------

But then say all you want is this.....

I thought: ‘whatever, I just would like to bang you so that’s fine with me

What up pyros!

A common theme I see with most of your scenarios is you get heavily invested too quickly.

If you go read your post again, it reads like you are trying to date this girl & possibly pursue a relationship with her.

Do you know what guys who only want to bang a chick do?

They invite her over for a movie.

They express their sexual interest.

They unapologetically go after what they want & if they can't get it or the chick is wishy washy, they drop her. Simple & to the point.

You tend to create obstacles for yourself & over-analyze situations.

Its always important to have a clear goal for what you want from a girl, you seem to have that base covered.

From there, its important to understand the best way to get what you want. This is where I think your dropping the ball.

Furthermore, it seems like some of these girls are losing interest in you once you guys go on a couple dates.

And while its true that a girl with high interest won't flake on you no matter what, not every girl is going to be at an astronomical level of interest right off the bat either.

Bottom line, when you simply want to bang a girl, don't take her out on dates. Don't be afraid to sexualize your interactions & go after what you want. At the very least it will weed out the girls who are interested from the ones who aren't, so you won't need to analyze them at all.










PIMP

 

[pyros]

Thanks for all the replies.

PIMP: I just met her once, and we made out. I do not have a place of my own, so I cannot bring her home to bang. I could in the car, but it was just our first meeting, in the afternoon, you know?
And Im not having girls that just loose interest after some dates, this just happened with one girl with whom I had an argument, and now with this one.

She has a kid, she has shiftworks, an ex husband to whom she still talks and goes out with (and probably ****s), etc.

When I suggested a second date in a bar and she told me that she had night shift untill Wednesday AND she did not counteroffered a day date (she knows Im on holidays now) I got a weird feeling, but I set it for Thursday and she agreed. Besides, yesterday SHE seemed excited about the date (when she texted me to delay our date one hour because of her dancing lessons), but today at 11:00 am she already 'knew' that she was gonna be tired at 23:30 pm...suspicious. This just signals little interest.

The thing is she's pretty cute, has an ex husband around, other guys around probably, so I do not think she normally counteroffers you know? if she cannot make it, she probably assumes you're just gonna contact her again and again.
Anyway, Im not contacting her again because Ive contacted her/initiated several times. If in a week she does not say anything Ill understand shes not into me, but if Im bored or something I may shoot her a text, but I do not think so.

P.S.
Could it be she just told me the truth? (XDDD) that she's very tired? I think it is just and excuse since she did not offer another time to meet.

 

[TheCWord]

Could it be she just told me the truth? (XDDD) that she's very tired? I think it is just and excuse since she did not offer another time to meet.

You'll only know by waiting a week then asking her out again.

Until then, we'd just be wasting time, tossing around theories on SoSuave.

 

[pyros]

One more thing.
For the ones that suggested to give her one more try...:
why would I do that? why would you do that?
I initated everything, I texted her first, I set up two dates, I got the number, I kiss her etc.
Now she flakes because of whatever, ok. Why would I initiate AGAIN? SHE should be the one to initiate if she even the smallest interest, DONT YOU THINK? SHE should have counteroffered or she should contact me now.
If I initiate again, I just set myself in the pursuer role even more, almost in chasing mode.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

Agreed pyros. No counter-offer, NEXT. If you want to change women's behavior as a whole you can either be part of the problem or part of the solution.

 

[dasein]

The reason for "one more attempt" is that she was open to physical on the date, has responded to subsequent contacts, and floated out the "I'm tired" as if she could have been persuaded to rally, could have been a sh-t test or just noise, this is different from a cancel IMO, or did I miss something? You let her off, so her offering an alternative, which would be the reasonable expectation, may not apply as much here. You don't really lose anything by waiting a few days and asking one more time. Since you proceeded past the first curveball, why not give one more try? Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[buzzin_frog]

After the first time she flaked on you....you should've waited until she showed interest in you until you set up another date!!

You should read have read my thread which shows you how to deal with these chicks

http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=204155

Counter offers really don't mean sh!t.....they are just empty gestures....the chick really has no intentions of another date

If you're not important enough to go out the first time....what makes you think you will be the second time around?

Chicks go out with men they are interested in...they flake on guys they don't give a sh!t about!!

There is no reason for a third attempt....your first two attempts failed with her....why the hell would she have a change of heart the third time?

She has zero interest in going out with you.....you only get excuses from her.....quit wasting your time and move on!!

 

[zinc4]

just go the club and bring a chick home...problem solved..forget about this time waster

 

[geoffreydunn12]

She probably wants to rest, that it! So, you can try to ask her out for a date the next time. Girls are like that sometimes and if you are patient enough probably the next time she will meet you up.

 

[GS750]

Just call her and go for the second attempt. If she flakes, makes excuses, etc. then delete the digits with no regrets.