Scared crapless of commitment

[Dominus]

So, here's a question this forum might not get much:

I've found her. The one for me. The exact kind of girl I've been looking for all my life. Looks? Check. (though, in all honesty, bigger tits would be nice) Personality? Double check plus. In to me? Again, check check check. Its perfect. Only problem is that she lives an hour away and I don't have a car, so its either take the bus out to the middle of nowhere, or make her drive up to see me. Not the end of the world or anything.

So, here I am, 24 years old, still in school, and I've found the girl that matches 95% of what I want in my future wife. There's a good chance I've found my soul mate. It would follow, then, that thats the girl I end up with. Forever. Till I die. This is the girl I'm going to marry, have kids with, and watch our kids have kids, with.

And that scares the bejeezus out of me.

I've clung on to the distance of our relationship like Linus clings to his blanket. I'm living the definition of scared of commitment right now. All my womanizing plans kinda operated under the assumption that every girl I'd end up with would have enough wrong with her that I couldn't seriously see myself with her, and that I'd find 'the one' at some far distant point in the future.

I've no solution for finding 'the one' much earlier than I was prepared for. Her friends have a low opinion of me for not being willing to commit to her. My female friends, after meeting her, unanimously agree that I need to commit and, in the words of one of them "you might as well just propose to her now" (not the best sales pitch to a guy thats scared of commitment, but whatever).

On her behalf, she's accepting of my fear of commitment, though not entirely happy about it. Her attitude is that "you're lucky I'm willing to put up with this" and "just don't tell me about any of the other girls."

But each day that goes by is another day that she might be fed up with waiting for me to commit (and we've been dating for quite awhile) and another day my conscience nags at me for not giving in and making it official and give up on every other girl.

I tell you, it tears me apart. What does everyone think about this?

 

[KontrollerX]

1. Chill the fvck out

2. Prenup, prenup, prenup

3. There's no such thing as soulmates so get that Hollywood sh!t out of your head. In truth there are compatible girls out there for each of us and if things don't work out with one of them we'll be able to find another girl with those same traits that we enjoyed in the one it didn't work out with. So in short if you lose one chick that you are head over heels for put down the razorblades or take the gun out of your mouth and realize that you can begin anew.

4. Have fun living the white picket fence social construct. In today's world it is almost 100% doomed to eventual failure due to the poisonous cultural changes and vast majority of options people have to choose from.

5. If you don't want to commit then do not commit, this is your life and perhaps she is not the right girl for you to marry after all and that is the message your conscience or gut instinct is actually sending you. Perhaps somewhere deep inside yourself something is telling you to eject or rather not commit to this particular woman. Think about it.

 

[DonGorgon]

Commitment is not something that exists as a state... it comes and goes by the minute... 99% of humans cheat and 98% of humans lie about cheating so make sure that loyalty is not at the top of your list of things to get from your committed relationship.
and remember... women tend to cheat when things seem to be going great where as men tend to cheat when things are bad..

 

[Warrior74]

The key word here is "scared". That is the key thing defining who you are here...not 'commitment'. Are you scared of being single? Obviously not. Dood, relationships always end. If not by breaking up, then by death. You will never have anyone "forever". Commitments are temporary arrangements at best. The point is...what is it that you really want? If you don't want to settle down, then don't, but don't do something out of fear. Do things because that's what you really want. Do you know what you want?

She can be your "girlfriend" and if it doesn't work out you can break up with her. You are a man right? You scared of her? Scared of hurting her? if you are scared of hurting people, don't date, ever. Cause it goes with the territory. Just because she's everything you want, doesn't mean she's everything you need. Explore the relationship, you have the right to opt out at any time,you are free person and you are beholdened to no one. Trust me, if she wasn't feeling you anymore, she'd leave in a heart beat. So what is it you are afraid of exactly?

 

[The Bat]

3. There's no such thing as soulmates so get that Hollywood sh!t out of your head. In truth there are compatible girls out there for each of us and if things don't work out with one of them we'll be able to find another girl with those same traits that we enjoyed in the one it didn't work out with.

Bingo.

Don't let anybody, especially her OR your female friends, pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. Obviously, you don't want to commit, whether scared about it or not, otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to post about it asking for our opinions.

Last week, I lost 3 plates because they wanted me to commit to them and I told them no. Half of the guys in here would give their left testicle to be with any one of those 3 plates. But I'm not willing to tie myself down to one woman simply because I don't want to. I want to date all types of girls and really understand myself and the opposite gender. Plus, the thrill of approaching and dating a new girl is addicting.

Point is, don't be pressured into committing. There is nothing wrong with you for not wanting to commit. It isn't fear. What fear is is committing to one girl, marrying her, and spending the rest of your life with her wondering if you could have been with somebody else better.

 

[ready123]

when I read posts like these I automatically wonder
- how long you actually been dating this girl?
- what EXACTLY do you NEED for a commited relationship to work? your list should be longer than just looks and personality