Saturday night, bored, no social life, no girl..

[stumped]

I just feel like venting right now.

My social life is completely shot! It wasn't always this way, its just what
seems like a number of bad decisions led me to where I am right now. Years in the making.


No social life = little opportunity to meat girls, you know, friends of friends, etc..


This blows and I don't know how to pull out of this hole that I've been in for the last couple years. Ugh.

 

[wjh]

Do you live in a rural ****hole? If not, then chances are there are a lot of opportunities to meet new people. Join a club, a networking organization, church, whatever. I don't see why it's hard to meet new people.

I mean, you can meet women solo, by the way. You don't absolutely NEED friends to talk girls up...

I frankly would like to take a vacation from my friends. Just check-out and be alone for a while.

 

[FM 3321]

I agree with wjh. Learn to meet girls solo.

 

[armstrong]

I agree with wjh. Learn to meet girls solo.

I'm doing this and am currently in the same boat as the OP. It becomes a challenge to meet women when all of your friends are either married or in a relationship and don't go out anymore.

I think joining clubs or groups is a good idea, but what I'd really like to hear is what some of you would do if YOU were in this situation. Let's say you just moved to a new city all by yourself. You don't know anybody. What would you do?

 

[Phyzzle]

I'm going out alone tonight. I'll probably fall into a conversation or two. It just so happened that I did # close someone last Tuesday, but that's out of the ordinary. I don't expect much on the average night.

 

[thedeparted]

Married women have friends. Girlfriends have friends. So make a good impression on your buddy's wife and meet them. Your chance of closing a friend of a friend are astronomically higher than of closing a random street corner. Similar effect if you join a club or volunteer or take a class.

 

[wjh]

I'm doing this and am currently in the same boat as the OP. It becomes a challenge to meet women when all of your friends are either married or in a relationship and don't go out anymore.

I think joining clubs or groups is a good idea, but what I'd really like to hear is what some of you would do if YOU were in this situation. Let's say you just moved to a new city all by yourself. You don't know anybody. What would you do?

I have certain hobbies, music for example. So I would look up the local scenes and maybe hit those up. Or if public transit was adequate I would just take a day and go all over the place. Maybe end up at a bar and have a drink or two. Have quick bites to eat and keep it moving. If I see some people that seem cool I would strike up conversations. If you kill the desperation when it comes to girls, you can actually have decent conversations with them and build some rapport. That can turn into party invitations or other social gatherings.

I would also join a local gym. Making gym buddies is an EXCELLENT way to meet new people.

Most people want you to bring something to the table. So if you're not cool, good looking, well mannered, easy going, or fun, you're going to have a harder time. Look for opportunities to meet new people everywhere. And not just women.

That's how you build a social life.

Also, you can check for events in your area. The internet is full of things for major cities. LA has the LA Weekly, and I'm sure NYC has something similar.

The key is to go out and explore with an open mind. Be cool, have fun, and don't be so desperate. That desperation stems from somewhere, and you might need to look within yourself to figure it out. People can sense a needy vibe and that pushes people away.

P.S. OP, it's OK not to have a girl at the moment.

 

[hithard]

Depends how bad you want it. Its easy too sit night in night out doing nothing and complaining how your social life sucks. Takes a bit of effort to go out of your comfort zone or rut and meet people and actually change your situation.It may suck at first, but gets easier the more you do it.

 

[The_last_Gunslinger]

Go to meetup.com (part of the MSN network) and search for groups that share your interests and get together in your area. I do a Spanish language conversation meetup and it's a lot of fun. Granted, I'm in NYC, so there are always different people to meet. But the point is, write down a few of your interests (travel? sports? cooking?) and you can find these groups online and then go to their actual events.

If you drink, I recommend you go to a bar. Make friends with your bartender - he or she will introduce you to people (and hook you up if you're talking to a girl). It's a good way to keep up the practice of talking to strangers. However, you might go during non-peak times, like a weekday evening, when it's slow and people are in a more conversational mood.

If you are active, look for competitive sports leagues (5ks, basketball leagues, etc.) in your area. Even if you're meeting guys, you can make friends with people who know people.

Bottom line: Don't feel overwhelmed. Just take the first step.

As a former bartender of 7 years I concur with this advice for anyone in a social rut or moving to a new city alone. Find a nice local watering hole for yourself. This place should be condusive to the type of people and girls you would like to meet.

I felt it was my duty as a bartender in more relaxed bars to get conversations flowing between people at the bar. Thats the mark of a good bartender, being the "host" at a party of complete strangers is a sumble task, so pick your bar and your bartender carefully. Shop around. Generally lounges and pubs with light to medium traffic have some great bartenders to help you.

Tip them well and help them with the conversational flow, I'll wager you'll have a good time.

EDIT Additionally, position yourself next to the waitress stand or the taps. This enables you to be a "special friend" of the bar staff for the evening. I have given out free drinks to cool dudes and friendly dames that keep me company while I work. I have also seen guys pick up some of my ****tail waitresses before sitting in those high traffic areas. Be warned however, your game has gotta be 100% flawless to effectivly flirt with a busy waitress. But you can be an oasis of fun for her if you play it right.